Elric's eyes snapped open as the world around him solidified from the swirling vortex of light. He found himself standing in a dense, humid jungle, the air thick with the scent of wet earth and decaying leaves. Massive trees towered overhead, their canopies creating a dim, shadowy environment. Within seconds he was sweating, his skin sticky from the oppressive humidity. The jungle was alive with the sounds of rustling leaves, distant animal calls, and the incessant buzz of insects. However, Elric couldn’t move—his body was paralyzed, frozen in place.

"Well, this is just great," he thought to himself, "stuck in the middle of a jungle, unable to move. What could go wrong..."

As he stood there, cursing his luck, he noticed a movement in the foliage nearby. A strange, chittering noise reached his ears, followed by the appearance of hundreds of grotesque creatures. They were an abomination, a terrifying blend of mantis and spider. Their heads were unmistakably that of a mantis—elongated, triangular, with large, multifaceted eyes that shimmered with cold, calculating intelligence. Translucent wings, veined like delicate lace, twitched on their backs as they moved. The bodies were a nightmarish combination, with sleek, elongated thoraxes tapering into bulbous, segmented spider abdomens, from which eight sharp, bristling legs radiated.

The mantis-spider closest to him scuttled forward, its insectoid eyes fixated on Elric's face. It clicked its serrated mandibles together, a sound that sent chills through his bones. Before Elric could even begin to panic, the creature started climbing up his leg, its legs digging into his flesh with a terrifying precision. "Oh, no. Oh, hell no," he thought, trying to blow the creature off his face as it inched closer, its cold, sharp limbs brushing against his skin, the weight of its sinister intent pressing down on him.

The creatures started exploring the human statue they’d just found. Elric’s eyes widened in horror as the creatures began crawling all over him. His nose twitched as one of them poked its head dangerously close to his nostrils. "This is not happening. This is NOT happening!" he mentally screamed.

Suddenly he could hear a loud voice, it started explaining the rules of the challenge but Elric couldn’t hear anything as his worst fears were realized when the creatures started laying eggs—into every orifice they could find. His ears, his nose, even places he’d rather not think about. Elric’s panic turned into pure, unadulterated horror. "Are you serious?! Eggs?! In there?!"

The countdown finally ended, and with it, Elric regained control of his body. He immediately erupted into a flurry of movement, swatting and flailing at the creatures. "Get off! Get off, get off, get OFF!" he shouted, his voice rising with each word as he desperately tried to rid himself of the invasive pests.

The shield Tyler had placed on him suddenly activated, but not before the damage was done. Elric, now thoroughly disgusted and more than a little traumatized, tore off his armour, throwing pieces left and right as he continued to fight off the clinging creatures. "Of course, the shield only comes after they’ve violated me! Thanks a lot, Tyler!" he yelled into the jungle, his frustration boiling over.

After what felt like an eternity of frenzied swatting, Elric finally managed to rid himself of the egg-laying horrors. He stood there, panting and sweating, now completely naked in the middle of the jungle. "Great. Just great," he muttered, wiping a hand across his face.

As he was about to gather his scattered armour, the jungle suddenly went silent. Elric froze, sensing that something was very, very wrong. Tyler grabbed his staff as the ground shook slightly, followed by the sound of heavy footsteps crashing through the underbrush. He turned slowly, dread pooling in his stomach, to see a massive gorilla-like creature emerging from the trees. The beast was easily twice his height, with rippling muscles and a face that screamed both rage and hunger.

For a moment, there was an awkward silence as the two stared at each other. Elric’s mind raced, "Okay, stay calm. At least you have a shield." But as if on cue, the shield shimmered and vanished. "Of course, it disappeared. Because why wouldn’t it?" Elric groaned as he realised it would only disappear if Tyler didn’t have any mana left, which meant his staff was useless.

