Parabellum

I hate wars.

            While people often idolized war as if it was a religion, I for one, honestly never had a taste of like to war. It was dumb and stupid. War was a place of danger where lives get taken away, full of blood and gore, loud as hell due to the gunshots, and had the worst sanitation. I’ve heard of how one squad of my country got decimated due to contracting a disease from bad hygiene.

            I was honest to a fault and that made me hated among my peers. Everyday they would talk about war, how their family served the war, their family’s reputation, and the honor they supposedly have. To which I will go to them and immediately say: ‘That’s just stupid.’

            ‘Nuh-uh! My father sacrificed himself for our country!’ The other kid would reply back. Just because I was a girl, he thought raising his voice would scare me and I would run with tails behind my back. No way. Not happening. Altia was not someone who runs.

            ‘Well, if he’s so great, where is he now?’

            ‘He’s— in a better place.’

            ‘Dead you mean. And can no longer be a father for you.’

            ‘Take that back!’

            ‘Oh? Why don’t you make me?’

            His face was red with rage, like a tomato, and he raised his fist. I was ready for a fistfight, since my mother had once trained me a little. Even girls need to know how to defend herself, she used to say. Because of that, although I’m hated by my peers and get thrown rock when I walk back home, I’m always feared and they rarely engage to a fight with me.

            He, however, shelved his fist inside his pocket and regained his composure. Yeah, you should know better than to fight me, I thought.

            ‘You should thank your mother,’ he said. ‘It’s only because of her that you’re not disposed by the country for insulting honorable warriors like my father. Your mother might be a warrior worthy of respect, but you’re nothing but a loser!’

            Tired of listening to what he said, I made a fist of my own and pretend to swing it at him. He thought it was a real punch and twitched in surprise on his spot, only to find that I stopped my swing midway. Coward, I wanted to say. But, being called loser and wanting to insult him back wasn’t what ticked me off from what he said.

            ‘My mother… is not honorable.’

            I slung my backpack to my shoulder and made my leave from school.

            I hate wars.

When I was 18, people still hate me. Well, I hate them back in response. I still hate war and that part of me wasn’t going to change. Unless if…

            ‘Altia, I’m home,’ my father called from the doorstep.

            Hearing his voice, I dropped the book I was reading on the couch and went to him. ‘Father! You’re early today!’

            ‘Ha-ha… yeah— I’m tired. But nothing a dinner with you can’t fix. I’ll make you a great di—’ he stopped himself short, sniffing the aroma wafting in the air. The delicious fragrance which made his mouth water and got his stomach growling. ‘You made dinner? Altia… I told you I’ll be the one to make you dinner. You just focus on your study and earn good grades while I’ll do your mother’s share.’

            ‘Please, the lessons weren’t even that hard,’ I said. ‘I even had the leisure to read novel like a lazy bum on the couch with a bowl of potato chips beside me. You’ve worked hard, so it’s only fair that I cook for you.’

            ‘No, no. I protest. I have to do your mother’s share. And also, this is your last dinner with me for a while, so I should be the one cooking.’

            ‘Last dinner?’ I didn’t like the sound of that. Such sentence always raised a red flag. If my life was a cliché story, then he would most likely somehow die a tragic dea— no, I didn’t want to imagine that. Not another parent. Not another…

            ‘The country is drafting for soldiers for war. Each family needs to sends one capable person to enlist and fight for the country. You remember Nedd? The kid you usually fight with when you’re a kid? You should see the smile on his face when he had gotten himself a chance to enlist and continue his father’s honor.’

            ‘I don’t care about Nedd. Father, you’re shifting the topic! Our family needs to send 1 person to join the war? Wasn’t mother enough?’

            ‘She did earn us a reputation, but not enough to prevent any one of us from joining the war. It seems that the higher-ups of the military was impressed by her achievements, so much that they believe her blood flows in the family and would still want someone from our family to enlist. You don’t need to worry though, Altia. Tomorrow, first thing in the morning, I’ll write my name in it.’

            I slammed the dining table with rage. He looked at me, confused. That confused look of his just added fuel to the fire if anything.

