Chapter 11
“Ainz-sama! How about another?”
“How about it, Aura?”
Crap, how is she going to respond?
“Sure!” Aura smiled, but then the smile faded, “I wonder if I’ve eaten too much today…do you think I’ll get fat?”
A chuckle rose from Ainz’s throat, half out of relief that she hadn’t replied with something outrageous.
What was I thinking? Aura has always been the dependable sort.
At times, it was difficult to imagine that Aura and Mare had been created by the same person.
“It’s too early for you to be worrying about that,” Ainz told her. “You’re still growing, after all.”
Aura’s bright smile returned as he patted her head.
“That’s right!” She said, “I’ll grow and grow until Shalltear cries tears of frustration!”
Ainz’s hand stopped. What did she mean by that?
“I just heard something unpleasant-arinsu.”
The atmosphere cooled by a degree as Shalltear stepped into the shade of the booth. Aura’s stance immediately changed, as if she was preparing to fight for her seat at Ainz’s side.
“It’ll be more than unpleasant in a hundred years,” she said, “just wait and see!”
As the two locked gazes, Mare stepped into the tent behind Shalltear, along with the ‘intruder’ from that morning. Mare ran over to take the seat on the other side of Ainz white Shalltear was distracted. Baroness Zahradnik spread her skirts out into a deep curtsey.
“Good evening, Your Majesty. I must apologise for my shameful conduct this morning.”
“Shameful…? Ah, think nothing of it. If anything, your activities turned out to be somewhat useful.”
The Baroness looked up at him curiously before blushing and turning her gaze away.
“Useful, Your Majesty?”
“Umu,” Ainz nodded. “For instance…”
He pondered his selection of examples. Lady Zahradnik was not only a part of the Sorcerous Kingdom’s middle management, but also a Commander of its security forces. It was a combination that one would never find in a corporation on Earth outside of fiction. Admitting that she had helped to identify weaknesses in their defensive schemes wouldn’t sound very reassuring. As far as the aesthetic tastes of the locals went, Shalltear’s floors weren’t very impressive, either.
“…for instance, we never considered that one would take apart the masonry to fashion improvised traps. That was rather surprising.”
The young woman’s face paled and she turned her gaze down to the stone floor.
“Please forgive me for my destructive behaviour, Your Majesty. I will happily provide compensation for the damage that I’ve caused.”
“No need,” Ainz held out his palm. “The damage is trivial and will restore itself in time.”
“But I should still make up for the cost of labour and materials–”
“You misunderstand me, Lady Zahradnik. Damage to Nazarick’s structures will…magically restore itself. No labour or materials are involved in the process.”
He wasn’t sure if the guild base’s features could be considered magic magic, but he couldn’t think of a better term. As far as the natives were concerned, it may as well have been the case.
“Such a degree of artifice is befitting of a divine domain,” Lady Zahradnik said. “Once again, I must thank Your Majesty for the invitation and generous hospitality. I’ve been here for less than a day, yet this has already turned out to be a priceless opportunity to see how I may improve on my own demesne.”
“Think nothing of it. You have been good to the children of my friends, so you will always be welcome in this place. Be sure to come and visit once in a while–ahem, I should see about ordering those hot dogs…”
Ainz leaned over the railing to speak with Tokitsu. The Head Chef and his stand hadn’t budged from its place below the VIP booth, so it had become something like Ainz Ooal Gown’s personal hot dog stand. In his haste to move things along, Ainz ordered one for everyone in the booth, including himself. He stared down at the loaded bun in his bejewelled hand.
What do I do with this? Furthermore, three of the people here are Undead. Can those two even eat–never mind, they’re eating them.
He felt a twinge of envy at Shalltear and the Baroness’ ability to eat. Going through the motions of eating was possible for him, but he didn’t want to leave a mess of chilli, cheese, and onions on the inside of his robes.
“The Head Chef has been asking for feedback on these,” Ainz said. “What do you think, Lady Zahradnik?”
On the far side of Aura and Shalltear, the young noblewoman stopped mid-chew. Her brown eyes glanced about before she visibly forced down her mouthful.
“It’s very…indulgent, Your Majesty. I believe that the hawkers catering to the Grand Arena in Arwintar aim for something similar. The offerings there fall far short of this, however. This food item feels like it has been painstakingly refined explicitly for occasions like these.”
