There was a sense of distress that overwhelmed me completely as I woke up from the virtual dreamscape of WanderX. There was a void in my brain akin to overabundant sleep. Yet, fiendish the mind longed for that realness within this game. I didn’t want that dream to stop, not at all. It was as if I was lucid dreaming in a rendered world made up of feelings. From that moment of awakening the beguiling sense of her being in the real world as well, overtook me.

‘Morning sunshine’ Alyx said.

Her eyes big, yet soft. Her skin radiant, though sleepily dimmed. A smile so real, yet equally composed. For the drum in her heart and whelving sighs betrayed her appeal for the arcane power inside of her. I peered, I watched ,I lingered in witnessing her soul. To smell the rainy scent of her thoughts,caress the elegance of love, open her eyes to see us amidst swards of celestial flora, inside a chrystal cave. Two beings, somewhere engulfed in the lights of moonlit gardens, love forevermore.

Then her words ‘Coffee?’

Alyx appeared far more prepared and eager to get her things in order, so I just followed suit. I tried helping out with some chores such as cleaning the foul mattress but realized that my brain was on fire as I readjusted to the gravity of real life. Alyx ordered me around the house with an air of jocularity, but nevertheless sincere in its intent. While I found this a grim misuse of my great potential, it did reorganize my state profoundly for the next few days. Still, our circadian rhythm had become feverishly warped. For our senses lulled at dawn and resurfaced as amber lantern lights lurked through mists of dusk and drizzle in the depths of night.

One aspect that lingered on after logging out of wanderX was an increased sense of confidence. The lure of glorious battle, splendid achievement and the feast of victory remained, indeed, transcended out of wanderX.

Providing a thing I hadn’t had for a long time. Purpose. Purpose through battle, honor and tribute. And for a little while, the rhythm of combat seeped through my diligence in the household. And while arduous, it became a bit of an obsession. First ,we had to change the sheets we were lying on through our gametime in Wander. Alyx told me to change them as she went out for a jog. As I re-entered the room it had the smell of sleep, sweat and burnt sugar which had engraved itself in the walls of our apartment.

Efficiency and drive proceeded from the searing ache in my brain. Still, there was a crushing wave of fatigue going through the fibres of my being. It became clear that at one point even I had to go out, see the world, move and maybe even work out. It was the first time I had come to entertain the thought of working out as an absolute necessity. My back hurt the whole time and so did my ankles and knees. Additionally, I had become completely mute and I could feel my lips lifting up and down as I uttered words when buying milk. Yet, not only health, but also a significant dose of vanity seeped through my soul. For I wished to look and behave like my character in wanderX . That way, I could cope with being disconnected from it.

Soon after our cleaning up we started to walk in the park and tried talking to one another, making sure we weren’t completely losing our minds.

‘There’s this youtube video’ I said.

‘Uhuh’ she replied.

‘Its an interview with Scarlett johanson, in which she gets upset with the journalist for asking about how she fit in this cat costume’

‘Okay, yes I can see why that is weird’ She said while looking at the pond as we just stood in the middle of the road watching ducks.

‘She’s not a girl though’ Alyx added.

‘Yes’ I answered. There was something refreshing on saying something to her that wasn’t understood from my perspective. It was a real conversation, which shut me up. Just like the old days.

Alyx was going to have a meeting with Owen and they were essentially having a date. In the meantime, I was to explore the city and maybe try to readjust to the realities of our world.

Yet I felt that things were uneasy. Apparitions from WanderX could be witnessed still, but in the rendition of our world. Trolls and brigands going to work. Dwarves were manning the construction sites. But not in appearance, in the state of being compelled. But what was worse, was that real life, at times, seemed like a rendered illusion. Sometimes, I just knew that I was passing blocks of procedurally generated alley ways. But then again, there was an element of randomness to real life as well, making it extremely difficult to discern it from the VR game.

I stumbled into the reception desk of an office in a noble attempt to drink free coffee. The receptionist at one point started asking me questions.

‘Are you here for Los pocohobos’? She asked.

‘I know..I don’t know’ I answered.

‘Or are you just here for the coffee?’ She inquired.

I said nothing, it was difficult and scary to talk to strangers.

‘Maybe you should drink your coffee at the diner in the bonestorm. ‘ She suggested.

‘What? What did you say?’

Was this reality? How would I know?

‘I said maybe you should drink your coffee at the diner before the storm’

‘What storm?’ I asked.

‘Didn’t you hear? Its code yellow.’

I stopped drinking my coffee and left the office. Essentially, I beelined towards home. I was done with exploring real life.

Alyx had returned from her date with Owen and announced that we were going to a garden party hosted by Naomi, the kind lady who had offered us the apartment. I was somewhat forced to join in, but I also looked forward to it. I hadn’t mentioned my strange encounters during my alone time and made sure I was dressed appropriately for the night. I was hellbent on impressing people so I borrowed a beanie from Owen, which made me look like a guitarist. Women always thought I played the guitar, even though I didn’t. It was one of the things that made me admire the social skills of ladies. No matter how desperately boring I was, they always tried to see something in me that wasn’t there. They tried their best to make me somewhat interesting.

We arrived on the outskirts of the city and it was noteworthy how well off Naomi was. The place looked like a little village where the elderly and students lived in harmony, lived in their own sphere as it were, but were welcoming to outsiders, nonetheless. There was an air of rural romance. Big oaktrees and fields of heath surrounded this random village. At that moment, reality was that Alyx provided for me, so I was a bit of an attached commodity going in and I felt like a broken porcelain cup. There were a lot of fancy people at the garden party and the entire place was lit up with beautiful garden lights wired with old thickets and trees on cool fences.

Naomi’s party was fun but she was way too busy organizing. And I was too busy with living. As we arrived in the evening it was noticeable that Owen was somewhat preoccupied with one of the girls besides Alyx which put her a little off balance. So I quickly realized I had to be her chaperone and quite efficiently I became the kind and goofy guy at the party. At one point I had caught the attention of some young woman which I would infuse with impressionable stories, just to try it out really. The most amazing part of this, was that Alyx let me do this. She wouldn’t jynx my attempts at yarnspinning. She was there, she knew what I was doing and she encouraged it.

