Solitude’s Bane

O.R. Mark

[Investigate quadrant 24-E of the Ptolemaios region. Suspected outpost of the Purity Movement. Apprehend any high-value individuals and return to headquarters for reconditioning. If met with resistance, eliminate all hostiles. You are tasked by the order of the Director.]

Today’s mission directive echoed in my mind, constantly reinforced by my neural uplink.  

Although, it’s not as if I needed the reminder. The directive differed from my previous missions only in its location. For as long as I could remember, my sole purpose was to hunt down and purge insurgents acting against the interests of the Collective.

Always, I was endlessly tracking, fighting, and killing the enemies of the Collective and the Director. This was my life. This was me.

The cold metal of the transport pressed up against me as I settled in for a long flight. I sat on the ground along with eleven other soldiers, as there were no chairs or harnesses. The Collective was beyond the need for comfort and safety.

The Collective had allowed humanity to evolve in a myriad of mysterious ways. No longer did we seek distractions or pleasures of the flesh. Fighting within our ranks was archaic to us. We could no more fight another member of the Collective than we could take our own lives.

We were all outfitted with a host of nanites that regulated and healed our bodies. Disease, sickness, and injury were anathema from a chaotic period.

Even these fleshly bodies we occupied were only temporary. I swapped bodies more often than I was required to eat food. Wherever my skills were required I could be almost instantaneously, so long as there was a free body for me to inhabit.

I didn’t know how old I was at this point, nor did I care. I didn’t even remember who “I” was. There was only the Collective.

For the greater good of all, we did the Director’s will.

With seamless precision, our pilot lifted the large transport into the air. There was no noise or any indication that a machine was in operation. This mission required stealth and our transportation reflected that.

I glanced out the window, watching the scenery blur past.

The Ptolemaios region was a desolate wasteland. The records indicated that a devastating civil war had ravaged this place 317 years ago. The fighting had culminated in the detonation of a nuclear armament which had rendered the entire area uninhabitable.

Only recently had a small amount of life returned to the rivers and lakes. New forests began to spring up, leading wild life to migrate towards the newly invigorated land. The sudden resurgence of life led the Director to order an investigation. If flora and fauna could survive here, then the unconverted Purists could as well.

Hundreds of kilometers passed by in seconds as we cruised towards our destination. Soon, the ruins of an ancient city appeared before us.

Old, rusted skyscrapers lay on the ground, toppled by either force or the inevitable decay of time. The outdated streets were practically shattered and barely resembled their former selves. Everywhere I looked I saw paintings and pictures depicting services that the Collective had deemed unnecessary over a century ago.

The air was tepid and still. I couldn’t imagine anything living here. However, thanks to our scouting tech, I didn’t need to. Our scans had shown that there was a large congregation of life underneath the city’s surface. The locations of thousands of life forms were displayed in my mind. I knew with utter certainty where every living being was in the city.

Our transport abruptly slowed and began to descend at the outskirts of the city.

The vehicle quietly settled on a weathered plain, interspersed with the remains of small buildings and shelters. The pressure against my back vanished, letting me know that the walls had receded into the ceiling.

In concert, the twelve of us stood up and jumped out of the craft. It was time to begin.

The dry soil crunched beneath my considerable mass, my dense bones and musculature causing me to sink slightly. We spread out into formation and made our way towards the city.

I double checked to ensure I had my standard issue handgun and explosives accounted for. I was always ready for any eventuality that may occur during my missions.

Feeling everything in its proper place, I put my full attention into vigilantly observing my surroundings. Outside of the city was quite open and there were few locations dangerous enough to worry my squad.

Now, as we started to encroach on the city proper, I noticed many spots suitable for ambushes that would quickly make mincemeat of my team. If I didn’t have faith in the impressive capabilities of our information gathering, I would have been hesitant to walk about this casually. The mission came first. If this body perished, then valuable time and resources would be lost.

We passed through kilometers of devastation, eventually finding the entrance to an old subway system. This was one of the entrances to the subterranean dwellings. Without a need for words, my squad and I filed down into the darkness.

Our eyesight was enhanced to the level that we could see in any conditions. Delving into a minor area like this was nothing to us.

We stopped at the bottom of the entrance and quickly conferred with one another through our neural network. Now that we were closer to the mission objective, the data available to us became much more intricate and detailed. Updated orders quickly came from the Director.

The plan was simple: Seven high priority targets were to be escorted back to headquarters for dispensation of intelligence and reconditioning. The other 2118 humans were scheduled for a purge. They were all going to be eliminated.

[Estimated time until completion: 2 hours, 37 minutes. Commence operation.]

