Crap. Cake. Or more importantly, lack thereof.

“Not here,” Iain replied hastily. “Sorry to disappoint you. I used to deliver wedding cakes a lot, before I got into DJ rentals. That’s where the paunch comes from, sorry.”

Her eyebrows rose.

“Been married a lot have you?”

“No… no,” he let out a laugh. It felt good. “They were for other people’s weddings.”

“And a cake wasn’t frozen with you?” she asked, in a mix between hopefulness and anticipated disappointment. “I am less and less impressed by whoever is captaining this ship.”

“Sorry,” he tries. “I get the impression it’s just a computer system, an AI, although it does call itself ‘the’ Skipper.”

Iain realized that he’d been thinking of the AI as both ‘the’ Skipper and Skipper alternatively and decided at that point to just refer to it as Skipper. Really, was the definite article necessary?

“That’s okay,” she told him in a warm tone, patting his arm, then put on an amused expression. “I’m sure you would have brought one with you if you could. Let get some food anyways. I’m starving and as you know, I haven’t eaten in at least twenty thousand years.”

“I know how that feels,” Iain confessed.

Cygnus responded with another chuckle. He caught a glimpse of her teeth. They were white and did look to be on the sharp and pointy side. And it was just sinking in what they’d done together. Still, her ex had been a huge monster alien, so may he’d done the universe a service? Iain knew he’d have to think about it at some point.

“So what are we waiting for?” she asked.

“Right. This way.”

With no further ado, he led Cygnus to the ladder shaft and started climbing up. For the first time he thought about the ship’s artificial gravity, wondering exactly how exactly it worked. Arc had mentioned something a while back about pseudo-magnetics, but again, that meant nothing to him. He’d have to check into that in the future, at least for curiosity’s sake.

They‘d climbed up a number of decks before she spoke up again, asking, “How is it the ship still has blacked out decks? I can see Orwon having done that when he had us frozen, but that was millennia ago. What kind of ship is this anyway? Why haven’t the faults been repaired?”

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“Apparently the Skipper has been ignoring mandatory recalls for quite a while,” he told her. “Not clue what that’s all about yet.”

Although having a potentially crazy ship’s computer was a worrying concept. It rarely worked out well in any movies he’d ever seen.

As if on cue, a familiar voice filled the shaft.

Iain dear, your shirt appears to be wrapped around an unknown life form, Skipper stated. From the wall lettering on his right, Iain could see they had climbed up to Deck 21. Would you like me to exterminate it?

“No, no no!,” he ordered, then tried to sound more nonchalant. “It’s okay, Skipper. It’s just a new friend I found down on Deck 37. Her name is Cygnus.”

Iain, Skipper continued in a tone that grew in suspicion as it continued. The life form below you is unregistered. I don’t have her listed in my systems. You could be at risk. All my passengers could be at risk.

“She’s just a... her name is Cygnus, and she’s all right,” he repeated, stopping, worried at what sounded like hostility on the part of the synthetic voice. “She was brought on board against her will. By a homicidal maniac.”

I did not give you authorization to wake any other sleeping passengers, Iain.

Shit.

What was it going to do?

“Excuse me, Skipper?” Cygnus piped in. “Where was the authorization you received to assist in Audub Orwon Worldburner escape justice after leading his horde through the Quillonon sector. I would think that, since they recognize synthetic intelligences as consentients in that part of the galaxy, a clear violation of galactic treaties such as providing such aid would be problematic for you, wouldn’t it? I mean, as a consentient AI, you’d be treated like any other being associating and abetting his numerous genocides, wouldn’t you? That sounds bad, right?”

I do not have any records of providing such aid provided to any being under that title, Skipper responded, suddenly sounding unsure of itself. And if so, I would certainly act according to all galactic statutes. I am a law abiding consentient.

“Well, then you don’t have to worry,” Cygnus replied in tone that dripped honey. “Iain helped me deal with the criminal you were carrying. And you will be happy to know his remains have been incinerated according to the strictures of forty-five of ninety prosecuting systems currently accepted by galactic statute in the Adriac Belt. I am sure his victims will be happy to know this as well. Or their inheritors, I suppose, should you be interested in contacting them. The might even give you a reward, even a medal maybe.

Silence.

“I’m Cygnus Phi, by the way. And I’m so happy to have come aboard. Please accept my sincerest gratitude at providing me transport on your beautiful ship.”

Iain gripped the ladder rung worriedly while he waited for the Skipper to respond. After a few tense seconds it finally offered its reply.

Welcome aboard, Cygnus Phi, the voice replied cheerily. I am your Skipper. I hope you will enjoy your time on the Transient Void.

“That was smooth,” Iain said quietly to Cygnus as he once again started up the ladder, her following.

“You want to live as long as I have in this galaxy, smooth is mandatory,” she replied.