He nearly lost the toppings on his hot dog as he listened to Lady Zahradnik’s analysis. Aside from the first part, it didn’t have to do with the taste at all. Food culture was growing in the Sorcerous Kingdom, however, so he was at least somewhat equipped to render an appropriate response.
“So you think it would be well-received in the Sorcerous Kingdom?” He asked, “I was considering the introduction of various dishes with the surplus of available ingredients.”
“Something like this would be considered a luxury by nearly everyone,” Lady Zahradnik answered. “Short of seasonal festivals, there are very few occasions that would be appropriate for it.”
It’s just a hot dog…
“What about the league matches?” Aura asked.
Ainz’s nonexistent ears perked at the suggestion.
“League matches?”
“The Commanders training in Warden’s Vale have practice matches every day,” Aura said. “Once a week, they have an official league match that people come and watch.”
“Hoh…”
The Sorcerous Kingdom had a distinct lack of entertainment, particularly for the masses. He struggled to think of special occasions and relevant events and most of what he anonymously submitted to the suggestion box was met with the withering disapproval of Albedo. Everything that the NPCs came up with grew into over-the-top affairs with his name plastered all over them. Now, out of nowhere, it seemed that Lady Zahradnik had established a sports league…or something close to it.
“It’s nothing special, Your Majesty,” Lady Zahradnik said. “I just thought it might serve to promote the martial culture in my fief. It’s nowhere near as extravagant as this or even what goes on in the Empire.”
Martial culture?
An image of Knights at a tourney manifested in his mind. He hadn’t been to Zahradnik Barony, but his travels around Re-Estize and the Empire hadn’t shown him much of that either. Then again, territories with a strong martial presence had little need for Adventurers so it was natural he would never frequent them as one.
“That may be the case for now,” Ainz said, “but I still think it’s a wonderful idea. Who knows: one day it may spread beyond your territory.”
“…to other military bases, Your Majesty? I suppose the Frost Giants had something similar before we started in Warden’s Vale.”
How could he explain spectator sports to her?
“You mentioned the Grand Arena in Arwintar,” he said. “Someone once told me that the Imperial Army rarely participates in the matches held there.”
“I believe that’s correct,” Lady Zahradnik replied. “At the same time, however, the Grand Arena is a powerful propaganda tool for the Empire. The matches make violence palpable to the citizenry, bolstering the recruitment efforts of the Imperial Army and causing the people to be more amenable to militaristic expansion and the costs that come with it. The Grand Arena is a platform that glorifies imperial policy on many levels.”
Hmm…
When she framed it in those terms, he was reminded of a certain ramble by Punitto Moe about team sports being a conduit for tribalism and nationalism. Before their time, Buenos Aires – a city that once existed in South America – had been destroyed by a thermonuclear device because of a football match.
But this world doesn’t have anything like that, so shouldn’t we take advantage of the benefits?
“Having a unifying sense of identity in the Sorcerous Kingdom isn’t necessarily a bad thing,” Ainz said. “Do you not use these matches for a similar purpose?”
“I do, Your Majesty,” Lady Zahradnik admitted. “But the military has always been a part of Warden’s Vale’s identity. I am afraid that using the same methods on the rest of the population would lead to public attitudes that run counter to national policy. Countess Corelyn has mentioned that the Slane Theocracy has this exact problem.”
“Is that so?”
“Yes, Your Majesty. Perhaps due to their conflict with the Elf Kingdom in Evasha, belligerent attitudes towards other races were encouraged and allowed to run rampant. As Your Majesty knows, the majority of the Theocracy’s population has shifted from a Human-centric stance to a Human supremacist stance. When the Duchy of E-Rantel was annexed, Countess Corelyn noted that the Theocracy’s forces posted along the border were just as worried about their own people causing an incident as they were of an Undead invasion.”
“I see,” Ainz nodded. “Then we should proceed carefully on the matter.”
He would have to consult with the three great minds of Nazarick. Whether they wanted them or not, there were bound to be international conflicts in the future. Using sports to foster a sense of national spirit seemed like a good idea, but the Sorcerous Kingdom’s population wasn’t supposed to demand blood and conquest. Any Players who saw that sort of thing would surely use it as a reason to band together with others against them.