‘I have this colleague who openly announces that he cries a lot’ I started.

‘Oh that’s good, men who open up’ The young woman said.

‘Yeah, I suppose that’s the times we live in right now’

‘Do you open up?’ She asked. It was a bold question, beyond building rapport. Did she like me? Was I cool? I did sound American.

‘Well, I have been experimenting with the idea yes.’

‘And?’ she asked while taking a sip from her cocktail.

‘And I have come to the conclusion that if I lift up this insurmountable wall of mine, you are to find a broken toy my dear, a broken toy indeed.’ I put the back of my hand against my forehead for theatrical purposes.

‘Oh no, she said’ Eyes widening, smiling.

‘Allow me to elucidate. Sometimes I just get scared of my life passing by y’know. It’s like I’m on the train looking outside at the passing scenery and I’m just looking. Yet, whenever life announces itself such as friends wanting to hang, my cat wanting to play, my parents looking for contact I get so fucking timid and I want it to be over.’

‘Jesus’ She said.

‘Yeah, now imagine every dude revealing shit like this?!’ I said whilst pointing at every dude at the party. It was a smart move because this was getting way too real.

‘Right, ok’. She said, pausing and then laughing.

She looked at me and seemed to take her turn in opening to random strangers.

‘-Well, I kind of like it when people are around. I can’t stand being by myself. But that does make me do foolish things’. She said.

‘Foolish?’ I asked.

‘Yes, you know. I kind of just stand at the party drinking a cocktail while sort of moving with the beat awkwardly, waiting for that moment to get pissdrunk and wave my hair.’

‘That sounds liberating though.’ I noticed from the corner of my eye that Alyx had moved away.

‘It is, but I always do it alone. My friends just go away at the party and know that I’ll manage, but I’d still like it if they stayed.’

‘Why?’

‘Well, we’re in this together, right? We are up at night, blaring out sounds and dancing insanely and if I do it alone, I feel like I’m doing it in the vast nothingness of space.’

‘Yeah, it is strange isn’t it?’

She smiled taking a sip of her cocktail, not breaking eye contact.

‘See I wouldn’t have told this to a guy who doesn’t open up.’

‘It’s a great conversation yes’. I said not knowing what do say or do.

Alyx had returned with a beer. She was the best thing a woman friend could be. A wing-woman.

‘Also a bit dark though. Opening up is also about positive things, what are your interests?’ She asked.

‘I play-‘

Could I tell her? Could I tell her, that my interests in life are labyrinthine bouts of escapism. Be it drugs, films, games or otherwise. Could I explain to her that I get emotional when faced with the desolate game design of Japanese creative game directors? Could I tell her that my life was a husk but the beat and flow of my being was being inside digital adventures. I had opened up anyway. I looked at Alyx, who had tensed her lips and looked through me with eyes like daggers.

‘pool,I play pool and I even have a glove’ I managed.

‘Pool huh, I figured you to be a guitar kinda guy.’ She answered.

‘Well, yeah,no…-yeah. but not like Owen or anything. I just join them and play pool afterwards.’ This was getting nowhere.

‘Oh you know Owen?’ She said.

I realized I had lost her at the mention of the man. A guitarist could mute men by being.

‘Yes, I know him’ I said, defeated.

‘He is such a nice guy, I know him from his busking days, I used to work at the burrito shop next to where he used to play.’

‘Jake, smoke?’ Alyx said as she held up a pack of cigarettes. I had no idea she smoked, but it was a lifesaver.

‘Yes, ofcourse! Be right back….Xanadu?’

‘Xanadu?’ the girl asked.

‘Yes you remind me of Xanadu, that’s your name now ok?’

‘Actually, my name is Olivia, my parents loved Grease’.

Alyx laughed and took me by the jacket. The girl Olivia had certainly become interested by my accidental stumbling.

Alyx took me to a place outside of the front porch where other guests started to smoke. Alyx peered around making sure no one was listening.

‘You’re not bad with women. Not good, but not bad at least.’ She said as she inhaled her cigarette. The ember of the tip glowed red and as she exhaled I could see the smoke dance around the lights in the tree. She held up her packet.

I had stopped, not out of principle, I just didn’t leave the house for a year or so. Yet seeing the cigarette, readying himself to step into the fire for me filled me with boisterous relief.

I took the cigarette, got her lighter and lit up the thing. As I inhaled, I felt the urge to take off my beanie and stroke my hair, yet for the absence of hair, I just closed my eyes as I once again would feel sick, but content.

‘Jake?’ Alyx asked.

‘hmmm?’ I replied.

‘She likes you’

‘You think so? She is pretty’.

‘She is yes, you should ask her out on a date, you know how to be entertaining.’

‘What about WanderX?’

She shrugged her shoulders.

‘Just a game’

‘Yeah,but it’s not though.’

‘Right’ she said, smiling.

‘I didn’t know you smoked.’ I said.

‘I don’t really’. She threw it out onto the pavement, then noticed that would be rude and picked it up again.

‘It just seemed cool,given that I’m going to divorce.’

‘Hmm, yes I can see that’

‘I wanna smoke weed’ She added.

‘That, yes ok.’ Inside the house I could Naomi sitting in the kitchen, looking at me intently. More women, more attention. But with her it was so different. The girl Olivia was sweet, Alyx was adventurous. But Naomi, Naomi was out of my league completely. She put a spell on me. Not a wanderX spell, a spell that made people write fantasy. Where my obsession with Alyx (which admittedly had dwindled every now again) was warped and hyperbolic, with Naomi it was consistent. She was the kind of girl I would put on a pedestal. She was the kind of woman that urged me to become interesting. The kind of woman I would tell I liked theatre, I liked writing, I actually played a fucking instrument.

‘I’m going to talk to Naomi, after that we’re smoking weed.’ I said, abandoning the problems of Alyx.

I entered the house, a beautiful piece of work honoring stories and hearth. A real home, made for a family that endured life with love. There must have been a dad in there that would chop wood or something. A mother that knitted. A daughter that harmonized her teenage years with family.

She sat at the kitchen table, and people really sort of reported to her. As if she was some queen that would summon people for an audience. However, she wasn’t regal in the slightest. No, she just had that magnetic ability.

‘A smoker I see’ She said, raising her eyebrow.

