I was talking to my friend Walter today, and he let me know that you should never lose hope. Yeah, half the farms aren’t hiring cause they’re ash-deep; yeah, rent hasn’t slacked in years. But we’re in this together, and we have each other’s backs.
If you’re getting pressed by your landlord; if your boss thinks you don’t deserve pay cause of what you wear or what you say; then know you can always come to a Mishkan Outreach Center for help.
Don’t let that Conclave nonsense fill your head. Walter and I agree; Mishkan’s here to help!
Spring 34
Valkyrie still couldn’t talk.
No matter how she prayed, begged, or wept, she could not talk!
What would Alisandra think?
Tch, I should have known
All bluster, just like the rest
I have no use for broken toys
She shuddered.
And I have a speech to give in eleven days!
Her pre-written words already delivered by some fancy House lawyer. What would happen if she stood on the platform and gaped like a fish?
Best case, Alisandra would drag me to Waves and dump me. Worst case…
She wouldn’t think about the worst case. Alisandra wouldn’t allow it!
“Just crack this stupid spell, and nobody will even know!” she whined without sound.
The girl searched the loft high and low for that ever-shifting journal, but she could not find where she had dropped it. Desperate, she ventured back into the library.
Several hundred pages later, she happened upon an idea with promise.
For the Guardian, being one half the self, hath set eyes upon the lower
Like the furious jailor, ever attentive to the immured
Act then as the prisoners, united across many cells to the same aim
For each strand spun out must be caught or allowed to slip in turn!
Like a play where she assumed every part! Then, when her dancing puppets had set the Guardian on a wild goose chase, she would descend into the Garden and…
Of course, she had yet to manage a return to said Garden, but that was only due to her entirely rational desire to avoid being thrown off a cliff again! With an army of herself at her back, matters would be different.
Or, at least, only her shadows would suffer.
Like Thea and her dolls, right?
Valkyrie paced the loft, planning. This was to be a spirit journey, the loft her otherworld, and she would have to decorate accordingly.
“Just you watch, Rie. I’ll find the ritual to reach you!”
After a moment’s consideration, she raided the closet.
Four puppets? Four’s a good solid number, right?
Indeed, the closet held everything she needed. From church frippery to decadence, she found every outfit she could image – and several new possibilities – all waiting. A few of the daring ones especially tempted her, but she regretfully declined.
After all, she could strut her stuff anytime. Tonight was for magic.
Brushing deeper, she sunk into history. Here were elementary uniforms, achingly saccharine Sunday best, and pink nightgowns. She flitted through, shrugged in disinterest, and returned to her bed.
Her final picks were a wide net: a noble’s winter jacket and dress in crimson, a schoolgirl outfit cut much sleeker than any she’d ever worn, a peasant dress of boring brown, Azure skirts, and a fur-lined black dress of artful tatters.
Glancing around one last time, her eyes pointedly avoided her mother’s letters still on the dresser, surrounded by crumpled up replies. There was nothing of magic in that.
“Perfect.”
As the sun set, she arranged her props. With each, she assigned a name from library legends.
Athena – Wise and patient, underestimated by her foes
Noble jacket and noble airs
Only the finest of jewelry and spirits
Though the only alcohol in the loft was cooking sherry. She poured a cup for the aesthetics, and it instantly stank up her room.
Aphrodite – Schoolgirl
For her flowers from the rooftop garden
Brilliant and loved and dangerous
She laid out school books and rolled up the schoolgirl skirt two inches.
Gaia – Enduring and quiet
Peasant dress and pleasantries
The girl mom wants me to be
That unfavorable persona received cleaning supplies from the kitchen and a peasant dress.
Persephone – the walker of the underworld
Azure skirts, I guess? Funny. We don’t have a god of death here…
Let her name be bait enough
She took a few minutes to think loudly about the legend of Persephone and the underworld – broadcasting the brilliance of such a resonant name for any pesky Guardians to hear. Then she laid out her shoes for a long journey and set a bag of ‘rations’ beside the door.
The stage set, she hopped onto her bed and assumed an appropriately meditative pose. Who to start with?
I am Aphrodite, ready for my day of school.
Valkyrie laid back on her comforter, yawned, and rose languidly. Then she dressed as Aphrodite, letting her fingers play over the pleats until she could smell the textbooks. Then, taking a mental snapshot, she undressed.
She repeated this waking ritual for the others, savoring each role in turn. She left only the black dress, avoiding the thought of her secret way…
First, though, she would bore her Guardian with routine.
As Gaia, she hurried to the kitchen, tied an apron around her waist, and mimed cleaning a few dishes.
First time for everything, right?
