“You said we're just scouting and binding to a pool that’s just a few rooms in for today, right?” Peter stood staring at the gaping wound in the mountain. What had once been an impressive entranceway was now a ruin. The stone façade had cracked and the gigantic iron doors folded outwards as though they’d tried to contain the Koolaid Man. “What the hell happened here?”
Warren and Pham looked at each other. “Uh, he happened,” Pham pointed over his shoulder at Warren with his thumb.
“Can you come do that to my house?” Peter joked. “I’m actually stuck inside today, pretending to be sick so I don’t have to join in.”
Dani cantered up on her horse. “Wow, them olds really knew how to build, didn’t they?”
Peter nodded in agreement. Even knowing it was a computer generated scene, in-canon it was a marvel of engineering. “Wait, olds?”
“Yeah, Mum calles them The Ancient Ones,” you could hear the capitalistion of the title in her tone, “but sod that, I calls ‘em the olds. Cos they’re from the olden days, and they’re old.”
Peter’s eyes crossed slightly as his brain tried to process the repeated use of the word “old”, before dumping it in favour of admiring the scene of magnificent destruction in front of him. “You did this, Woz?”
“Aye, things were a mite hectic that day and we needed out. So I knocked and the door opened.”
“I feel like there’s a lot more to tha’ story than you’re telling, mate,” Dani jumped down from here horse and opened a pouch on her belt. The horse puffed into a cloud that streamed into the pouch with a quiet rushing noise. “Care to elaborate?”
“Not particularly, no.”
Pham walked over to the doors and ran a pale hand over the tortured metal. “That whole week was hectic. We learned a lot about each other and ourselves.”
“A whole week?” Peter asked, stepping into the cool interior. “I thought a raid took like, an hour or so?”
“This world is a bit different,” Warren joined him, placing a hand on the empty socket where an octagonal gem once sat. “This isn’t your grandpappys’ World of Warcraft with its 2D screens. We learned the hard way that even a speedrun of a raid can take days.”
“It was getting in that took the longest,” Pham smiled at the door at the bottom of the ramp in front of them. “Back in those days we thought the dungeon would reset. We didn’t know that when they said it was a persistent world they meant it.”
Peter frowned “So, why are we going back in? Wouldn’t it be looted and empty now?”
“You’d think so, woulnd’t you?” Pham said. He was ambling down the slope and his voice echoed weirdly back and forth. “Hey, uh, should this be closed, d’ya think?” Deep in the semi-gloom Peter could see that an imposing metal door blocked their way forward. Pham was knocking on the surface and listening intently while Warren and Dani watched in amusement. “You think your cuz got here first and locked the door so we can’t even get in?”
“That does sound like something he’d do,” Warren grumbled. He wandered over to the wall on his left and rubbed away the dust and soot to reveal a glass surface. “Yeah, he’s put a plate over the button so you can’t pull the same trick again.”
“Well, he doesn’t know all my tricks.”
Pham approached Peter, but instead of addressing him, pulled out a piece of jerky from his pocket, tossed it into his mouth, grabbed another and held it near the lip of Peter’s hood. A whiskered nose poked out, sniffing heavily, then snatched the piece out of Pham’s hand. It vanished as quickly as Pham’s had, and soon DB was sniffing around for another bit.
“You want some more, I’ve got a job for you first,” Pham said, holding a strip of dried meat just out of the rodent’s reach.
“I don’t know…” Peter started but Pham waved him off.
DB sat back on his haunches and twiddled the tip of his tail. Eventually he huffed and held out his paws in the “uppies” gesture.
“Who’s a good boy,” Pham cooed. He walked DB over to the door and pointed overhead, indicating an open pipe. “Imma boost you up there, you go down into here,” he proceeded to the window and pointed at something on the other side, “move that bit of metal, just chuck it on the ground is fine, and push the button underneath. I’ll give you the rest of this if you do.” He snapped the jerky in half and gave one piece to DB.