We shot off like bullets in different directions as we all had slightly different missions and priorities. I travelled with two others of my squad on a pure kill assignment towards the largest mass of life signs. Our primary objective was to kill as many insurgents as possible.

We wound our way through the old derelict tunnels, dodging around debris from portions of the collapsed ceiling. Truthfully, I didn’t need to look where I was going to navigate the underground, but my senses felt sharper when I was focussed on the physicality of the world around me.

My life seemed different at this moment. It was the calm before the storm. The moment just before I fully unleashed the potential of my mind and body. It was exhilarating.

I paused for a second, my steps falling behind my compatriots. This… didn’t feel right. Not the mission. The mission was fine. There was nothing here that could threaten us.

No. There was something wrong with my mind. Something inexplicable was welling up inside me. This feeling was dangerous. I was excited.

The moment I came to that realization I felt my link to the Director, along with the rest of the Collective, vanish like smoke.

A peculiar and violent sensation hit me like a bullet straight through my skull. I tripped and fell to the ground.

The two soldiers ahead of me grunted and stopped moving, their momentum halted as they stood amid the debris and the dark, shuddering.

It felt like a gaping hole had been torn open in my consciousness. Where before I could sense millions of other minds, now there was nothing.

For the first time in my memory, I was alone in my own head.

I screamed.

The nanites supressed whatever pain there my have been, thankfully. What made me scream was the sheer terror of the unexpectedness of being just myself. To return to being only one instead of one among many made my mind spin.

I was only me. “But who am I!?” I screamed into the emptiness of the tunnel.

I paused yet again, forgetting about the loss of my connection and my mission. When was the last time I’d heard my own voice? When was the last time there was a need for me to speak?

As these thoughts raced through my head a bolt of pure blue plasma exploded through the head of one of the soldiers in front of me. She was flung to the ground. She didn’t get back up. We couldn’t heal damage from energy based weapons. How did the Purists get their hands on restricted tech that we only had taken to the prototype stages?

“BOOM!”

The discharge of a high-powered weapon resounded in the confined space. More plasma arced towards us. I dove behind a slab of fallen concrete, feeling the heat emanating from the broken material as plasma bombarded the other side.

I heard a sickening thud and my other comrade dropped to the ground two feet to my right, a burning hole drilled straight through her left eye.

I stared at her, horrified. What the hell was going on? Missions were surgical and precise. I had never seen anyone make even the slightest mistake out in the field. To see two deaths in such quick succession rocked me.

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Their minds still lived, the only thing that scared me was the fact that they had died so quickly. We hadn’t even seen the enemy yet! Plenty of my fellow soldiers had died before, but never had we been at a disadvantage like I was now. The Purists knew we were coming. They were prepared.

They had advanced weaponry, better intel, and worst of all, I suspected they were responsible for my disconnect from the Collective. Panic tried to set in, but I ruthlessly supressed it. I was still an elite soldier, even if I was alone.

I knew what had to be done. The mission always came first.

With that resolution, my mind cleared.

I pressed a button on my belt, unleashing a screeching, high-pitched frequency. The barrage of plasma halted as my aggressors screamed in agony, giving me the window I needed.

I somersaulted backwards, up and over my cover, whipping out my handgun.

My perception of time slowed as I turned in midair, facing my attackers. I could easily see every minute detail of this battlefield. There were eighteen hostiles further down the tunnel and two on either side of me, peeking out from holes carved in the walls.

My hands moved deftly, sweeping across my entire field of view, continuously pulling the trigger. I emptied my 24-round magazine in under a second. I landed on the ground in front of the concrete slab, elegantly sidestepping the glowing, melted rock.

Twenty-three bodies fell to the ground, all with identical holes in the center of their foreheads.

The surviving hostile fell to the ground, her trousers dampened by her burgeoning fear.

I missed one? That had never happened before. Shit.

I analysed her while reloading.

Approximately nineteen years of age, deep black hair, slight yet sturdy build. She was nothing more than a common soldier, I concluded. I raised the gun in her direction and my finger lightly pressed the trigger-

A brilliant sunset reflected in her gorgeous eyes as she stared out at the ocean. Her arms spread wide, accepting of everything before her. She was like the sun, loving and warm. I would do anything for her. She could have the world, all she needed to do was ask. All I needed was her. My little Mei. My love. My life-

I gasped for air as I was pulled out of the vision, the gun in my hand lowered and forgotten. What was that? That woman… What I felt when I saw her I can’t even begin to describe. It was too complex. Too foreign. It scared me.

I needed to regain my clarity and focus. The mission. Remember the mission.

I glanced at the young woman, only to be met face to face with the barrel of her plasma rifle.

“Buzz!” I dove to the side and the shot zipped past my ear. I focussed on her vital areas to retaliate, but something made me change my mind. I shot at her gun instead, sending it flying from her hands.

