Tobi made his way forlornly towards the woods, his precious pouch lost in a disaster of his own making. He was distraught, and his demeanor showed it. His steps were slow and plodding, and his shoulders were hunched over. Maybe after a good night's rest he could get over such a heart wrenching loss, but not now.

The forest was cool, the moon hung high, and the sound of nightlife filled the air. Insects chirped, and the occasional predator let out a threatening growl, sometimes directed towards the bandaged man in their midst. Though he noticed none of this, his mind swamped with melancholy.

The trees blended together, looking the same after a while. The vines that hung from their boughs, and the bushes and herbs scattered about seeming the same as the last. He traveled for what felt like days to his grieving mind, but in reality was only a couple hours. He had made his way in a generally eastern direction, and he had no idea where he was.

He looked up, and through the trees he saw a beautiful sight. A massive red, glowing pouch hung suspended in the air only twenty feet away, “I’m coming my love!” he shouted, a hopeful spring in his step.

He charged through the underbrush, breaking twigs and snapping branches in his way. The pouch was only five feet away, and it wasn’t floating as he previously suspected, but instead was hanging from a green glowing vine on a tall tree. The tree towered over its brethren, and under the bark, Tobi could faintly see flowing Chaos.

He stopped in his tracks, momentum carrying him the last few feet to where he stood under the pouch. It was close enough to touch, and it smelled overpoweringly of blueberries, “I am here my sweet! It matters not that you have changed your color, you are, and forever will be my one and only love!” he professed his undying devotion to the god-pouch.

He fell to his knees, hands clasped together, bloody tears welling in his eyes, “Who the fuck’re you?” the pouch asked him.

Tobi smiled widely, a joyous laugh bubbling out, “It is I! Sir Tobi the brave!” he stood and posed heroically, “I have come for you my sweet Poucherella, not even death can keep us apart!” he reached out for the pouch, his hand inching slowly towards its divine light.

Suddenly a strange rodent like man smacked him on the back of the head with a stick, “Fuckin’ crazy tourist, took you long enough.” the foul mouthed rat swore at the bandaged man’s unconscious form. He waddled over to the side of the massive tree, it’s silver bark shining dimly. He knocked three times on the tree and a section of it fell to the ground, revealing a doorway.

The rat man muttered to himself, something about how all humans thought shiny things were put on the planet to love them, and how they should all take a long walk off a short cliff. He spent the next hour and a half dragging the man who dwarfed his weight by a large amount through the doorway in the tree, he dragged him into a circular room lit by amber stones, and tied him to a chair. The chair was set at the head of a small round table, another chair was sat on the other side, the table itself was set with plates, cups, forks, and knives.

The rat man bumbled back over to the doorway, and knocking on it again three times, the fallen section rose back to its original position, and sealed itself with a flash of white light. The rat man’s stomach rumbled ominously, he scratched his shaggy off white fur and trundled along towards a connected room, his cane making clacking noises on the live wood floor.

He entered what seemed to be a kitchen, filled with slabs of fresh meat, some of which seemed suspiciously human. On either side of the square room were wooden counters, some holding cutlery, and others contained various spices of a wide array of colors, one of which seemed to be hopping away desperately. The rat man grabbed the fleeing spice bottle and smacked it heavily against the wood, it fell still.

He grumbled about something and walked to the other side of the brown wood room, towards a set of scary looking sharp objects. He took what looked like an obsidian butcher’s cleaver, and retrieved a less human looking slab of meat. After cutting off the best looking bits he snapped his fingers, and what looking like a primitive wooden stove leaped to life. He set the meat on stone slabs set atop the stove, soon the decadent smell of cooking flesh filled the room. He took several spice jars, several of which voiced their protests at being handled so roughly, and put several dashes on the cooking meat.

After finishing his impromptu meal, he carried the still blistering hot meat, bare handed, out to the table of the bandaged man. The man was snoring softly, so the rat took a jug of what looked like wine, though its true contents are anyone’s guess, and poured himself a glass. The rest of the just he splashed on his dinner guest, “Wake up!”

Tobi startled awake, he tilted his head confusedly, “Dear host, I seem to be restrained.” he pulled against the rope, his eyes wide, “My Poucherella! Where is she?”

The rat looked at him askance, “What is it with you crazies, always with the obsessing.” he took a bite of his roast, “You know, the last one I had here was obsessed with corn husks. What’s that about, huh? He had a whole thing going, corn shoes, corn clothes, corn hat. Looked like a goddamn scarecrow.” he shook his head, completely ignoring Tobi’s plight.

“Please good sir! I have just witnessed a miracle, the love of my life was taken from me, but I saw her again outside a tree! She was reborn! You must help me.” he said.