The rat stuffed the food into his cheek and Pham lofted him into the pipe. After a moment of airtime, DB landed gently in the pipe and after a moment they could hear a quiet tinking of claws on metal as he ran down the length, dropped out and landed on the control panel with a sploot.
“I was hoping for a superhero landing, but you can’t always get what you want,” Pham pouted.
“But if you try some times…” Peter offered, watching DB scrabble at the edge of the plate. It was clearly heavy and domed enough that it wouldn’t press the button itself. DB was doing his best to get his claws between the rim and the surface of the panel but it was slow going. “You just might find, you get what you need?”
“Too right, mate. If you don’t try you’ll never get there.”
All eyes turned to Dani. Eyebrows were raised.
“What?”
It’s a song, Peter thought. I know it’s old, but she HAS to know it’s a song, right?
At that moment, DB managed to tip the cover off the edge of the panel with a crash. He put both paws on the button and paused. Pham held up the piece of jerky and made encouraging motions with his hands. DB squeaked loudly and held up two claws.
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Pham sighed and pulled a second piece of jerky out of his pouch. “Your rat’s a ripoff merchant, you know that, right?”
“He’s the goodest boi and I won’t hear a word otherwise,” Peter countered.
A klaxon warbled and an orange beacon flashed in the top corners of the doorway. The metal doors separated with a metallic screech to reveal a room smaller than the hall they were in, with a railed foot bridge over an empty pool spanning the centre of the room. “Mellon!” Peter shouted over the cacophony.
“See!” Pham poked Warren. “Some of us know the classics.”
“Yer still a mellon,” Warren harrumphed over his shoulder as he readied his sword and shield.
The doors slid to a stop not quite fully open with a clunk. The klaxon silenced. The beacons went out.
“Were you expecting something else?” Peter asked. He walked into the room and looked around. His footfalls echoed off the walls as he traversed the walkway, and still nothing happened. “Can we get on with it? Mum’s going to come knocking sooner or later.”
Pham and Warren entered the chamber cautiously, looking around for danger. Dani strolled in with a carefree saunter. When they were all inside, Pham gave Warren a look and he nodded back.
“Get ready, this could get interesting.” Pham pulled the lever by the door.
“Define interesting,” Peter shouted over the sudden restarting of the klaxon.The doors began to close again, screaming at the indignity of being forced along their rusted tracks.
“Oh God, oh God, we’re all going to die?”
“Again?”
“Peter,” Warren rolled his eyes. “Not all of us die on a daily basis. Some of us have gone years without a respawn. You should try it, it’ll be a nice change of pace for you.”
Peter flipped Warren the bird, using his wingtip feathers for extra emphasis.
At that moment, the doors slammed shut. The klaxon cut out and eight pairs of metal feet clanged onto the floor behind Peter. He swivelled slowly, keeping the gesture outstretched and directing it towards the hulking humanoid glowering straight at him. Peter waved his outstretched hand in a circle around the impassive face, ensuring every part received an equal measure of insult. “Yeah, just like that. What’re you going to do about it?”
“Pete, can we not taunt the security droids?” Pham asked.
“In the words of the almighty Zeus, ToO lAte!” Peter added a second hand to the gesture and circled it in an anti-clockwise direction for more even coverage. “I’ve made my choice.”
Warren slammed the butt of his shield into the ground, Pham pulled a pair of spheres from his pockets and Dani slung her dart launcher in favour of crossbows akimbo. Still, the mechanoids stood there impassively, radiating menace but not moving. Peter dropped his arms and began reaching for his scythe, but the moment he did, every automaton uttered a hash of white noise and folded up into a small cylinder. Overhead, the irises on the ends of the pipes which Peter hadn’t even noticed were there until this moment, cycled open and the cylinders shot up into them before closing again.
“See, I don’t ALWAYS die.”
“Is that what happened last time?” Dani asked, staring up at the ceiling.
“No. No it is not,” Warren replied, removing his shield from the divot he’d created. “Pham, you got any ideas?”