“That matter aside, Your Majesty,” the Baroness said, “I believe that the culinary artisans in my demesne would be very interested in learning how to create such wondrous food.”
It’s just a hot dog, right?
“Shihotsu Tokitsu, Nazarick’s Head Chef, would be the person to approach regarding that,” Ainz said. “He’s the fellow running the stand below us.”
“I noticed that he’s some sort of Beastman…a species of Orc, perhaps?”
“Close. He is a Boarc.”
“A Boarc…how is that written, Your Majesty?”
Eh…explaining that is just trouble waiting to happen.
Upon arriving in their new world, Ainz discovered that many of its races shared the same names as their Yggdrasil counterparts. Fortunately, many of those races didn’t know what those names meant.
Orcs, for instance, were spelt out using the characters for ‘pig’ and ‘demon’. Of course, calling them ‘Pig Demons’ would cause all sorts of problems. Similarly, Tokitsu’s race was spelt out as ‘wild pig demon’ – in other words, a Boar Demon or ‘Boarc’ if one were to follow the same naming sense as Orcs.
“Do you have a problem with Orcs and their kin, Lady Zahradnik?”
“No, Your Majesty. It’s quite the contrary. A tribe of Orc refugees was delivered to my demesne during the winter. When they arrived, they said something about being prisoners in the Holy Kingdom and that Your Majesty promised them asylum in the Sorcerous Kingdom.”
“Ah, them. How are they faring these days?”
To be honest, he had completely forgotten that they existed. He didn’t even know where they had ended up, as he had contacted Shalltear to transport them from their prison to conserve mana.
“The Gan Zu Tribe’s situation has stabilised greatly since then,” Lady Zahradnik said. “Per Your Majesty’s will, I granted them a parcel of unoccupied land large enough to comfortably support their tribe.”
“Then it seems that I have imposed upon you greatly, Lady Zahradnik.”
The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.
“Not at all!” The Baroness immediately lowered her head, “It is my honour to serve Your Majesty. Our issues lie in the fact that, while they have mostly resumed living as they have in the past, they’ve also seen some of what the Sorcerous Kingdom has to offer. Some of those who wish to participate in our society are having trouble finding their place.”
“Hasn’t our overarching policy been to let each citizen contribute according to their own ability?”
“Yes, Your Majesty. Unfortunately, the open-ended nature of that policy is both promising and unhelpful at the same time. Many of the things that exist in the Sorcerous Kingdom don’t even exist as a concept to many of its citizens and so remain outside of their worldview. The vast majority of our citizens have a very narrow worldview overall, so one of the most challenging issues is creating the web of conceptual connections necessary for an individual to know where they stand. I have been doing my best to guide my subjects, which is why I sought to leverage your Head Chef’s expertise. Not only may he serve as an inspiration to the Orcs, but he may also be able to help us found an institution for the education of professional Cooks and the development of the culinary arts.”
Somewhat intimidated by the Baroness’ ambitious energy, Ainz turned his attention back to the hot dog in his hand. How did it lead to something so grand?
“On that front,” he said, “I believe your proposal holds great merit. Now that you’ve mentioned it, I can’t recall the existence of any cooking schools in the region.”
“Two educational avenues exist for professional Cooks in the region. The most common is through the guild system. The other is as a member of the kitchen staff in a wealthy household.”
“Ah. I suppose that would explain it. Then we shall be the first. The Head Chef may participate if he wishes. Also, if you need any materials, equipment, or recipes…”
“I believe that nearly anything from the Great Tomb of Nazarick would be far too advanced for the time being, Your Majesty,” Lady Zahradnik said. “Building a foundation for the institution is paramount, so I will endeavour to enlist the Head Chef’s assistance.”
Right. She was that sort of person, wasn’t she?
He couldn’t recall everything from their exploration of the Katze Plains – or most of it, for that matter – but one of the things that truly stuck out about Baroness Zahradnik was the strange pairing between her lofty ambitions and level-headed outlook. It wasn’t a personality that existed in Suzuki Satoru’s old world. The ambitious on Earth needed to be willing to trample anyone, steal anything, and destroy any obstacles to achieve success. Taking too long to do so would only see someone else steal their work. Everyone else kept their heads down, lest they become collateral damage.
