⸮ɘяɘʜɈ ƨ'oʜW

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It’s here. At long, long last, it’s here. 

Slowly, I unwrap the box. My knife glides through tape, carves open carboard, pulls apart paper and styrofoam packing. It’s a lot of packaging for such a small, well, package, but considering how much I paid for it, I’m not overly bothered by just how well-insulated it is. Most of it’s recyclable anyways, so not the end of the world- better tape, cardboard and paper than packing peanuts and plastic wrappers at the end of the day.

Slowly, with something approaching reverence, I take the cartridge out of the box.

Three inches wide, half an inch across, equipped with a port to lock it in directly and fuse its code to any compatible system, of which, at the moment, only one exists. Its casing is pitch black, perfectly simplistic, bereft of any stickers, paint or marker- but on the back side of it, carved in so small that she has to run her fingers over them to feel them, are letters. They spell out a single word in sharp, jagged, knife-born shapes-

MEAT.

Three months of searching for it, proving that it was real, another three weeks of finding someone who could get it for me, and then another two whole months waiting for the fucking thing in the mail. Apparently it got shipped to New Zealand, Madagascar, and then Hawaii before it even landed on the continental US, only to get half-lost wandering across different cities before it ever reached the sleepy town of Hollow Springs. I tracked it across no less than five different mailing websites before it got to UPS, and it was agony the whole time.

Holding the cartridge delicately, I get up from my knees and walk over to my desk and the headset planted upon it. 

There are three different openings for a cartridge- currently, the memory of the machine is self-contained, meaning there’s only so much room for new programs and games. The tech is new, cutting edge, but some of the interfaces aren’t quite as well-polished because of it. There’s something a bit refreshing about technology this advanced having something as analog as ports for cartridges, but honestly? Better than digital-only. The system, top of the line and with integrated haptic feedback, control gloves and high-tier graphics, isn’t even on-market yet, and frankly, it’s my pride and joy to have snatched it up before “official” release. Modern VR improvements mean that there’s plenty of stuff that can match its performance, and more than a few games compatible with the experimental model I’ve gotten my grabby little hands on, but the haptics especially are one of a kind, and hard as hell to program for.

Which makes this all the more special.

I’ve unplugged my other cartridges, blocked off the internet connection, disabled anything that might send me a system update and crash the whole thing. The other cartridges are arrayed on desk beside the headset, ranging from beloved to reviled; Metroid Primus 6, Cyberpunk 2088 (the port, of course), and Skyrims. That last one is particularly far to the “reviled” side; you can only re-release the same game so many times before people get pissed at you. 

Gaming is… well it’s not new, but it’s only recently I got the money to actually commit to it. Took me years of scrimping and saving to try to make my first gaming computer, but it’s only now that I’ve finished college that I’ve managed to get enough hours at work to afford major stuff. Like, say, a semi-pirated VR headset just a half-step ahead of the already prohibitively expensive curve. I’ve been getting as much as I can out of it, a lifelong pastime turned into something more like… hmm. Well, I wouldn’t say healthy dedication, but a dedication for sure, something I’m genuinely passionate about.

Better than bartending, at any rate. It’s a good way to unwind after the particular horrors of social interaction that the job entails.

Point being, I’ve been gaming a lot longer than three years. My uncle got me a pirated copy of New Vegas when I was a kid, way back in the 2010s, and I used to play arcade games on his rebuilt PCs before even that. I just never really stopped.

From Doomed to Warframing, from Apex Legendary to Biotaze, and a hundred more over the last almost… fuck, almost twenty years of my life, it’s been one long journey in escapism, and I’d have it no other way. Only a few have ever really stood out, though- chief among them, the Prototypes series, one of the sources for my love of messy, delicious biohorror. That’s the danger about having particularly delightful tastes, though- nothing since then has scratched that itch quite the same. 

At least, not until now.

Then they came out with VR mechanics that actually work in the mid 2020s, and it’s all been a beautiful adventure since then. 

But… well, it’s new technology. New machines, new coding, overworked game developers and programmers being driven by a bunch of money-grubbing producers- the games industry is a hot mess at the best of times. For every Inner Wilds there’s a thousand new Call Of Guns that come out and flood the market to help a bottom line, and that goes about quintuple for something as complex and difficult as a VR game. Most of them are little better than vertigo-inducing physics simulators with mediocre graphics, making the few exceptions genuinely stand out- and also making those exceptions even rarer. It’s been years since something really juicy came along, and out of a mix of boredom, frustration, and curiosity, I found myself on the lookout for some of that real shit. Escapism with a laptop screen only gets you so far, but VR is the future, and where better to look into the future than in the annals of prophecy- or, more specifically, the vaunted halls of discussion forums. 

Boy howdy, were there forums.

I had to weed out some of the messier ones, but I built my little corner eventually. Places to discuss indie titles, well, well-developed experiences worth the grind or the money, and discussions of what mechanics and changes are needed to really make these kinds of games work. Theoretical improvements, game-theory, and wishlists all fill the space with discussion, usually positively, even with all the moaning and groaning (because there truly is no online forum in the world without at least a little pissing and whining). Even found some good recommendations, like, say, some of the cartridges lined up on my desk. Standing aside for the new delight in my hands.

The author's tale has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

Because after I got a bit more established? Then… then there came the rumors. Some game that blew the others out of the water. The most immersive, reactive experience ever coded, entirely indie, developed over years and years. Someone claimed it was a bootleg of an upcoming major-league title, others that it was just a rumor, some even saying it was born from the depths of some unhinged scandinavian programmer. Knowing programmers, the latter seems most likely, even now. Everyone who talked about it would not shut up, earning more than a few closed discussion threads or canceled forum accounts, but even still, no mod group seemed able to actually shut down conversation of the topic.

