My face was contorted. My regular features had been changed drastically, twisted into something else, something...strange. My normal low cheekbones were now high and sharp, creating a contour with a piercing chin and jaw. My pupils boiled golden in their sockets, the white of my eyes painted with granular veins of red irritation. A prominent brow that might have been considered comely was broken open right above the left eyelid—the source of the swelling.

My teeth were straighter, my nose was longer and my hair was an odd ashen color, cut roughly and angular, undercut on one side. Thin braids hung down on either side of my temples, framing my face and drawing focus to my most notable features: my ears. They jutted out from my head like a fox.

“Why do I look like an elf?” I asked, gingerly touching my ears. I went all the way to the top and could still feel my fingers. That sensation was real.

I sighed.

All in all, some might call this an improvement.

I glanced down at the rest of me and drank it all in. I was thin and muscular.

Nice!

I’d never been in terrible shape necessarily, but I definitely hadn’t been winning any swimsuit competitions. Less beach bod and more beach bum.

But now I was kind of…shredded. At least, in the same way as one of those lean, scrappy trailer park dudes who were always getting into arguments about cigarettes outside of a gas station.

What I had thought was bruising I now realized was just my skin. I had mottled, tattoo-like patterns cascading down my limbs, fingers, and toes and it was very green. The markings themselves looked a bit like leaves or petals and--honestly, seemed pretty cool. I’d never gotten a tattoo before, but had always wanted a few—now it seemed I didn’t need to.

If you had asked me yesterday how I’d react to being attacked by a maniacal monster and then shot through a portal into an abusive river in the middle of a forest and my physical appearance literally transformed—I would have said “badly.” It may have been the shock, but there didn’t seem to be any culminating mental break down on the horizon. I was surprisingly calm.

I was the Buddha.

I stood up and looked around me. Everything hurt and the meter above my vision kept flashing at me.

Low Health! 5/50 HP remaining!

Well, how do I fix that? In this strange new existence where there were apparently video game rules, how might one go about navigating? It all seemed highly improbable and more than a little illogical.

Now that I was standing I could see this side of the shore better. There was a raised, rocky bank ledge that stood a few feet from the ground. It traveled up and back into a wide stretch of hard granite that finished out into a healthy treeline perhaps two hundred feet away.

In the center of the stretch was an abandoned campsite—a couple of stout logs gathered around a cluster of black char and a long-cold fire.

I smiled at my luck. If I could get the fire started, I could dry myself, at least get warm, and maybe even cook something to eat. I could feel my stomach rumbling as a new notification popped up in my field of vision.

You need to eat! Going without food for too long will lead to negative effects on your Skills, Abilities, and Stamina!

Okay. So that made sense, if this world was, in fact, based around video game rules. I just needed to find something to eat. Then, maybe some of my strength would return.

As I reached the ledge, the closeness of the ground was jarring. This new form was much shorter than my real body. The crumbling stone ledge couldn’t have been more than five feet, but it was level with my eyes. It may as well have been a privacy fence. Back in my old body, I was five-foot-ten inches, so I was much smaller in this new form.

Much of the rock here on the edge had cracked due to erosion and was loose as I applied my mass. I knew I’d need to be careful or I’d have a nice fall onto the jagged pebbles below—a death sentence probably with my remaining health. However, with a smaller body came less weight and I found that I was able to slip easily up the broken rock face and over the edge onto the raised, porous stone.

Dusting myself off, I cautiously approached the site and examined the firepit. It was cold. I’d need some fresh wood to replenish the blackened sticks. Making a fire would be a bit more difficult, but, this would give me a chance to attempt the friction method from scouts almost twenty years ago.

A breeze brushed across my skin. It raised goosebumps all over me and I shuddered. I’d need to get this going soon. It wasn’t nearly as warm as it looked, and the last thing I wanted to do here was die of hypothermia before I’d gotten a chance to figure out what was going on.

As I moved around the site, I kept my eyes peeled for both usable kindling and anything that might lessen the wrench of hunger overtaking me. I realized that my limbs felt numb. The cold and lack of energy forced me to shuffle along, unable to move very quickly.

I stepped on something soft and looked down. Peeking out from beneath a pile of broken granite was some sort of blue fabric. I reached down and tugged at it with my right hand. It was wedged pretty firmly but I felt a little give. Grasping it in both hands I set my stance wide and pulled hard.

Aw hell.

I had misjudged and landed hard on my ass. Instant dull pain shot up through my tailbone and spine. But I had the fabric.

I held it up against the gray sky while I lay on my back recovering. It appeared to be a billowy blue vest. The trim of the piece was covered in patterned stitching that resembled letters. It didn’t seem particularly warm.

