Road from Hayyam to Kasanari

Krandermore, Survivor’s Refuge

4453.2.19 Interstellar

Janus spent the next two days in the mind-numbing and exhausting rotation of driving, navigating, sleeping, and occasionally pulling over to walk Fury or grab a quick meal with the team. The five of them did what they could to keep things fresh, from Mick hunting, Janus foraging, and Lira changing the recipes to swapping drivers, passengers, and lead vehicles regularly. Nothing could change the fact that they were driving almost continuously, living off naps and fitful dreams.

As Janus had predicted, what happened in Hayyam gnawed at him, although it wasn’t because he’d set fire to the lab. Even if Elder Hiram had been a man of impeccable caution and morals—which he wasn’t—Greed Leaf had been a threat to all the people of the Twilight Valley. It was the job of aspirants and emissaries to remove threats like that, and while the thought process was dangerously close to the excuse the compartmentalists had used to destroy Prometheus Base back on Irkalla, Janus had done his best to prevent any further loss of life.

No, what bothered him were all the things he hadn’t done and couldn’t do. He thought of the poor, unskilled laborers outside the walls, the bars on the windows, and the thugs in the streets. There was enough work to be done there that he could… No, that Lira could have spent years untangling, except Lira had even bigger problems to solve, didn’t she?

Janus tapped the steering wheel with his index fingers. He couldn’t be everywhere, and he didn’t want to be. He had a real and pressing need to protect his family, but at the same time, he hated to see a broken system allowed to fall further into disrepair.

He tapped the brakes lightly as a trio of skeet rats bounced across the road through his headlights, then smoothly accelerated back to the buggy’s cruising speed.

It was always dark. The trees reached out and met over the two-lane, chemically-bound dirt road. It wasn’t that different from living under a dome, especially since Janus’s family’s home had been several levels underground, but somehow it made a difference. Even when he hadn’t been living his life in four-hour shifts, on the road, he’d woken up in Cofan disoriented, without a clue as to how long he’d been asleep. There was an endlessness to it that got under his skin.

Krandemore natives never understood his complaint. They said to just go off how tired he was, and many of them kept what Janus considered to be an irregular schedule rather than the twenty-four-hour rotation that had prevailed on both Irkalla and Old Earth. After using the harsh day-night cycle of Irkalla as a guide his entire life, Janus just couldn’t get used to living his whole life in the dark. There was no cadence to the days, and it annoyed the void out of him.

Four hours later, he was half asleep in the back of the second buggy. Ryler was driving, and Lira was in the passenger seat, not talking but watching the scenery, taking it in. Janus looked out to see a landscape he’d never seen before.

It was a swampland. Small pools of water and trees with drooping limbs and thin leaves stretched out as far as Janus’s retinal implants could magnify the light. To the left and the front, down the road, that distance was made significantly shorter by a roiling bank of fog.

“How are you driving in this?” Janus asked.

“My implants are a bit more sophisticated than yours,” Ryler said. “Lira, he’s up.”

“He shouldn’t be,” Lira said, turning to give Janus a mock glare. “Go back to sleep. You’re going to need to be fully rested to drive on this road.”

“Yeah, I can see that,” Janus said, sitting up while stifling a yawn. “Why did we go this way? I thought we planned to skirt the swamps and follow the river.”

“It’s a shortcut to the river, according to Koni,” Lira said. “On the map, at least. With all this fog, the only person who can drive the road full speed is Ryler.”

“How long have you been driving?” Janus asked Ryler.

“About six hours,” Ryler said. “It’s a struggle to stay awake.”

“Pull over, then,” Janus said. “I’ll drive.”

“I was kidding, Janus. With all the Greed Leaf powder Mick gave me to snort, I’ll be up for days!”

Janus frowned.

“He’s too tired for jokes, Ryler,” Lira said. “And our friendly cultist has only been driving for five hours. No one else can see in this stuff. The second buggy is slaved to this one, driving blind, so we’re stuck with him.”

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Janus sighed and leaned forward, one hand on Ryler’s seat back. “How long have we been in this?”

“A couple of hours,” Lira responded. “We should make it to Kasanari soon.”

“I’m not really loving that you changed the route without asking me.”

Ryler and Lira shared a look.

“Janus, you’re exhausted,” Lira said. “You’ve been pushing yourself to do everything for everyone, and it’s starting to affect your judgment. You’re going to have to trust us to get some of this stuff done without you.”

Janus’s hand tightened on Ryler’s seatback. He was about to point out that changing the route wasn’t the same as picking what supplies to load up on or who was next in the rotation, but then he stopped himself.

He had been pushing himself. He’d been making sure everyone got sleep except him. “I’m sorry, you’re right. I do have to trust you.”

“Even if that’s terribly risky,” Ryler said, and Lira leaned over and punched him in the shoulder.

“Not helpful, Abraxxis.”

Ryler glanced at her and winked.

Seeing them working well together made Janus relax, and he sat back. He chuckled to himself. He might be Nikandros’s “chosen one,” but he was pretty sure Lira and Ryler working together could outperform him—at least while he was tired. “I’ll get some real sleep when we’re on the riverboat.”