A glob of chilli dripped off of his hot dog and seeped between the bones of his hand. It was probably a bad idea to foist his food on a group of girls, so he turned to his left.
“Here you go, Mare.”
“Th-Thank you, Ainz-sama!”
Mare received the hot dog with a timid nod. Ainz smiled to himself as he watched the boy take a ravenous bite out of it.
“If you were that hungry,” Ainz said, “You should have joined us at the festival this afternoon.”
“Eh?”
The Dark Elf lowered his food and looked up at Ainz in confusion.
“You know,” Ainz said, “the festival happening along with the tournament? I can’t imagine that you weren’t aware of it. Aura and I spent the entire afternoon looking around. There were many interesting sights to see and plenty of food stands to try out.”
“But Ainz-sama said…”
Mare’s eyes glistened with tears. He sent a betrayed expression past Ainz to his sister.
“O-Onee-chan! Why didn’t you tell me?!”
“It’s your fault for shutting yourself in as usual,” Aura told her brother. “You can’t just hide with your books all the time.”
“But I’ve been working hard, too!” Mare cried, “I wanted to go to the festival with Ainz-sama!”
Countless gazes turned in their direction as Mare’s wails rose from the booth. Aura looked away from her brother with a stubborn expression.
“It’s about time to start the first match,” she said. “You better clean up your face, Mare.”
With that, Aura hopped down to the field and made her way to the announcer’s platform. Ainz placed a hand on Mare’s shoulder.
“There, there,” Ainz said. “The tournament runs for a week. We’ll have plenty of opportunities to visit.”
Mare sniffled.
“I-Is that a promise?” He asked.
“It’s a promise,” Ainz answered with a nod.
With a resolute expression, Mare rose from his seat and scrubbed his tear-stained cheeks. Lady Zahradnik’s gaze followed him as he left the booth.
“Is Lord Mare not spectating the match, Your Majesty?” She asked.
“Mare is fighting in the first match,” Ainz answered. “Come to think of it, you wouldn’t know about the tournament schedule since you just arrived. Mid-tier matches are in the morning and high-tier matches are in the evening. The tournament format is round-robin, so the competitors are ranked according to their point totals at the end.”
“Then I shouldn’t have selfishly taken up his time today,” Lady Zahradnik sighed. “Who will Lord Mare be fighting, Your Majesty?”
“Sebas. Tonight’s second match will be between Albedo and Cocytus.”
“…the Prime Minister will be fighting the Grand Marshal?”
Ainz chuckled lightly at the Baroness’ dubious tone.
“I suppose it sounds strange to you.”
“Yes, Your Majesty. It isn’t unknown for members of a government to possess martial competency, but I’ve never read or heard of any case where the leader of the king’s cabinet duels the head of the military in a tournament match.”
“When you put it that way…I don’t recall if you’ve met Albedo before…”
“I haven’t met Her Excellency the Prime Minister personally,” Lady Zahradnik replied, “but I understand that she is supposed to be some sort of powerful Demon who could stand against Momon the Black.”
“Perhaps she’s been hiding from Ludmila,” Shalltear said in an amused tone. “That being said, I wonder what sort of scheme that woman’s been up to…”
He gave Shalltear the barest of glances. Was it a woman’s intuition at work? Unlike most occasions, Ainz had a sense of what Albedo was ‘scheming’. He remained silent on the matter, however, believing that the Guardian Overseer’s ploy would be of greater benefit to Nazarick if it remained a secret.
The lighting around the arena dimmed and the excited spectators hushed. Aura hopped down from her referee’s platform and walked out onto the middle of the field. Her gaze swept the darkened seating before she raised a microphone – or, rather, a magic item modelled after one – to her hand.
“Welcome, one and all to the opening night of the Nazarick Grand Tournament! Has everyone been having fun?”
A cheer rose in the wake of her words, reverberating across the arena. Aura looked up at the crowd with a satisfied nod.
“Un! Let’s all thank Ainz-sama for giving us such a wonderful event!”
The resulting response shook the air and rolled into the night sky. Ainz stood to offer a reserved gesture to his far-too-fervent followers.
All I did was make a suggestion – I didn’t do anything at all after that!