I reached for her. “Come with me,” I said forcefully. “You’re going to tell me everything that you all have been up to down here. Failure to comply will result in some extreme unpleasantness.”

My voice sounded course, strained from disuse. My hand contacted her shoulder and I pulled her with me, continuing further down-

Mei’s light laughter cascaded down around me, causing the world to seem brighter than ever. She was the only one who ever genuinely laughed at my awful jokes. It made me love her even more. We strolled down the pier, hand in hand. I’d never felt more at peace. All the death, all the suffering of my past was over now. She made me feel human again. I’d found my peace-

“ARGH!” I forcefully wrenched myself out of the vision. I found myself on the ground with my young prisoner crouched over me, preparing to bash my head in with a rock.

Shifting my hips and bringing my feet up, I threw my would-be murderer over my head. She fell onto the ground, accompanied by a pained grunt.

I was so confused. These visions were so familiar, but I didn’t have time to think about them. The mission. I needed to stay focussed.

My mind flashed.

Mei.

I got to my feet, unsettled. I stared at my belligerent captive. The girl was a distraction. Why hadn’t I killed her yet? She contributed nothing to the completion of the mission. She had to go.

As I pointed my gun at her I noticed her honey-brown eyes. Just like Mei’s.

My hand trembled violently-

“Do you, Zhang Fan, take Han Mei to be your partner in all things? To accompany you throughout the vicissitudes of life and the dealings of fate?” An aged priest asked me. I looked at the love of my life. She was resplendent in a simple white dress, suitable for a seaside wedding ceremony. Nothing else existed to me, save her. I matched her brilliant smile with one of my own. “I-

The girl had my gun now and I had six gunshot wounds in my chest. They started to heal immediately, but my mind was preoccupied.

Zhang Fan.

I remembered who I was. Partially, at least. My memories were still muddled and slow to return.

I threw my hands up into the air. “Wait!” I pleaded with the girl. “Just wait! Don’t shoot!”

Something in my eyes convinced her to hold her fire, at least for now. She kept the gun trained on me, though.

“Listen to me. I don’t know what you did to us or how you did it, but I’m remembering now. I remember who I am! Well, rather, I remember who I was. I’m getting the impression that my life happened a long time ago…” I trailed off.

She seemed hesitant to trust me, but the emotion in my voice must have convinced her. “We removed you from the server to incapacitate you. The tech guys never said anything about something like-

I could feel the onset of the memory this time. I wasn’t just thrust into it. I sat down and braced myself against a wall, concentrating.

Mei stared solemnly out of the hospital window, trails of dried tears prominent on her weary countenance. This was the second miscarriage. I didn’t know what to do. Mei wanted children so badly, but the universe seemed to be conspiring against us. She rarely smiled anymore, despite all my attempts to make her happier. We were getting older, yet our lives had stagnated. Something needed to change. I’d heard rumors of new technology that was rapidly gaining popularity. It was said to be the next step in human evolution. Everyone who tried it claimed that their lives were enriched far beyond their wildest dreams. Maybe I could-

I awoke drenched in sweat. That vision had lasted much longer and involved many other scattered memory fragments lingering around my subconscious. Based on what I’d seen, I started to piece some things together.

“What was that?” The girl asked, with my gun now pointed at the ground. “You sat down and started shaking.”

I closed my eyes, taking in everything that I remembered. “Did I? I suppose my personality regaining control of my conscious mind is a taxing procedure. Never would I have guessed that a brief respite from the Director’s network would have such a drastic impact.” I shuddered. “This isn’t what I signed up for. What any of us signed up for. There’s something wrong with the Collective’s framework.”

The girl nodded. “We know. That’s why we refused to join. Everyone who did was just emptied out an turned into unfeeling robots.”

I shook my head, my thoughts now almost completely organized. “No. It’s much worse than just losing your emotions and following orders. The artificial intelligence in charge of maintaining the Collective, the Director, consumes your mind and uses it as additional processing power. Now that I’m free of it I can finally see…” My mouth stopped working.

[Connection established. Recommencing mission. New parameters: Kill all life forms.]

My gaze hardened while I met the eyes of the Purist insurgent, pleading with her. I could feel myself fading away.

She was on the look out for anything abnormal in my bearing. Almost as soon as I rejoined the Collective’s network, she emptied the rest of the magazine into my skull.

I collapsed to the ground, immobilized, as the nanites repaired the damage to my brain. I heard her rapid footsteps fade down the tunnel. She was running away before I regained my faculties. That was good. Fighting against drones like me had taught her good survival skills. I didn’t think it would be enough.

