Come the next morning, Julie once again awoke first. The rain beat a tattoo on the windows and it was dark despite being dawn. Still, the heavy clouds and curtains couldn’t keep out all the light, and she looked over at Sammy.
Once again, the pillows between them had ended up in Sammy’s embrace, bringing a little smile to Julie, yet her gaze settled on that sleeping face. Ever since she first saw Sammy some decade and change ago, she knew beauty. By sight, she could tell how soft Sammy’s skin was, and that golden hair was like sunlight spun into spider’s silk, bright yet wispy.
Sammy’s eyelashes were emphasised by how she was lying, and Julie carefully inspected them. So long and neatly curled, she remembered how enticing they had been the other night, which made them enticing now.
Julie’s gaze growing bold, she followed the edge of Sammy’s cheek to her bare neck and then to the neckline of the nightgown. But Julie quickly caught herself. Her eyes flickered back to Sammy’s face, only this time to get stuck on her lips. She remembered how soft they’d felt kissing her cheek.
As if stirred by those thoughts, Sammy lazily blinked her eyes, and then focused on Julie with a smile. “Good morning, Lia.”
“Morning, Sammy,” Julie replied.
Like the day before, Sammy reached over to stroke Julie’s cheek. A fleeting touch. Then they stared into each other’s eyes for a while, the heavy silence of the rain and the darkness of the room making it feel as if the whole world was the bed they shared.
When Julie eventually got up, she found her ankles tight; although used to exercise, the dancing had strained different muscles. It wasn’t debilitating, but she felt clumsy on her walk to the bathroom (and the walk back).
“Did you twist your ankle?” Sammy asked.
Julie shook her head. Sitting on the side of the bed, she leant down and rubbed them a bit. “I’m not used to dancing, I guess,” she said.
Sammy nodded. Then, after a moment, she asked, “Shall I massage them?”
Eyes wide, Julie said, “What?”
But Sammy was already at the bathroom door and she gave no reply. She returned once a few seconds passed, a glass bottle in one hand and a hand towel in the other. Back at Julie’s side, Sammy smile held a hint of coyness.
“If you would lie down, please,” Sammy said.
Though feeling more than a bit off-balance, Julie complied. After she shuffled back and lay down, Sammy slipped the towel under her feet, and then Sammy sat on the bed too. With the bottle opened, she poured out a small amount of the goopy oil onto her other hand.
“I cannot say how helpful it actually is, but this is a cooling oil, so it may reduce swelling,” Sammy said.
As she spoke, she rubbed her hands together. Then she softly grasped one ankle, gently moving, coating it in the massage oil. Julie stifled her reaction, wanting to jerk her leg away, the touch cold. After a moment, she settled down. Sammy continued with the massage; she started with that gentle rubbing and gradually pushed harder.
Belatedly, Julie asked, “D’you know what you’re doing?”
Sammy giggled. “If it is unpleasant, I will stop. To answer your question, though, I have been given a few massages before, but this is my first time being the giver.”
Despite that, Julie found the massage pleasant. Lying back, her open eyes saw nothing, focused on the touches. She still couldn’t decide if Sammy’s hands felt hot or cold. However, she felt her ankle loosen, melting under those soft and strong hands. With how firmly Sammy’s thumbs pressed in, Julie remembered when the wild beast had attacked, how easily Sammy had drawn that bow meant for a trained man.
Yet she never thought for a moment that Sammy would hurt her.
After working through one ankle, Sammy poured out some more oil and then moved onto the other ankle. Like before, she focused on only that part, carefully and diligently finding the tension and massaging it out.
However, her thoughts weren’t entirely pure. She wondered if anyone else had ever seen Julie’s bare feet since she was a child. She enjoyed the intimacy, Julie appearing comfortable with her touch. She liked the glimpse of Julie’s calves, well-defined even when resting, and she liked how tough Julie felt.
The girls Sammy had chased before had all been so delicate. They had been quick to anger—hidden behind polite smiles—and sensitive to the sun and to the taste of the food and water and to the smells. Not all of them had been overly so, but to a degree. And she had tried to indulge them and placate them and do whatever she could to keep them comfortable, afraid they, like deer, would spook at the slightest inconvenience.
There was nothing fleeting or ethereal about Julie, Sammy knew. That little girl had persevered since childhood to become a woman who could stand by the Princess’s side. Although the situation had somewhat changed, Sammy believed Julie still felt that way.
All too soon for both of them, Sammy finished, wiping her hands on the sides of the towel. “I don’t suppose any of your other muscles are feeling tight?” she asked.
