Kiki cleared her throat from behind us on the bed, and I slowly turned to face my cousin, her eyes wide with disbelief. I raised my eyebrows, a silent ask of Yes? She kept her comment to herself in the presence of her niece, but I assumed she’d fill me in on the ridiculousness of my notion at another time. I wasn’t so naive to believe in the thousand of years of our planet’s existence, no other generation had tried to break the cycle of the prophecy. Stories passed down told me of the exact opposite. Every queen had a tale exploiting their darker side, the lengths they took to ensure their survival. I scrubbed some of the more heinous accounts from my memory, disbelieving anyone to stoop to a certain level of depravity. My mother’s behaviors paled in comparison to the worst of them, her only slightly redeeming quality. At least, I told myself in moments of doubt, she hadn’t killed me first. Or perhaps it’s only because she learned from the mistake of her predecessors who chose the greatest of evils and wound up with child again, renewing the prophecy once more. But once she killed my father, I had no hope left. Without him, there was no chance to bear another successor.
Kiki cleared me from my reverie and asked, “PJ, what troubled you awake?” My daughter scrambled off my lap and onto the pillow again, fear shadowing her face, “Nothing, Aunt Kiki.” Einar and I shared a glance over Penelope’s head, neither of us believing her. He spoke up, “Your Highness, you’re welcome to dismiss us if you’d rather tell your mother and aunt in private of your nightmares.” She looked at me hesitantly, and I nodded in encouragement. “Ok, you and Roomy can leave.” I mouthed my thanks and he dipped his head. He left the room first with Rune close behind him. My daughter’s nightmare took precedence over our kitchen kiss, and I briefly wondered if he’d pretend it never happened, if he regretted it. As if hearing my thoughts, he turned around, his back to the door. “Goodnight, Kikana and Your Highness. Your Majesty, may I have a quick moment in the hall?”
I stuttered in surprise, “Of–of course.” Kiki shot me a look and I withered a stare at her before hopping off the bed, carefully controlling my pace to the door. Meeting him in the hallway, I stood with my back against the ornate wall, the corset of my dress digging into the gold stucco. His eyes were drawn together and he opened his mouth, but I blurted out, “I don’t regret it. And I hope you don’t either.” His face instantly relaxed, and he reached out an arm, placing it on my hip, “Thank the gods. So…we’ll continue this later?”
“Yes, please.” I quickly glanced down both sides of the corridor then leaned in, standing on my tiptoes, and placed a kiss on his lips. He shuddered a sigh as I pulled away and whispered, “Ástin mín.” I smiled brightly and he bowed. Promising to see him later, I slipped into my room, meeting two quizzical gazes on the bed.
“Mommy,” my daughter started, tilting her head to the side, “why are your cheeks so red?” My hands flew up to them, my damn pale skin giving me away, and I said, “No reason…just…um…it’s hot.” Kiki rolled her eyes at me and turned back to my daughter, “PJ, you ready to tell us what happened?”
My daughter reached out her arms to me, and I went to her, taking a place on the bed and wrapping an arm around to bring her close to me. She let out a shaky breath, “It was really scary. Mommy was on this huge field and…and there were monsters everywhere.” She furrowed her brows and squinted her eyes as she continued to recall the nightmare. “I don’t think the monsters were trying to hurt her. But there were people coming…running towards her…and they,” she choked on a sob, “they had s–swords.” Penelope collapsed into my chest, her body heaving with sobs. Rubbing her back soothingly and switching to Clydonian, I said to Kiki, “These have to be visions, right? How is she having them though?”
Kiki’s face was drawn in concern, “It makes no sense. We need to take her to someone. Have them check her out.”
“Who can we trust? Your mother thinks I left to find a way and take down Clydonia. How many others hold the same belief?”
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She cursed her mother in our tongue, “Tell your story then.” I clicked my tongue, but Kiki continued, “The truth, Birdie. I know you are protecting PJ, but if the people knew of your father’s death and then the subsequent pregnancy, they would understand your reasoning for leaving. You acted selflessly.”
