NIGHTMARES IN SIGHT

“...the idle creep of darkness born

between the pale of dream and dusk...”

Kuhsya Venndos Kaedya V

2:2:2:6/5, III:IX

“What was it like?”

“What? It was awful,” Jorn breathed, a bowl of broth in one hand and her spoon in the other. “All fire and sulfur, and the world moved past you while you stood still.”

A gasp wrenched unbidden from her throat and Larin choked down her mouthful of broth, fighting not to splutter. “No, no!” she clarified, drawing a steeling breath as he blotted her shirt, an apology on his lips. “Not– not the Hells.” Eyes closed while she forced down the spike of panic thrumming through her body, Larin blew out her deep breath and inhaled at a more reasonable rate. “I meant being turned. What... happened?”

“Well... It started with these dreams.” The recollection clearly bothered him, but he obliged her. “I’d be floating behind the mindwarps, while they hunted. Girls.” He spooned more broth for her and shook his head. “It was terrifying, seeing them d-die.” With a sturdy gulp, Jorn pressed on, determined to bear the story for her sake. It was the least he could do.

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“Soon the dreams became... worse. Soon, I was the warp with the blade. I was the one cutting, and killing, and climbing up–” A splutter and shudder spilled broth to the floor; he cursed and broke into mutters, sitting back from her. “I could feel how much they liked it, all safe and warm and sanctified. If you see something often enough, it becomes... almost normal, in a way.”

His face had darkened with mortal shame. “I was wrong to you. I treated you poorly. There were things I wanted – things I still want – but I came after them without...” Jaw set with rigid remorse, he turned his chin back to face her head-on. “I became evil, Larin. It sickens me; I can’t stand to live in my own skin. But I turned evil, and I liked it.”

She was quiet. He had no choice but speak on. “I liked the power I felt, being some fated magician. I liked the idea of controlling A’lara. I liked knowing I could become the greatest man that ever lived. And I wanted you, safe with me, on the winning side.”

Jaw clenched, he spoke through his teeth, “It seemed so obvious to me, that my power could protect us, even as Kingard’s power failed him.” His eyes closed and he shook his head, voice eerily calm as he trembled with the memory of it. “I wanted things for myself, Larin. I wanted comfort and power, and revenge against Haisrir for what he’s done to me – and you.” His gaze lifted and his green eyes bored straight into her soul. “I became selfish, no concerns about anyone else. I thought only of myself.”

Larin could hardly stop the words. “And me.” It sounded like condemnation, even to her own ears, though she hadn’t meant it that way.

His eyes closed again, and his face tilted away in shame. “And you.”