Margot had been dodgy as they had collected Sara and Connor, even more so as they all made their way back to the apartment building. But it wasn’t until Margot led them all to the back of the apartment building and up a service stairwell instead of an elevator that Josh realized just how paranoid she had become. She wouldn’t say anything to any of them despite their constant questions. Even when Connor or Sara tried to ask Josh what had happened, she shushed them quickly and beckoned them to follow her in silence.
Once they had slogged their way up the far too numerous flights of stairs to the apartment and the front door was sealed behind them, Sara caught her mother by the wrist and in the most frightening voice Josh had ever heard asked, “What the hell was that, Margot?”
Unsurprisingly, Margot was caught off guard.
“Josh, what happened in that cafe?” Sara had turned her frustration to Josh and he immediately shrank back.
“It was just one guy…” Josh tried to stammer out but he was at a loss for words. He was physically tired from the stairs and mentally exhausted from everything else before that.
“Someone showed up to kill me.” Margot said with a deep breath as soon as she managed to collect herself. “Me or Gul. But based on the training and abilities they had, I’d say me.”
There was a slouch to Sara righteous indignation at the comment, and her grip on her mother’s wrist weakened. In turn, Margot held her daughters hand in her own and returned the frustration with gentleness. It was the kind of reaction that Josh would have expected from Sara, but it made sense that her mother could be just as kind and soft with people; even if it was the first time Josh had really seen that kind and mothering side of Margot.
“It can’t be that bad, right? Our marks aren’t active. If it was bad, we’d be running for an exit… right?”
Connor had started pacing nervously, only stopping to make his comment. The complete disarray of everyone’s reaction was bringing genuine pain to Josh’s head. He felt the blood pressure under his bandages. His pulse was racing and he was getting a little dizzy.
“We aren’t hitting the fan just yet, no.” Margot shook her head as she spoke, both reassuring and contemplating for herself how bad things really were. “But we need to spread out for a little bit. I need to get off the grid for a week or two and you three should see if you can hide out away from here for as long as you can.”
The moment became too much and Josh slumped down on the couch. He sat with his face in his hands and he wanted so badly to press them into his eyes as hard as he could. But apart from the normal pain, he had to worry about his head injury.
“It’s a long weekend.” Sara nodded along with her mother. “We can go camping… but I don’t think Josh is fit for much outdoor travel right now. And if we leave him alone he’ll have worse dreams and might end up with a prototype mark that could kill him.”
“I can stay with Josh.” Connor muttered, stopping his pacing just feet away from the kitchen cabinet that held all of their alcohol. His pacing had slowly been taking him that direction.
Josh finally took a deep breath and let the information swirling around him settle.
“Why is it a long weekend?”
“Josh, it’s Labor Day.” Sara answered confused, but then her eyes darted to the bandages on Josh’s head and the lapse in tracking time made sense.
“I’ll visit my family.“ Josh started in a mutter that grew slowly into a more confident and decisive tone. “They have a blowout barbecue every year. Connor can come with me, they won’t care if I bring him and I kinda told them I’d be there anyway.”
Margot seemed to approve of the plan and her tone as she asked “Can you get there tonight?” reaffirmed Josh’s resolve.
“Yeah. They probably won’t expect me, but I can just say I finished my school work early and decided I didn’t want to waste half the day on the subway.”
“As long as I can get some safe food, I’m fine.” Connor said with a shrug.
There was a slow approving nod from everyone in the room. It seemed simple. But everything underneath the events that had just transpired still echoed in everyone’s thoughts. Josh, in particular, was still perplexed with what Gul had said about why the world was the way it was. It sounded like gibberish, almost political in how convoluted it was, but one thing in particular stood out.
The one that enjoys the pleasures of the victors…
It almost made sense. Someone, something, some creature or force was arranging the world to be the way they liked. Josh couldn’t think of much else in the ensuing hours. He had picked up his bag intended to be his overnight bag and waited by the door to the apartment. Margot had left as soon as everyone had decided on a course of action. Sara was busy scrambling to pack away a what scant camping gear was scattered throughout the apartment. Connor had slowly and methodically packed a bag and had been sitting quietly at the kitchen island for what felt like hours, but was probably only ten minutes.
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“Are you two going to be okay while I’m gone?”
Sara seemed nervous, less about being on her own for two days and more about leaving Connor and Josh unsupervised. There was a familiar motherly tone to her words that resonated with the same feelings that Margot had just shared with Sara. It was mildly infantilizing, at least Josh felt that way, but he appreciated the gesture all the same.
“Yeah, mom. We’ll be fine.” Connor hit back with a friendly sarcastic tone performance that didn’t mesh with the experiences of the morning.
“Are you going to be okay camping by yourself?” Josh asked, pitifully earnest.
Sara just smiled and waved it off. “Margot’s been giving me survival training since age five. I can handle two nights at campground in the woods. But I’m still worried about you guys. What if Connor’s mark isn’t enough on its own to keep your dreams at bay? What if your family doesn’t have any food Connor can eat? What if you die on the subway?”
Josh couldn’t help but laugh at the increasingly ridiculous focus of Sara’s questions.