            ‘I said: I’m enlisting myself. I’m not endangering you to war for your safety, so why are you mad? Relax Altia, you can still enjoy your life and even find yourself a great husband and a great family to marry in—’

            ‘That’s not the point!’ I raised my voice. ‘You’re planning to leave me! Just like mother did!’

            ‘Altia… listen to me: we don’t have a choice. One of us have to and I can’t possibly send you to warzone. Not over my dead body. If it makes you feel better, I promise you that I’ll be back. How about it?’

            ‘Father… I don’t know if you have realized it or not, but you’re absolutely weak!’ I didn’t have to mention a time when my mother beat my father in arm wrestling without much effort. It wasn’t that my mother was ridiculously strong, but that my father was ridiculously weak. It was a condition he was born with. Even 6 years old me could beat him in 400m dash. I couldn’t beat him in 100m dash, but 400m dash was a different story due to his stamina.

            ‘Still, I’ll make it back.’

            ‘Even mother said the same thing! Did she come back?’

            ‘Altia…’

You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.

            ‘Did she come back?’

            Silence.

            ‘And you think you’ll go there and somehow make it back, that’s ridiculous!’

            ‘Then it’s a sacrifice I need to make. For your future Altia.’

            Oh. So it was my future now? I thought. That was it.

            ‘Sacrifice?? Father, have you socialized too much with those war worshippers that you got yourself infected by their stupidity? I always know they’re contagious! You sound just like them! No. You’re not going to enlist. That’s dumb.’

            ‘If I don’t, we will both be seen as traitors to the country and executed Altia! I don’t have a choice!’

            I never thought situations forced me to do this, but it had to be done. I wasn’t planning on losing another parent. ‘I’ll be the one to enlist.’

            ‘What? NO.’

            ‘Oh, trust me father, if I put my name in it, which would you think they would pick? A healthy able young woman or a weak old man in his forties who could barely contribute?’

            ‘This is crazy! You’ll die!’

            ‘I won’t’

            ‘You’re sounding just like your mother! Altia, I beg of you, as a father. Don’t make me go through this twice. When you were eight, your mother did the same thing. She enlisted because she thought I was weak and I would die if I went to war, so she replaced me, promising that she would be back.

            ‘I trusted her, and look where that trust got me into! All this time, I have regretted it. I should have been the one to go. If only I did, then I could be rest assured that the people I love, your mother, and you would be safe.

            ‘Now, this same exact situation re-presents itself and I am not going through the same thing again. You’re— the only person I have left Altia… please understand.’

            I raised my hand, giving up on convincing that stubborn man. I grabbed my book from the couch and thought of it as perfect. The thickness and the weight was good, and the hard cover was an extra.

            ‘Father, you’re also the only person I have left.’

            I hit him with the book on the head and that knocked him unconscious. I sure hoped that his unconsciousness would last for a full day, else I had to hit him again with the book the next day.

This is just in, I became 20; and I still hate war.

            I was still honest and I still express my hate about war. The difference this time? I found that being engaged in the warzone changed people’s perspective of war and they stopped worshipping it. Well, some people still did, but others were scared of it. Nedd too had changed. He once thought of war as the greatest thing ever, but now he would literally piss his pants before going to war. A person’s mettle was tested in life and death situations I suppose.

            Although I was a girl, I was at the top of my peers for my intelligence and my composure. My superior was so impressed by my achievements that I was now leading my squad. Meaning that Nedd was under me. At first I was happy since that mean that I could express my hatred of war to him without any retort, but since he stopped worshipping war, I thought I shouldn’t push the man. Every night he cried himself to tears, wishing to go back to his family.

            ‘Nedd, just for once, please, can you please not cry when you sleep?’ I voiced the entirety of my squad who couldn’t get a good night of sleep. Some people were like him, but at least they cried silently.

            ‘I miss them. I’m sick of war. I want to go back,’ he said.

            ‘Listen here Nedd: you enlisted yourself. It’s a different story if someone forced you to, but you willingly stepped into the battlefield. Be responsible and stop crying for goodness sake.’