His emotional suppression triggered to eliminate the overwhelming sense of guilt generated by the undue praise. At this point, the pedestal that Nazarick’s denizens placed him on felt like a sophisticated form of bullying. Aura had to thump her mic for nearly a minute to get everyone to quiet down again.
“Our first match of the night is a doozy! In the black corner, we have Nazarick’s number one silver fox, the Butler of Steel, Sebas Tian!”
“Sebas-sama!”
“Do your best, Sebas-sama!”
Above the general din, Ainz heard the voices of Éclair and his subordinates, along with Tsuare and Pestonya in the seats next to them. As far as popularity went, no one really disliked Sebas, but very few were fanatical in their support.
“Lord Tian is wildly popular among the women in E-Rantel,” Lady Zahradnik said. “If the tournament had been held there, he would have received a much more energetic reception.”
“I-Is that so?” Ainz said.
“Yes, Your Majesty. Lord Mare seems to have a far greater number on his side.”
How does she know that?
“In the green corner,” Aura’s voice sounded again, “we have–”
“Mare-sama!”
“Mare-samaaaa!”
A great chorus of voices roared out before Aura could finish his introduction. The entire area to the booth’s left seemed to erupt in great fervour as the denizens of the Sixth Floor all at once stood and offered their support for Mare. Massive banners were raised by treants and smaller beings wildly waved flags with Mare’s face printed on them.
Hm? What’s Yuri doing in that bunch? She’s not a part of the Sixth Floor…why is she cheering for Mare and not Sebas?
Yuri did work with children a lot, so maybe that was it. One wasn’t obliged to cheer for employees in the same department, after all.
“ANYWAY!” Aura shouted into her mic, “In the green corner, we have Nazarick’s number one crybaby, Mare Bello Fiore!”
“O-Onee-chan! That’s not what I wrote for my introduction!”
“I know!” Aura grinned.
For the second time that evening, Mare sent a look of tearful betrayal at his sister.
“Onee-chan…” he said as he raised his staff into the air, “you big dummy!!!”
Raging torrents of mystical energy swirled in the air over the arena, coalescing into a vortex of power that illuminated the arena like a second sun. Aura looked up, her mouth falling open.
“Mare, you–”
“「Petit Catastrophe」!”
Aura dove to the side as the maelstrom of energy came crashing down. She rolled over the sand once before vaulting herself into the air with her free hand and landing on her feet.
“Match start!” She shouted into her mic before leaping away.
“That Mare,” Ainz grumbled, “he overdid it.”
“He is a boy, after all,” Lady Zahradnik said. “After getting embarrassed like that, it’s not surprising that he lashed out.”
“I-Is that so?”
The Baroness looked over at him curiously, then just as quickly averted her gaze.
“It is the case in my humble experience, Your Majesty. Perhaps it isn’t so with Elves.”
As far as Suzuki Satoru’s experiences went, society frowned upon aggressive tendencies in its members. Any children who acted up were quickly medicated and their parents were charged for the treatment. The cost of that, of course, would bankrupt any regular person, so parents made extra sure that their children wouldn’t put the family’s finances at risk with undesirable behaviour.
Down on the field, Sebas was patiently waiting on his side of the arena while Mare calmed down. Ainz pondered the outcome of the duel. He was certain that Mare would win at first, but expending a huge chunk of his mana on Petit Catastrophe significantly altered the odds.
No, Mare still has the advantage, doesn’t he? That Touch Me was damn cheap when it came to equipping Sebas.
Rather than purposely skimping out on Sebas’ items, Touch Me’s priority was making sure he looked like a butler. Stationed as he was behind Nazarick’s ultimate line of defence, no one expected any of the NPCs placed on the Ninth and Tenth floors to put up much of a fight against any invading force that broke through.
Of course, the other guild members who designed NPCs on those same floors at least put some effort into properly equipping their creations. Touch Me, however, reasoned that being a Monk was enough to get by. As such, he crafted item frames that most closely portrayed what he imagined a butler should look like and didn’t use any top-tier materials or data crystals to craft them.
This would have landed most characters in a pitiful state, but Touch Me was right that being a Monk made up for basic equipment shortfalls. To top it off, Sebas’ race was very strong in the natural equipment department. Unfortunately, it probably wasn’t enough to overcome one of the strongest Floor Guardians of Nazarick.
