TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDAL BEHAVIOUR/ALLUDING
Her sparkling eyes stared at Kai for a second, and her pupils trembling briefly before saying: “Greetings, allow me to present myself. I am Goddess Lumiera, creator of this realm. We have met before, though you may not remember it. I-”
“I remember.”
Kai’s quivering voice cut her off before she could say anything else, causing a hint of surprise to appear in her golden pupils. A soft smile creased her lips, and she waved her hand, immediately illuminating the room.
“That’s great then, saves me some time. My astral projection doesn’t have enough energy to exist for long, so I’ll be brief, and I need you to listen.” She said quickly, not even giving Kai any time to answer before proceeding further.
“I asked Yurman to investigate what happened to you back on your Earth, and it turns out that whilst you stood there as a soul, a bunch of your memories broke away, causing your soul to be incomplete. That is one of the reasons you weren’t recycled, another reason is that your soul was overflowing. We are not sure why just yet, you are the first one in existence to ever be in such a state.”
“The truth is that I’ve been observing you, merely out of curiosity, but also a bit of worry. Your parents, weren’t supposed to die so early, so I simply assumed that you would be fine, but I was wrong.”
“My parents…” Kai cut her off once again, his voice quivering as tears swelled up in his eyes. “My parents, can you bring them back?... They weren’t supposed to die so early? Then why are they dead? Give them back! Ray, Elena- my parents, bring them back!” His heart-wrenching cry bounced off against the empty walls, again, and again, creating a never-ending sorrowful song.
“It’s not… I… I can’t. Their souls have been recycled, they are…” Lumiera stuttered briefly, stopping mid-sentence while staring at Kai’s brightly lit crimson pupils. “Listen, that’s not possible anymore… I’m sorry. But… we have more important matters to attend to right now.” She waved her hand right as she finished, and Kai’s mask emitted a flashing golden light that disappeared as quickly as it appeared.
“That should shut you up for now.” She let out a soft sigh, pitifully looking at Kai before resuming her speech. “I’m sure you’ve noticed by now, but you are starting to forget. More than before, Yurman and I have a theory: Because of the damage you suffered on Earth, there’s now a hole somewhere in your soul. Before your fight with Haniard, your natural mana patched up that hole, however now that you no longer possess it, the leaks are starting to burst. In short, you will gradually forget… everything.”
Her soft, yet guilt-ridden voice rang inside Kai’s mind like a waterfall crashing against rocks, and his eyes widened in fear and panic. Struggling, he tried ripping the mask off his face, however, all his efforts ended up useless, and his silent voice never escaped his body.
“Calm down.” She ordered, instantly stopping Kai’s movements. His eyes rested on Lumiera, her clothes fluttering as she began weirdly moving her hands.
“Thankfully, my angels and I managed to collect a part of your soul fragments, so not everything is lost. With Yurman’s aid, I managed to find a temporary solution to your problem, you will need to put in some work if you want to keep being… well, you.”
Her hands moved faster and faster as her monologue continued, her fine fingers eventually meeting together in a single point, which she then pressed on Kai’s forehead.
A muffled scream resounded in the air as he clutched his head, a splitting headache causing his mind to almost break apart from the pain. “Endure, this is for your good, and… ours.”
Kai couldn’t quite make out what she had said, but her heavenly voice caused his pain to greatly subside, and countless images flashed before his eyes in a few seconds.
Mom, Aunty Michelle! Nevan… he… I, huh… I still can’t remember much of him… and that bastard of a stepdad!
The seal on his mask disappeared, and so did the Goddess. Kai’s anguished voice finally escaped his body in the form of a tribal roar, his eyes lighting up in a crimson color while his muscles tensed up.
The almost broken mana veins began healing ever so slightly, some smaller holes disappearing, with the large ones closing by less than a millimeter. In total, about 0.5% of his veins had been healed, which wasn’t nearly enough for him to use any sort of mana.
“This is all I can do for you… I’m not sure when we will meet again but… until then, take care.” Lumiera’s crystal clear voice echoed in Kai’s mind for a short period while his recovered memories settled in his brain.
“Fooouuu…” Letting out a heavy sigh, he clenched his hands into a fist, feeling the small improvements in his mana veins. So it is possible, even if… He looked upward, a hint of anger hidden deep within his crimson pupils, but the helpless evident on his face masked it well. Even if the one that healed me is the projection of a Goddess.
