Novels2Search
VRMMORPG- Versatile Tamer of Chaotic Soul Pets: Eat Me
May Brutish Culture be Wiped from the Galaxy

May Brutish Culture be Wiped from the Galaxy

"For honor!" Ze Kai shouted while his dick flailed wildly.

"For honor!" The elegant Sillians replied.

"For peace and prosperity!"

"For peace and prosperity!" The Sillians yelled back.

"For a stop to their wild, brutish ways! Another!" Ze Kai yelled while slamming his steel mug down against the metal countertop. A sillian quickly came to refill his mug. "For an end to all the wrong things that happen in this horrible place!"

"For an end!" The Sillians cheered once again, getting ever louder. Luckily Ze Kai had installed an anti-noise system in his suite, else the governing forces of Uru would have been waaay onto him by now.

~~~1 hour later~~~

Ze Kai received a message from his navidevice bot, Willy. "The targets are set, sir. Should we expose the gorilla forces?"

"Not yet, not yet, Willy. Keep in mind that we need to make sure that His Majesty, Ignominus Deodorant III, the Ignorant, the Ignoble, the Ignominious, the Idioto-so-so, named such by his illustrious father, Ignominus Deodorant II, after his family line, which is named for the greatest thing to ever grace the lands of Warwen, has gotten the furthest away he possibly can from the city. Trust a gamer's girlfriend: It's needed, especially after she goes to the dark side."

Willy waited five minutes before asking again. "It appears he is now attacking the giant pseudo-titan flaming buttcrack gorilla. Should we release the krakens?"

Ze Kai had a smug look on his face. After all, his ingenious language programming had been put to use inside the game. Willy was truly his robobot. He summoned his deepest male testorone voice and stated in a calm manner, "RELEASE THEM."

"Releasing krakens, master." Willy sent the signal, and an alarm went off in the city. As per societal regulations, all of the Warwens in the city gathered. Since the city shelter was on the smaller side, the men and women were split into the two vaults, one for each gender. A few minutes passed. All the Warwens in the city were accounted for. Soon after, a gas began to spray out of the vents. A very sneaky gas.

"You feel that?" Krackety the Whacker said to Nibbles the Bat. "It's getting hotter in here..

"I sure do, Krackety. It sure does feel nice though, doesn't it?"

"It sure does, Nibbles, it sure does. Say, are you still on for that whack-a-eastern-fire-mole game next Sunday with the GIANT Meat Skewers?"

"Sure am, Krackety. Say, why don't you see we get out of here and plan it a bit more?"

"Sure, Nibbles. Well, let's go then."

The two neighborhood heroes, Krackety the Whacker, and Nibbles the Bat, left the Shelter out of pure idiocy. While they were friendly, and made a MEAN giant barbeque meat skewer, they still had nuts for brains. But the skewers were worth it, so Ze Kai let them go. Unfortunately for them, they walked right around the corner of 5th Muck and Rumble, and were not sure about how much they should

If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, it's taken without the author's consent. Report it.

About two minutes later, he went for the coup de gras. A bunch of hangry Warwens looked through the bars to the inviting Sillians. Normally, the Sillians would have tears in their eyes, but they were A-Okay because it would help their master. Which made it a good thing in their eyes. 'Brainwashing is insane these days...' Ze Kai thought.

After about fifteen minutes the charades were over. "Willy, knockout gas."

~~~2 hours later~~~

Two giant boxes were flying in the sky. Attached to helodrone 1 and helodrone 2, and being driven by Heloguy1 and Heloguy 2, they were delivering the "shelters" to the Greatest Chasm of Destruction, said to be where Furry the Dragon Slayer used to practice his "swordsmanship." He would practice the art of the "sword" for 10 hours a day before returning to his abode. It is said that he practiced for so long, and so hard, that none before him could match to his sword. "The size! The speed! The magnificence! Furry! Furry! Furry!" - a quote by the 4th century scholar, Grugmina. Indeed, the chasm itself was a testament to his abilities, as it is said that his "sword" was used to create the Greatest Chasm of Destruction.

The two giant boxes landed on the ground, and dust went everywhere. Luckily, he was riding his portable flying box with shiny lights, which also doubled as a stage and/or platform for yelling off of. And it flew, so no sand. but there was a tiny one on the ground.

Willy inputted his meagre advice. "I hate sand. It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere. Give me a woman any day."

"Willy, release crate one." Ze Kai intoned. Shortly thereafter, the shorter-than-their-male-counterparts Warwen came out of the box on the left. "Willy, go get them. Wait, open the other box as well first."

After sending Willy out, he coughed loudly and pulled out a speakerphone. Since the eyes were not yet on him, though, he coughed really loudly into the speakerphone.

"So, what do you think of my voice?" he asked the Warwens.

All of them were too stunned to speak, except for one. "Dju soond purty awsim, yerp!" The largest one shouted promptly before accidentally hitting herself in the head and falling over.

"Willy, activate the waking gas, but don't disperse the paralysis yet,"

"On it, boss!"

"Yes sir! I'm on my way!"

Ze Kai looked at all the Warwens and the Sillians still in the cage. "So! Here's the thing. I want your races to be cool together. Stop fighting. Be nice. There's always two sides of life! We can be together, all we need to do is try! Love is universal, we can all be one people! Love one another! Hatred is for stupid people! Be together in togetherness forever! Look at this chasm! Bring the love of your forebear, Furry the Slayer, to light! Give him the the one thing he lacks! Love! Alright! Willy, pull the paralysis!"

The Warwens looked at him with pure abhorration. 'Did I say something wrong? I don't think they understood.' Ze thought to himself.

Finally, one of them stood up. "For Leader!" He said. Silence ensued. "For culture." He said, and began to slowly walk forward.

The others gazed at his sorry figure. He staggered ten steps. His legs were more tired than they had ever been before in his entire life. Sweat rolled off his thighs as the dirt rolled off his back. His dick fell to one side as he stumbled, but he stood up! Nothing could keep him from walking slowly* but surely*; he was bound to make his mission. About ten seconds later, he fell into the chasm.

"FOR LEADER! FOR CULTURE! WEEE MAAAAAAARCH!" Shouted one of the Warwens. "FOR LEADER FOR CULTURE! OUR MARCH IS FIIIIIIIIRREEEE!" Shouted the rest of the Warwens in return.

"Now wait a second..." Ze Kai thought to himself. This wasn't how it was supposed to end! " Stay away from the chasm! Make love! Be friends!

"Never!!!" Shouted a Warwen. Another one spit at him. As they began their dives they began to pose. It was the golden one that started it. They began to jump off the side of the cliff in macho-man poses reminiscent of superman, WWE fighters, Male swimmers, and more. The weirdest part is that the Warwen ladies were doing it too.

As the last of them jumped off (a red-skin by the name of Tukk), he threw Ze Kai a raspberry. As his tongue stuck out he put his hands behind his ears and screamed loudly. Spit flew everywhere. It was absolutely amazing. The sign on Willy's chest gave a full 10/10.

The Sillians were somehow cheering. "The Brutish Culture is being wiped from the Galaxy!!" Ze's facepalm magnifique.

"Well, that was NOT what I was expecting. I wonder if I'll get a title..." Ze Kai thought to himself. Turning on his in-game chat bar, he was stunned at all of the notifications that had risen in his pane.

Previous Chapter
Next Chapter