How would I win if I were him?
Monks were usually a terror for magic casters to deal with, but Sebas’ equipment situation meant that he didn’t have the obscene magical defences that a Player Monk would. His best bet would be to close the gap while using Skills to weather Mare’s spells. Once he got into melee range, he couldn’t grapple his opponent since Mare likely had a Freedom effect active, but Sebas could pummel him with a non-stop barrage of unarmed attacks.
Trying to cast normally through a Monk’s insane attack speed was nigh impossible, so Mare would need to rely on his arsenal of Druid abilities and metamagic. With a good portion of his mana already spent, the Druid would be in big trouble unless he pulled off something ingenious.
“Th-Then,” Mare said in a quavering voice. “Here I come.”
Sebas raised his gloved fists and dropped into a balanced stance. Mare pointed his staff at his opponent.
“「Reverse Gravity」.”
The Monk punched downward in an attempt to create a handhold in the ground, but he fell upward at the same time. As Sebas went into the air, Mare cast another spell.
“「Triplet Maximise Magic – Sunbeam」.”
Brilliant light lanced out from the Shadow of Yggdrasil. Unable to control his trajectory, Sebas took the beam full-on but managed to shield his eyes to avoid being blinded.
“Oof,” Shalltear made a face, “it’s a good thing that Sebas isn’t Undead.”
“It’s still an effective combo,” Ainz said. “With Sebas falling up through the air like that, he can’t dodge the beams.”
As they spoke, another beam struck the hapless Monk. Ainz frowned as the third beam hit Sebas, who was by now several hundred metres in the air.
Why are the beams still hitting him? He should be out of range–ah, wow, that’s dirty.
Ainz furrowed his nonexistent brow as Mare turned into an anti-air battery a hundred times more powerful than an arcology’s defence lasers. Much like the First-tier spell Magic Arrow, the Seventh-tier Sunbeam allowed the caster to emit an additional beam for every tier of the caster. The difference was that each beam could be independently used at will and was far more powerful than a Magic Arrow. Since the spell only checked to see if the target was in range upon casting, it didn’t matter how far away they were after the fact.
To top it off, it wasn’t a channelled spell, meaning that Mare was free to cast other spells even while attacking Sebas with additional beams…and he was doing exactly that.
“「Greater Stoneskin」, 「Magic Shield」, 「Power of G–”
A dark streak fell out of the sky, smashing into Mare and throwing a cloud of dust and debris high into the air.
Looks like Sebas assumed his racial form to fly out of Mare’s Reverse Gravity effect.
Ainz leaned forward, trying to see what was happening, but the only thing he could make out was the sound of a violent scuffle. A moment later, Mare flew across the field, bouncing several times as he tumbled through the dirt. He started to get back to his feet but Sebas, who had reverted to his Human form, was on Mare in a split second.
“Owie!”
Mare’s head snapped to the side as the Monk caught him in the face with a flying kick. The Dark Elf Druid fell to the ground again. He curled up into a trembling little ball, trying to shield his head with his arms.
“I-It hurts…”
Sebas’ fist froze mid-swing. Mare looked up at him with tears in his eyes.
“S-Sebas-san, it hurts!”
Whispers started to rise from the crowd.
“The poor boy…”
“Look at how much blood is on Sebas-sama’s gloves!”
“Mare-sama’s beautiful face is ruined!”
“How could he? Oh, Mare-sama!”
“Should an adult be beating on a child like that?”
Uh, they’re both the same age just so you know…
Of course, no one would think that given what was happening in front of their eyes. A powerful man in his prime was beating a little boy bloody. As with Suzuki Satoru’s world, it seemed that image was everything.
“I sent my footmen to train at Lord Tian’s dojo,” Lady Zahradnik said. “I hope he isn’t teaching them anything problematic.”
An awkward atmosphere fell over the arena. Sebas lowered his fist and straightened the lapels of his coat.
“I shall concede this match,” he said.
“Um…” Aura looked down from her judge’s stand, “Winner: Mare Bello Fiore.”
Sebas’ exit was accompanied by polite applause. Ainz could only scratch his head at Mare’s ‘ingenious’ victory.