‘Guilty milady, may I sit?’ I asked while looking for a beer. She offered me a seat in front of me. Yet, considering the quaint nature of the night, I had decided to pour us a GT. As I cut the cucumber I looked outside. Alyx was gone. Had I abandoned her? Did she need me? Man, suddenly there were women in my life.

‘Fun night’ I said.

‘I don’t smoke. I know I’d love that caressing feeling in my throat too much.’ She started. I didn’t know what to make of it.

‘To be honest, I only smoke to look cool’ I realized I wasn’t feeling sick from my first cigarette in a year.

‘Why do you want to be cool?’ She said.

‘Otherwise I’m a kind guy I suppose’ I asked.

‘You are a sweet guy, yes.’

‘Good, sweet is good.’

‘So why smoke?’

I looked at her.

She laughed.

‘Sorry, I tease when I’ve had a drink. What did you do again?’

I actually omitted the idea of mentioning a job. I figured that everyone that speaks to Naomi had a sense of impressing her. My life, however, was suddenly quite impressive, albeit on the fringe side of things, not ambition. Therefore, I experimented a bit.

‘I help Alyx’

‘Oh what’s up with her?’ She asked.

‘Nothing, she’s just the kind of gal I help’

She rolled her eyes.

‘Don’t be like that Jake. Not to me’

‘Do you believe in ghosts?’ I asked, bluntly changing the course of conversation, and saving my reputation.

‘I believe in energies’ She said nodding.

‘Energies huh?’ I asked.

‘Yes, I believe that goodness and badness are actually forces that play a part in the universe’.

‘And ghosts?’

‘I think people leave an imprint of goodness or badness when they leave this world. Or a mix.’ Her French accent made it sounds like baldness. I had to recuperate my wandering mind and come up with a thespian and romantic reply. I wanted to impress this woman.

‘Which will you leave behind?’ I asked. I was on fire tonight. I was the best talker any woman had ever fucking seen in there life. It was awesome, it was entertaining. Hell, it was for the sake of conversation.

‘Mixed probably, I am messed up. You?’

I took a sip from my GT.

‘Messed up, but in a sweet way.’

She laughed.

‘I believe that.’

‘Jake’ I heard the sound of Olivia.

‘We’re going to the city, you’re going to show me how to play pool right?’

She looked at Naomi, and I could sense an intrusive vibe. But whether this was experienced by Olivia’s sense of insecurity or Naomi’s belief in energies, I did not know. Luckily at this stage, I was starting to get drunk.

I had to pay the price for it though. What an adventure that night was! The authorities came, the girls were there. The alcohol played its part. But Naomi, form a distance enjoyed me.

Right then she seemed to be more attracted towards me, more herself. She honestly though I was sweet. That was progress. I seemed to be more of a guy towards her.

Should I have waited for her to take initiative? I couldn’t really wait for that sort of thing. I wanted her to clearly want me. But it was my need that hadn’t met her feel of need. Silence would generate silence. Such was its nature. I needed distraction, something or someone to concentrate on. Alyx, wander X. Naomi would sense my absence in time. But the fear of losing contact with her was enormous.

Strange things happened with Naomi that night. She teased me, not saying whether she liked me or not. She did seem to fancy me in her own way. But not enough for anything romantic. She tolerated me and was willing to give me a chance.

That felt wrong and confusing. It was as if she didn’t want to admit to liking me, but kind of wanted to know I liked her. I didn’t like it, I didn’t like it one bit.

She got a lot of attention. I didn’t know if I was at the right side of it all. She talked and shared, I talked and shared but felt that I was betraying myself as I was doing it. I kept on talking while just postponing the true me in a sense. So ,I kept aloof, distant. Women to me had to be approachable, like Alyx. But a little more proactively. I wanted women to want me, essentially.

I yearned to break this sense of independence of Naomi. I was there ,she was there. But was I at all possible in this state? No, which is why I wanted it.

She vaguely admitted to liking me, but it could have been a charade to postpone me. I shouldn’t have given in. She couldn’t control me like that. But what would be left. Talking, that was all there was left truly, yet I didn’t care anymore for a rehash of 2010s bullshit. Travel, independence, men, women. It was that idle chatter that I had come to loathe, yet such small talk was the art of anybody single in searching for something. Reading Doestovsky apparently was now the equivalent of saying you were cultured or something. I read the blurb in a book store and had come to the conclusion that I am never reading a book where two characters have the same name, ever.

I was against this independent vibe of women, except for Alyx. She provided for me in a way, so I had to encourage her decisions to a fault. Yet I wouldn’t be regarded as a servant of attention. Not anymore at least.

Yet, what if marge wouldn’t initiate contact and I would appear aloof? What would it do to her? Surely she would start inquiring about my feelings towards her.

Whatever this was to become. It would not be long love. Rather short-lived passionate emotions of me towards her. She was too independent to hold on to. And on every level, she was better than I was.

This was truly a privilege to know. I didn’t think I could be friends with her. I could do it. By feeling the feeling. Not talking through it.

Weeks after that, I scrambled for a job, but to no avail. However, Alyx was rich enough to support us with food. She took care of me financially, which prompted me into a bit more responsible behaviour regarding being successful in WanderX.

‘So we oughta be sure to use corridors and door openings as bottlenecks.’ I started.

‘What?’

‘Look here, we are essentially playing a first person crpg. Thus, we ought to treat the game as such. As long as the enemy doesn’t reach us, but we reach them, we have the upper hand.’

‘-Second of all, we need to go over these rewards that I got in the Moth tower.’

So what do we got here? I said, as I mumbled the list from memory. As I focused, I could swear I saw the blue qua menu screen.

‘We got a paravault essence, meaning we can double our initiative speed. Shieldsong bravery doubles our damage. We also achieved the first portal immortal lesson which grants us + 5 attack for me and all allies for 1d4 rounds. Sagecraft of the umbral moth grants an additional diceroll for attack and damage for two party members.’