Next, changing yet again, she strutted to the loft in noble finery to survey her domain.
Then, growing tired of changing and mind groaning at three images superimposed onto her world, she put on her shoes and froze with her hand on the doorknob to the greater world. Beyond, she imagined the Garden!
Finally, she shed all her clothes but her underwear, returned to the couch fort, and…
…waited.
“…I guess it's like a junker car? Gotta jumpstart the scene?”
Closing her eyes, she started the apartment like a car. A rumble in her imaginary floor, the first rays of daylight, and then…
Well, what would Aphrodite do?
She sits before the vanity to do her hair. Twenty count to each side, planning out her apparel for the day
So many different ways to tweak a school uniform for maximum effect
Athena?
The story has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.
She takes coffee at the table, somehow enjoying that awful taste
Flipping pages of reports brought from spies near and far
Persephone?
Breathes deep at the doorway
Her stomach full of nerves and heart committed
Gaia?
Uh…cleans something.
Their voices rose in the apartment, repeating the lines she directed, and her spine tingled with promise.
“Just a bit more!”
Keeping her eyes squeezed shut, she hurried back into the bedroom. While her feet knew the apartment end to end, she fumbled among the rumpled bedsheets and fabrics for that school uniform. Her fingers found the pleats, and…
“That’s my skirt,” Aphrodite would say.
“Let me borrow it.”
“No way. You’ll stain it with your Azure runoff.”
Valkyrie’s vision stuttered at the sudden insult. Who invited Katherine’s ice-tongued cousin?!
“Your uniform is over there,” Aphrodite decided to continue without permission, jabbing one finger at the elementary A-line jumper at the front of the closet.
Elsewhere in the loft: Athena sighed in irritation at the report, and Persephone checked her supplies.
“Oh? Really?” Valkyrie felt her way into the closet. Her fingers brushed over the fabrics; all cotton, they betrayed no hint of their grade without color. She kept fumbling along…
“Oh, actually, that one’s even better,” Aphrodite smirked.
Though she felt a high waist and tulle petticoats of some confectionary church-wear, Valkyrie pretended not to hear Aphrodite’s sharp-edged snicker and felt about the dress. Blind, she felt through layers of frills to finally locate the bodice. Tugging it over her head, she slipped her arms through the puffy sleeves and patted the skirts down.
Her hands found a high ribbon across her lowest ribs, a stiff bow at the back, and the thread bumps of an embroidered flower. If she remembered correctly, the bodice had a daisy embroidered on the shimmering blue fabric.
“Don’t forget to button up in back.”
“How helpful!” She found the button at the nape, pulled it closed, and it all down. “I don’t look ridiculous or anything?”
“You look perfect.”
Elsewhere in the loft: Athena finished her cup and set it in the sink. Done with her reports, she brushed past Persephone and picked up an ancient tome. Its title would not resolve to Valkyrie’s eye unless she focused, but she kept her attention mostly in the bedroom.
Now Valkyrie smirked. “Actually, I think it would look better on you!”
She retreated higher, turning her loft vision into a God’s-eye-view, and reached her omniscient hands into this dollhouse to switch two pieces: Aphrodite into the closet and Valkyrie before the vanity.
Though she meant to change, a sudden wave of nausea hammered her as the perspectives shifted…
Its working! I think.
She wouldn’t feel such wooziness if the magic wasn’t taking hold, right?
Suddenly, Aphrodite shrieked in a little girl’s squeak. Adorably sized to her new attire, she was all ready to hold her mother’s hand to cross the street!
Elsewhere in the loft: Gaia slipped from Valkyrie’s vision.
“Feel like calling me a brat now, Kathe—Aphrodite?!”
“This isn’t fair!” Aphrodite snapped, stomping a foot.
Elsewhere in the loft: Persephone took a deep breath and opened the front door. It revealed a glimmering field of flowers, entry to the Garden, and she took a few hesitant steps out of sight. The door swung shut behind her.
“Aw, you look so cute when your skirts bounce like that.”
“Swap us back!”
“Keep mouthing off and I’ll see if I can find you a crib!”
Her own words echoed into her ears – or Aphrodite’s ears – callous as any schoolyard taunt.
“As soon as you’re bigger, you’re just as bad as them,” Aphrodite said, voicing the unsaid.
Athena from the doorway nodded in agreement. “You are going to be a grand mage, aren’t you? Generous in victory over those who taunted you, yes?”
Valkyrie whirled. When had Athena slipped over?
Elsewhere in the loft: Persephone took a deep breath and opened the front door. It revealed a glimmering field of flowers, entry to the Garden, and she took a few hesitant steps out of sight. The door swung shut behind her.
Didn’t she already...