Julie loosely turned her ankles. “No, and thanks—this is much better.”
“I’m glad,” Sammy said with a smile.
Julie returned it and then sat up to clean her feet. From there, they went through their routines, getting changed and freshening up. While Sammy chose a fine dress, Julie wore her usual guard uniform. Then they had breakfast in their room before heading out into the city.
Although the rain pounded down, the sprawl of tall buildings kept the gale tame, a broad umbrella good enough to stay dry. From experience, Julie thought it likely to be the last day of heavy rain.
The streets weren’t too busy—whether because of the early hour or the rain, Julie didn’t know—but there were plenty of shops to visit. Especially with Sammy dressed up, the shopkeepers were happy to indulge her curiosity. So Sammy teased Julie at the tailors and jewellers. Then at a carpenter’s workshop, she spoke with the middle-aged master.
“When we are finished travelling and settle down, we really will need a good bed,” she said, giving Julie a smile as she did.
For her part, Julie weakly returned it.
The master nodded, jowls wobbling, and he tapped his fingertips together. “Oh yes, very important. As they say, nothing is by merit more than a bed,” he said, using a phrase only common among bedmakers and mattress sellers.
But Sammy still softly laughed, mouth covered. “I have always thought that a good bed is much like good parents: there needs to be one unyielding yet supportive like the frame, and the other neither too soft nor too firm like the mattress.”
“Ah, that is a wonderful way of putting it. We are, after all, as much shaped by our beds as our parents,” he said. His mouth pulled into a smile that looked like he’d tasted something sour.
Turning around, Sammy caught Julie’s eye and quietly said, “You will be the frame, yes? Strong, reliable, and always willing to hold me?”
Taken by surprise, Julie took a moment before she processed what she’d heard, her blushing delayed.
Pleased by the reaction, Sammy turned back to the master. “Thank you for your time. If we may look around a little and then be on our way,” she said with a shallow curtsey.
“Oh of course, take your time—not much business to be had in this weather,” he said.
After inspecting some of the furniture waiting to be picked up, they moved on to the next shop. Some places were rickety and even damp, water dripping through the edges of poorly fitted windows, while others were neat and even decorated, the sorts of places that those travelling with money might visit.
There were also many teashops and coffee houses—the former for ladies and latter for gentlemen—those places busy as people who travelled by carriage were not as inconvenienced by the rain. Sammy and Julie didn’t stop at any; they simply looked through the windows as they passed by, seeing the various takes on the current fashions.
They stopped by the glasshouse too, but just to look at the goods, Sammy’s express order not ready until the evening. With the morning’s and last night’s events in mind, Julie thought Sammy had probably ordered another massager. Some of the girls back at the garrison had one or two made of carved wood, rolling their feet over the bumpy surface.
After lunch, they wandered a bit more, but their only purchase the whole day was a hair clip that Sammy thought suited Julie. It was simple, silver, and had a small glass gem that resembled a diamond. (Sammy had neatly put it in for Julie right away.)
A touch damp, they returned to the hotel before the cold set in. Rather than their room, they sat in the lounge, drying by a fire. Christopher briefly stopped by to check on them, but otherwise they chatted to each other about the things they saw. Once dry, they went up. There was nothing to do other than read from the small selection of books or sit by the window, and they chose the latter, watching the world outside together.
In the evening, Julie changed into the dress and Sammy did her hair and put on the ribbons as chokers. Then they went for dinner. Although still too shy to dance in front of others, Julie gave in without complaint after they returned to their room, following the rhythm Sammy hummed, gently swaying.
Afterwards, they bathed and changed into nightgowns, and set up their bed with the pillows between them (the maids having changed the bedding while they were out). Not all that tired yet, they talked for a bit longer before saying their goodnights.
The next morning, nothing unusual happened as they woke and then went about getting ready for the day. Although the rain had more or less stopped, down to an infrequent drizzle, they decided on waiting a day for the way to clear a bit, all the merchants now rushing out and clogging the roads. So they picked up Sammy’s order from the glasshouse—very much looking like a foot massager to Julie—and then checked on their horses before returning to the hotel for an early lunch.
There they found Mary. She looked over as they entered and caught Sammy’s eye, smiling as she did. As they neared, Sammy said, “What a coincidence,” with a polite smile of her own.
Mary laughed off the joke, a hand over her mouth. “I am glad I caught you before you left. With how heavy the rain was yesterday, I really did not think I would have to rush,” she said.
Not one for small talk, Sammy said, “Then, how may we help you?”
Her mood dampened, Mary bowed her head for a moment. “I just wished to check… that you truly are…” she said, unable to finish.
