Beware of the swear words...

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When my mind ascended from the unconsciousness, the first thing I could perceive was the sensation of something crawling on my arm. Its body wasn’t cold but rather cool and it’s scales were soft and a little ticklish. Then I started to feel warmth of the bed and softness of blanket, against my bare body. Strangely the contrast of warmth wasn’t unpleasant to me.

I decided to take a peek on my small guest. Suddenly I heard a sound of door opening. I turned around and saw Illiador standing there. As my attention wondered away from my arm for a moment, now I could not feel my guest. I lifted my blanket and there was nothing there on my arm either.

I made a complicated face, while contemplating on whether or not I was insane.

Illiador noticed my expression.

“What’s wrong?” – he asked with concern.

“Nah, nothing.” – I replied like a teenager and then stood up of the bed.

“By the way, why am I naked?” – I added, while stretching my body. It was horribly stiff.

“Well, those things that attacked us, they’re poisonous. People say that these creatures have been lurking in this area for more than half a year, or so. A witch-doctor here in the forest, nearby this village was able to create something like an antidote. “– he replied, somehow seeming troubled.

“And?”- I replied, starting to do sit ups.

“Huh, you’re sharp”- he said, while giving a sad smile.

It was actually obvious, his expressions were telling me everything, at least deceived me into thinking that way.

“So?”- I asked, while doing push ups.

“You see… When you passed out, they quickly checked your body and finding out that you were poisoned and a human, they wanted to throw you out across the wall. I persuaded them to let you stay here and give you the cure. They were reluctant at the start and called it a waste to give it you, but eventually gave up, under my mention of ancient laws. They said that they doubt you will survive, as the cure itself causes excruciating pain, for a price of destroying the poison in the body. Also,”- he added with a sigh,-“…they don’t welcome you here and they gave you a month to recover, afterwards they want you to leave.”

I sighed as well, mainly because I finished stretching and my little exercises. It was not outside of my expectations that they’d not want me to remain here. A month? That was more than enough for me to organize everything I needed.

“Anyway”- he continued,-“you were out for 3 days. We were told that you will scream and your body should be bound to the bed, but you were just quietly lying there and that’s it. We were worried at first that maybe antidote didn’t work and started to panic. We begged the guards to call for witch-doctor. Once she was here, she checked on your body and said that the cure was working. She called you an interesting case, while quietly observing your body. Once she understood something she asked us to tell you to seek her, once you were awake that is.”

The door suddenly opened and a head popped out through the gap. It was that young girl with a bruise on her face, well no bruise there now. The instant she saw me, she blushed and with ‘sorry’ rapidly closed the door.

Illiador sneakered, giving me a smile.

“So yeah, where can I get some clothing?”

*Knock* *knock*

“Umm, the clothes are outside. Sorry for…” – the door was still shut and only this could be heard coming from the other side.

“Don’t worry, it’s ok. I’m not that bothe… Ah, she ran away.”- I said with fake melancholy in my voice, causing more snicker to come out from Illiador.

I was given a simple grey shirt with long sleeves, a pair of black long pants, a knee high black boots and a mixed fur pelt. The pants were a bit baggy, but not bad enough to obstruct running. The boots felt comfortable, warm and would be quite steady on the snow. The pelt looked warm but because of different pelts looked ugly and cheap.

Suddenly, I had an epiphany. My equipment, my cape, my sword. They look too expensive to be thrown away and they were very sturdy in a fight against monkeys, maybe couple of scratches, but nothing beyond being irreparable.

“Illiador, where are my clothes?” – I asked, with a bit of strength in my voice.

“Ah, the guards disposed of them. They were torn up by the monsters, so there was not much to do, that’s what one of the guards said.” – Illiador said. I could feel a hint of irritation in him.

I never trusted the man, but I could feel that it was the truth, leaving one of the guards to blame.

After I put my clothes on I told him that I want to go for a walk for an hour. He wanted to go with me, but I needed some alone-time.