“And in the process of my selflessness, I allowed the hurting and suffering of my people to continue? I was a coward. I doubt they’ll ever forgive or trust me,” I sighed, pulling my daughter, who had dozed off in my arms, closer to my chest, still rubbing her back rhythmically.
“Start by reversing decrees put in place by your mother, suffocating those not deemed ‘superior’ and ‘elite’.”
Bile rose in my throat at the mention of my mother’s decrees, ones forcing select groups of people into work camps. For absolutely no reason at all. Before she came into power, her mother had brought a sustainable peace to the world, something tentatively celebrated since all know of the prophecy. And then my mother killed her. Out of pure spite and hatred. Throwing our world into disarray once more. My responsibility and duty to the people was to right her wrongs and somehow maintain it past my ultimate demise. Simple enough. Especially considering the over-involvment of the council and my still enslaved friends. Breathing deeply to cool the fire of rage building in my body, I asked my cousin, “What takes precedence?”
“You don’t have to do this alone, you know. Lean on me and Alexi. And Einar…maybe even Rune. Let us help you,” she reached out a hand and placed it on my shoulder.
“Keek, none of you signed up for this. You and Alexi were born into a royal family, and Einar and Rune signed up for a job,” I stressed, unwilling to inconvenience them.
“Birgitta,” she squeezed my shoulder, narrowing her eyes. Using my name meant something serious with her, “don’t you dare do this self-sacrificing shit. You may be indestructible, but your stubbornness is inhibiting your success. Open yourself up to the possibility our helping you comes from a place of love for you but also for Clydonia. No, we are not required to help you. But we want to.”
My older cousin’s no-nonsense, take no prisoners attitude endeared me to her once more, and I nodded. “Good,” she patted me on the back and glanced down at the slumbering child in my arms, “meet with the council tomorrow, and allow Einar to escort you. Alexi, Rune, and I will bring Penelope to the closest city and start planting seeds of your story. But in order to get help for your daughter, we are telling the truth.” I sucked in a breath, and she shook her head, “If you want answers, Bird, a seer needs to know her patronage. Half-human, half-god, and has powers of a seer? Not possible. Half-god and half-Clydonian? Plausible.”
I bit my lip, unsure of how to unweave the web of lies to Rune, considering the moment we shared in the kitchen and hallway. Kiki read me like a book, “Tell him, Birdie. He deserves to know.”
My chest tightened, the anxiety of my secrets sitting there heavily. “Not yet,” I countered, “please. Take Einar with you tomorrow instead of Rune. I need time.”
She blew out a breath. “You’re still madly in love with him, you know.”
I carefully placed my daughter in the bed, tucking her under the covers before motioning to Kiki over the window. The wide glass pane looked out over the gardens of the palace, and my impressive vision spotted the sea in the far distance. Our three moons cast a beautiful light in the considerable darkness of the night. Staring into the vastness, I admitted to Kiki standing at my side, still speaking in our native tongue. “Of course I love him. Having Penelope only strengthened it for me. And tonight…tonight, we kissed. My gods-damn mother interfered eight years ago. She…she took my form and lied to him,” I spit out and Kiki sucked in a breath. Keeping my gaze steady on the horizon to control the boiling rage, I said, “He was ready to give it all up…for me. But my mother…” I winced in pain as my nails dug into my palms, my fists balled up so hard. “My mother heard his professions…not me.” The tendrils of power snaked out, ready to lash at the presumed threat enraging my soul. Kiki noticed and quietly suggested, “Breath, Birdie. Maybe step outside? I’ll watch PJ until you calm down.”
Not saying a word, I quickly nodded, the need to scream and cry overwhelming, and I stalked to the door, quietly opening it, and storming out into the hallway. As I opened my mouth and prepared to silently scream, something slipped over my eyes and blackness caved in.