…
Kai fell to the ground, the pitch-black darkness of the weird room enveloping him completely as the sound of his racing heartbeat and haggard breathing bounced against the walls. An unrelenting storm raged in his mind, as now with the Goddess gone, he finally had time to process what had just happened.
There is no doubt in my head, it is her. She’s the one that brought me here… she’s the one who put me with my parents… and I’m the one who asked her to make me a vampire. But why? Fidgeting with his fingers, he bit down on his lower lip, the sharp fangs digging into the flesh, causing a small stream of blood to trickle down his chin.
Curling up against the wall, he placed his head in between his legs while tightly hugging them, a soft sobbing sound escaping his body. Salty tears fell on the floor made out of an unknown material, and his shoulders shook briefly now and then as the raging storm in his mind grew.
Even with these old memories, I still can’t figure out why I chose to be a vampire. Was it because it sounded fun? She warned me… why did I go through with it? More than that… my decision led my parents down this path? What did she mean by saying they weren’t meant to die? What happened?
Me… I- I knew it… it’s my fault… If I didn’t exist… If only I… didn’t make such a stupid wish, if only those bastards never killed me… if only I was more careful…
“My parents would still be alive.” A sharp yet familiar voice rang inside Kai’s ears. Startled awake from his thoughts, he jumped on his feet, instinctively reaching for the sword, however, his fingers met with nothing, as the expected texture of the rough hilt wasn’t there. As if remembering, he eyed the blade’s location, which glew slightly despite the lack of light.
“Who is it?!” He cautiously looked around, scanning the darkness for any hint of movement, slowly but surely approaching the sword lying on the ground, his steady footsteps turning quieter as he said. “Show yourself, I know you can hear me!”
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“‘Revive my parents, bring them back,’ are you fucking kidding me? Your parents?” The unknown voice’s mocking words echoed from every direction straight into Kai’s mind, causing him to let out a low grunt while struggling to advance.
“You think you’re a hero?”
“Wake up already, you’re nothing but a killer.”
“You killed them…”
“It’s your fault!”
“You killed them!”
“You killed my parents! Not Haniard, you!”
“You fucking murderer!”
Kai’s hands flew to his head, tightly covering his ears while the sound of teeth grinding against each other was drowned out by the cacophony of words bouncing inside his brain.
“I WAS A CHILD, MR. FRITZ IS RIGHT! WHAT COULD I HAVE POSSIBLY DONE AGAINST THAT MONSTER?!”
He raised his face toward the sky, his voice breaking apart while letting out an angered cry.
“You should not have been born.” The disembodied’s voice cold tone echoed in the darkness, a hint of resentment hidden deep within. At the same time, the space around the purple sword lit up with a crimson light, and a set of eerie footsteps appeared in the silence.
“This is Ray’s, my father’s sword, isn’t it?”
Kai’s pupils widened, and a shiver ran down his spine as the voice’s words sent his mind reeling in shock. A figure slowly walked into the crimson light, its long silver hair reflecting the red hue, which bore the same color as its eyes. It wore nothing but a plain shirt and black leggings, however, its features held an uncanny familiarity.
“Why are you carrying it around? Is it some sort of trophy?” The figure dragged its fingers across the blade, dying it crimson with blood. “Do you like it? My father’s sword? Too bad I never got to see it in action… after all…” A creepy smile adorned its face while turning toward Kai, whose face turned pale.
Kai’s trembling legs finally gave in, and he fell to the floor, kneeling in front of the purple blade, his eyes meeting the strange figure’s as his trembling lips parted. “Who are you…?”
Letting out a light chuckle, the figure grabbed the sword’s handle, struggling to lift it off the ground before briefly playing with it. “Can’t you tell? Mother’s hair isn’t that easy to confuse… is it?”
Kai gulped lightly, clenching his shaking hands into a fist, and said while glaring at the figure. “I didn’t choose to be born... Not like this!”
“But you did. She warned you, and yet you accepted anyway. Look at you now… You took my life, stole it, killed my parents, and now? Playing the victim. Pathetic. You shouldn’t be alive.”
“They were my parents!” Kai retorted, his fists trembling in anger as the figure’s words hit him where it hurt most. “I… I loved them! They loved me too!”
“Did they?!” The sharp voice yelled angrily, “You deceived them, they didn’t know the kid they raised was an impostor. How dare you say you loved them when you lied to them up until their death?”