I was obviously going for my cape… or the guard. Illiador knew it.

“Malcolm, please don’t cause trouble they already don’t want you here. These people were changed by the monsters. They are not quite what they were before in my memories. Please be careful.”- said Illiador, while looking at me with a complicated expression. I was surprised he called me by my name and not just human.

“Yes, I’ll be back in an hour or two.”- giving him one of my “business” smiles, before I left. Both of us knew, I was going, specifically to cause trouble.

When I got outside I realized that it was fairly cold, but still bearable. Something like -15 or -20. I was still very glad to have the fur coat on me though it was not as good as my cape, and it mildly annoyed me.

I took a deep breath taking in the frosty air in my nostrils, tingling them with the cold and partially freezing all the moist in them. As I exhaled my nostrils melted and gave a refreshing feeling to my nose. This simple activity raised my mood a little bit. I do like winters.

The village was surrounded by wooden walls with something like watchtowers standing in 4 positions. I was surprised to see that the village actually had 2 fortresses and they were attached to it as something like a courtyard. Seeing their locations and comparing them with each other, the village in my mind was in a shape of a octagon.

Scolding myself for wasting time and pointlessly thinking, I decided to check each of the fortresses. I was going to ask some questions or demand, if it would get out of hand I would even use force. If it escalates way too far…I’m afraid Illiador will be disappointed with me.

2 fortresses, 2 choices on what to start with. I labelled each fortress with their respective number and then decided to go first to fortress number one.

As I entered the fortress through the small door, the first thing that got my eyes was a young looking elven guard wearing no helmet, a light brown leather armour and a very dark grey, almost black cape, my cape. Other guards were wearing leather helmets with some iron in the front and leather cowls and furs with the colour similar to their armour.

The guards all had refined faces. Their facial features were a bit effeminate, reminding me of the pop-stars back in my world.

“Hey, you in the cape.”- I said while giving quick looks to my surroundings, while walking towards him. It wasn’t even a fortress. It was more like a small courtyard. Get rid of ‘like’, it was a small courtyard with some walls and 4 small towers around it. On the right side I could see something like a small shed and a broom lying near it, where on the left was something like a toilet, the shack looked haunting. Looking at it I realised, that I actually need to go to one. Between 4 watchtowers they had bridges that were covered by stake looking points of the logs that themselves were part of the wall.

The convict himself seeing me had a surprised look on his face, not scared-surprised though.

‘Well if these are the elves, like the ones from fantasy books, this will be, should be resolved peacefully without any attacks and aggressions.’- I thought while looking at him.

“What the fuck do you need from me, human?”- he said loudly, almost yelling.

I laughed inside at my stereotype being ruined.

“I need you to return me, my cape that you stole from me. The one that you’re wearing, if you didn’t get it. I also need my equipment, my weapons, my armour and lastly my jewellery if not at least their location. Please that is.”- always be courteous.

“Huuuh? Why the fuck should I know where your shit is ? This is my cape. Mine. I found it on the street a week ago! You have a fucking problem with that, human ? If you going to pester the guards of this village you might as well go and get fucked by the vhujra themselves!”- he was yelling this time and continued to do so, while I was casually ignoring the rest, while trying to recall what his speech reminded me of.

Eventually it came to me. He was just like those generic delinquents and tough guy characters in manga and novels. Recalling the days, I sighed a bit and smiled.

Meanwhile the guards had noticed us and started to come closer, to see what was all that commotion about.

“Shut up. You’re annoying.”- I cut him off and then continued.-“ I propose you a challenge, a duel and even a death match if you want to. I hope at least that way we can solve our troubles.”

Being courteous gives people an illusion that they can take advantage of you. By carefully luring the beast, you can turn the tides of the hunt. The one with advantage can be suddenly at disadvantage, the one that hunts suddenly becomes the hunted.

