I remember very little, all I remember was me driving away from the police in my car. It was a bad idea to kill that bastard who fucked me over. I swerve violently, going this way and that before running into the wall. I remember an explosion, then excruciating pain, then nothing. Then, a bright light.

I open my eyes and look upward, I can feel a streak of some warm liquid upon my face and weird creatures holding me. What were these creatures? They had varying skin colors, green, bronze, red and grey were the ones that caught my eye. They have narrow eyes, flat noses and knife ears. They have large skulls, black hair and broad faces, their eyes yellow or red and have a cruelty behind them.

They spoke a guttural language, similar to the barking of dogs and wild braying of hounds. I could not understand them, their language was alien to me. Where was I? My arms were so weak, my arms were so frail, I tried to speak and a weird guttural moaning side escaped my mouth. That got the attention of the pair of creatures, the weird noise, of what I assumed to be laughter escaped their lips.

Where am I? I look around, gazing at my surroundings. I am in some kind of mud brick building, the room is circular and round. There are a few large items, which look like Sofas and other miscellaneous pieces of equipment. I can see weapons, made of a weird orange tint to them. Large spears, clubs and axes. The metal isn’t steel or at the very least, isn’t of the kind I’m used to. It lacked the grey metallic hue that most metallic items on Earth did.

Speaking of which, where am I? Who are these creatures? I turn my neck over, causing my head to droop awkwardly to one side. I instinctively cried out in shock, there was a dead body, right on the floor of the hut. The corpse looked like one of those weird creatures that The noise seemed to have caught the attention of the pair of Orcs, of which one was carrying me. Their conversation in that brutish language had stopped,

They paused for a second, before continuing. All of a sudden, I was taken out of the hut and into the wide open world. The light blinded me for a second but my eyes adjusted to it quickly. Outside, there was a large gathering of the weird green skinned creatures. Now I could see the full body of these weird creatures. They were tall, very tall, the shortest standing at at least 6 foot 4 and the tallest stretching up to 7 feet tall. These tall green skinned creatures gathered in what seemed to be some kind of village centre.

Beyond the green skins, I could see the other various huts and housing that served as the makeshift village. We appeared to be next to some kind of water source over the open savannah. The tall grass stretched as far as the eye could see, being marked by one or two acacias in the distance.

It looked like a picturesque scene right out of the sub saharan african savannah. In the distance, I could see giraffes, antelopes and various other creatures of the African continent roaming about. All of a sudden, I was hoisted into the air and loud cheering erupted as I was lifted by one of the Orcs.

I looked down directly, the one that lifted me up as old, having greying hair and a relatively narrow and skinny frame to him. He seemed to be some kind of wise old shaman out of those fantasy stories or games you would read. The one who was looking up at me proudly was wearing some kind of tribal outfit that I could not identify. He seemed to be important, he had some manner of purple dye on his outfit, which seemed to signify his rank.

From what I could remember, purple dye back in the day was quite expensive and a rarity. It appeared that the man was at the very least wealthy enough to purchase the purple dye. But now, amidst the smattering of applause and cheers. One thought remained right in my mind.

WHAT THE FUCK WAS GOING ON!?!?!?!?!!

_______

Chieftain Gortholax’s perspective

Finally, a son was born! I had a son! Sure, he might’ve been born of a slave girl, but who cares. Finally! I had been gifted by Pandar, the Great God of the Orcs, a son! A son to carry on my legacy, a son that was blessed by Pandar himself! The old crone had said so himself! It sure paid off to have a tribal shaman that could translate and interpret the messages of the gods after all.

My wife had yet to give me a child, having only daughters. But now, finally! I had a son! Everything had gone according to the prophecy, a slave girl of mine would bear a son, the greatest warrior that orc kind had ever seen. The spoken myth that all orcs knew, that one day, the first ever king of the orcs shall arise, to unify the orcs and wage the greatest WAAAAGH every known across the face of Azura!

And everything had gone according to plan! There was proof that he was the greatest warrior, the first ever king of the Orcs! The blood on his face shows it! The three streaks across his face, similar to a lion's claw signify that he is the chosen one! He shall lead the Orcs to greatness.

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But first, a speech! I cough loudly and clap my hands together, ensuring my fellow orcs would subside. In this relatively large village, we controlled a sizable territory and had a great population of orcs, numbering up to 150. I had managed to turn around my family's poverty and become a great chieftain, unifying the orcs in my region and conquering the neighboring villages and territory to form the largest orc village this side of the Skeleton coast!

The orcs had finally calmed down, standing quietly as they awaited my speech. The Shaman, Gorgoloth, still held my child aloft in the air. He was quite a curious child, not crying like most delivered children and only made any real noise when he saw the corpse of his dead mother. How peculiar. Regardless, I cleared my throat once more and began to speak

“My fellow brothers and sisters! Today marks a great day! As you can see, my child has been marked by the Lion Claw of Great Pandar! He is blessed by Pandar to become the first king of the Orcs! All Orc kind shall follow under him to lead our people on the greatest WAAAGH ever seen!”