The rat sighed, “Wasn’t your ‘Poucherella reborn boy. Just a warders pouch to keep away the forest beasties from my tree.” he gestured vaguely to the room around him, “Welcome to the tree by the way..”

Tobi leaned back, now more interested in this rat man that lived in a tree, his lost love more or less forgotten, “Woah. We’re in a tree?”

“I just said that dumbass.” replied the foul mouthed rat.

“You know, I once got stuck in a tree. Much less fancy than all this.” he nodded his head to the table, “Wasn’t even really big enough for me to fit in. Though I did meet a rat like you, much smaller though, bushy tail, got real mad about me eating some nuts” he shook his head ruefully.

“I am not a rat!” the rat rubbed the bridge of his nose, “Why do you crazies always think I’m a rat.” he sighed.

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“Cuz ya look like one?” Tobi noted.

“If anything I look like a squirrel. A goddamn fucking squirrel.” he looked at the ceiling, “Why’d it have to be a squirrel?” The squirrel looked back at Tobi, who had somehow managed to get a bite of the roast using only his mouth, as his hands were tied behind his back.

“Alright let’s get this over with.” the squirrels eyes glazed over like he was reciting something he had done a thousand times before, “Welcome to my abode, I am the,” he ground his teeth, “rat of this tree. My name is Vilde.” he sighed deeply again, “What’s your name, brave traveler.”

“I’m Tobi.” he smiled.

“Alright, now onto the fun part of the enchantment.” he stood up with a dramatic flair, “I was trapped here by a conniving bitch who betrayed me. I have been waiting for someone as,” another sigh, “brave as you, to save me. The curse laid upon me forces me to bring travelers near my tree inside and treat them to a meal, then I have to ask them a riddle. If they get the riddle correct, then I am free.” he smiled tiredly, “But they never do, and all the ones who come here with any sort of sanity left seem to go catatonic from the tree’s magic.” he indicated the room.

“If they get it wrong however, I am forced to kill them.” he pointed at the meat on the table, “Not all were human, this little one was a talking bear of ill repute, he had traveled the world and somehow wound up here. Poor bugger didn’t even get past the first question. Now,” he sat back down and leaned towards Tobi, fingers crossed together, “Any questions?”

“Yea.” he leaned towards him too, “Why am I tied up? I don’t mean to be rude, but your ropes aren’t very comfy.”

“Ah. Most of the crazies that I can actually talk with either try to run or kill me. Neither ends well, after enough attempts on your life you start to take, precautionary measures.” he pointed to the ropes.

“Makes sense I guess, but how did you even get cursed.” he asked.

He sighed, “It’s a wild fuckin’ story really. I found three schmucks hiding in a cornfield, they had deserted their army and were hiding out waiting for them to pass. I came to them and offered them a deal, I would help them get away, and give them whips that could strike the ground and summon gold. In exchange they would, after seven years, sell me their souls. Though I didn’t use such harsh words, most don’t like to hear the truth of the statement.” his eyes had taken on a distant look.

“Anyway, they agreed and I sent them on their way. They lived for seven years in riches and luxuries, but their time had come. As per the agreement I came to collect, though I may have been a bit drunk at the time, so when I came across them I offered them a way out. If they could answer my riddle in three days times, they would be free. They agreed again, and I bound the [Deal]. After that I went home to where I had been squatting for the past seven years, and slept off the last of the booze. When I woke up I realized what I had done. For the next three days I thought of a riddle they couldn’t get the answer to, an impossible riddle.” he sighed forlornly.

“But it wasn’t enough. I had gone to my grandmother’s home to tell her the news. We were close back then, the vindictive bitch, and I told her about the riddle. I guess somehow one of the soldiers had met my grandmother and she had taken pity on him, because under the floor of her hut he hid as I told her the riddle. I went back to the three soldiers, but it was too late. They answered my riddle and went free, I knew something was wrong as they were much too confident, but I was bound by my [Deal]. So I went back to my grandmother’s home, and in it’s place was tree.”

He looked about sadly, “I stormed up to her, she was sitting at the base of the tree. I asked her how they knew, since I had only told her, she must have betrayed me.” he rubbed his temples, “She always was a stickler for being ‘fair’, it was really fuckin’ annoying. Anyways, she told me why she betrayed me, it was because my riddle wasn’t 'fair'. And so that bitch cursed me to stay in this tree until someone could answer the impossible riddle I had devised, she also made me look like a fucking squirrel for shits and giggles.” he slumped in his chair, his story over, he looked like a doll with it’s strings cut.

“Wow. That’s a real fancy story mister.” Tobi had nodded along the whole while, it reminded him of another story he had heard, it was pretty similar, though with a lot less swearing,” Wait, so I gotta answer the impossible riddle? Do I get a reward if I win?” he asked.