You've received

[ Torn ] Vest!

[ Clothing ]

Rarity: Common

Durability: 9 / 30

Looks light and breezy.

Just what I need to combat these shivers.

Equip [ Torn ] Vest?

Yes/No

Why not?

I reached out and to my surprise I was able to select the “Yes” option and press it. There was a mild, tactile sensation in my selection, an electric fuzz of warmth that reminded me of touching the screen of an old tube television while it was on.

I accepted, and the vest appeared on my body. It hardly covered anything at all, but it was better than walking around with my titties out.

Love this story? Find the genuine version on the author's preferred platform and support their work!

Another indicator appeared in my field of vision—a green bar of stamina. It screamed at me to rest.

Your Stamina is low! 0/100 remaining! You may need to rest or eat before it will return to normal. Check to make sure you’re not over-encumbered from carrying too much weight!

I chuckled and looked down at my mostly-naked form. Weight probably wasn’t the issue. I felt like I would benefit from a warm meal, a hot bath, and a dry nap.

Come on food! Show yourself!

Perhaps my extra concentration helped because I noticed slow movement to my right. I glanced over at the large rock next to me and saw the careful trawl of a little sunbathing lizard, stretching out to move into the sun from beneath my shadow. It seemed otherwise unaffected by my presence.

Yikes. Am I gonna have to kill this little guy and eat him?

I saw his tiny body repose and settle in a sunny spot and then very cutely yawn.

Could I even kill him and eat him?

I felt my stomach rumble again, and the pain was immense.

Absolutely.

I looked around for something to do the deed with. My eyes rested on a fallen branch. It was about two feet long and seemed pretty dry and solid. It also looked like it would burn well.

Well, two birds, one stone. Or rather, one lizard, one stick.

I sighed and lifted the branch up above my head. Its width was a bit unwieldy in my grip. Now that I was armed, a small, yellow bar appeared above the creature’s head. It may have been his HP. I gulped. The lizard was unmoving, enjoying his afternoon respite.

Well, I suppose if you have to go, mid-nap is the way to do it.

TWACK!

I came down on the lizard with as much force as I could muster. The yellow color of the bar shook and dropped down, quickly fading to a red sliver before disappearing. The lizard’s smashed body remained as I lifted the club. As I focused on the carcass, a prompt flitted in front of me.

+25 EXP!

Curiouser and curiouser.

So Experience was awarded as was typical for a game.

What could I allocate the points to? Would the improvements in skills make me better at them?

I recalled the feeling of euphoria from learning new skills earlier and smiled. Hopefully.

Then another prompt appeared.

Loot [ Sungecko ]?

Yes/No

Well, I didn't come this far in killing a helpless creature just to let it go to waste.

I selected Yes again, enjoying the feeling of the there-but-not-quite click as I did so. Another little square menu with a single item listed in its content lines sprang up as I did.

Sungecko Meat [ x1 ]

Take | Discard | Hoard All | Leave

I selected “Take” and the box disappeared. A little message swam in front of me.

Sungecko Meat [ x1 ] added to Inventory!

The little menu disappeared.

That easy, huh?

Then, another message sprang up in front of me, instantly filling me with the same sense of wholeness from learning Medicine and Nimble Gesture.

New Skill Learned [ Blunt Weapon Fighting - Level 1 ]

This is a COMBAT SKILL for specialization in clubs, cudgels, hammers, and other miscellaneous objects used for bashing.

This is neat!

I began mentally assessing how likely I’d continue using a bit of wood to defend myself if something better came along. Extremely unlikely. Then, another message arrived.

New Skill Learned: [ Woodwise - Level 1 ]

This skill allows you to forage, hunt, and track animals. It also helps aid you in constructing shelter, finding water, and keeping your orientation in the wild. Be careful out there!

I was so desperately missing Lina and Anubis. I needed to find them, and fast. If I had somehow stumbled into a world of game law, and I wasn’t just fabricating all of this, it would be very, very bad for them.

I took a breath. Honestly, Lina was smarter than I was, and she’d have probably figured out what was going on a lot faster than I did. She caught on to rules quickly, had already been excelling at tabletop games long before I met her, and I was always trying to get her to dive into some RPG or MMO because I always believed she’d enjoy it. She wasn’t interested though.

There was a hard pit in my stomach as my anxiety began to rise. What if she or Anubis had been slammed hard against the rocks as well? What if they were just a pair of bloated corpses sailing along in the current of the river? I wanted to vomit and cry at the same time. I tried to think about something else.

