I wonder what it feels like to have memories. Memories that are clear and not blurry. Memories contain the moments and events in your life that are either significant or insignificant.

Yet in my point of view, there is no such thing as an insignificant memory. Every piece of memory that is contained within this head of ours, is the very piece of which that builds the whole picture.

It embodies who we are. It shows what kind of person we are to us and to our loved ones. It reflects what kind of life we have lived, and i do admit that there are some people who had made some dastardly mistakes in their lives and regret it deeply.

Some even wish to go as far as deleting them from our minds. Showing that memories may be beautiful yet also can become painful once we experienced some things we would rather not experience again.

But those bad moments, those terrible and horrible moments that deep down we wish to forget, are still part of who we are. To deny them is to deny the dark side of us, the side of us which makes mistakes and hurts people.

The side of us shows the darkness within us, laying dormant most of the time until it makes an appearance whether it be our own volition or not.

We do not wish to remember it or even want to get rid of it because it shows the bad side of us.

The side of us that is Human.

I do not know of my past. I’m not even sure whether it will be a good or bad one, yet the more painful thing is not remembering the good and bad, but suffering through the experience of not even experiencing it at all.

You feel like a blank page, a clean slate to which you don’t even know who you are or where you come from. Some might even say that it is a good thing, to get a new start and completely remove your past.

But i want to remember it. I want to have the luxury of remembering all those moments in life where i lived. Where i loved someone dearly with all my heart as well as hating someone with my entire being.

I want to feel something. For all, i feel now is pure emptiness. Like I don’t even exist at all and is just an empty husk of what i truly am. How is this different from death? Nigh, this is worse than death.

Wiping away my miserable thoughts, i focused on the task at hand. if i want to have the opportunity of being whole again, then i must focus. I will get them back one way or another.

I walked around the crowded plaza, the sound of children laughing and the scent of delicious food wafting through the air. The sun shone brightly at the top of the sky, smiling down upon us with its warm light.

This place was a total contrast to what the situation was the last time. I wonder why.

At the corner of my eyes, i saw some robed men and women wearing all sorts of colors. Some of them were wearing black, some were white and some were red. They were also wandering around the plaza, buying food from the local food stalls as well as creating some mini fireworks by their hands as they entertained the children.

The image was indeed wholesome as it also put a smile on my face. I approached them as if wanting to relax in this serene atmosphere. It’s a good change of scenery from my last experience.

I sat down by the water fountain, enjoying this calm and peaceful place. In my mind, i tried figuring out what was this situation. These ‘events’ show nothing significant in my memories. There seemed to be no recurring pattern within these events but i can’t make a sudden conclusion there have only been 2 so far.

Thus i decided that the best course of action was waiting. Being in a fuss isn’t going to help the situation so i might as well sit and relax. I observed the robed people as i was curious as to who are they.

One of the white-robed women was making a little fireworks display with her fingers, mesmerizing the kids in front of her as well as impressing me. I also want to do stuff like that.

In another place, I saw the black-robed magician standing stiffly like an arrow. Observing every nook and cranny of the place as if someone would be ambushing them the next second. I also sense some magical energy laying deep within them, seemingly ready to cast a spell if something bad happens.

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They must be fun to be around.

I ignored them and put my focus on the willy bunch. They seem to be the most relaxed one of the group even more relaxed than the white-robed lady.

It was clear because of the amount of food they were gorging in their mouths. Some would mistake them as pigs but it seems that the stall owners they were eating from seem to have not minded at all.

In fact, they seemed to be even encouraging it as there was a hint of admiration in their eyes. Like an idol was in front of them and was eating their food. Strange.

I brushed the thought off since they weren’t doing anything wrong. looking at the food, i salivated as i also want a piece of it, but when i thought about my current form. My mood instantly lowered.

I was about to leave since i did not want to hunger myself even more when suddenly, one of the red-robed mages started approaching me. Utter confusion was plastered on my face since this seemed to be different from the last time.