The squirrel man’s eyes blazed with a hellish light, and his voice deepened, “You get to live if you win mortal, be glad.” he threatened simply.

“Eh. Living is overrated. Trust me, I’ve tried it.” he inhaled deeply, “If you promise me some cool stuff I’ll answer the riddle. I’m pretty sure I’ve heard your story before anyway.”

The squirrel perked up at that, “You have heard the story before? Then you know the riddle! Yes! Oh Hells yes!” he was nearly bouncing in his chair, “Alright ask me for the cool stuff two more times.”

Tobi cocked his head but did as was asked, “Thrice heard, the contract is bound.” the squirrel slapped his hands together and a reddish light split out towards both of them beings sitting at the table, they shot into their mouths and coiled around their hearts, or what served as one for the squirrel.

Tobi nodded, “Alright, ask away.”

The squirrel named Vilde smiled at him, “Very well. What shall your roast be?”

Tobi definitely had heard this story before, “A dead dogfish from the north sea.”

Vilde’s smile widened, “You do know it! Fuck yes!” he coughed, “What shall be your spoon?”

“A whale’s rib bone.” Tobi answered with a crooked grin.

The squirrel had stood up, his face split in half by a wild smile, “And finally. What is to be your wine glass?” he was bouncing up and down by this point.

“An old horse’s hoof.” he said.

“Yes! Fuck yes! YES!” the squirrel roared, but it’s voice was even deeper now, like mountains falling on one another. He sprinted around the table, the cane forgotten, and pulled Tobi into and embrace. He tossed him in the air as one would a child and caught him, “You have helped me much mortal! As per the deal, some cool stuff.” he snapped his fingers and Tobi suddenly heard several dinging noises, he really should check on those, he wondered how much XP he got from nuking the village.

“Now the [Deal] is complete!” the squirrel’s fur began to shed, and he gained several feet, standing a head over Tobi now. Where there was once a squirrel named Vilde, now there stood a blonde man with a dark blue suit on made of the finest silk. He had a regal face with harsh angles and red, demonic eyes, “Mortal, our work is complete. You have served your purpose, and though I have given you some ‘cool’ things,” he laughed wickedly, “you cannot even use them. Choose your words carefully next time you deal with one such as I!”

“Whatd’ya mean I can’t use em? And why are you acting so spooky all of a sudden?” he asked.

“Because you have freed me upon this world once again! And I shall wreak havoc like this plane hasn’t seen in millennia!” he paused, “After a quick vacation of course…”

“Yeah whatever you say, but what do you mean I can’t use the cool stuff?” he asked again.

“Oh. That.” Vilde said absently, “Because to even use the first level you would need sixty levels worth of free stat points, and who just has that lying around?” he said. It seemed as though his mind was distant, and he nearly didn’t notice when Tobi replied.

“Oh. I’m probably pretty close to that. I mean after destroying the village and whatnot I should be getting close. Maybe I’ll just kill stuff in the forest.”

Vilde frowned at him, “Well that ruins the fun. I guess I’m getting rusty at the whole, ‘watch what you wish for’ thing. Used to be I was on point with that, now that I’m thinking about it, just locking your reward away behind a paywall seems amateurish.” he sighed, “God. I’m gonna need some practice. Whatever, I’ll get it next time.” he turned to leave but stopped when Tobi called out to him.

“Hey, could you give me a compass or something. I’m, trying to get to a city or somewhere to become a monster murderer.” his eyes glazed over and a string of drool leaked out the side of his mouth at the thought of killing thing for pay.

Vilde scratched his head, “I guess. Normally I’d make a [Deal] or something that you would regret later, or something useless, but I just don’t feel like it after trying the stat thing.” he slapped his forehead, “Honestly. Stats? Such, such sloppy work. I should have made it so you had the weakest ice spell. Ha! Get it? ‘Cool’.” he smiled but it quickly faded, “I’ll just send you to the nearest city, as another freebie I’ll give you some general knowledge about the world. Wouldn’t want my only contact on this plane of existence to get lost.” he snapped his fingers and Tobi’s head felt like it would pop like an over ripe tomato.

“If you can just give me information, do you know if there are any places to get pudding?” he asked hopefully.

“Not on this continent, but I think one of the eastern continent's dungeons has the recipe locked away. And if not you can always go to a wish dungeon, though those things are wicked fuckin’ dangerous.” he stated. Vilde then waved at him, “Guess I’ll see you later.”

Tobi looked down at his suddenly non existent restraints, he clutched his aching head with one hand and waved back with the other, “Guess so. See ya buddy.”

He snapped his fingers again and Tobi disappeared.

“Buddy? Huh.”