Now we were surrounded by the guards. Ironically the guards looked at the ‘thief’ with the same disgust as they looked towards me. I grinned seeing this and thought that perhaps I could even risk a bit and then get away with it.

“Duel! You hear that gents! A fucking duel! How very human of you, scum! Biting each other’s throats over a stick like some fucking animals! Murdering each other! You do know that the murder is a grave sin?!”- he was screaming at the top of his lungs

“Shut up, you’re too fecking loud.”- could be heard from behind of the crowd with mixed laughs that is.

He stopped and looked in the crowd. Taking advantage of the situation I started.

“Well isn’t theft a real crime then. And seeing as we haven’t started a duel and you stole from me, you’re the obvious criminal here. Not to mention the ancient law that you guys have.”- I said loudly, especially the ancient law part. This was all based on assumptions, but I hoped my audience as well as the thief were dumb enough to ignore that fact.

Hearing my point, our audience started to look at the thief with a bit more scorn than before. It was crap of an argument but it was enough to pressure him.

“F-Fine, let’s duel then human.”- he said while unsheathing his sword. It looked like a copper sword.

At that I turned around and started to walk towards the shed.

“Where’re you going ?” – the thief asked.

“To get a weapon.” – I replied while grabbing the broom that was lying close to the shed.

“Pfft, a fucking broom? You don’t even have a fucking sword! Somebody give him a sword!” – he said, while trying to enjoy crowds attention as much as possible.

I asked a nearby guard, whether I can break the broom in half or not. He just nodded, but said if I do, I’ll get in trouble with cleaning lady. I snapped the broom leaving only its long handle. I grabbed it so the blunt part up goes up.

“No, I don’t need sword. This is more than enough to deal with you.” – I said with indifference. Don’t get me wrong I wasn’t underestimating him. I didn’t know or see his skills, but I highly doubted that they were on the same level as mine. On the other hand, if I had a sword I had a high chance of killing him. I was far from master of the sword after all and killing him wouldn’t solve anything, only add troubles.

“This duel is in place, to decide whether that gentleman over there a thief or I am a liar. The winner will be able to ask or take whatever they want from the loser, money extortion, life and so on. The rules are if one of us passes out, gives up or obviously dies they will lose. The winner will not have any responsibility over loser. No prejudice should be directed to him afterwards. Do you agree?”- I announced.

“Yes, the snow will turn red with your blood and piss, human.”- he said, while smiling. He on the other side was underestimating me.

He either was a good fighter or a fool. Seeing the looks from other guards, the last one is more likely.

“You alright with it, I presume?” – I asked our audience.

“Fecking start already,”- was all I got in response.

Grinning, I took a stance and waited for my opponent’s attack.

I decided to play it safe, try out his attacks and see a pattern in them. As the snow started to float in the air his swings were flying towards me, ferociously with the thought to kill. Slightly dodging his attacks, I noticed that they were actually quite sloppy and his footwork was all over the place, perhaps of the snow or perhaps not. It was really obvious that he was an amateur. He had some skill mind you and with a bit of luck would probably be able to injure one of those horsemen elves, but that was the extent of it. When the whole picture of the situation came into my mind, it made me cringe over his stupidity.

Feeling like teaching him a lesson, I decided to toy with him. I started to lightly tap on parts of his body and tell him what would happen if I had real sword. I was seriously tapping lightly, or at least trying. He was trying to block them and dodging them every now and again, but it was all futile.

“Dead.”

“Dead…”

“Dead.”

“Lost an arm.”

“Lost a leg.”

“Dead.”

“Dead again.”

And so on.

The only thing I was getting back, were stupid half-baked taunts. It seemed that nothing could faze my opponent. I, yet again, started to question his thinking abilities.

Getting bored of this game, I simply added strength to my swings.

Our little ‘fight’ concluded with his broken wrist.

As he was about to scream the words of defeat, I ‘slapped’ him with a stick. His “I give up” was interrupted by him growling.

The fight has ended, but not the duel.