‘We will receive the first portal immortal lesson when we log on’

We were engulfed with the misty air of the tower of Oola. What was noteworthy was that I felt immediately the way I wanted to feel. This was who I was supposed to become. I felt illuminated, strong, clear minded and furthermore, I felt like my mind had generated unlimited power instead of vague potential through an ease of discipline. Discipline, I felt was almost akin to breathing when I was in Wander X. I was a warrior carrying the sword, sprinting the hill, lifting the weight, hammering on the goals. And once I felt like it, I acted like it. The npcs around me looked at me with a shimmering glistening in the eyes. As if I was something they aspired to become. It was a good feeling, all the more because I knew I exceeded responsibilities and expectations. In my force of character, I had become truly free and entrepreneurial. But the most interesting aspect of it all, was that I could not wait to explore the mundanity of things all rpg. Potions, castles, armor, tactics, dialogue. All these things inspired me to no end. Moeover, I had Alyx, who in many ways was a witness to this world and mine within. I knew at that moment, that it was not the case of a game bettering my life. It was my life being sacrificed to the betterment of the game. The drugs in my brain, the psychoactive component of completing tasks in a beautiful setting simply outweighed the horrid void of real life. For life had become goal-less and dull when surrounded in the marsh of constancy. Why would I do a job? Why would I get kids? Why would I watch sports? It all surrounded on Earth which, while relaxing, had become void of meaningful goals. At least to me. I wonder if Alyx had felt the same. It was odd to me why she would keep logging on. Wasn’t she satisfied with her job, marriage, and life? Or was she missing something? Something dreamlike? Seeing her getting ready for adventure. In the tower, various figures could be seen in what could only be described a makeshift tavern. Suddenly, the portal immortal lesson was granted to us. In scribbled arcane writing we could see cryptic writings on the wall.

This story has been unlawfully obtained without the author's consent. Report any appearances on Amazon.

‘What are these?’ I asked.

‘Portal immortal lessons’ Alyx said.

‘They will help us in WanderX, betwixt and real life’

‘What’s betwixt?’ I asked.

‘I haven’t explained it yet have I?’

‘No, you certainly have not’ I replied. For the first time, frustrated with her.

‘Look, it says announce an affirmation’

‘What? What do you mean?’ I asked.

‘Say something that makes you secure about yourself.’

‘Uhm…I am good with women according to a woman?’ I felt a surge of power going through me.

‘Yes, now me….uhm….I am not afraid to like the things I like’

‘Beautiful’ I said, foregoing my previous frustrations.

‘ I feel so good right now Jake. We can use the power of the portal immortal’.

Behind the bar stood an umbral purple looking skeleton, his voidlike appearance akin to the writing on the wall, which had now vanished. The other patrons appeared to be more adventurous-like. One of which was obviously a fire serpent mage. She stood adorned in flame red with scale like armor and while daunting, appeared lush and skilled in her own ways. We walked up to hear, searing with powerful confidence. There was a glow on the mahogany tables.

‘I am Xelith’. She said.

‘Greetings’ I said, amused by her direct way of wanting to address us.

‘You seem players, I too am a player of this game’

‘Where you from?’ Alyx asked with a big smile.

‘I am from Croatia, Helena is my name’

‘I noticed something last time you were here’

‘ What’ I asked.

‘You are what they call a Gunderhen Sage. It means that you have the potentiality of actually getting a second chance at playing wander X.

‘How do you mean?’ I asked, intrigued. Could I bypass the hardcore nature of this game?

‘When people travel in WanderX and they traverse the planes, they use up the fuses of a mineral called Chronomagique, harvested from the viking world of Gunderhen.

'In order to make up for the bending of natural law, the users ought to enter an umbral realm called the sanctum betwixt in which they battle. Their bloodshed is the payoff of using chronomagique, essentially fuel for the airships.'

‘But why would there be a cost to such things in a videogame?’ Alyx noted.

Xalith nodded at the question.

‘ Good point, it appears that WanderX had issues with combining the GNS laws of this world.

‘GNS?’ I asked, out of the lingo.

‘Game narrative…

‘Simulation’ I added. Now I remembered. These were the hallmarks of gamedesign.

‘Exactly, when putting these three things in overdrive, their synergy lies in overruling each other.’

‘-Which in effect creates this place.’

‘-However, when you, as a Gunderhen sage, die’. She added

‘-you actually are revived by your battle brothers from the beyond. They infuse your soul within the sanctum betwixt and allow you a second chance.

‘That’s great. But why?’

‘No one knows. Some say that it is linked to the might of Mebakar. Meaning that you are one of his chosen.’

FUCK YES, I thought.

‘It would honor me to travel with you for a spell. The three of us could venture forth this tower. I am in need of studying some of the skullcarver markings. Would that be Ok with you?

I wanted this so badly, but I had to check in with Alyx.

She was completely ok with us travelling together. They started talking with each other as I moved forward investigating the dungeon.

This was awesome, me leading on with two adventurers together with me.

Was it creepy? Sure, but not if I focused on the mission. Clearing the dungeon.

As we left the safe chrystal we entered the first floor of this mysterious tower. Limestones and cavernous features mingled with the austere architecture of the place. On the ceiling, it was clearly seen that some arcane light brimmed inside a roster like a lightbulb. Our exploring was interrupted by the sight of two pale white giant snails, which sludged towards us. The little sprites had bright red mace like bulbs on them and two fangs could clearly be seen. They also possessed two tentacles.

As they neared us, Xelith prepared an incantation and Alyx readied her bow.

Me, I drew my mighty longsword and studied the creature. I figured walking up to it and whacking it would give the most intel. However, in my hubris I had foregone the thought that the snails would attack first. With awful accuracy their red bulbuous eyes hit me in the leg and I took damage.

From behind me Xelith cast a fiery blast which unfortunately got deflected for the targeted snail quickly retreated into its shell.

It was clear to me, that these snails were fast.

Yet they were no match for the agility of Alyx, who, in feline momentum, spun, knelt and reached an angle that was able to hit on of the snails for 8 damage. A squeal could be heard from within the shell.

I stepped in and struck my sword with all my might on the shell. I even used one of my essences which would double my attack rate. Furthermore, I equipped my sword as a two-hander. The creature in the shell, to me , would indicate that it was defending itself. My strong attack would surely break its shield. It did, for I doubled my damage resulting it into a 28 damage attack. The snail’s shell broke and I hacked straight through its wormlike body.

