"Uncle Roni, This place is darker than I thought. It's like I entered in a dark cave and now I have no candle to see around. Slowly its killing me. I can feel the heat of fire but also can feel the heat of ice on my left side. But don't know where to go, shall I pull the trigger through my head or jump on the fire wait for the undead soul become dead? I hope I can reach you. I can't feel my right side of my chest, maybe its so close, making my body cold and blood no longer flowable. Or this right side is just Hell and pulling me in it? Then why there is cold on my left side? I never learned about ice in hell in Bible or Qur'an. Am I already dead?"

Just have no idea what's this letter about and who the hell is this "RONI"??? Slapping my cheeks just to confirm if its not a dream either or a hallucination because I am already messed up with dream and reality. No, its not. This is for real. The weirdest letter in my life. Folding the paper, kept it under the pillow just hoping it won't lost and wondering why and how this paper came to me, even forgot to wear my pants, standing in front of the window, the sun ray highlighting my dick.

"Fahim....... your breakfast is getting cold, just how many times do I need to shout like a bitch???"

"Just fuck off mom why you are calling me fahim", raising the voice as much as I could.

"What happened Tafim? Who is fahim?", mom wonders.

I see, my ears are also confused what to input through my head, Tafim or Fahim, "Sorry mom just ..."

"Disappointing", Saying this she left the home for office. I was standing staring at the door fully naked and hoping gush if I were an adult. Doctor said me to sleep naked it says it increases the dopamine level which cools my brain and for this my masturbation habit is just getting worse day by day. Pornography addiction, just wanna end this but nope now way to do this while my body has nothing to do except sleeping and watching NETFLIX and reading shitty childish mangas.

Picked up the hoodie I guess it hides my dizzy and exhausted eyes, always try put the smile on my ugly face, "Just want to show myself normal", said to me although human looks more abnormal if he tries to look casual. I just took my "Dopamine Detox", propounded by Doctor, "It will help you to increase your strength of mental stability and avoid distractions", fuck your opinion nothings going normal.

January, 10, my 11th informal appointment with Doctor and as it became an personal non profit visit so basically I've became a guinea pig to him, just I guess. Its already 9.15am and gotta go before 12pm. Pulled the zipper a took my hand clock set the alarm time at 6.00, yes just to check the time to confirm if I am in dream or not, usually according to doctor what I see in my dream is nothing but a transition of my Subconscious mind and as I did it with my attention and have no value of the time then there's must be a possibility it will change in my dream and if it does then definitely I am in dream, well not sure if it would work out all the time but it hadn't fail in past.

Standing on the crossing waiting for a taxi to send my ass to Doc's house, "Colspan Mansion". Doctor Mehraj Chowdhury, by born South Asian, mom's from India Mumbai and father was an Israeli, maybe he was a bastard with a good brain, author of New York time best seller psychological non fiction "Your mind". An atheist who's wife recently cheated on him, maybe there should be some certain reasons. After his mom's death he was appointed as an military medical surgeon and after promoted to Breg. General he joined the "Complex Mentality" project where he proved his incredible skills on surgery and mental therapy and then a straight way of fame. Now so called the best neurological and mental therapist.

Feeling so much dizzy I should have taken another cup of coffee. A couple holding their hands and staring each other smiling gayly, and here me as a contortionist who entertain others but has no one in life like that. I just hoped she would love me like the way I did. Or she really did I just didn't get it. "F#ck!!! Why am I even thinking about that", slapped again and this time people around me started to stare me like they saw an Alien just landed on earth. "Right, left" nope, no empty taxi and suddenly something strange caught my attention.

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How strange never saw a taxi like this, Red color and a black line on the both side of it. The driver is middle aged and have a corporate beard and much handsome according to his age. I won't wonder if its a car from hell and came here to pick me up. The car is actually kind of a circus to me on the backside of it someone wrote "WTH". "What the hell", maybe he previously accidently parked it in a wrong territory, so sad. There was a taxi sign on the top led.

"Any help?"

"Ya, 98 Colspan Street? Doc's mansion?"

"Get in kid", He said.

I wondered he really knew the mansion how much patient he carried previously.

"Which year?"

"Inter 2nd"

"You like cigarettes after sex?"

Seriously what the fuck is he asking about. "Excuse me" , "I am asking about song dear" I just thought he was kidding with me trying to do some nasty jokes.

"No"

I was observing the outside scenario. A boy holding 20 or 21 roses in his little hands and its traffic jam. He came close and close with the bunch of yellow roses and raised it to me. "Sir flowers? ma'am will like it I promise", his eyes were full of hopes and deep pain. Why it reminds me of Phily? Do I still miss her? Her hair and the band she used to bind her hairs, the time when I gave her 20 roses on her 20th birthday and just after that we never met again but.. Fu#k no I just wanna forget it. A warm air suddenly changed the environment and the sky started to get black and darker by the time and still the boy's asking,

"Ma'am will like it I promise" "Ma'am will like it I promise" "Ma'am will like it I promise"

Can't he see the weather? I said him to go away and the very time I said, "Its raining" "hey boy just go" but he kept asking the same, eventually his eyes got red and kinda popping out. The rose, it started to get red and I had no clue whats happening. One, two, three eventually the drops of water is getting into blood drops and I started to scream,

"Drive fast!!!" "Please Uncle" "Helppppp!!!" "Someone wake me up"

-"Sir?"

I opened my eyes. There was no boy in front of me.

"You ok kiddo?", Driver asked.

"Yes, just a nightmare.", I rushly took my Nexcitales as I remember I forgot to take it. Dragged out the clock and its 6.00 alarm. Ok me in life now.

"I am sorry"

"Don't be", Curving his eye brow.

I had nothing to say then just focused on the side mirror which doesn't have any mirror. "Do you have a family?", He didn't reply. I just said nothing after that, maybe something bad memory. Ok, none of my concern.

Finally reached Colespan, signed to open the window for the rent.

"How much?"

"150"

"Here you go, thanks for the ride."

I followed the door way but suddenly he stopped me, "Hey kid"

"Yes?"

"I had my family and a 11 yrs old baby"

"Thats great to know"

"But they passed away after a truck accident", I wasn't shocked and had no sorry in my mind because thats none of my concern just for being formal I asked, "I am Sorry uncle, may god give you patience."

"Sorry for being rude, what happened with you when you?"

"Nothing some mind test for admissions", Don't know why he asked it.

"You gave me 200, you sure have mental issues kiddo."

Not mental issues "I AM MENTAL AND YOUR WORDS MAKING ME MORE MENTAL ASSHOLE"

"Sorry forgot to take..." as I got near the window my eyes got to the name templete on him chest.

"Roni Rosario"

It can't be. But in the mean time he geared and started the engine I said him to stop,

"excuse me" "EXCUSE ME" "HEY UNCLE PLEASE STOP ITS SERIOUS"

No the car was so fast and my voice didn't reach. I ran this time just hoping for a jam and as the car took a little bit of turn and crossed the Hover Tower I found no red taxi just some normal taxis parked on the street. Just me standing alone with 50 credits and wondering what's on earth is happening with me and saw the alarm but nope I am in reality so what was that?

"Uncle Roni?" "Who is this?"

As the tower clock rang and sounded "Ding" its already 12pm.

"How? just how? literally I started on 9am it took 3 hours just to reach an half an hour way??? Was I dreaming all the way down here? But can't be possible."

I had no time to think about it right now need to go to doctor otherwise my today's visit will be for nothing. I will share everything what happened right now.

But What's Waiting for me next?