            ‘How was I supposed to know? As a child I always thought war was a place to prove your honor. That’s what my family always told me. Because if they didn’t, then that meant that my father simply died. No one from my family could accept it. Me included. I couldn’t. I just… couldn’t…’

            The next morning, every soldiers were collected at the field for an important announcement. My superior held a rolled paper, opened it, and recited what was written from it. I found myself forming a fist as he continued further on. Before he even finished, I broke my formation and went to the military building where there should be a board with list of people.

            I knew that it was unsightly of me as a squad leader to disobey the established order, but I had to. My superior had wanted to stop me, but he knew he couldn’t. I was too important to be kicked away from the squad.

            Alavast, my city, the place where my father lived, had been bombed during the night. As of this morning, due to the many casualties, only those who still lived were listed on the papers pinned to the board in the military building. It wasn’t that big of a board, just one board with 5 sheets of paper. The people whose name started with R, none of them made it. R didn’t even make it in the list. My father— didn’t make it in the list.

            I soon found myself joined by my squad, who had also broken their formation. All of them shed a tear at their dead family members. Out of everyone there, the only one who didn’t was only me.

            ‘Squad leader, I assume your family is safe?’ My superior asked me.

            ‘No.’

            ‘I… see. Keep up the good work, you’re the role model of your squad.’ He patted me on my shoulder

            I didn’t shed a tear, not because it was my job. Not because as a squad leader I had to set an example for my squad. No.

            I didn’t cry, because there was another emotion that was burning inside me. A blazing fire inside my heart, made of anger and hatred. So big, that my sadness could not be felt.

            I hate war. It stole my mother. Now it stole my father.

            ‘I’m going to end this accursed war,’ I muttered to myself.

8 years had passed. I was dying. And I still hate war.

            I was lying on the ground on my own pool of blood. I could barely feel anything. Nedd was beside me, holding my hand firmly with his. He had… grown into an admirable man. The death of his families had made him share the same opinion as mine: hating war, and that became his drive to step into the battlefield. He had grown into someone worthy enough of being called my right arm.

            ‘Altia! It’s all going to be alright,’ he assured me. ‘The medics are on their way and you’ll be fixed. Stay with me.’

            I coughed and blood came out.

            ‘Altia! Please. You— you did it. You ended the war. You brought peace. Just like you had said before 8 years ago. I heard you muttering about ending the war and you did it! Imagine the reputation you’ll get, the recognition. Imagine the smiles of children! It’s a sight to be seen and you need to! Stay with me!’

            When my father died, I could have stopped serving the country. My reason for joining the war was no more and death wasn’t going to scare me. But, I just had to continue. I had to end the war for my parents. And later on, Nedd who kept being beside me, taught me that ending the war would mean that no one would be like me anymore. Children wouldn’t lose their parents at the age of 8. They wouldn’t be ridiculed for expressing their hatred toward war. No one would even get drafted anymore, now that I have brought peace with this last mission of mine. I… still need to make a stand for it.

            ‘Nedd…’ I said. The words barely escaped my lips. Dying did that. ‘Pass my words… for me…’ I coughed blood.

            ‘Altia, tell it yourself. You’re going to make it. You have to.’

            ‘I… hate… war…’ I told him. That should be enough.

            That was what I wanted to avoid most. That after war was done and peace was achieved, people still have shallow thinking and admire war. There was nothing good about it. Nothing good at all. And I hope I passed that on. If people looked up to me, let it be known that I did not encourage anyone to be like me. To go to war. Or anything. And just keep the peace.

            My grip on Nedd’s hand was getting weaker.

            ‘Altia! Altia! Please! Don’t leave me!’ Tears dripped down from his eye.

            That was one part of him I envy the most. The ability to let out his tears. I wish I cried during my mother’s death and my father’s. Crying was something I became unable to do. I envied Nedd for being able to do that.

            ‘You’re the only one I have left,’ he said with cracked voice.

            You’re the only one I have left too Nedd, I wanted to say, but the words didn’t come out. If only we lived in a world without war, then maybe perhaps we could have spend a happy life together. But this wasn’t it.

I hate war.