One more snail remained who attacked me viciously. If it hit, I would receive double damage. However, I had anticipated the swirling speed of the snail and with a single step was able to dodge it. Now Xelith and Alyx were able to kite the creature. Xelith cast another fire ball into its neck and Alyx made sure to hit the arrow straight where the ember wound had landed. I was up again and I decided to swing my axe in an upwards arc. Once again I used the essence to double my attack and I cleft the albino snail’s throat in twain. As the battle ceased I looked at Alyx who portrayed a wry smile. She did not give a fuck anymore and encouraged us to enjoy this VR adventure of awesomeness, 2 battlepoints were once again granted to my strength stat.

We continued through the next set of slimy corridors. We reached a spiraling set of stairs which seemed to go on for hours, Then we entered the third floor of the tower. In front of us we saw a slimy heap of ooze with a digested skeleton arising out of it. Carrying a rusty sword our next battle had commenced.

I walked forward and had stuck to my two-handed tactic, loaded up my strength and struck at the creature who I gave a good wopping of 16 damage. An arrow from alyx hit me almost but scamped at the outer edges of this slime, only doing it 2 damage, whereas Xelith had dealt an enormous amount of damage with her fireball, which prompted me to step out of the way.

The slimy skeleton now went for me but he was easy to dodge and I just backstepped.

Once again I hacked at the skeleton but he parried me, an arrow now had hit him in the head by Alyx and and he was still burning from Xelith’s magic.

But the slime had reached my feet at this stage and I became engulfed in its hold.

‘Cyphernauticum magic, fight the skeleton first!’ Xelith shouted.

With my movement being nullified as well as my ability to two hand this creature, I was forced to hit the beast with a one handed strike, but the unfortunate position I was in made me miss it.

Alyx didn’t pay heed to xelith and tried her bow. She inhaled and exhaled deeply. I could see the cold fog coming out of her mouth as she was trying to relax her entire body, focusing on the shot.

The first shot missed, but barely.

The slime had reached my mouth at this stage which tasted bitter, and dangerous. The last thing I saw was Alyx and Xelith standing there,ironically, relaxed. The wheezing arrows came over my head, and I felt that the slimey skeleton was moving towards them. At the last moment, desperation had seeped in the women as both Xelith and Alyx started casting their spells and sent a series of arrows that almost seemed like a small regiment’s folley.

The dragged me out of the slime. I lay on the lap of Xelith and could see Alyx again. She was trying out a couple of things, but Xelith stopped her.

‘This will take but a few moments I think.’ She said.

After a minute or so, I could feel a tingling in my limbs and started to regain my strength.

As I regained consciousness I had 6 damage on me. We continued onto the next set of corridors, more aware of our surroundings. My HP was nearing a low point, so Xelith lead us further into the tower’s hallways.

The next corridor I noticed a loose plate on the floor. Xelith had almost stepped on it, but I quickly grabbed her upper arm.

‘Careful, this seems like a trap’

‘Ah yes, the famed dream arrow traps of the moth’ She said.

‘The what now?’ I asked.

‘If we were shot by these, the party must interpret the target’s dreams. When They guess parts of it correctly the damage is nullified.’

‘So we ought to know one another quite well?’ I asked.

She nodded.

‘That is the beauty of wanderx you discover the mindscapes of others.However, at one stage this merging of emotions and knowledge brings about the bonestorms’

That made me silent. Didn’t the receptionist mention bonestorms?

I wondered if this Xelith would be willing to contact us in real life. From my standpoint, I was clinging and hungry for Alyx. She carried two seasons inside of her. Summer and winter. Winteralyx was cozy, artistic and pontificating, Summer Kelly was adventurous, brave and funny.

Xelith seemed way more shy and quiet. But there was a choice in her being aloof. She wouldn’t express words easily.

We moved in a room as. We passed the trap and we saw a chest with an obvious fluid coming out of it moving. Then the chest appeared still.

‘It’s a mimic’. Alyx deduced.

‘Oh blast it all. Kick a chest when he’s down huh!’ the chest said.

‘Yes I am a mimic. Is it so strange to see one?!’

‘Do you know why mimics do what they do?’ the chest asked.

‘No actually’. I said, genuinely curious.

‘Mimics pose as chests, for items of power present a hierarchy. For us and other shapeshifters. Hierarchy provides a sense of identity. ‘Tis the creed of the Gen’shada Spymasters’

To have a hero pick us, thinking that we are that one thing they want.

‘There is no such feeling in the world.’

‘ Would you prefer it if we pretended we fell for your antics as a mimic.’

‘Oh yes, would you? I would divulge information on this dungeon for you if you’d do so.’

So we pretended to fall for the mimic’s trap.

Vapid clouds came from the chest but we were not assailed or teleported.

‘AHHHHH YESSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHH’ . We could see the chest being exhausted from its apparent ecstasy.

‘Great. So the boss room has magnets on the walls, spikes as well and is patrolled by witch-cultists often confused with vampires for some reason.. At the end of the dungeon thou shall findest a laser demon. A demon wielding lasers. Also, pay heed to the tombs that seems to harbor the first student of Mornath.

While hurt and recently paralyzed, at least I was prepared now.

Entering the final room evidently harbored a magnet. Therefore, I had to change my outfit and had decided to rid myself of the iron golem armor. This decreased my AC significantly to a mere 11.

We had decided to come in hot. We would barge in, surprise the enemy and Xelith would cast her fireballs and summon a fireserpent she had been brooding on about. Alyx would fire a folley of three arrows and I would essentially use my loot each round. My cards were ready and we would most likely avoid the incredible dangers of the magnet and the spikes.

We looked from the side of the archway and stuck to the walls. If we would have inhaled to deeply we would have dust in our lungs. Stepping away from the wall left a trail of dust on Alyx bare arms.

We went straight to the biggest danger, A giant rat with horns and a snake like tail. The folley of alyx shot at the beast who had some arcane barrage set up. Yet the arrows made sure the barrier had lifted. Xelith had loaded up a fireball spell with a small serpent coiled around her arm. She looked at me and simply stated.

‘ Protect me’

My assailants were 8 strange humanoid cultists wearing black and purple robes. My lesson from the portal had informed me thusly on the wisdom of bravery. Thus, I had invigorated myself and my allies with a +5 on their attack.