“You are nothing, your existence itself is sin. You are the reason my parents died, if it weren’t for you they would have been fine. You know I’m right.” It continued, twisting Kai’s heart further and further with each word it spoke. “The Goddess said so herself, right? ‘They weren’t supposed to die so fast’. I heard her…
So tell me, Kai, did my parents deserve to die for an ungrateful bastard like you? Revenge? Don’t screw with me! Why do you want revenge? Isn’t it only to make yourself feel better?”
“You’re wrong…” Kai whispered, his nails digging into his chest through the fabric, small crimson spots appearing on his linen shirt.
“I’m not, if you truly loved them you should have suffered more. Cried more. If you felt guilty you should have paid with your life.”
“You’re wrong.”
“Why did you even come here? Why do you want to go see Elizabeth? What is the point of all this? Isn’t it just to fulfill your selfish desires? Don’t tell me you forgot. You always wanted this.”
“You’re wrong!”
“You always wanted to be a hero, you always wanted to go on an adventure, just like those stories you read. Now look at you, living your dream, at MY expense.”
“You’re wrong…” Kai repeated the same sentence over and over again, the figure’s words seemingly awakening something deep within his soul. Fragments of lost memories resurfaced within his mind.
“Finally remembered? All those drawings you made, those stories you wrote… all of you as a hero. Is there a better story than a boy taking vengeance for his parents’ death? Deep within you, you knew, this is what you desired.”
“I don’t! I never wanted any of this to happen! I just wanted… I… just wanted a simple life… a simple…” Kai’s voice halted suddenly, his pupils trembling as he watched the figure approach him with the crimson sword, its sharp tip pointed straight at his throat.
“Just shut up already… you selfish bastard… a simple life? Bullshit.” The eerie voice became deeper, its silhouette growing slightly until it was about the same height as Kai. Its silver hair rapidly grew in length, and its facial structure morphed to resemble Kai’s.
“Just like looking into a mirror, isn’t it?” It said in a voice almost identical to Kai, whose pupils trembled as tears swelled up in his eyes. Blood trickled down on the floor in a rhythmic fashion, the crimson sword becoming even redder as Kai clenched its shaking blade, fighting against the figure’s attack.
“Why are you fighting back? Isn’t this what you want?
Death?
Freedom?
Go on! Accept my blade, let it pierce your throat, and die a sinner!
Cover this holy land with your blood, and repent for killing my parents!
Repent!
Repent!
Repent!”
The sword crept closer and closer toward Kai’s neck, its sharp tip piercing through his flesh, creating a fresh stream of crimson blood that coursed down his body.
“Repent!!!!!!” The figure let out an anguished cry, the small red pool beneath them growing faster and faster as it pushed the sword with even more strength than before. Kai grit his teeth, however, his trembling hands can barely hold onto the sharp blade, which dug deeper and deeper into his neck.
Kai’s eyes snapped shut, his entire body shaking, and images once again flashed inside his mind. Countless memories from birth up until his parents died, his entire life almost flashed before his eyes in less than a second.
Blood-mixed tears trickled down his cheeks, the sharp pain spreading from his neck almost making his head go blank. Helplessly pushing against the sword, he suddenly remembered Fritz, his words ringing in Kai’s mind louder than ever before.
He took a deep breath and, the rhythmic heartbeat slowed down whilst his mind gradually became clear. Wincing in pain, he clutched the sharp crimson blade even tighter, his arms shaking violently whilst fighting against the figure.
“Fighting back is useless now… Are you going to believe some empty words from a stranger? What a joke, you’re no better than Haniard… Repent with your life, let the guilt eat away at your flesh, and devour your soul. Give up!”
Kai grunted in pain as the figure’s strength pushed against his body, the blood-covered blade piercing even deeper into his neck, slowly inching toward the point of no return.
“No…” His shaky voice resounded weakly in the room, the eerie sound of dripping liquid ringing in Kai’s ears like a ticking clock. His heart, however, beat steadily, remembering what his old drinking buddy said, it beat louder and louder until its unrelenting song filled the room.
Kai’s eyes widened, a soft smile creasing his lips while staring at the malicious figure. As if having remembered something, he put all his strength into his hands, stopping the blade’s progress at the cost of his blood.
His knees began to shake, and he slowly began to rise as a weak whisper of melancholic memories escaped his quivering lips. “I’m not giving up…”