The gorilla creature let out a deafening roar, breaking the silence and signalling the start of what Elric knew was going to be a very bad day. Without waiting for the beast to make the first move, Elric spun on his heel and bolted, sprinting through the jungle as fast as his legs could carry him. "Why is it always me?!" he shouted as he dodged low-hanging branches and leapt over fallen logs.

He spotted a cave entrance up ahead, its opening just small enough that the gorilla would not be able to follow. With the gorilla hot on his heels, Elric dove into the cave, scraping his shoulders on the rough stone as he forced his way inside. The creature roared again, its massive arms reaching into the cave after him.

Elric collapsed onto the cave floor, panting heavily as he tried to catch his breath. "This day cannot get any worse," he muttered to himself, still naked, still covered in a sheen of sweat and egg goo. "Just... wonderful."

And with that, he resolved to stay hidden in the cave for as long as it took to figure out his next move, desperately hoping that whatever came next wouldn’t involve more horrifying creatures or giant, angry gorillas.

Elric leaned back against the rough stone wall, trying to steady his breath and calm his racing heart. He had just survived a terrifying chase, but the cave’s eerie silence wasn’t doing much to help his nerves. He was just starting to relax when he heard it—a soft, melodic voice echoing deeper within the cave. It sounded almost like a child or maybe a young girl, the sound both sweet and unsettling.

“What now?” Elric muttered to himself, standing up slowly. Every instinct told him to stay put, but curiosity, combined with a sense of duty to investigate, got the better of him. Cautiously, he crept deeper into the cave, the walls around him glowing faintly with the light of luminous crystals embedded in the rock. The crystals bathed the cave in an ethereal blue light, making the shadows dance and flicker around him.

As he moved deeper, the voice became clearer. “Oh, darling, you’re so funny,” it giggled. Elric’s brow furrowed in confusion. “Who would be this far in the cave, and what are they doing?”

He turned a corner and froze, his eyes widening in disbelief. There, sitting cross-legged on the cave floor, was a man dressed in a harlequin’s costume—a jester’s outfit with mismatched colours, bells, and an unsettlingly wide grin painted on his face. The man was engrossed in a bizarre scene: he was speaking to his own hand, which he had turned into a puppet by drawing a mouth on his thumb, and pointer finger, complete with eyes and red lips. The voice of the girl was coming from the man’s hand, the thumb moving up and down to simulate talking.

“Don’t say that, darling,” the jester’s hand squeaked in a high-pitched voice. “You’re so handsome when you smile.”

“Oh, you little charmer,” the jester replied in a deep, exaggerated voice, clearly playing both parts of this twisted conversation. Without warning, the man brought his hand to his lips and started making out with it, the grotesque scene causing Elric’s stomach to churn.

“What the actual fuck?” Elric muttered, unable to believe what he was seeing. He inadvertently kicked a loose rock, sending it skittering across the cave floor. The sound echoed loudly in the confined space, and the jester’s head snapped up, his eyes locking onto Elric.

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The jester’s grin widened, his eyes gleaming with a manic light. “Oh, I didn’t realize we had company!” he exclaimed, still cradling his hand-puppet. “Would you like a turn with my Shirley?” he asked, extending his hand toward Elric as if offering it to him.

Elric took a cautious step back, trying to figure out how to get out of this nightmare without provoking the clearly unhinged man. “Uh, no thanks, I think I’ll pass,” Elric said, forcing a nervous chuckle. He slowly backed up to leave, but as he did, he realized something was wrong.

The cave entrance was blocked.

Standing right behind him was a massive puppet, easily the size of a man. Its wooden limbs creaked as it moved, and its painted face grinned eerily down at him. Elric’s heart sank. “Of course, it’s a trap,” he thought bitterly. The puppet’s arms shot out and grabbed him with surprising strength, holding him in place as he struggled. He tried to activate the runes on his staff but nothing happened.