Thus my questioning commenced. Gentle version of course. Wouldn’t want to push my luck any further.

He was lying on the ground with his right wrist in his left hand, moaning and cursing. He had a red purplish mark on the side of his face, on his cheek, giving him more of a delinquent look.

Stolen novel; please report.

“I need the location of my things.” – I said, while taking my cape of him. I decided not to trust his honour and chose a practical approach. Well effectively the whole duel farce had only 2 purposes: one, demonstration of strength and establishing infamy and two, creating the situation where I can question him, without consequences. It’s much better when people are afraid of you, than disgusted. It’s more convenient that way, as people would think twice before treating you like shit or double-crossing you.

“Fuck yo…”

*Smack*

I tapped him on the face again. I was careful to miss the nose and his teeth. It wasn’t the time for blood, though the audience looked like they wanted it.

“I need the location of my things.”- I asked yet again this time, trying to sound as quiet and gentle.

He spat at me.

It seemed to me, that people in that world were more resistant to pain, unlike back in mine. I knew that this world was far crueller than mine, but still this resistance could be respected. I thought that getting information in this world would be slightly more tedious than back in mine. Still, I was getting tired of this farce.

While being slightly irritated and pondering over such thoughts, I heard his wrist crunching under my foot. That was usually the sign to stop.

This activity was effective. It opened his lips for more than just swearing and screams.

After gaining all necessary information and the key that he kindly handed over to me, I thought of making him pass out by pressing his pressure points, but because he was in pain, his muscles were tensed up and it would be impossible. So I ended it with classical punch in the chin.

The crowd seemed a bit disappointed and was quietly leaving the thief passed out on the snow.

When I asked, whether they are going to help him or not they just shooed me away. I was considering something like that to happen but it was one of the lesser possibilities. I mean, they were protecting the village together. There must have been at least some sort of camaraderie.

Still this opened me an opportunity to set up a semi-good impression. And earn some good ‘karma’.

Though doing so in this would be quite pointless.

I threw my stick back and picked the thief up and started to carry him on my shoulder. He was a bit heavy for me, but still bearable.

When I turned around, I saw a middle-aged elven lady looking at me with my improvised ‘sword’, that I just threw away, in her hand. She did not look very happy.

After dropping of the thief to some ladies and instructing them on what do, I marched to the location of my treasure.

I walked outside of the village, wearing my warm cape and having fur coat across my shoulder like an empty sack, which was exactly what I was planning to do with it. There were some changes in my cape: the engravings were shining a little bit brighter and were stretching a bit further down below my shoulders, where before the light was dimmer and the engravings were slightly above shoulders. It was weird and this wasn’t giving me a piece of mind. I settled with the idea that the cape was enchanted. There was indeed magic in this world. I didn’t know how it worked and only knew that it was really hard to learn and master, making it somewhat infrequent. If the cape was indeed enchanted, it meant that it was quite valuable and rare.

Then if we consider its previous owner, the horseman, if he got it by legal means, it meant that he was rich. And if he was rich it meant that he was powerful. If he got it through other means, like looting or as a distinction from other soldiers and was able to wear it within an atmosphere where everyone wears relatively similar uniform, it meant that he was fairly high in rank. Adding to that, the fact that they were considered an elite corps, I concluded that I directly trampled over Khanates plans and would be targeted specifically with orientation on this cape.

And then it hit me.

If they were fairly high in rank, what were they doing in the village? Why were they collecting corpses and people? They were looking for someone, but knew only little about whom. And when they didn’t find them, they send a small group of elites to scout the village and bring/kill whoever they find.

‘I knew Illiador, was far too inquired for a simple villager’- I thought while walking towards the designated place.

Before proceeding any further I risked to relieve myself in this frost. Fortunately without any damage sustained on my tool.

