WAKE UP
( CH: Dextra )
“Wake up, time to grow up.”
The calling of adulthood knocked on my door before I was ready. Thoughts of the future circled me. Time to suit up; following every step given, cramming every reminder of life skills and important information in my memory bank. If things change, have to adjust to them. If life gets hard, have to ride through it. Whatever I do or don’t do is my doing or my fault.
“Wake up, time to get a job.”
The search for jobs is on. Too young for this, too old for that, not enough requirements for this, not talented enough for that. I make the resume, and send them to some jobs via online. No one emailed me back. No one called back. The resume is edited, sent to more jobs. No one replied back. Walked around the city for a job, and no employment jobs are available.
“Wake up, time for a life.”
What does that mean? Improvements on myself, changing for the world. The change is not me. The world does not care, so I don’t care. I steady keep being myself. The world does not want me to be myself, they want a stereotype to ease minds. Who shall I be?
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“Wake up, time for college and my own place.”
Pennies saved, dollars saved. Family finances get in the way. Money is lost from all angles. What’s the point of going to college when Google can answer all my life questions? I look up questions online, I have to pay for special things & equipment that answer and will solve my questions. I have no money.
“Years later...”
Finally, everything organized, everything settled. All questions are answered, all problems are solved. Wait, oh no, voices. Am I doing this wrong? People say I’m doing this wrong. There Was an easier way? I did not know. Why did you not tell me this? How am I supposed to know? Oh great, I am the idiot here, why me? I did not ask for this.
I blame them, they say blame yourself. I blame myself then they say don’t blame yourself, blame her. She said don't blame me, blame him. He says blame them. She says blame them. Can everyone shut up and get out of my head!
I snap, snap at everyone. You don’t know my life, and you don’t know what you’re talking about. Everyone shut up and let me live my life! Great, now everyone’s mad. They are upset with me for being honest. Screw them, who needs them?
Now I’m alone. I have clear thoughts and one voice to listen to. But I am alone. Was it worth it? Did I need them? No, I do not. Yes, I did. Why is my life so hard? What is the point of living? Why am I here? Why me? Why me? Why me?
Time for bed, but sleep is not an option. The thoughts, the worries, the past, the future keep me up through the restless night. I cannot do this. I am not made for this. I am a failure. I am a loser. Maybe life without me would be simpler. Why is it my fault that I failed when I put in the effort? Why am I alive?
“Wake up, it is time for breakfast.”
It is okay, it is only time for breakfast.