The red-robed mage was a woman, with fiery eyes and long amber hair. She held out one of her kebabs and offered them to me. Her scarlet eyes indicated for me to take them.

Despite my confusion, I took it from her and gazed at it for a few seconds. Can i eat this? I mean she can see me but its not guaranteed that it won’t pass through my stomach.

Hesitant in my decision, i gazed back at the woman and noticed that her expression was that of hurt as if she was a child that was just stolen a lollipop.

I didn’t want to make her feel sad, so gritting my teeth i chewed on the few pieces of meat on the stick and was able to actually ate it. The meaty flavor of it exploded in my mouth as it slid down my throat with no problem

Surprised by how delicious the kebab was, i took another bite and savored this one even more. I closed my eyes and felt the delicious taste of it, how the juices of the meat felt on my tongue. Its soft texture allowing to easily eat it with no problem.

This must be heaven.

I tried taking another bite but realized that there was none left. Not noticing that i already ate it all, and so i looked back at the woman and noticed that she was looking at me with starry eyes.

I felt my face suddenly heat up, coughing a few times and throwing the stick to a garbage can. The woman with scarlet eyes was still looking at me with joyful eyes, giving me another kebab. A bit embarrassed by my earlier stunt, i was hesitant on taking another bite.

But when i saw her face that was about to cry again, i conceded and took another one from her hands. Eating another one, i thought that the taste would become old but it did not as i still had the same explosion of flavor in my mouth.

So this is what heaven feels like.

Finishing another one, i patted my stomach for a job well done and felt full already. The woman must’ve noticed it too as she also smiled brightly, with a hint of pride in it too when I looked closer.

All of a sudden, the woman’s face turned red when I was gazing at her, and after thinking for a few seconds, i knew why. I pulled back my face and looked to the sky as if nothing happened. Maybe i looked a little too deeply.

“Rose! We have to go back”

I heard a voice and turned to look at who it was. I noticed that it was another red-robed mage, seemingly calling out to the woman who fed me a kebab. The woman supposedly named Rose also looked back and nodded.

She turned to me and waved her hands, before trotting back to her group. I also waved back to her and observed her as walked back. Strange, how could she see me? I gazed at the people with her and noticed that they didn’t seem to notice that i was with Rose.

A quizzical expression was plastered on my face as I thought of various solutions. I thought hard but i couldn’t come up with a solution. this was only my second run on this and i still haven’t recognized any patterns.

Well, there was one, and that is I can only seem to observe. I don’t know why that is but I have a feeling the answer to my question will be soon resolved.

Looking around, I saw that the people walking around the plaza with their children were leaving. Kids were tearfully saying goodbye to their friends while the parents seemed to be also saddened that they have to stop their child from their playtime.

But it was inevitable as the sun was already setting, gradually turning dark as the moon was becoming clearer in the sky. Hanging in the heavens above as it oversaw all of man.

I gazed at the moon and tried reaching for it with my hand, yet no matter how much i tried grabbing it, it seemed so far away. Like a fleeting moment in our ever-long yet short lives.

I pulled back my arm but i continued to gaze at the moon. There was no deep reason for why i did that, i just wanted to stare at the moon and feel the chilly air hanging around me.

its bright incandescence shines a light on every home, guiding the path of every person wanting to go back to where they once were, taking rest from a tiring day as they repeat that cycle all over again the next day.

I start to wonder to myself if it can also allow me to go back home. To go back to where i once was. Or at least, to go back to where I belong. Thinking hard, i tried remembering where that exactly was but it still came out as a blank.

There was little to no memory still of my past. Only a fragment of what once was. Yet even those fragments i held dear, for one day i will piece them all up together and form what once was.

I approached a nearby bench and lay down on it. I continued staring at the moon, wishing for it to take me back home, and yet deep down i knew it was useless. The only way back is through me.

From an outside perspective, my gazing at the moon might look like i was trying to bore out a gaping hole in it. And i would’ve done so as long as i could go back but unfortunately, I'm human as far as i can tell.

I closed my eyes and let my tiredness take me away.