I was walking into the dark woods, through the frozen marsh. There I found a small abandoned house without doors. The building didn’t have any windows, nor any furnishing. It looked very depressing. I picked up one of the wooden planks on the floor and found a chest, under it. I opened it with the key and took all my belongings from it, plus an iron gauntlet that I found there. I didn’t everything else because it wouldn’t fit in my sack and the rest of the treasure weren’t worth taking, like silver spoons and candle stand and so on. I pretty much realised that he was a real thief and not just an opportunist. That also explains, why the guards were detested by him. Unless there is another reason.

With the loot in my bag I returned to the village, to the place of my stay.

Inside, I saw Illiador sitting on chair, beside the bed, patiently waiting for me. He looked at the bruise on my face and had a questioning expression. As an answer I showed him my coat-bag. I wasn’t planning to ask him for his agenda now, but maybe later in a non-confronting way or maybe in confronting, depending on my mood and the situation.

“What a pity such young, handsome man and with such an ugly bruise.” - Looking at my face, he only said that.

I would probably laugh, if I didn’t feel irritated.

‘Me? Handsome? What, is he blind? I have scars and burns all over my face. My nose is all weird because it was broken so much. Unless, that’s the beauty for him.’- I thought before answering him. I skipped the young bit as many people did mistake me for 20-24 year old even though I was 36. I wasn’t tall and never had any facial hair, after all and because of my training, my body didn’t develop any further after I turned 17.

“Illiador, I understand your sarcasm, but I do not find it funny. Please don’t joke around about my appearance. Ever.”- I said relatively humbly, particularly putting focus to last two sentences.

“What are you talking about ? You look young and handsome. So handsome for a human, you might be mistaken for an elf. You look no more than 11 as well mind you. A youth, a young man that just entered his adulthood.”- he answered confused.

I just looked at him like he was some kind of psycho.

“Is there any mirror or bucket of water or something?”- I asked anyway, giving up on him.

“Here’s a bucket , here in the north we don’t have much mirrors.”- he answered me, while giving me the bucket, beside his chair.

Not really caring about his statement, I picked up the bucket and looked into it.

The reflection was unsteady and because of the light you couldn’t see some features like specific colour tone or minor facial features.

I, was shocked. I tried to frown and realised that my face didn’t feel strained and my skin stretched.

I didn’t have any scars or any burns and I was a lot younger.

I looked just like I was before my family died.

I touched my face, checking whether I was hallucinating. It was smooth, without any facial hair or scars, my nose was just like it was before small and well proportionate.

He was right, I did look handsome, but I was disappointed. I had this sense of loss in me. Those scars were the proof of whom I was, they were me, my biography, my story.

I put my arm back, trying to feel a knife scar that I had there, with my fingers. It was not there either.

I placed the bucket on the floor and sat down on the bed.

“Are you okay there?”- he said with concerned look on his face.

“…”- I was sitting and thinking of impossibility of the situation.

As he was about to leave and call for help, I called for him to stop, and waved so that he sat down.

“Yeah, I’m alright. I was just a bit out of it.” – I said while thinking, that perhaps this world has changed my appearance back, healed me or something of the sort.

I stood up and asked Illiador for witch’s location.

She wanted to see me and tell me something.

‘Maybe she will tell me more than she planned.’

Before going out I washed myself and put my full attire - dark grey shirt, black pants, knee high black boots, ebony leather armour with crimson engravings, on the left hand simple steel gauntlet, on the right leather gauntlet with similar engravings as the armour and dark red almost black leather greaves. I equipped my sword with its obviously black sheath, bow was dark brown and the quiver was just brown, but had red engravings on it.

‘This would be easily spotted, in the daylight in the snow’- I complained inwardly.

Her house was outside of the village but just like the village it had wooden walls with gates and runes inscribed on them. The walls though were a lot taller and the inscriptions looked a lot more complicated.

The gate was closed. I knocked couple of times and then tried to open the gate myself, it wasn’t locked. Inside her courtyard it was like a different time of the year, you could see trees and bushes everywhere. Birds were flying from one tree to another, many insects flying around bushes and flowers. I kneeled and touched the grass. It felt just like the one in my world.