Along with my connection to the Collective came a massive influx of information about my surroundings. I knew where she was running.

I stood up and immediately gave chase. The target was to be eliminated.

NO! Something inside of me screamed. Don’t do this! Fight it! Don’t vanish again!

I ignored my own screaming voice and continued onwards, picking up a fallen plasma rifle as I went. This truly was one of our more advanced armaments, the growing presence of the Director made note in the back of my mind.

I took stock of all remaining assets in the area that could help with mission completion.

Four soldiers from my squad still lived. Whatever weapon they had hit me with they must have also used on the others. There was a ten-minute gap in my records regarding all five of us. This was unprecedented. The Director immediately began preparing countermeasures. This wouldn’t be allowed to happen again.

Please! Wake up! Wake up…

The voice was getting quieter. I was once again feeling the peace and comfort of being part of the Collective. This was true bliss.

I rendezvoused with my allies before a large steel door. According to our scans, 231 potential hostiles were behind the door, in a wide-open space, ready to attack us with everything they had. I noticed the escaped girl’s footprints leading to this door as well. Good. No loose ends.

We knew of their capabilities and numbers now. They didn’t stand a chance.

We blew open the reinforced door with a well coordinated series of kicks from our powerful legs. Before the door had even fallen all the way to the ground we leaped into the room.

I fired the plasma rifle in a stream at every target that I could see. The insurgents died by the dozens with every breath of time. Soon, blood flowed in rivers along the floor, accompanied by nothing but silence. When we took our shots, we shot to kill. There were no survivors.

So much death... Please, not again… Stop this madness…  

There were two branching pathways leading away from the cavernous room we had entered. We split up into groups of two to investigate them.

We kicked open all the doors we came across, indiscriminately firing inside.

At the end of the passage, there was a sterile white door. I guessed that it was some sort of medical bay or research lab.

Don’t go in there! Walk away! We know better now! We remember…The voice in my head grew in intensity, rivalling the loudness of the Director’s orders.

I shook myself, dispelling whatever was about to come over me. I set up next to the door while my comrade commenced breaching procedures.

“Boom!” With a loud explosion, the door was blown inwards. We started firing as we walked across the threshold, seeing many Purist insurgents cowering within the room. My comrade’s bullets and my plasma ricocheted off a clear protective surface dividing the pure white room in two.

We continued to fire and the barrier started to crack. It would shatter soon. I observed the insurgents in the room. All of them were elderly or children. The girl from earlier was surrounding a group of particularly young insurgents protectively.

An icy feeling shot through my whole body.

Stop. Now.

The voice deep inside of me said with authority. I was surprised to find that my body listened. My finger eased off the trigger as I stared at my hands in confusion.

[Warning. Anomaly detected in citizen C-137. Cease non-compliance immediately]

Text scrolled visibly across my vision. I tried to force my body to listen to my commands, but it wouldn’t.

I saw the looks of terror and hatred on the faces of the people in the room. They were defenseless. They would all die soon, if their rapidly deteriorating defenses were any indication-

I returned to our apartment with good news for Mei. Our fortunes might have finally changed for the better. I had gotten her acceptance into the Collective. I’d been a part of the network for some time now, and life kept improving at an exponential rate. I couldn’t wait for her to join me!

This was a chance at a new life. The life that would let us start a family and build a legacy. Excitement thrummed in my veins as I opened the door to our bedroom. “Mei! I finally did it! Everything’s all prepared for you, you only need to-”

I was interrupted by a slap in the face. Mei had a feral look in her eye. “Zhang Fan! I’ve told you repeatedly that I don’t want this! You haven’t been yourself ever since they put that thing in you!” She jumped on me, forcing me to the ground. Her hands scrabbled against the neural implant on the back of my neck, causing a searing pain to spread through my mind.

[Host’s connection to network threatened. Implement countermeasures. Ensure survival]

My hand shot forward and grasped Mei’s throat. Horrified, I found that my body was no longer under my control. My grip grew tighter, causing my sweet, loyal Mei to gasp for breath. She couldn’t breathe. I was choking her. I was killing her.

I screamed in my mind as I watched the life leave she who had become my reason for living. Her eyes pleaded with me one final time before I heard a loud “snap”. Her deathly still body fell from my emotionless hand. She was gone. And so was I.

I remembered everything now.

[C-137. Final warning. Resume mission or be-]

The Director’s voice faded from my mind. The only voice I could hear now was my own.

I lifted my gun and fired.

The gunfire stopped as the drone next to me fell to the ground, dead.

I met the eyes of the girl who I had talked to before, her surprise evident. Nodding curtly, I left the room behind. There was much to do now.

For so long I’d felt nothing. Now, my rage burned brighter than a thousand suns.