And I started swinging together with Alyx who moved around me like a cat and shot her arrows. The first dark cultist fell, As well as the second one.

Xelith walked in a straight line to the strange rat as alyx and I would circle around here, defeating the strange dark beast cultists. One of the cultists parried my sword with a curved dagger and shouted in my face ‘This is the story of nature too! The woman you are with dreams of frozen stars’

The cultist was quickly shot by Alyx, my fateful companion. While she looked awesome, I noticed a silver tear running down on her cheek.

Before he perished he managed to stab me however for 4 damage. The other cultist quickly came next to him and struck me as well, but he could be managed with a simple backing away and horizontal slash. Alyx now stood and had the attention of three witch-cultists. 2 of which struck her at the legs. There was a wisdom in attacking the lower part of the body I had come to notice. I did not waste any time and struck at my enemy’s lower body parts in a sweeping fashion, but one cultist jumped up while the other simply backed away. While this was a shame, the way was now open for xelith to cast her fireball serpent at the giant horned beast lurking in the back . Cinders remained and the beast’s eyes came out as ruby diamonds shooting an encircling laser. It hit me slightly in the shoulder dealing a smidgen of damage.

But it also completely hit alyx who now lay down on the cold blue floor.

‘Alyx, no!’ I shouted.

I once again struck at both the cultist, fully hitting one and decapitating its head whilst damaging the other one. Who started to burn from behind.

Two cultists remained.

‘How we honor the one of the village deep in the wald of blackness’

The ruby eyes had their sigths on us again and we either had to duck or jump. I jumped successfully avoiding the laser heat. Xelith however was too focused on the cultists and got hit by the laser. The cultists attempted to attack us, but either their morale had waned or they were weakened by some arcane essence from the rat, but they merely swung their daggers in desperate fashion. Dangerous, but predictable.

Yet, their swinging of daggers had a certain mesmerizing effect that also effected my swinging of my own axe, rendering it useless. Even the last fireball cast by xelith would not succed at faltering accuracy.

‘I’m out Pandarpha’ she said as she hurried towards the unconscious Alyx.

From their strange swinging of the dagger, I managed to block one slash of the cultists but failed to do so for the other. He struck me across the chest dealing 6 damage. I was exhausted at this point, and the pounding of my heart said it all. While composed, I had become scared and was clinging to the last bits of my vital energy in this mutated world. With an upwards strike, much like the successful ones I had done in the recent past, I slashed across my assailant’s face who dropped on the floor.

One cultist remained who struck me in the ribs, blood seeped out of my body, and it was odd how fast and strong the crimson outpouring current had become. The cultist held up his dagger, ready to strike once more.

Xelith got Alyx up to her feet and guided her towards a corner. Alyx had awoken by now and desperately tried to release an arrow towards my enemy, which did make him not pay attention to me, for a little bit.

I saw an opening. With the might of Gunderhen I struck him in the side and with one sweep of my sword the cultist fell into a spiked trap.

The battle was over. And I had gained 3 battlepoints in strength. Five more would ensure another battle-card.

I helped alyx to get reacquainted with the VR game and made sure I had healed up.

Meanwhile Xelith walked up to the corpse of the Horned rat. It appeared that the exterior of the rat was actually just a rat’s skin and underneath could be seen a strange looking skull, however it had possessed a certain musculature.

‘This confirms what I had thought before. Skullcarvers of Delgireen. They are announcing the same prophecies as the cyphernauticum.’

‘What prophecies’ Alyx asked.

‘That the maat abhorris is upon is within three months.’

‘Ahhh!’ alyx shouted.

‘What is it, I asked’

‘I’m getting a message from the circlet.’

‘I am here, come find me in the tomb’

There were several tombs inside the room. Me and xelith opened one and we could see a long lost wizard skeleton.

Wearing the exact same circlet.

The eyes opened.

‘We have been watching you and the gunderhen sage. Please come to Sherebun and join our lodge

The ninth seraph. We are interested in training the sage.

‘So this was a test?’ I asked.

‘Yes, it seems so’ Xelith said.

‘I once was part of the ninth seraph. I’m willing to take you to them’.

‘Did we end the presence of the coven though?’ I asked.

She nodded.’partly, there seems to be a presence still however. I sense Aunduriel is still trying to rile up the witches despite the killing of this skullcarver.

Yes, the presence of the Skullcarver has infested the coven. I’m not sure which coven this was, perhaps of meriabok, or Oola perhaps. Nevertheless, with the skullcarver gone, the witches won’t join its menacing agenda anymore.

‘But wait. What menacing agenda?’ I asked.

‘The witches joined up in an attempt to keep people at bay and focus on killing them. The skullcarvers of delgireen cast their strange influence out over these lands’ .

‘But why? Why do such a thing?’

‘The answers lie in the vanishisg shores and Sherebun it would seem’. Alyx said.

‘First, we still have to safe Garth on the vanishing shores. Will you join us Xelith?’

‘To do that you must pass skull-hand rock do you not?’I shall join you in this endeavour. Skull-hand rock is full of peril if you are to pass that. Besides, the Gunderhen sage interests me. I hope you find my company worthy?’

‘We do, we will log off and find a way to contact you’

Deep layers of smell crawled into my senses as we awoke from WanderX. Alyx’s hair looked a disheveled mess and we had built up the mutual courtesy of looking away and beelining to the bathroom in quick succession. So that we at least looked like we were just hung over. I sat up from my matress and I could still feel the world of wanderX linger. The snails, the dreamarrow trap, the mad cultists. All of them were still there in my memory, but also in my sensations. I was a true warrior in that world.

But here, in our bleak apartment, we were hardly anything. To be fair, I felt like shit and I wanted to go back to wander X. Yet I knew that my mind needed to rest for at least a few days. I got up and realized that my joints and knees started to ache badly. I avoided mirrors or windows to save myself from the haunting sight of what my face must look like. As I stretched, the shame had made way for addiction. At least my worm-like existence involved a good friend like Alyx. It was odd to me that I was living the dream to my standards, yet was hurt in the process. It was at that moment that a pang a wisdom was created from nowhere. All I had to do now, was make this existence stabile, build up some form of momentum, allow the bare minimum of life to make this functional. The door opened and Alyx came in. The desolate wooden beams and white walls would become mahogany and marble as she entered. She looked at me with actual pride.