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“We are,” Sammy said.
The way she had said it, Mary believed her, no sense of hesitation or doubt. “You must really love her,” she muttered.
“Pardon?”
Mary softly shook her head, and then put on a smile. “You have everything you need? Enough money?”
“We do,” Sammy said.
Though Mary knew she had only herself to blame, it hurt to hear such brief answers, her memories full of such poetic exchanges. The sun too bright, the shade too cold. “I… cannot persuade you to stay here?” she quietly asked. “My family may be lowly, but I am sure we and others could pressure the King to cancel the engagement.”
For a long moment, the Princess simply stared at her, and she felt as if her very mind was being read. That thought humiliating, she looked away. There was no need for the Princess to dirty herself with such thoughts.
“The time will come that my uncle will be nominated as heir,” Sammy whispered. “Your family should be prepared to take advantage of that.”
Mary’s eyes widened, and her lips quivered before she asked, “W-what are you saying?”
Sammy smiled. “Although worthless, take that as payment for looking after us.”
Then she turned to Julie and turned the conversation to lunch. While reluctant, Mary got pulled in when Christopher appeared. So the four of them sat together in the dining hall. Julie didn’t speak more than a few words in answer to questions Sammy put to her, but she didn’t mind, enjoying watching Sammy talk. There was just something nice seeing Sammy being so chatty to her.
The meal dragged on for quite a while, including a dessert afterwards. Julie struggled with the richness of the chocolate cake, but Sammy was, as always, looking out for her and had asked for a coffee. Paired with the bitter drink, it was pleasant to Julie’s taste.
“Putting the two together, this is similar to a dessert I tried when the envoy for a small Alfish duchy visited,” Sammy murmured to Julie.
“It’s nice,” Julie said, smiling.
Sammy looked at that smile with humour. “Here, let me,” she murmured, and she reached over with a napkin, dabbing at the corner of Julie’s mouth.
Out of surprise and generally being obedient, Julie sat still. When Sammy pulled her hand back, Julie muttered, “Thanks.”
“You are most welcome.”
Meanwhile, Mary and Christopher just stared, finding the sweetness too much even with coffee of their own to drink.
They all sat there for a bit of a chat after the meal, nothing important discussed. Sammy led the conversation as she detailed her sightseeing with Julie, and then neatly circled around the relationship between Mary and Christopher, probing the both of them with leading questions. Julie had to admit that it was rather refreshing to not be the subject of Sammy’s teasing.
By the time they finished, she really believed that Sammy held no ill-will towards Christopher. If anything, Sammy had seemed to like him, the two rather similar in how they twisted words and both seemed to enjoy treating conversation like a game.
Yet that unsettled Julie, though she couldn’t think why. Her hand tightly held Sammy’s on the way back to their room.
Knowing they would be leaving in the morning, Julie distracted herself with checking on their packs. Meanwhile, Sammy went to the bathroom to freshen up, and she returned in a new dress. By now, Julie was rather used to the sight; however, she still stared until Sammy asked her, “How do I look?”
And Julie said, “Like a princess.”
Sammy giggled, her mouth uncovered. In delicate steps, she walked over, joining Julie at the small dining table. “Is everything in order?” she asked.
Julie made a hesitant noise before nodding. “If we’re heading north, we should be able to buy what we need, and there’ll be plenty of inns to eat at.”
“Oh, that was something I told Mary to mislead her. Even though I trust her, there is no need for her to know everything,” Sammy said.
For a long moment, Julie stared at the pack. “Really?”
With another giggle, Sammy leant over, resting her head on Julie’s shoulder. “Did you wish to go say our vows so soon?”
Having forgotten that that was the reason Sammy had given, Julie was overwhelmed by a shyness and wanted to move away, only to be held in place by that weight on her shoulder. “I’m… not in a rush,” she mumbled.
“Anyway, I did not exactly lie. I thought that we could visit there on our way back. For now, I think it would be best to visit the three holy shrines and receive any other blessings the gods want to give me. So we head north-west to the shrine in Dworfen, then loosely east to the shrine here and in Alfen. From there, we can come back to Northern Hufen and boat up the great rivers to the edge of the Corrupted Lands.”
That all made sense to Julie. Well, she was more-or-less a soldier, so it was second-nature for her to go where she was told without question. However, it did remind her of how she’d told off Sammy at the tree for dallying.
Her world had changed so much in the last week—Sammy had changed her world.
Pushing those thoughts away, she focused on the present—or rather, the future. “The merchants should go that way too, so there should be places to stop along the way.”