“We’ll be fine. But if we don’t come back by Tuesday, maybe check the local news and make sure there wasn’t a double homicide at a family barbecue?”
With a light laugh and a heft of her light pack of gear, Sara left the apartment.
Without any further reason to stay and potential endanger themselves, Connor and Josh exchanged a look. Josh wasn’t quite sure what it conveyed, but it felt like a mutual understanding of some kind. Rather than let it linger, Josh made his way out the door and towards the elevator.
Leaving the apartment separately was part of the plan. Sara would go down the back stairwell that they’d just come up, Josh and Connor would take the main elevator. And while the paranoia that Margot that instilled in them on the way to the apartment still lingered, Josh couldn’t see a single sign of ill intent. There were no impossibly innocuous people trailing them, no gunshots through a crowd, and no one came up behind them with a rag soaked in sedative. Josh and Connor, at least, made it to their initial destination safely.
“It’s going to be a long ride.” Josh mumbled through the din of weekend commuters on the subway car. “And I should probably warn you, my family… they’re not the greatest kind or people to be around for extended periods of time.”
“Everyone’s family is like that, though, right?”
“I mean… sure…” Josh didn’t want to have to prove that he was right about his own family and his experiences with them, especially not in such a public space, but he sincerely didn’t want Connor to meet his family unprepared. “Everyone has their crazy uncle and super argumentative cousin. But my family is all like that. My dad is the crazy uncle. My mom is the argumentative… cousin. Don’t make an incest joke.”
Connor had an eyebrow raised and ready to go, but held out his hands and shrugged. “Should have picked a different metaphor if you didn’t want it to get weird. But hey, my dad’s not his own grandpa, so I can’t judge.”
Josh only barely made the connection and the joke didn’t land well. Not that he was prone to laugh at jokes in the first place.
“Alright. Not a joker. Fair enough.” Connor said with a sigh. “Sorry if I can’t help it though, it’s a nice way to relieve stress.”
“I get it.” Josh mumbled, quieter this time. Connor could barely hear him among the other voices talking in the car. “Sorry if I’m just a downer. I honestly had been planning on skipping the family events this year. I wanted to focus on my grades and making friends and… I really didn’t want to come back home and have to deal with all the drama.”
“Same.” Connor huffed out the word with a single laugh. “But I guess I managed to avoid it.”
“I wish you didn’t have to deal with my family though. It sucks for me, but I can only imagine how they’ll try to tease you.”
“C’mon, how are they gonna make fun of me? My life’s already a joke.”
“Well, they’re probably going to start by calling you my boyfriend. And after they learn about your dietary restrictions, they’ll probably try to convince you that it’s some kind of placebo that you did to yourself for being… you know…”
“I mean, you don’t. And they don’t.” Connor said, now with a genuine frown. “Are they really caught up on the homophobia angle that badly? I mean… you’re not…? Are you?”
“Are you?”
“I’m not homophobic.”
“I think we’re talking about different things now.”
“Oh. You mean gay?” Connor said the words so easily that Josh felt a little uncomfortable.
Connor noticed.
“I mean. I never really thought about it. Like, I thought about it. But I never really came to a conclusion. Who would want to be with someone who can’t kiss them unless they shared the same incredibly restrictive diet? Gay or straight, that’s a tall order. I’d probably just take whatever opportunities presented themselves… maybe.”
His explanation sounded partially sincere, but there was still a joking undertone that made Josh uncomfortable. Mostly uncomfortable because he knew where the conversation was headed next.
“You don’t have to tell me anything about yourself you aren’t ready to say yet.” Connor had taken Josh’s silence as a kind of answer to the question he knew that Josh was expecting him to ask. “But, if you’re family is going to be on your case and making fun of you for being different in any kind of way, I’ve got your back.”
“Thanks.” Josh whispered.
“It’s what weirdos like me are for.” Connor let loose a cheesy toothy grin that cut past the tension in Josh’s mind. “If people that get made fun of can’t band together, what’s the point.”
His comment pulled Josh’s eyes down to Connor’s arm, to his mark. With short sleeves on, Josh could see almost all of Connor’s slender and fair skinned arm. The mark looked almost perfectly contrasted with his skin tone. And, at that moment, it looked inviting and hopeful.
More of what Gul had said was beginning to piece itself together.
If a mark was a mass of potential and a tool of liberation, then it meant that there were contrary forces acting on the people the marks belonged to. People with undiscovered potential had to be quashed to continue going undiscovered. Liberation required oppression. And the mark… required an antithesis. Something perfectly uniform, but uniquely identifying. Something like a bar code.
“One more thing, about my families house…” Josh started, but as he was saying it all the confidence left his body. “There probably won’t be a lot of space… for sleeping”
Connor laughed at the implication. “You don’t have to share a bed with me. This isn’t Moby Dick and your parents house isn’t The Pequod. If there aren’t enough beds, one of us can sleep on the floor.”
Josh felt his face go red. He didn’t know what was happening. Not with the conversation, not with his expectations for his stay with his family, and not with Connor’s absolute candor. But it wasn’t something he was comfortable with. At least… not any time soon.