I closed the gate after myself but didn’t lock it. The house the witch had looked less like a medieval house but more like those houses from American westerns. It really fit with the scenery of trees and bushes.

I walked up the small stairs towards the door of the house and knocked on it.

All I could hear in response was muffled ‘coming’. The door had strange shapes on them and engravings of pentagrams carved on the sides.

The door opened.

There are two main stereotypes of witches an old looking type and young looking type of a witch, this was the second one. She had large bright blue eyes, small nose slightly pointed up and the same skin colour as me, pale. Her hair was of a strange colour purple, fairly common in my world but not as realistic looking as this one. She was wearing something of a generic ‘witch robe’, but it would easy to spot her well-proportionate figure. All in all she looked stunning. This world was truly following with all stereotypes, awakening > battle > dark forest > weird monsters > north > rough men (well, elves but that’s unimportant) > young witch > extremely attractive. There are many more examples but these should be enough at least for now.

“Hello, you wanted to see me.” – I said. I wanted to get it out the way right as the start and skip to my problems.

“Yes, please come in.”- she invited me. She didn’t have any scorn in her eyes right at the start, which was new.

Upon entering a strong scent of herbs hit my nose. The house inside looked like a mix of chemical lab and occult cult, not something unexpected seeing as she is a witch. We walked into a room that looked like a living room. She invited me to sit on a chair and then she sat down on one herself.

"Do you feel any complications after you woke up?" - she asked.

Of course that wouldn't be the only reason why she wanted to see me.

"No, I don't feel any pain or any strain on my body."- I answered.

"I see just as I figured "- she quietly said, just for herself.

"So why do you need me?"- I repeated myself. I was already guessing it would be something troublesome.

"I believe that you have the capacity to understand magic." - She said looking straight at me.

"Yes, meaning?"- I said with indifference in my voice. She said understand and not learn and learning does not necessary mean using, considering the fact that I actually had no idea of the capability of that so called 'magic', plus there is always chance that she could be lying, I wasn’t setting my hopes high. I was a bit surprised though. I started to see this connected to my change appearance. I was probably wrong, but didn’t consider that at the time.

She looked at me, in my eyes and gave me a short laugh.

“With all honesty, I did not expect such reaction, even from a human hero.”- she said with amusement –“Yes, I’ll go straight to the point. I need you to escort someone across the pole to the Southern Ocean of Trees.”

It was my turn for a short laugh.

“Why should I care? Don’t you have others to take care of this job?” – I said coldly. I was disappointed that all of that was just so I accepted the job. There was also the fact that she could be seeing me for something I am not, a fool.

“The best of our warriors are either dead or recovering from the poison, slowly under the pain of the cure. And it’s all because the spirits left us unprotected against the vhujra. I…” – she had a pleading look in her eyes.

“You shouldn’t have bothered. It was a rhetorical question. “ – I cut in and then stood up.

She gestured me to stop and then with begging voice started.

“Please you are the only one that can bring her to the South. She is our last hope, please.” – seeing me leaving she wasn’t giving up –“ it’s in the same direction you need to go to!”

I stopped and she continued.

“You’re going to be kicked out of here in a month right? And you need some place to stay, which is human country, right? To get to the closest one from this side of the world it will take you at least 2-3 years. If you will agree, we will show you the path to the south and you’ll be able to get there in less than 5 months.” – she was finally sounding more convincing.

“That’s it?” – I asked, obviously demanding more.

“No, by doing so the Ocean, not just north or south, but the whole Ocean will be in your debt.”- seeing my sarcastic look she panicked a bit,- “They will help you! They’ll do anything you want. They’ll even teach you magic if you want to and I can start as well if you accept, I mean.”

I looked at her for a minute and then sighed.

“Details.Please.”

Now the deal didn’t sound half-bad.

05-DISSATISFACTION