“Oh, we aren’t quite going that way, but there is no need to worry as I am familiar with the route,” Sammy said.
Julie frowned. “You’ve been before?” she asked.
“No, I simply have memorised a wide collection of Royal maps these last months and worked out what route I think will be quickest,” Sammy said.
It sounded impossible, yet Julie was sure Sammy hadn’t been joking.
Their conversation ended there. Although the afternoon was young, Sammy didn’t bring up going out, so they spent the time relaxing. Julie was fine with that, having been to the city before and seen the handful of sights it offered: the cathedral, a few monuments to the gods, the Triumphant Bridge (which was much less impressive now several other bridges spanned the grand river). Besides, she had much preferred Sammy’s “sightseeing”, finding all those quaint shops and meeting the characters that ran them.
While Julie was used to doing nothing (guarding, as she called it), the intermittent drizzle wasn’t enough to hold Sammy’s attention, opting to read instead. Hours passed like that until the time neared for the dining hall to start serving dinner.
So Julie changed into the dress and then Sammy neatly brushed her hair, again using the silver hair clip to part her fringe; lastly, Sammy neatly tied their ribbons as chokers. Modestly dressed up, they went down and were seated, food soon to follow.
By the end of their meal, the ensemble had already set up and were playing. A few couples danced. Julie noticed that Sammy was watching them, not that Sammy was being discreet. And Julie couldn’t help but think that Sammy wouldn’t have this kind of chance again for a long time. Well, the inns often had music, but nothing so elegant and refined.
That thought ate at Julie. It was another situation where she had to decide if making Sammy happy was worth making herself uncomfortable. However, when she put it that way, it wasn’t so obvious any more. Sammy didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable, thus she was in a situation where pleasing Sammy also displeased her.
It was strange. All Julie’s life, she’d simply had to do the task in front of her. Nothing was complicated. Her limits were entirely physical and she had worked hard to raise them.
Now that her limits were emotional, she was lost. She didn’t know how to not be shy, or how to love someone, or how to accept a kiss. Or rather, she knew that reactions and impulses could be trained, but couldn’t bring herself to train. Just the thought of having Sammy kiss her cheeks a hundred times, working towards her lips, left her feeling a queer tightness in her chest along with a sense of panic.
Breaking her from those thoughts, Sammy’s hand squeezed hers. “Shall we retire?” she asked, a gentle smile on her lips.
Julie stared for a moment, and then lowered her head. “Do you… know a way to not feel so embarrassed?” she murmured.
“Let’s see…. Ultimately, it stems from being conscious of how others may perceive you. Since I have already seen you dance, perhaps staring into my eyes would allow you to relax,” Sammy said. It didn’t surprise Julie that Sammy knew exactly what she was embarrassed about.
The culmination of all the thoughts she’d had staying in the city, she wanted to take this small step while she could. So she looked up at Sammy.
Again reading her mind, Sammy asked, “Would you give me the honour of a dance?”
After a moment, Julie nodded.
Sammy rose first with grace, and then helped Julie to her feet before leading them to the cleared area by the ensemble. All the way, Julie followed behind her, at first staring at her back, only to climb to her nape by the end. When they stopped, Julie dared not look around and kept her focus on Sammy as she turned around. Face to face, eye to eye, Julie was relieved that it didn’t feel too uncomfortable, but she acknowledged that they hadn’t started dancing yet.
Like in their room, Sammy guided Julie’s hands into position. Then she started swaying and Julie started to follow. Though different to the humming, Julie got used to the regular beat of the music. Soon enough, they danced their special dance, slowly turning as they traced a small circle on the floor.
In the end, Sammy’s gaze won out over Julie’s tumultuous emotions. She fell into the world reflected in those eyes. Drawn ever closer, her arm on Sammy’s side slipped behind, almost an embrace.
However, it only took a moment to break the spell, someone bumping into them on his way to dance with a lady.
That distraction pulled away Julie’s gaze and she saw the people sitting for dinner, looking over their way. She knew the guests weren’t specifically looking at her and Sammy, yet her emotions weren’t prone to reason, keenly feeling the queerness of their situation.
It wasn’t exactly strange for friends to dance together, at least in inns and pubs and back at the dormitory, but everyone around them were normal couples. Not to mention she and Sammy were dancing so intimately that it would have been strange for others to not think they were lovers.
That brought about a dysphoric feeling. When Sammy had just told one person at a time that they were lovers, it wasn’t so uncomfortable, but now she imagined so many people thinking about it—thinking about her—and her anxiety manifested in an intense panic. She stiffened up, stopped moving.