Pham stepped away from the rail he’d been leaning over. “Pool’s empty. And them goopy guys weren’t here this time. No idea what it means though.” He put the spheres away and pulled out a complex device and flipped a switch on it. The doors at the far end of the hall slid open with much less noise than the first set.
In the middle of the doorway, brandishing a pair of what could only be described as butter knives, was DB. It looked like he’d been beating on the door with the handles. “SQUEAK!” he cried, grabbed the knives between his teeth and scampered towards Peter as fast as he could. Behind him, looming with menace, were three greasy humanoids with pale skin and lanky black hair that covered their faces. To Peter’s eye, they looked like something out of a Japanese horror movie that had been dunked in a barrel of slime before being set free to roam the halls. They didn’t have any obvious weaponry other than their elongated fingernails which were jet black with a reddish sheen and appeared razor sharp. The one closest rasied a hand and pointed at the Travellers, opening its mouth to utter a gurgling scream.
Never one to waste a readied crossbow bolt, Dani shot it in the head. The bolt sunk into the things’ forehead with a schlurping sound, but no other effect. The beast surged forward with a twitching, shuddering gait. Such was its sudden turn of speed that it overtook DB, ignored now that larger prey was available. The rodent of unusual size (and bravery) took that opportunity to attempt to pin the thing’s foot to the floor with both blades. It was as effective as trying to nail jelly to a wall, as the foot pulled clear with a gross biological noise that set Peter’s teeth on edge. It was worse for those with weaker stomachs.
While DB pulled his weapons free of the ground, and Pham was busy throwing up into the pool, Warren stepped to the front and dropped his entire weight into a shield bash. The goopy creature splashed across the wall opposite. “Blunt weapons only for these guys,” he growled. “Slashing and piercing only work if you have overwhelming numerical superiority.”
“Listen to Mr Modern Warfare here,” Pham mocked, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand. He saw Warren’s raised eyebrow and coughed. “No, actually listen to him. We haven’t got our new armour yet and these things burn if they hit you.”
Dani gripped her crossbow bolt bandolier and pulled it around to reveal a set of bulbous headed bolts. “When the non-lethal becomes the lethal, I get all tingly.” She loaded the blunt ammunition into the weapon and cocked it. “Eat blunt damage, splatty-puss.”
The crossbow “thunged” and the next nearest gelatinous head burst like an overripe fruit. The body continued its juddering steps forward as its neck tried to reform the lost mass, but two more shots punched fist sized holes in the torso and the remaining body splashed across the floor.
Peter looked down at the weapon in his hands and up at the remaining monster. Typically, improvisation was his forte but he couldn’t think of a good way to turn what was clearly a choice between slashing or piercing damage into a secret third thing. Then he realised they now had overwhelming numerical superiority and thought, What the hell… “Get ‘im DB! Go for the knees!”
While DB created a localised “whirlwind that had swept through a cutlery shop” effect in the area between ankle and thigh, Peter reached out and touched somebody. Repeatedly. With a blade. He started at the creature’s scalp and went ham slicer as fast as he could until he and DB met in the middle.
When the last freak had lost all coherence and was now a thin film across the floor, Warren gathered them all in the next room. Peter looked around as he scrounged some scraps of fabric from a pile of junk near the door and wiped his blade clean. He tossed the rag back into the pile as it began to dissolve and moved deeper into the room. The layout and the remains of the furniture suggested it was once a barracks, but the charred walls, floor and ceiling as well as the way the wreckage fanned out from a central point left the impression that a sizable explosive had gone off in there. Bent metal and burnt wiring mixed amongst the detritus only added to the mystery of the room. The only lights were that which spilled in from the hall and a miner’s torch helmet that Pham had produced and stuck on his head.
“In the back there,” Warren pointed to a door in the gloomy recesses. “There’s a door at the end that leads to what I think was a washroom, but it also has a small pool disguised as a tub. It can respawn once every ten minutes.”
“What a coincidence, so can Peter!” Dani chirped.
“Not the time, Dani.” Pham was uncharacteristically sombre. “We lost a gamer permanently in this room.”