‘I’m happy we’re back, that was close’. She said.

‘I feel awful’ I replied.

She nodded.

‘You look it too. Go wash up, do something with your beard and hair.’

It didn’t hurt when she said that. We shared a dreamlike fantasy adventure so she was right to be straightforward with me. Still, as I neared the steamy mirror in the bathroom, horror seeped in as I wiped the condensed surface. To put it mildly, I looked like a predator driving a van. There was nothing that would even hint at my newfound affirmation. Then it dawned on me, Alyx said I wasn’t bad with women, but I had translated that into me being good with women. Perhaps she meant that I was looking like such a hulking mess, she might have been surprised that I even had a tuft of confidence and smart talk to save me out of a conversation. Still, that too, I took as a compliment. I realized that I was far too creepy and obsessed with women and that it must have shown somewhat. It was high time for me to accept that I was not a charmer, or anything like that. But it didn’t matter to me that much, for I could merely enjoy the company and be satisfied with that. And if I wanted more, I would need to change my looks that now had the appearance of a peated drenched wreck. Nevertheless, my confidence would not wax or wane. I knew what I was and I probably wouldn’t change it whatsoever. What probably did need to change was my outlook on things. Poor Alyx needed help, of that there was no question. And I could do it as her knight. What higher goal could a man have in his 30s? Apart from being some generic bullshit job like a project-engineer social worker thing.

Right now, I had to clean myself. The heat of the shower regained some sort of circulation in my body which in effect healed my knees and joints. Getting out of the shower and drying my hair, I had seen what Alyx meant with her stern command of me washing myself. My hair had started to part widely. The little to no sprites of hair on my scalp had begun to go away. This was a problem. A problem I would solve later on. I would shave my neckline a bit using Owen’s clippers, but that would have to do. People might see a substance dependent beggar, but I saw an extravagant hobo, so fuck them piece of shit motherfuckers.

I put on a random hawai shirt (again borrowed from Owen), a grey shirt and my jeans. The hawai shirt had already started to rip given that I was big and relatively fat. However, I did go into a technical fasting with WanderX which had dropped my weight significantly.

I returned to Alyx who eyed me up and down and gave a small nod.

‘Good’

‘Really?’

‘Well, better’

‘Is it the Hawaiian shirt?’

‘I mean, it’s a look.’

We started to grin a bit at each other.

‘Do you want me to go away or something, leave you to yourself for a bit?’ I suggested.

‘Yes, let’s do that for a bit. I need to return home as well, probably need to put some energy in announcing that divorce to Patrick.’

‘Ah, the thing has a name’

‘Yes, we…’ Alyx stopped. I could see her eyes water as she was looking outside. It looked as if sunlight reflected in her tears. Hadn’t I seen this before?

‘I need to do this, but I don’t want to.’ She said. I could see this was getting too much for her. WanderX had also preoccupied her somewhat instead of it being a hobby.

‘Hey now’ I started. I motioned her to sit down on the sofa next to our matresses.

‘Gather yourself for a bit, go for that jog first, get reacquainted with the world. I’ll clean up, get you a croissant or something.’

‘No, I can’t wait much longer. But thanks, cleaning up would be great.’

I had expected her to linger for a bit, but she hurried up. Before I knew it I could hear the door close. Solitude enveloped me.

The thing was, my life was at such a lowpoint that being alone meant I would just shut down. In the last few weeks, I was met with a social life I had missed. But now, In this loneliness ,I had the option to reflect.

The days went by in trudging fashion. I noticed that Owen would come home every once in a while and I would be enchanted by his playing of the guitar. He would almost hypnotize me with the most simple tunes and he did seem to be somewhat repetitive in them, even though he did manage to change the tune with emotion and feeling. IT was as if he was searching in a makeshift maze of sound and symphony. He even attempted to teach me a bit, but I felt so out of my league that I couldn’t really do anything but giggle. Still, he seemed patient and particularly kind. I had come to realise that I hadn’t really connected with anyone besides Alyx for too long maybe. I knew her alter ego a bit too well it seemed and we really needed a break. I suppose this is what relationship therapy must be like, you go into a different mode almost, you vent out your anger only to become husks of apathy at home. Same with the game, we were engulfed in a fantasy version of ourselves only to be somewhat dumbfounded by the reality of each other in real life. I think that also played its part in her wanting to fix things with her husband and even though I ignored most of it, I did feel some responsibility for them to indeed fix it. But on the other hand, I was so dependent on Alyx to be with me in this game that it was best if I stayed somewhere in the background. Yet, the insecurity took over.

A few days later, I had reached out to my brother only to find out that my father had passed away and that I had missed the funeral 6 months ago. My hands were shaking and my head was in denial, but the worst of it was, that I was alone in shock, alone in the process. My brother hung up not willing to speak to me and I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders of being absolutely nothing. I had looked into the honeypot for too long, I had overstayed my welcome on treasure island and I had refused to grow up and keep up with the world. There was a romance to reclusivity I had always adhered to, but it was a curse at this stage. I couldn’t cope with change, yet the financial insecurity and the undiscovered mourning loss of my dad seeped into me. There were no questions, only conclusions. I was a fuckup. I couldn’t remain in this state.

I cried for days without anyone knowing, I was drained of energy. Owen seemed to be aware something was up and I did tell him at one point. There was a hug and a cup of coffee and he just allowed me to wade in my own shit at the apartment. I wasn’t ready to enter WanderX yet, although I had planned out to log on alone for a while. Just to have some form of escapism. But first, I had to fix my life. I couldn’t look in the mirror anymore, I had to look with a modicum of self-respect in that old rotten face.

I would never see him again. There was something mysterious about the permanence of death. You could believe in god, you could be tough, the indifferent truth was, that his death, in this life, was forever. Perhaps a return to religion would mediate the fact somewhat in the language of evil and sorrow, but the fact that my dad was gone forever started to shape my mind into an abyss.