Sammy felt the change and her instinct was to pull Julie in, block out everyone else. However, her step forward was met by Julie letting go to bring her hands between them, gently but firmly keeping the distance between them.
“Shall we go back to our room?” Sammy whispered.
Julie managed to nod.
Much to Sammy’s relief, Julie still held her hand without hesitation. Together, they walked out the dining hall, Julie following closely behind Sammy as if hiding behind her. When finally back in their room, Julie let go and excused herself to the bathroom.
The situation frustrated Sammy. In the past, she had always been the one hurt. Now that it was her precious jewel hurting, she hated the feeling of impotence, unable to help her.
Sammy knew that, this time, she hadn’t done anything wrong, had simply supported Julie as she tried to overcome her shyness. It reminded her of their differences. She had always known she wasn’t normal—there wasn’t a term for who she was, but she liked queer; however, even though she felt a similar queerness from Julie, it seemed like Julie hadn’t come to terms with it.
So Sammy didn’t know what Julie was going through. The door between them felt like a very real metaphor to her at this time. She didn’t take it personally, but it was disheartening; she wanted to be Julie’s source of comfort.
A long while later, the door opened and Julie emerged, wearing her nightgown. Sammy could tell Julie had been upset, eyes puffy, but it looked like she hadn’t actually been crying. Still, Sammy felt her chest tighten. That desire to comfort Julie surged, to embrace her, rub her back, tell her everything would be okay. And she stifled it, respecting the boundary Julie had put up earlier.
“Sorry,” Julie mumbled, fidgeting with the hem of her sleeve.
Sammy put on a soft smile and tried to hide her emotions; there was no need to distress Julie with guilt. “You have nothing to apologise for. I am so very glad you were brave enough to dance in front of everyone, and I am glad you did not force yourself to carry on when it became too much,” Sammy said carefully.
Despite her mood, Julie giggled. “You really are too kind to me—it’s like you’re coaxing a child,” she said.
Sammy’s smile broadened in reply. “You are my lover, so it is only natural that I praise you. Or what, did you think I would be upset with you?” she asked.
Although Julie didn’t say anything, she lowered her head and the lingering warmth from her giggling left her expression.
Sammy took a step forward, and then hesitated. “May I hold you?”
Julie looked back up, her surprise clearly showing on her face, and then gave a shallow nod.
In an instant, Sammy was in front of her. Embracing her, Sammy whispered, “There are many things that upset me, but you trying to make me happy will never be one of them.”
Although she couldn’t see, she felt Julie finally shed some tears, the touch of wetness ticklish.
“Say, when this is all over, where shall we live? I would like to live somewhere north where we can see snow, and perhaps in a cottage near a small village. Somewhere we can be alone, but still convenient when we need things. Oh, and beside a stream. Of course, we’ll have hot water too,” Sammy said.
Giggling, Julie squeezed her. “I think… that sounds nice,” she mumbled.
Sammy clicked her tongue and then said, “I asked you a question—don’t simply go along with whatever I say.”
“But… I think, as long as I’m with you, anywhere will be home,” Julie said softly.
For a long moment, Sammy was struck dumb. Then a giddiness started flooding through her body, pumped out by her heart, beating to Julie’s words. Even though others had flirted back to her before, she had never felt like this.
No, more than that, Sammy realised it was the euphoria of acceptance. Julie wanted to be with her. This wasn’t a passing crush, but a real romance. That relief overwhelmed her.
Squeezing tight, she lifted Julie off her feet and started to spin. Almost immediately, giddiness started to flow out of Julie as well, their giggling filling the room. After half a minute, Sammy slowed down and then lowered Julie back to the floor.
“What was… that for?” Julie asked, out of breath.
“You said something so sweet, I couldn’t help myself,” Sammy replied.
Julie frowned. “I did?”
“You did,” Sammy said, and she gave Julie another squeeze before finally letting go. A step away from each other, Sammy saw Julie still had tears in her eyes, but was glad to know that, this time, they were from laughter.
Unspoken, Sammy went to bathe and change into her nightgown; when she returned, they danced. It felt different to both of them, more intimate in such thin clothing, yet Julie didn’t mind it and Sammy rather liked it. Earlier than the last two nights at the hotel, they stopped, knowing they would be leaving early.
Lying in bed with the pillows between them, Julie said, “G’night, Sammy.”
Sammy reached over to give Julie’s face a caress. “Goodnight, Lia.” She went to take back her hand, only for Julie to stop her, holding her hand atop the pillows. After a moment, she let go.
The warmth of that touch lingered until Sammy fell asleep.