“Did you hear that, Allencourt?” Ryler said.

“I did,” Lira said. “Don’t believe it for a minute. Not when there are vehicles to maintain.”

“Or a report on the Greed Leaf to write,” Ryler added.

“Don’t forget he needs to examine the specimen who is absolutely not a pet,” Lira said, turning to look at Janus.

“How is Fury?” Janus asked, not taking the bait.

Lira stuck her tongue out at him and turned back to the front.

“She’s fine,” Ryler said. “Her physiology is back to normal, although she’s a little restless. I think her cage might be too small for her.”

“Yeah,” Janus said. “They grow up so fast.”

Lira passed him reheated coffee in a bag.

Ryler chuckled and said, “I forget sometimes you’ve got the whole dad thing going on.”

“He’s got the what?” Lira asked.

“The dad thing…” Ryler looked at Lira and Janus as if he was the one confused.

Janus swallowed his coffee, took a deep breath, and said, “Ryler, what in the void are you talking about?”

“I didn’t tell you.”

“You didn’t tell me what?”

“No, I mean, I just realized I didn’t tell you.”

“Do you want me to hit him?” Lira asked.

“Very much, yes,” Janus said.

“Ow! No hitting while I’m driving!” Ryler said. “Janus, do you remember that time you and the others stopped at a Hunter caravan on the way to your imminent death, and you didn’t want to die a virgin?”

Lira snort-chuckled.

Janus raised a finger. “One, I wasn’t a virgin.”

“Sure you weren’t, honorable Emissary.”

Lira covered her mouth with her hand.

“And second, are you telling me that Lee, a woman I barely met—”

“You mean, met her barely?” Lira managed to choke out.

Janus glared at her. “At the risk of sounding like a stereotype—”

“It was just the one time?” Lira asked.

Janus huffed. “No, the other stereotype. How do you know it’s mine.”

“Hunter contraception is pretty sophisticated,” Ryler said. “I’m talking encounter-by-encounter stuff.”

“That’s great,” Janus said.

“Also, the kid’s name is Xander Haven Janusson.”

Somehow, the name made it more real. “Damn,” Janus said, the weight of the moment finally hitting him.

“Congratulations, Janus,” Lira said.

“Yeah…” Janus said.

Lira and Ryler looked at each other.

“Are you… happy about this news?” Lira asked.

“I think I just need some time to process, you know? I mean, I have a kid. I’ve had a kid for months, right? And I didn’t even know it.”

“Sorry,” Ryler said.

Janus blinked, sitting slouched in his chair. “I mean, I’m glad, I guess? I have, what, a son?”

Ryler nodded.

“And I didn’t even know. Didn’t get to name him. I wasn’t there when he was born. I might never get to meet him.”

“That’s not that unusual for Hunter children,” Lira said.

“That’s not better,” Janus said. “And yes, I realize everyone has a different culture, and Hunter women are fiercely independent.”

“They’re not wrong,” Lira said.

Janus sighed. “Didn’t your father raise you?” Lira turned away, and Janus immediately regretted it. He pinched the bridge of his nose and squeezed his tired eyes shut. “Sorry,” he said. “I’m just saying I would have liked to be involved.”

The three of them were silent for the next few minutes of driving. Janus felt bad for bringing up Lira’s relationship with her father or, more importantly, her inability to have one with her mother.

As for him, he wanted to feel better about being a father, but it just made him upset he wasn’t there. It was one more thing he was missing because of the Cult.

“Hey, Ryler,” Lira said.

“What’s up?”

“Why didn’t you tell Janus about this earlier?”

Ryler thought about it, then answered, “I thought it would come across as manipulative.”

“More manipulative than, ‘Your families are going to die if you don’t do this?’” Janus asked.

Ryler grunted. “It’s not like any of you asked me for information.”

“Didn’t want to give you leverage,” Lira said, grinning.

Ryler proceeded to fill them in on all the things they’d missed. Lira’s dad was healthy and still a Prime Dome solicitor. He was volunteering to resolve disputes between outsiders and Primers in his spare time. The story of Janus dying while winning the Trials hadn’t magically solved all those issues, but it had started them on a journey to integration. Callie had been doing great in her advanced studies under Councilor Bennin until she’d decided to leave the dome to join Syn and become a revolutionary. Ivan had mostly sobered up. Keeping Syn and Callie alive and ahead of compartmentalist grab teams was a full time job.

Janus sat up. “Hold up. Are you telling me I’m running in the Trials for you, and my family is actively in danger?”

“That would suck, wouldn’t it?” Ryler said. “I’m glad you brought up that it would be a problem, because we’re keeping them safe. Lee and Xander, too.”

Janus stared at the back of Ryler’s head. “I’m so glad you didn’t want to come across as manipulative.”

“Looks like the fog is clearing,” Ryler said in response.

Janus clenched his jaw.

He knew he couldn’t blame Ryler, not entirely. More importantly, he knew they all needed to work together to get through the Trials. But he’d also spent too much of his life compromising his own situation for the good of the many, and he was just about done with it.