The jester was suddenly right next to him, moving with an unsettling speed. He leaned in close, his breath hot against Elric’s ear. “Why don’t you want to kiss Shirley?” he asked, his voice low and menacing. “You’ve made my sister very sad; you know. It would mean a lot if you would play with her.”

Elric could feel the wooden puppet’s grip tightening, the arms pressing painfully into his skin. The jester’s face was inches from his own, that horrible grin never wavering. “You don’t want to make Shirley cry, do you?” the jester whispered, his tone almost pleading but with a dangerous edge.

Elric’s mind raced as he tried to think of a way out of this increasingly bizarre and terrifying situation. “How do I get out of this? What do I do?” he thought, trying to stay calm despite the rising panic. But one thing was clear—he needed to escape, and fast before things got even worse.

Elric struggled against the puppet's unyielding grip, his heart pounding in his chest as the jester's manic grin loomed closer. “Come on now, give Shirley a kiss,” the jester cooed, his voice oozing with false sweetness as he forced his wet hand-puppet toward Elric’s face.

Elric tried to turn away, but the jester was relentless, pressing his thumb puppet’s painted lips against Elric’s. The taste of saliva and ink filled his mouth, he had no idea how but the hand puppet had a tongue and it was forcing it into his mouth making him gag. “There you go, that’s a good boy,” the jester crooned, his eyes wide with delight. “Shirley does more than just kiss, you know. No need to be shy, she loves the small ones too.“

Elric’s stomach churned, his breath coming in short, panicked gasps. “Please... stop,” he pleaded, his voice barely a whisper as the jester’s hand began to trail down his chest, leaving a smear of red lipstick behind. The puppet’s tiny lips were kissing their way down towards his crotch, and Elric felt a tear slide down his cheek, his mind reeling from the horror of the situation.

Just as the hand began to creep dangerously close to his crotch, Elric’s heart pounded in sheer panic. But before he could react, the jester’s other hand shot up, its fingers contorting into a new shape with remarkable dexterity. The hand’s knuckles twisted to form a crude, angry face, complete with furrowed brows and a scowling mouth. The jester’s entire demeanour shifted as he adopted a deep, thunderous voice, booming with mock outrage. “What do you think you’re doing to my daughter?” he bellowed, his eyes wide with exaggerated fury as he shook the hand toward Elric.

The newly personified hand, now fully committed to its role as the indignant father, balled itself into a tight fist. Without warning, it swung forward with surprising force, landing a solid punch squarely into Elric’s stomach. The impact was real—painfully real. Elric doubled over, gasping for breath, his eyes watering as he struggled to comprehend what had just happened. “Did I really just get punched by a hand puppet?” he thought incredulously, the absurdity of the situation lost in the immediate pain.

As Elric clutched his stomach, trying to steady himself, the angry hand wasn’t done yet. It whipped around with a dramatic flourish, turning its fury on the jester himself. “And you!” the hand growled, wagging a finger menacingly at its own master. The jester’s eyes went wide in mock horror, his painted grin stretching into a comically exaggerated look of shock. “No, no, not me!” he protested, but the hand was relentless.

With a flurry of jabs and uppercuts, the hand began assaulting the jester with wild abandon. Each punch landed with a soft but rapid thud, causing the jester to stagger backwards, grunting and flailing as he pretended to fight back. “Ow! Stop it! Not the face!” the jester cried, his voice now high-pitched and whiny, as if he were genuinely terrified of his own rebellious hand.

The spectacle was both surreal and absurd. Here was this madman, fully engaged in what could only be described as a one-sided brawl with himself. Elric, despite the lingering pain in his gut, found himself transfixed by the sheer ridiculousness of it all. The jester’s antics grew more exaggerated by the second—he spun in circles, tripped over his own feet, and even flung himself against the cave wall, all while the hand continued its relentless assault. “Don’t kill him Daddy! Stop!” a female-sounding voice shouted.

