Don't think about it, keep it out of your mind Caleb. focus on anything but what just happened, just don't think about it!

My head is a mess right now, as the horror of what I had done slowly settles over me like a mountain seeking to crush me under its weight. Even still I lash out with my blade with abandon, seeking escape from my actions in the blood of my enemies. But no matter how hard I swing, or how much of their blood I spill.

I can still hear her screaming.

I redouble my efforts and strike out with my sword with wild abandon. Pushing my body far past its limits with little regard for my own safety, it doesn't take long for me to make a mistake. And I once again find myself losing my footing, as mid horizontal swing the blood-soaked mud underneath me easily gives way and I find myself half spinning half falling into the disgusting concoction once again.

Quickly scrambling for purchase on the sleek mud, I realize just how exhausted I actually am. The muscles in my arms, legs and abdomen burn with a white-hot vengeance, begging me to stop.

Every breath I take feels like someone has taken a straight razor to my longs, large droplets of sweat and blood sting my eyes. I don't believe I have ever been this exhausted in my entire life.

Panic and base instinct remove any more thoughts I might have had, as another hyena breaks from the horde harassing the rest of the frontline.

Adrenaline floods my veins once again as I ignore my screaming muscles and clamber to my feet just in time to be tackled back into the mud with nothing but the length of my sword between me and certain death.

As the dumb creature tries to bite through the steel of my blade with single-minded purpose I try to flip the creature over, but its surprising bulk barely shifts as I strain against it.

Dread claws at me as my arms slowly begin to give out, and snapping teeth draw ever closer to my face. Two more begin to leave the others, seeking the flesh of a far easier meal. and I can only wonder in despair if this is what Kate was feeling moments before the creatures began to devour her.

No! I refuse to die like this! Not after what I had to do. Do you think I am going to let trash like you kill me!? fuck you!

A sudden fury blooms in the center of my chest, unlike anything I ever felt before. I flail madly about wrenching my sword out of the maw of the monstrous hound with a bone-shivering screech, which sends it reeling back in pain.

I then take this chance to drive both my feet hard into the maw of one of the approaching grim-hyenas, forcing it back enough to give me time to slam the pommel of my blade into the side of the skull of the third with a satisfying crunch killing the creature out-right.

Instinct pushes me to fall flat on my back once again as the first hound, now sporting a brand new smile launches itself at me in a blind rage. I use its momentum against it to roll the beast over and land in a mounted position.

With our positions now completely reversed I smile viciously as I grab the monster and slide my blade across its throat.

My latest victim now dealt with, I finally have the room to rise to my feet and ready my blade for the last one.

It begins by trying to circle me but I won't be having any of that, and kick up the sloppy muck up into its waiting eyes temporarily blinding it.

with my chance secured I rush forward and drive my sword forward in a vicious thrust that ends the stunned beast.

I nearly collapse to my knees as I watch the creature's lifeblood slowly drain into the muck, and I find a low dark chuckle escaping my throat as a maelstrom of chaotic emotions swirls around in a heady thrill that I can not even begin to describe.

Spiteful rage at the enemy seeking to end my life mixes with a feeling of elation and superiority upon surviving such a close encounter with death in such a way that the only way to describe how I feel at this very moment is with a single phrase.

I am alive!

Glancing up from my reverie I see that for all that I had killed, innumerable scores of the beasts continue to cut their way through us.

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Not everyone has had the same success as I in killing these creatures. Too many shots go wide in panicked hands. Too many spears are pulled free from weak grips.

And still, I watch as fools turn their backs to try and flee only to be snatched by the hungry jaws of the grim-hyenas waiting for just such a moment.

Even though these creatures aren't that smart or supernaturally strong, For every 1 we kill, they take 3. I look, and I see, and I know No matter what I do, I won't be able to stop them from slaughtering us all.

this isn't sustainable.

I am beyond physically exhausted and can barely lift my arms, I know that if I want to continue to live I need to make killing these things as efficient and cost-effective as possible. So I begin to look around once more searching for god-knows-what in a mad hope for something to magically click.

I don't find what I am looking for, all I see is death or the promise of death.