But Valkyrie had drawn her ritual borders, and her brain hammered with only this much running at her command. Like trying to read a book in a dream, out of sight was out of mind.
Athena frowned. “I am concerned about that dress.”
Aphrodite tugged at the ribbon around her belly. “Yeah, we’d get in trouble if we actually wore cyan to an Auren church.”
The dress in her vision lurched from cream-peach to cyan.
Hey! Knock that off! She didn’t need any ad-libbing from her dolls!
The dress remained stubbornly cyan.
“Not that,” Athena reasoned gently. Where Valkyrie japed, she smiled and spoke softly for the child. “That is a young girl’s dress. We are not that small. It would have to be custom tailored.”
Valkyrie felt a flicker of irrational jealousy at that grace – the presence to tower while standing at eye level.
“So Sebastian has free time. He tailored the rest for us!”
Athena wagged a finger. “But how did he know we would need such a dress?”
If our soul is truly hidden, how would the Witness spy?
Unless he already Witnessed this moment
Valkyrie and Aphrodite both blinked at Athena.
“Oh,” they mumbled together.
“T-that at least means the magic is working! Even the Witness can feel it!” Valkyrie added.
“He’s creepy,” Aphrodite muttered.
“Never mind the Witness,” Athena encouraged them. “We are not here to solve his mystery today.”
“Why am I lumped in with her?!”
Why was she always – always! – lumped in with the children?! She would be sixteen in a matter of–
“I’ll be six in a matter of days!” Aphrodite complained.
“Yes, and then life will change.” Athena stepped over to secure Aphrodite’s hand firmly.
She reached for Valkyrie, but the girl shook her head. She did not need an overacting distraction to guide her!
Smiling, Athena relented. She and her charge turned for the living room.
Eyes still closed, Valkyrie followed slower. She groped until she found the dresser; then the wall; then the door.
Would have been easier if you took my hand, wouldn’t it?
But you fear how you are seen
You must pre-empt their complaints
“Enough lip!” Valkyrie commanded.
She rose to omniscience and swapped pieces again!
Now Valkyrie led the way down the hall, holding Aphrodite’s small hand in her own.
The child muttered, “I hope my new life is more fun than school.”
Hells, when was the last time I had actual fun at school?
Vague memories of when she was small enough that Mother would toss her skyward and laugh…
Aphrodite giggled. “That was fun!”
They walked past Persephone, still stuck in her exit loop and fuzzier by the moment.
Behind them, Athena emerged into the hallway wearing Valkyrie’s overalls and pageboy hat. Catching up quickly, the adolescent mooned, “Fun when Ali threw us skyward from the loft garden too…”
Now Athena was gushing over the Lady Mishkan and Aphrodite giggling at everything?! This was all wrong!
“Stay in character!” Valkyrie despaired.
“Lead by example,” Athena countered.
For a moment, Valkyrie saw her own insouciance from the perspective of the army of teachers she had tormented over the years.
She flinched away, and the scene skipped.
“Why don’t we take a breath outside?” Athena cajoled, now holding Aphrodite’s hand again.
Valkyrie swallowed. Beyond the confines of her loft vision?
“You can open your eyes if you want.”
What if this tenuous magic evaporated on sight? What if she opened her eyes to reveal she was just prancing around in an empty loft?
“Okay. We’ll be outside.”
Though if Persephone could not exit the loft, then how could…
Athena led her small charge outside to discuss the stars.
Valkyrie shivered. She had imagined Athena taking such initiative.
Right?
Persephone gave a sigh of defeat and evaporated into sea foam, leaving Valkyrie alone in the loft.
R-right. Now’s the time to sneak into my–
Outside, Aphrodite shrieked. “It’s raining!”
Sure enough, a surprise patter of droplets sounded against the windows.
“Hurry inside now!” laughed Athena, ushering the girl inwards. In her haste, the woman smacked her elbow against the side of the door.
Hells!
Did Valkyrie’s elbow ache too?
Focus! Garden!
She could assume Persephone’s role and leave these two to mind the loft for her guardian. Now was her chance!
A distant roll of thunder rose like competing engines to the west and north; the power cut out.
A little girl shrieked again, and Valkyrie barely kept her eyes shut.
“I am going to be a mage!” she muttered between her teeth.
“But what is a mage?”
“Prometheus, I suppose.”
“Why do we want to be one so bad?”
“I suppose it is like an adult but better. Freer and better looking.”
Who is even talking now?!
Several more pulses of thunder followed the first; each began with a high whining and punctuated with a tremendous crash of metal on metal.
Valkyrie stumbled on the blankets discarded from her couch fort and fell back onto a stray cushion.
Her head swam. Which way was the door?