Cries of joy erupt into the air, a chant begins as the tribe stomps their feet. The earth felt like it was shaking itself as the chant grew louder and louder.

“THE CHOSEN ONE! THE CHOSEN ONE! THE CHOSEN ONE! THE CHOSEN ONE!”

My face erupts into a grin as I throw my fist into the air. The Asatru tribe shall rule over Orc kind! The fate of all the puny races is sealed!

_____

Takeshi’s perspective

I am a baby, a TINY FUCKING BABY! I can barely speak, I can barely eat and I cannot even walk! I am carried around by what I’m assuming is the leader of this village and taken to this weird ceremony. It had only been an hour since the tribe celebrated my birth.

I cannot believe I was born as a fucking greenskinned monster! Oh woe is me! Why did I have to kill that bastard and run from the cops. Now I’ve ended up as some freak! Damn it all to fucking hell! Why the fuck did I get isekai’d into a fucking monsters body!

We had to walk up a small path towards the top of a large stone cliff, mountain, hill, whatever the fuck you call it. The chieftain carried me while the shaman trailed after, carrying a small satchel of whatever the fuck was inside it.

I was laid up on a large stone rock with weird carvings and symbols on it. Pretty fucking suspicious if you asked me. The old shaman guy did some weird chantings and pulled out joss sticks. And he somehow SET THEM ON FIRE! The smoke of the incense drifted into the air as he somehow used some weird kind of fire magic to set them alight!

The incense made me a little woozy, the weird liquid staining my face seemed to heat up and begin to steam up for some reason. I didn’t understand what was going on as he began chanting in that weird language. The incense sent me into a kind of trance as I felt myself slipping deeper and deeper.

It was as if the stone tablet was suddenly opening up and swallowing me, as I began to feel sleepier and sleepier. I felt my eyelids get heavy and drop. When my eyes opened again, I was being thrown through space towards a large sun.

___

I hurtled through space, screaming. I waved my green stumpy limbs in front of me, still stuck in this green skinned monster's body. Still a stupid fucking child! God damn it all! I hurtled through space, streaming towards a blood red planet.

Fucking hell! What did that old shaman fuck give me to make me this fucking high? I’ve never done weed despite being a fucking criminal! And to top it all off, the sun began to speak to me!

TAKESHI. I HAVE SUMMONED YOU ACROSS THE WORLD TO SERVE ME.

“Serve you? What the fuck are you on about you fucking twat? I want to go back to my own fucking world!”

YOU CANNOT. YOU HAVE DIED AND NOW, YOU SERVE ME!

“What!? I’ve died? How?”

IT DOESN'T MATTER. ALL IT MATTERS THAT YOU ARE THE PERFECT CANDIDATE TO LEAD MY PEOPLE TO GREATNESS.

“Your people? Who are you? What the fuck are you?”I AM PANDAR, GREAT FATHER OF THE ORCS, I AM VIOLENCE, I AM RAGE, I AM WAR, I AM CONQUEST, I AM HONOR. BLOOD AND SKULLS YOU SHALL TAKE IN MY NAME.

“Hang on, so you’re a god right? So, why the fuck can’t you just send me back to where I am, why the fuck me? I’m a fucking human from another world for fuck sake!”

YOU ARE CHOSEN. YOU ARE NO LONGER HUMAN, YOU ARE AN ORC. ONE OF THE HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS, BUT DESTINED TO LEAD THEM IN GLORIOUS CONQUEST.

“Chosen? Why me? You could’ve chosen any other fucking Orc! I’m not an ORC!”

YOU SHALL LEAD MY PEOPLE. LEAD THEM THROUGH BLOOD AND FIRE, WOMEN, RICHES AND GLORY SHALL BE YOURS. YOU SHALL DINE AT THE HIGHEST HALLS, DRINK FROM THE TALLEST CHALICES. ALL I ASK IS THAT YOU SERVE ME.

“Wait. That’s the deal I’m getting? Is that all? No strings attached?”

NONE. DO YOU ACCEPT?

“Holy shit, no fucking way. You know what, I take that all back. Yeah, yeah, YEAH! I’m a mother fucking ORC! I ACCEPT!”

I try to extend my hand out to shake, but my disgusting and shitty baby form just flails wildly in space. I’ve just died and gone to fucking heaven! I could pummel people for hot babes, money and fame? Hell yeah! Totally fucking worth it! This is fucking amazing! Back on earth, I was always in and out of juvie for beating up fuckers who dared touch me! All I had was a crew of 5 to , but now? Now, I’m going to be a commander of an army!

And that was all I remembered in that void of space, out of nowhere, I felt myself being sucked back. It was like travelling through hyperspace in those star wars films, suddenly being thrown through a blue vortex at faster than light speed.

And all of a sudden, my eyes snap open and I flail my arms wildly on the stone tablet. It still sucked being a fucking baby, but man, being the leader of hundred of thousands orcs, with the riches and glory tied to it. Was a good fucking deal!

I felt a smile form on my annoyingly pudgy baby face, I’m so glad I died and was brought to my own personal heaven!

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