The next Full Life: Alexi. Something to remake the industry and prove the real limits and capabilities of existing software, compatible only with the very latest version of VR technology.

Three months it took, to find someone whose account I could verify and whose story felt believable. Three weeks, following links to old comments, finding the discussion boards and stories of others who managed to play the game. It became a background obsession for a while- work, sleep, game, and research, almost every day. 

And then… two hundred dollars. The most expensive game I’ve ever bought and paid for. There have been other temptations, but I’m a firm believer in sales- any game over 60 dollars, generally speaking, needs to really earn a buck of mine. Had to agonize for days before the financial anxiety faded and I managed to get my bank account open to that price tag. It took the most strenuous recommendations from the most trusted sources and how much they’d heard about it. This wasn’t X or yamblr; for something to go this viral on this many discussion boards and forums, sans bots? That takes real passion, genuine enjoyment.

So, I dipped into savings for the last fifty. Dipped into some of that piggy-bank cash at long last, bought myself a little indulgence.

And now it’s here. Almost six months after I first heard about it, it’s here.

MEAT.

There’s something almost prayer-like about holding the cartridge in my hands. About reaching out to the headset and plugging it in.

It’s 3pm on a saturday. I got no plans and no one to chat to for the next two days (ignoring how depressing that is). I got some spicy-ass chips, some bright green soda, and hot-pocket pizza poppers all prepped. I’m in my comfiest outfit- the loosest, baggiest t-shirt in the world, loose boxers, and fuzzy socks. Bills are paid, bank account is starving but no longer bleeding, and I’ve got all day tomorrow to recover from whatever hazy binge I fall into.

I’m ready.

Slowly, I slip the glove and joystick control onto my right hand, then my left. I place the haptic feedback sensors on my shoulders, stomach, and thighs. I take a long, delicious sip of delicious, monstrous caffeine, burp loud enough that I hear it echo out of my room and down the hall, and reach for the headset.

It’s already warm as I pick it up. The battery is fully charged, but it’s plugged in to ensure the longest gaming session possible, and I can feel the complex circuity powering up, the whirring fans coming to life- and then I hear nothing at all as the sound-canceling buffer slips over my ears.

I click the power button on the side of the device, and watch it begin to power up.

At first, it’s just a black screen. It raises brightness slowly, ensuring that the user’s eyes can adjust, and begins to color in. The tech ain’t perfect- if you look closely enough you can still see places where the pixels get a little blurry. That being said, it’s still HD, and they stand a cut above any laptop or desktop I’ve owned yet. 

Gradually, the game begins to run.

Dripping black ooze shifts and falls across the screen in front of me, slowly succumbing to gravity and running off the walls. I look down, seeing a puddle of it forming around my feet, the viscous matter moving gummily as I push it with my avatar’s feet and wave a controller over it.

Then, there’s a tearing sound. Ripping, bright and nasty, like an ugly cut that is as messy as can be. I turn like a whip, startled by the noise, and see-

A line. Carved into the white wall from which the ooze fell from.

Behind me, a void. At my feet, the strange tar. Before me, a blank white wall, white as snow, with a single line of burning crimson carved into it.

Then another one. Diagonal-down, same length as the first. Another, diagonal-up. A third, straight vertical.

It keeps going. Inch by inch, scarred line of bloody flesh after scarred line of bloody flesh, a word is carved into the wall.

MEAT.

Metamorphous font, I’m pretty sure. Bright red and dripping. For a while, that’s all that’s on screen, long enough that I start to worry- and then another two cuts, diagonally crossing each other. They make an X shape, gaping open and drooling blood.

Beneath it, another, smaller word is carved, with an arrow pointing from it up towards the red X.

BEGIN.

Slowly, I extend her hand out to the wall in front of her. There’s a sense of warmth and vibration from the haptic feedback sensors as I touch the wall, and it only gets more intense as I touch the still-dripping blood from the cuts, an arterial crimson. The wall shudders, ever so slightly, like gelatin reacting to stimuli- or like flesh, responding to touch.

Oh yeah. This is that good shit.

Without further hesitation, I plunge my hand into the carved-open sigil, eliciting a fresh gout of haptic feedback from the controller-

And then I’m yanked. The feedback does its best to emulate the sharp tugging sensation, but it mostly comes across through the visuals, the morbidly pallid arm of an avatar sucked violently forward. The wall comes closer, and even as I step back in the real world, it only approaches more, until it starts taking up the whole screen. It bends and warps around me as it pulls me in deeper, deforming and opening and tearing wider as it swallows me whole, until the whole screen is red and glistening and full of muscle fibers and blood.

And then it gives one last yank, something responded to by the haptic sensors giving me a full-body jolt of motion, and the screen goes black again.

And stays that way.

For a while.

Which yeah, sure, if that’s the experience, that’s the experience, and it’s pretty good- but not, like, two hundred dollars kind of good. That was like, what, five full minutes of gameplay? All of it in cutscenes and a menu? More like a tech demo than anything.

I’m about to hit the button on her headset that brings up the settings and options menu when, abruptly, I hear something. 

A heartbeat.

Bum-bum. Bum-bum. 

I look around, trying to find the source- there.

A small, glowing little nodule. Bright red, same as that arterial spray, but almost bursting with light. It’s so bright that I can see through it, a translucent membrane illuminating a vague and hazy shape beneath it. 

Above the glowing polyp, words appear, made out of artful, curling veins and bright red trails in the air as opposed to the violent tearing of the previous example. They say a simple, straightforward sentence that sends a little thrill through my body and fills me with the joy only a true gamer can know.

Begin Character Creation.

Oh yeah.

This is that good shit.