Which way was the way to her Garden and that terrifying Guardian?
“Why did she have to be so mean?!” she squeaked.
“Where’d Aphrodite go?!”
“Over here,” Athena called, approaching. “There should be candles in the cupboard.”
“I need to find the way!”
Need to be able to prove that Mother wasn’t right about all this!
“Found them!”
“Hurry now. You know how Aphrodite feels about the dark.”
“I’m not afraid of the dark!”
“I am,” admitted Valkyrie, dragging a stepstool over to pull candles from the high reaches of the kitchen pantry.
“Well, nobody asked you!” Aphrodite shouted, punching the cushion between her legs. Her skirts bunched and bounced with the kitten’s blow.
“The dark can be dangerous,” Valkyrie reasoned, pulling down matches next, “and we are not exactly built for fighting…”
“Now whose fault was that again?” Athena interjected. “Who was it who felt the Stormmother intrude into our womb-born slumber and decided to redecorate?”
For a moment, a fourth vision joined them. A girl broad and plain, hair mousey and figure on the plump side.
Spitting image of a younger Belle.
Aphrodite and Valkyrie both recoiled at this stranger.
“Mom looks fine!” Valkyrie defended.
“But – given the choice! – who wouldn’t…” Aphrodite agreed.
Who wouldn’t make a few alterations? Tug a few strands long dormant in the family line to combine into a pleasing picture?
Small and cute is better
Sweet as summer and a smile to melt butter
Wouldn’t life be a little easier that way?
Aphrodite, five foot tall on a good day–
“Fifty-six and a half inches,” Athena corrected from overhead. “Counting correctly is important, Aphrodite. That means no ‘rounding up’ on measuring day.”
Admittedly, we might have overdone it a bit on that front
How were we to know the thrill would wear thin
The fiftieth time we had to fetch the stool to reach the flour?
The woman reached down and hooked Aphrodite behind the armpits, hoisting her back to her feet.
“Are you hurt, Dia?”
Dia shook her head. “Don’t give me a nickname like that! I’m the one in charge!”
“But names are how we define ourselves. You knew that, sweetie. Even before Mirielle whispered into our ear, you knew it in Song-dream and whisper.”
“But…”
“And you decided to name us, didn’t you? Like you named Rie.”
Because you needed a friend
Athena tipped back Dia’s chin to stare into her eyes by candlelight.
Except her eyes were closed. So why could she see Athena so clearly?
“Now that you find that the dance is bigger than you alone, you begin to wonder…”
Am I going mad?
“Pretty much!” Valkyrie laughed, joining them with the candles.
Both of them towering over her, and she balled her fists in her cyan petticoats.
“To dance one must swirl freely between positions,” Athena reasoned, “else it is a military march with extra fashion.”
“You were already letting Rie take a crack at the pilot’s seat,” Valkyrie agreed, grinning. “Why not…”
Why not let go and see what happens?
Dia trembled, tears in her eyes. “Y-you have to do what I say!”
“And which one of us is ‘I’?” they answered together.
Why are you so sure that you are the center anyways?
“It won’t even be hard,” Valkyrie huffed, losing patience.
As she always did.
“Let me just–”
She reached, and Dia’s world squeezed to a terrified point. Dia couldn’t really – she couldn’t not be – she would not stand for it!
Dia lashed out. She reached for the omniscient view – and finding her grip on it less than absolute – hurled the dollhouse to the ground.
A loud pop sounded as the power returned.
Eyes flying open, Valkyrie tumbled to the ground among her sheets.
Wearing a cyan church dress puffing up between her knees.
Her elbow throbbing with a fresh bruise.
And a flickering candle held in one hand, wax dribbling onto her thumb.
What had been real?
And what the pantomime of a lunatic girl alone in the loft?
Sweating, Valkyrie rose on shaking knees.
So much for finding my Garden that way.
Having flung the doors of her mind open, she now squeezed herself tight, unsure if her grand vision quest had been the seed of wisdom or madness.
Shamed, she set herself to cleaning up the props of her theater before Ali or the butler showed up to ask why she was playing such pretend.
As she worked, she reassured herself by degree that this was the real world. The words of Athena and Aphrodite-Dia just her own doubts chewing on her heels. Or even figments sent by her Guardian to waylay her!
In time, she would conquer every obstacle and navigate the narrow road!
As dawn neared and her thoughts turned to bed, Valkyrie finished convincing herself that her human mind was as solid and reliable as a steel vault.
Meanwhile, her echoes sang:
What if there is no great Mystery to be found?
No heroics or incantations bold enough?
What if my ‘magic’ must always slip inexorably over the next horizon
No matter how fast I run?