Finally, with an overly dramatic groan, the jester threw himself to the ground, flopping like a fish out of water. He rolled around, clutching his head in a mock attempt to protect himself from the “furious” hand, which had somehow grown even more menacing in its fury. “Don’t kill him Daddy please!” But just as it seemed the jester might lose this bizarre battle, the hand suddenly paused mid-punch, freezing in place.

For a moment, there was silence. The jester lay still, peeking through his fingers at the rebellious hand as if unsure of what it would do next. Then, in a move that defied all logic, the angry hand slowly relaxed, its fingers uncurling. It looked at its counterpart—the hand still painted as the daughter—with something resembling remorse. The jester’s painted grin, which had vanished during the “fight,” slowly returned, stretching impossibly wide across his face.

In a moment that could only be described as utterly insane, the two hands began to move toward each other, their fingers intertwining tenderly. The jester’s eyes fluttered dramatically as if overcome with emotion. And then, right before Elric’s stunned, disbelieving eyes, the two hands started making out passionately, their fingers writhing together in a twisted display of affection. The jester, apparently forgotten in his own lunacy, let out a soft moan of contentment, as if he were genuinely moved by the reconciliation of his warring hands.

Elric could only stand there, mouth agape, as the jester’s hands continued their bizarre love affair, the surreal scene unfolding before him like a fever dream that refused to end but just as he was about to lose all hope, a sudden, intense warmth enveloped him. His shield blazed back to life, flaring with a vibrant energy that sent the jester's puppet flying backwards.

Elric stood there, panting, his body trembling with a mixture of relief and anger as he picked up his staff. Without a second thought, he raised the staff, focusing his telekinetic power on the fallen puppet. The wooden figure lifted into the air, quivering slightly as it hovered before him.

The jester’s eyes widened in fear as he scrambled to his feet. “No, please, don’t hurt Henry!” he cried, but Elric’s resolve was steely.

With a flick of his wrist, Elric sent the puppet hurtling through the air, smashing it against the wall with a satisfying crunch. The puppet shattered into pieces, splinters of wood scattering across the cave floor. The jester screamed in horror, clutching at the remains of his beloved puppet as if it were a real person.

Elric wasn’t done yet. He pointed his staff at the jester, lifting him off the ground with his telekinesis. The jester kicked and squirmed in the air, his face a mask of panic as he babbled incoherently about Shirley and their supposed love. Elric ignored him, his face a mask of calm determination as he turned and walked out of the cave.

Outside, the massive gorilla creature was still lurking, its dark eyes narrowing as it saw Elric approach with the jester floating helplessly in front of him. Elric stopped a few paces from the gorilla, meeting its gaze with a silent understanding. The gorilla seemed to assess the situation for a moment before reaching out and taking the jester in one massive hand.

The jester’s frantic pleas turned to heart-wrenching sobs as he was handed over. “Why don’t you love me anymore?” he wailed, his voice cracking as he looked back at Elric with a pitiful expression. “We were so good together!”

Elric said nothing, simply nodding at the gorilla in a gesture of thanks. The gorilla grunted and gave an almost imperceptible nod in acknowledgement before turning and lumbering off into the jungle, the jester’s cries fading into the distance.

With a heavy sigh, Elric walked back to where he had teleported into the challenge. He needed to retrieve his armour and get out of there before anything else went wrong. But as he reached the spot where he had left his gear, his heart sank. Just as he turned the corner, he caught a fleeting glimpse of a monkey-like creature, its tail flicking as it disappeared into the trees, his breastplate clutched in its small hands.

His armour was gone, stolen while he had been dealing with the jester.

Now, naked save for his staff, Elric stood in the jungle, his face smeared with lipstick from the jester’s twisted advances. “Great,” he muttered to himself, feeling the heat rise in his cheeks. “Just great.”

He shook his head, determined to find some semblance of dignity despite his current predicament. But as he started to walk away, he couldn’t help but mutter, “Of all the things that could’ve happened today…”