“Let’s see if we can get this fire started,” I said, more to reassure myself of sanity than anything else. The smear of gecko meat was gone from the rock, and I could only assume it was somewhere on my person. I hefted the thick branch that was my recently-acquired weapon and rested it against my shoulder. I zeroed in on the small campfire and approached. A new message greeted me as I stepped within five feet of it.

[ Campfire ] Would you like to activate?

Yes/No

I shrugged my shoulders to no one and selected in the affirmative. Instantly, the branch I was holding disappeared, and I watched as the two halves of it fell out of thin air into the circle of the fire pit. I heard a scraping noise from somewhere and the two pieces of wood immediately ignited. A fire materialized.

“That’s actually super fucking cool,” I said aloud. The fire felt nice and warmed my cold, green skin. There was so much I would have to get used to.

I saw the campfire had another indicator above it and I focused on it.

[ Campfire ] Would you like to engage further?

Yes/No

I chose yes again and a few options appeared.

> Stoke

> Cook

> Put Out

The first option, Stoke, was gray. Suppose I’d need to get more wood to stoke the fire. Instead, I selected Cook and watched as an additional menu expanded. It must have been my inventory. Several tabs rested at the top, but the one open said “Ingredients.”

Equipment | Weapons | Quest | Items | Ingredients | Junk | Gifts

I saw the Sungecko Meat, but there were no other items on the list. I tried to select another tab but found that I couldn’t.

“Guess I’ll have to figure out how to open my inventory some other way.” I quickly selected Sungecko Meat [ x1 ] and saw a description.

Sungecko Meat [ x1 ]

A lean protein with an earthy taste and a tough texture. Best prepared over an open flame.

“Not like I have much of a choice,” I chuckled, “unless I’m going for sungecko sushi.”

Cook Sungecko Meat [ x 1 ] ?

Yes/No

“This is getting tedious,” I said.

I clicked yes quickly in frustration.

“This better not be how everything works.”

A slim skewer about eight inches long appeared in the rock in front of me and rested on the edge of the fire. Bloody raw meat sat lanced on the tip of it, slowly roasting on the fire.

I watched for a few moments until the meat began browning, and then instinctively, I flipped the skewer over so that the other side could cook. The aroma of the searing meat was lovely, and my stomach responded in kind. I couldn’t wait to eat—I was starving.

After a few more moments, the meat looked cooked through, so I removed the skewer from the fire.

You have cooked [ Okay ] Sungecko Kabob [ x1 ]!

A tasty treat for the adventurer on the go! Make sure you blow on it before you scarf it all down! Replenishes 15 HP and 30 Stamina.

Wonderful. I’d be a little bit less likely to keel over then! But why was the kabob only “okay?” That hurt a little. I was pretty sure I did everything correctly. I mean, it wasn’t rocket surgery!

Then another message popped up.

Skill Level Increase: [ Cooking - Level 3 ]!

Your skill in Cooking has increased to Level 3! You can now cook and prepare more complex meals with a higher chance of success! You have access to White Ribbon Level Dishes!

That was good news! But wait—why was my default cooking skill so much more advanced than others? Was there some system that transposed my real-life abilities into the game world? I was a bit offended that I was only considered a Level Two until now. This game was broken.

My stomach growled again, so I decided to finally try my “okay” kabob, and blew on it from a few inches away.

“I’ll show you an okay kabob, you stupid fucking game,” I said, scowling. I brought the meat to my mouth and took a tentative bite.

Shit.

It was only okay. I’d cooked so much better grub in my life. The meat was a bit charred, indicating that I should have pulled it off sooner. It was also pretty gamey and definitely needed some seasoning. Even just salt would have helped the flavor tremendously. But I was so hungry, I devoured the whole thing in just a moment and even gnawed some of the charred, inedible-looking remains plastered to the skewer.

With a pleasant rush, I felt some of my strength return. I glanced at the HP gauge in the corner of my vision and saw it grow from a blinking red 5/50 to a solid orange 20/50. I was almost halfway! Many of the cuts on my body turned to scabs, and the dark bruises faded, becoming lighter. Scrapes disappeared completely. I watched as my Stamina shot up to thirty, and I felt as though I’d gotten a short nap.

Huh…What an interesting place!

I made up my mind not to think about it too much and just accept this new reality, at least for the moment, so that I wouldn’t succumb to a psychological fracture. Luckily, I’d spent a good portion of my life lying to myself, so this would be a cinch.

I relaxed, rested my back against one of the logs, and gazed up at the sky. It was mostly gray and cloudy, but patches of blue would occasionally meander lazily by. I sat for a bit, warming my frozen feet at the fire and picking meat out of my teeth with the skewer.

Eventually, I drifted off.