That is until, as I'm watching a grim hyena claim another victim, and an idea comes to me that horrifies and disgusts me that I would even consider it.

Still, no matter where I look or how hard I try to find a better alternative, that horrible, terrible, deplorable plan is the only one where I see myself making it out the other side of this meat blender.

I have to use those around me as bait and kill the grim-hyenas as they devour my fellow humans.

If I can make enough 1 for 1 trades and recover my strength at the same time, then maybe they will run out of bodies before I do. And if not, there will be a lot less of them and hopefully, I will have enough stamina left to finish the rest.

If not. Well, I doubt I would have survived anyway.

God, there is something seriously wrong with me.

It's not bad enough that I let that poor girl die after promising to protect her. Now I am going out of my way to(if not out-right sabotage) use the deaths of those around me for the sliver of a chance to live just a while longer.

As I dispatch the first few grim-hyenas with ease using this disgusting method. I find that it's working, the monsters are so preoccupied with their prey that they don't even notice as I strike down with my blade, decapitating them, or stabbing them in their vitals and leaving them to bleed out next to their victims. Already I find my strength returning to me, my breath isn't nearly as raged and painful, my arms still feel like jelly but I can still grip my sword.

It's working and I hate it, but the worst part is.

I don't regret it.

In fact, as I go along with my dark task I find that same thrill of emotions begins to swell up inside me once again. It's not the killing itself that gives me this heady high that I am quickly getting addicted to. It is the fact that with everybody that falls I prove I am better than them.

I am alive, and I will survive!

minute after minute the feeling grows in my chest, like a fire, I continue to feed kindling to. In the chaos of the slaughter, it takes far longer for people to notice what I am doing. This is great for me as I can walk around almost freely, using the bodies of the frontline as tall grass to hide in ambush, like a hunter stalking my prey.

Soon my work becomes methodical, and I find myself slipping into a trance. Wait for someone to make an inevitable mistake, the grim-hyena moves in for the kill, move in and dispatch. Repeat ad nauseam. And so I drift through the killing field for what feels like somewhere between eternity and an instant, like some sort of fever dream I watch as body after body fall to my blade. sometimes I am forced to kill someone as well as my prey, but more often I just kill the beasts and move on.

I also start to see familiar faces (or what's left of them) lying in the muck. First is the gunman, I nearly stepped on what was left of his mangled corpse on my way to my latest victim. He had lost his gun arm and had been reaching for it when the grim-hyenas got to him.

Next was the older gentlemen who asked after my health, I found him bled out over the corpse of a boy not much younger than myself. looks like he wasn't able to save anyone either.

Third was the mechanic and lumberjack. I only recognized the mechanic by the logo on his overalls, as there was not much else left of him. I just assumed that it was the lumberjack that was with him as he had worn a similar plaid shirt as the corpse next to him.

I don't know how much longer I waded through the bodies. But I suddenly found myself bashing in the skull of one last grim hyena with the guard of my sword like some kind of demented hammer, and finding that there was nothing more to kill.

Only a sea of bodies going out in all directions. The smell of rot and decay had long since filled the air, the warmth of the sun speeding up the decomposition of the bodies.

Falling to my knees I saw that I wasn't the only one who survived the slaughter.

I saw a young Asian woman around my age with a katana stained with blood staring out at the carnage with a solitary determination.

The next one I saw was a giant of a man, stand easily 7 feet tall and rippling with muscles sitting on a pile of corpses with a deeply satisfied look on his face. As if he had just had the best sex in his life.

another one further out was a lanky man with blonde hair continuing to strike down over and over again at the bodies with what looked like a heavily modified scythe in his hands. I thought I could hear his maniacal laughter ringing out from all the way out here.

and still At least a dozen or so more further out from me.

I felt envy in my chest. Because I knew for a fact that each of those individuals was going to be the heroes and villains of whatever world we find ourselves in after this is over.

every single one.

except me.

I survived not by my own merit. But by throwing the bodies of innocent people between me and certain death. I knew as I looked out upon those truly unique individuals that I couldn't match up to them no matter how hard I tried.

But even still. Even though I was a rat among giants

I.

Still

Don't

REGRET IT