“While you did collect ten eggs, like I told you to, WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY PITCHFORK!? HOW IS IT EVEN POSSIBLE TO GET SO GROTESQUE A FORM AS THIS?” Mrs. Pearl scolded us, bemoaning the state of her pitchfork.

“Actually-” Ryuu began to explain.

“DON’T EVEN, RYUU.” Mrs. Pearl growled and glared at him. “I’m sure you have a part to blame in this!”

Ryuu shut his mouth. But, why am I the only one sitting in seiza? (the proper traditional Japanese way of sitting-now commonly used for a punishment. If done right, you will make your legs fall asleep. The tingling afterwards is the real torture, though.)

“I can’t believe you two! How am I going to get by in a BARN without a Pitchfork, I’d like to know! What would possibly possess you to do such a thing as run my nice pitchfork!” Mrs. Pearl continued her tirade. I bowed my head. If only I didn’t have my current…allergic reaction to rodents, perhaps the pitchfork wouldn’t have ended up that way…

I looked up. “eh?”

Mrs. Pearl lowered her death glare at me, and I stared, probably looking like a deer in the headlight.

[Congratulations, you have obtained {Fear resistance(Passive)}]

“ I said why did you do it?” Mrs. Pearl sighed, not as angry having let all her steam out. Don’t get me wrong, she was still mad. She just seemed a bit more reasonable to deal with than a few moments earlier.

“….Giant…Freakin…Rats.” I said deadpan. I could almost swear I saw Mrs. Pearl freeze for a moment and shudder.

“Well, why the blazing knells didn’t you tell me!” Mrs. Pearl raised her hands as if she wanted to shake some sense in me, but paused at the last minute and place a hand on my shoulder, and motioned for me to sit on a chair.

“How many?”

---------------------

By the time I was done explaining things, with help from Ryuu for the blank spots in my memory, Mrs. Pearl finally had an idea of what I’d been through for the past few hours.

“Landsakes! If that’s really true, then there must be a rat hole that’s been chewed out somewhere in my barn!” Mrs. Pearl exclaimed and sat thinking for a bit. Then she eyed me and Ryuu, and I could almost hear the gears in her head click into place.

“Tell you what. I’ll forgive you the broken pitchfork- BUT! You’re going to help me find and plug up that rat hole. Got it?”

“…” Both me and Ryuu were silent.

“Well? I haven’t all day here! Will you do it or not!?” Mrs. Pearl snapped impatiently.

I looked at Ryuu, who glanced at me, then smirked in his evil up-to-no-good smirking way. Then he turned to Mrs. Pearl.

“Actually, we don’t mind doing that, seeing as how we have an expert on rat fighting here.”

“Well then you should have no problem-” Mrs. Pearl began, but she was cut off by Ryuu.

“The only problem, is-sadly-due to the lack of a weapon, we have no means of fighting other than with our bare hands. However, you must agree that such a thing is completely insanitary.”

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Mrs. Pearl froze. “I-insanitary?” her voice shuddered a bit as she seemed more than a bit shaken up.

Ryuu continued. “It would be tantamount to a miserable death. Just think of all the diseases that are carried by giant rats. Tetnis, The Black Plague, not to mention Rabies and Measles: would you send us into the barn so ill-prepared?”

Eh? Tetnis? You mean that game with shaped blocks that was popular back in the origin time of games? (Author’s note: She’s mixed Tetanus{disease} up with Tetris {game})

For each disease he named, Mrs. Pearl shuddered all the more. By the time he was finished, Mrs. Pearl seemed like she would be shaken out of her shoes.

“I-is there no other way?” She whispered, her voice filled with dread.

“If only we had some sort of a weapon to fight them from afar!” Ryuu sighed. “Then we could kill them without touching a single whisker!”

Watching the exchange, I noticed that Mrs. Pearl seemed like she had shrunk and aged quite a bit-Actually, what was that white steam coming out of her mouth in the shape of a little Mrs. Pearl... WAIT! IS SHE ACTUALLY DYING OF FRIGHT RIGHT NOW!? Come back Mrs. Pearl!

 But, after a few seconds, the white version of her returned within and she seemed to revive a bit as her ear twitched. “You mean, if I provide you with a weapon, you’ll go and kill every single last rat in there, and block up the hole in the barn?”

Ryuu turned his head towards me, as if considering. “Well…” By the way, don’t believe him, Mrs. Pearl! He’s got that evil smirk on his face again! Do not be deceived!

He turned back and nodded. “It would not be good of us to abandon you in your hour of need. We’ll do it!” he shook hands with Mrs. Pearl.

Um…aren’t I supposed to be the person who decides what quests I will take? Another quest icon popped up in the corner of my vision. I sighed. It seems this one I can’t refuse. I’m still gonna blame Ryuu for this, though. One of these days, I will push him into a volcano. My mood felt a bit brighter when I imagined doing that.

Mrs. Pearl then pulled out a rather simple-looking hand and a half sword, in a blue leather sheath from under the counter, and placed it on top of it, gently, as if it were the most precious sword in the world.

“This…this sword was my husband’s sword, when he was a traveling mercenary. I keep it close to remind me of him whenever I feel like I’ll forget...” She caressed the sword as if she couldn’t bear to part with it.

She turned to me, her voice a bit choked up. “So you better take care of it do you hear! If this comes back like my poor pitchfork, then I’ll kick you out for good!” She glared as she handed over her precious sword.

“Of course, that goes without saying!” I promised. Weapon get. I thought to myself.

Me and Ryuu nodded. It had been made perfectly clear that there would be no more room for negotiation. Maybe I’ll get lucky and run into some fluffies on the way? I Thought, trying to remain optimistic.

But inevitably, I realized that I would obtain no such luck.

-----------------------

Not only were there just as many rats in the barn as earlier, I had to deal with three sub-bosses, and the previous rat king’s older brother. Honestly, though, this was beginning to feel like the three billy goats gruff, though. Did that make me the grumpy old troll?

…If there is a second older brother, I am going to set this barn on fire.

Ryuu is not just a narcissist. He’s a sadist! A sadist! Every time we encountered rats, he made me look at them. He’s even muttering about looking for areas where there are more ratkin beasts. Hasn’t my reactions for the past few hours made it clear that I want NOTHING to do with rats!?

For instance, when we ran into a whole group of five of them, he just stood there and cheered. “Go for it. You can do it. Kill them dead.” All in this condescending monotone as if I was some puffed up sot that couldn’t get by without being praised!

In my mind, there is an entire line of Ryuus lined up simply to give me the pleasure of pushing them into the lava. This is the only way I can remain calm at this point.

This second run through, we found a tunnel behind a collapsed wall of hay that the rats had trampled down when they came through into the barn. This time, we had to go inside of the tunnel, and fight the rats in their own territory. We went in up to the point where we came across this huge stone in the passageways just waiting to drop down and block the whole passageway, so I had to cut at the surrounding dirt to loosen the soil up enough for the stone to drop.

If Ryuu hadn’t pulled me back into the passageway, however, I’d probably be squashed flat again. Since, technically, he saved me, I took one Ryuu off the end of the line of Ryuus waiting to be pushed into the lava in my mind.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“....Milady….why do you still refuse to call on me!?” A bored Ryuu cries inwardly as he cheers dully Jade.

End Login Diary Entry 4