The only positive thing was that I knew things were bad. Any form of improvement would work, and so I started planning. First, I had to do something about Alyx and her dire situation. If I was to be taken care of by her and she would be dependent of my expertise in the virtual world, her life had to be somewhat better. My own initial primal and dumb needs would need to be put on hold. She needed to get her shit together as soon as possible. Given that she was interested in Owen and that she was going to fix things with her husband, I figured it would be best if I just took care of the house and would somewhat invest in my friendship with Owen. If he was interesting to her, that would keep her attached to him and WanderX. Thus, my plan began to take shape to introduce him to WanderX. That would be somewhat noble, to sacrifice my own escapism with her into something more related to him. I would sacrifice my exclusivity with her out of financial gain. However, that would also mean to introduce him to the world of chemical substances that were addictive. As I was planning my day, my urge for a dopamine fix grew. It was as if I had to postpone this insatiable need for cocaine. I couldn’t function. However, it would be a shame to only dissect the powder in favour of WanderX. It was wander that did it. The cocktail, the world, the new me.

At first, I would make sure the house looked somewhat okay. I would clear up the floor and other surfaces and after that I took a hot wet towel with a bit of soap and cleaned all desks, tables and cabinets that were clear of items. If I was to be a fuckup, at least I was one in a cleaner house. As I went through my chores, my conscience got the better of me. What would I be, if I was not this slob, this fuckup. Given my addiction I’d reckon I’d fit in the literature teaching corner of the world. Where I would expand and guide students into learning about medieval heroes such as Beowulf, The green knight and perhaps even Shakespeare. But one thing that I was reminded of, was that I should live the life of a poet, a thinker of sorts who would be able to enter different dimensions through opioids.

There was an idea of me, that suited everything. Yet it was not through ambition, rather art. Yes, I had something of a literature teacher going for me. One who would use a projector. A consumerist, the lifestyle of a poet absent a poem. Lifestyle of an author yet no book. IT was something, a vision for the real world. One that would allow for escapism.

What did she mean to me? That was a question that popped up quite a bit. I realized that I felt like I could share songs with her. As odd as that may sound, but there is a certain type of person that you wish to explore truths with together, both dark and grimy as well as happy and joyous. But I was afraid to love her, for I didn’t want to explore the darkness with the ones I loved. It was strange, I felt that sharing darkness had to be done superficially.

The skies held a secret, the wintersun was too bright. Real life started to gain ground. I was but a cog in a world between dreams. Yet the dream this time was made with profound erudition. Someone had made wanderX. Was I supposed to win? Or was there another goal to this game? The odd thing was, with wander, if someone was able to create such a real projected world, to the point of me being aware, yet equally immersed, what would the real world have in store in terms of creation? I had forsaken the concept of prayer a long time ago, but with the passing of my father and my dormant lifestyle, I felt that I needed to talk to somebody to something.

So I did. I knelt beside my bed, clasped my hands together and I started praying.

‘Dear lord, who art in heaven, thine kingdom come’ Pretty sure that was the line.

‘My pops died, I wasn’t there, I feel emberassed and ashamed and I feel powerless and I feel guilty and I feel like a loser and I am an addict and I am a loser, I have no wife I am a failure what should I do? Could you send me a message? Bring him back perhaps?’

‘-I am sorry for this request, but I need something’ I added

‘I wanna be like the warrior in WanderX, But I am him. How do I swap lives?’ I pleaded, I pleaded for a second chance.

‘I think I know the answer god, thank you’.

Swapping lives. Becoming the barbarian in WanderX fully and live real life to sustain me in wanderX. That had to be the goal. A second chance. Maybe there was a father for Pandarpha? If I was a Gunderhen sage, due to the programme finding my lineage, perhaps that meant I could find a second father, one who could at least tell me what to do. Maybe even give closure.

I felt nothing, nothing at all. I had to allow this thought process. That knowledge that you are forsaking real life. Perhaps in WanderX, I could find a wife, get a child. The doctors said that I couldn’t get any kids, so there was no real purpose for me here, anymore. But to investigate that gene-thing in wanderX, to honor my ancestors and maybe even birth a person in there. That seemed to be quite interesting.

So I logged into the game, without Alyx this time. I spawned at the Moth tower’s safe chrystal and ventured outside. The wintersun shone far too bright and cast a healthy stream of light onto me. I walked and climbed up onto a ridge where I could overlook a vast land surrounded by dark mountains.

Further ahead a man stood.

The sharp horror of the mountain loomed over the dark green valley that lay before him. Nothing moved in these dark lands, safe for the thick mists of untouched marshes. Between the valley and the mountain, a dark cloud of drenching rain gathered

Despite the desolate nature of the place, the smell of fresh wet air seemed to clear his bloody face and healed his stale lungs. He inhaled the new chances that awaited him with hope as he saw a blue spot of sky through the murky mist. His exhale, however, was a clogged attempt as the air cried through the knotted terrors his body had remembered.

‘Hello’ I said.

The man looked at me.

‘I….’ He tried. Tears welled up inside of him. The salt of his tears, together with the drizzle and the dried up blood, made a tangible mush on his face of dark and despair. His body refused his attempt to speak. Another inhale of the cold air through his dusty nosethrils renewed his courage, and the slow exhale through the course mouth was a more controlled one this time.

‘I am Markus Knotter’

‘-I…..I never give up. My body does not give up, my mind does not give up. We do not give up’.

‘-I see myself serving the coven, for they will make my wife and child forgive and forget my past deeds’

‘A…A coven? What coven?’ I asked, not sure what to do about this man.

‘I will serve the coven, for they granted me a magical chance. I love my wife…I love my daughter. I love my friends…I love the fellow travelers I’ve had….I love my sword, boots and lantern. I love going forwards’

He stood slouched and silent as he let the words fill the void before him, before they reached my ears. Another inhale through the nose tranquilized his wild suppressed panic as he remembered the blood, dust and darkness.

‘I….I must find the lakerider warlock, for he can gather the hedge-casters, witches and hexsisters.’

‘That way, they will preserve the spell that makes my loved ones forget my awful deed. That way, I am just a distant friend to all of them. If I do not serve the coven….They will live with the knowledge of my wretchedness, and love me out of forgiveness or fear. But not real love. I’m not that man, they deserve better.

He narrowed his to generate that sense of determinism.

“ -And I will give them better’.