Terry checked over the cart one more time, making sure the fat boy had a hole to breathe. He’d used a stick to poke a hole lengthwise through a stale baguette he’d found in the waste pile, then partially buried it with the boy to serve as a makeshift breathing tube. Terry also poked a few holes through the pile of shit with the stick in hopes of getting the boy some extra fresh air. It wouldn’t last long with the jostling of the cart causing the semi wet mass to wiggle until the holes collapsed, but it should buy them enough time to get outside the city walls.
“You good in there?” Terry spoke into the baguette then pressed his ear up to the hole.
A muffled “Yes,” was all he got in response.
Satisfied that things were as good as they were going to get, grabbed his cart, and pulled. With only a little effort, he had the cart moving at his normal ‘full load’ speed. Two guards stood at the end of the hedge wall lined lane. their faces were red and their chests looked abnormally puffed out. They nodded to Terry, then headed back up the lane to examine the waste pile where he’d just been, exhaling loudly as soon as they were out of smelling range.
Were they just waiting out here the whole time?
The journey to the palace’s back entrance was uneventful, but the guards at the gate eyed him suspiciously.
“You weren’t wearing those when you walked in,” said a guard with a push broom mustache, looking up and down at his robes.
“That’s right, I was wearing these,” Terry pulled the giant red robe aside and revealed his stained and ragged clothes beneath. I found this little red number in the pile with the rest of the shit and garbage.” Terry beamed proudly, “It barely even smells. It’s a bit big on me though so I thought, ‘Hey, rather than let this get even more disgusting by lumping it in with the rest of the shit, why not try to keep it nice and give it to one of the homeless people in the outer city?”
“Kind of you,” grumbled the other guard, a gray haired man with a scar on his cheek.
“Right, well us poor folk have to look out for one another,” Terry said.
“Don’t suppose you saw anything suspicious inside the palace grounds did you?” the gray haired man asked.
“Suspicious how? Like did I bump into the Emperor’s killer?”
“Yeah Something like that,” the gray haired man.
“Afraid I wouldn’t know if I had, does anyone even know who killed him? Or how for that matter? I once saw that man take an arrow to the forehead and literally laugh it off.”
“Aye, that was my cousin who shot that arrow last summer,” said the mustached guard with a hint of excitement. “Good with a bow that one, Emperor gave him a job teaching at the archery range.”
“We just received word that the only member of the nobility unaccounted for is the Emperor’s grandson,” stated the gray haired man. “You run into a big fella named Kaius Sul D’rok?”
The gray haired man studied Terry’s face and body language with intensity, looking for any sign of recognition. Terry was very grateful that he’d refused to learn the boy’s name.
“Don’t think I’ll be of much help, people don’t exactly like to hang around the places I frequent on a typical work day. Only people I ran into were the two guards searching the shit piles. Kaius Sul D’rok, you say?”
“Aye, rotund fella. Early twenties I think, about your age probably,,” said the mustached man.
“Sorry gents,” Terry shrugged.
The guards nodded, set about opening the gate.
“You keep an eye out for him. Could be dangerous,” said the gray haired man.
“Come tell us if you do come across him. The bounty is a thousand gold and we’ll gladly split it with you,” said the mustache man.
“I’ll keep that in mind,” Terry said, laughing internally as he passed through the gate wearing a robe holding several times that amount in its inner pockets.
Terry walked through a mix of the inner city’s streets and alleys, doing his best to stay out of sight, as was the charge of all shit shovelers. Groups of bounty seeking citizens were now roving the streets in small bands of four or five people in search of Kaius. Terry was questioned a few times on his way to the service gate, but the interested parties quickly let him go on his way. As he suspected, nobody was too eager to dig through a pile of shit.
When Terry found a secluded area, he set down the cart and walked toward the baguette air tube. Terry pulled his robes aside, pretending to relieve himself as he spoke.
“Still okay in there?”
“Hurry.”
“Oh shit, okay,” Terry said.
If he kept to the alleys and out of the way areas he was meant to use as a shit shoveler, they had another twenty minutes of walking to go, and that didn’t include the time it would take to get beyond the outer city. There weren’t many options for shaving off time. Either he had to cut through the center of the inner city, or he had to run as fast as his newfound strength would allow, which he imagined would be pretty fast. He supposed he could really shave off time if he combined the two, but the odds of getting noticed went, way, way up.
He couldn't afford the time to analyze each option too closely. So, he decided to cut through the city center and quicken his pace just a bit.
First thought, best thought.
Terry tried not to pay attention to the eyes on him as he entered the city center, but it was hard to ignore. His steps must have looked strange to onlookers, as each step felt like it was taking him much further than usual. There was also the matter of people, at least the people in this district, not being used to seeing how waste was handled. If one never left the beaten paths of the inner city, they might never learn that their shit and garbage were carted away by the people who scurry around in the alleys like rats. Now, all these people out for a nice day in the city center were face to face with a mobile pile of shit.
On the bright side, the death of the Emperor had everyone in such a frenzy that he wasn’t the only out of the ordinary thing in the city center. All around people argued, banged on doors, broke open crates of goods, and peered through windows. The many shops and restaurants that made the city center so great were largely closed, except for the brave few that stayed open to serve the needs of the rowdy would-be bounty hunters.
“Shit shoveler,” someone called after him. Terry pretended not to hear, keeping his steady pace toward the exit. Terry’s annoyance flared when he heard footsteps behind him. “Shit shoveler, stop where you are, I’d like to ask you some questions.”
Terry set down his cart in front of an open food stand serving meat buns, much to the annoyance of its proprietor. A heavily muscled man wearing a tight brown vest crossed his arms and stared at Terry. Most of his mouth was covered by facial hair, and his overall demeanor was meant to be intimidating, Terry knew. In the man’s defense, on any other day the man’s efforts would not have gone to waste on him. He was much bigger than Terry, the cleanliness of his clothes and sheer fact that he was in the inner city meant he was of a higher class–at least officially.
Terry was a member of the bottom rung of society, which didn’t exactly have a name because it, much like the people it defined, wasn’t worth mentioning. Beyond the nameless bottom rung though, there were levels beyond that lead all the way up to nobility. Working your way up was all about money and reputation. A beloved pauper deserving of some merit from the city could move up the ladder just like a rich asshole could by paying the appropriate price.
Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.
While the rules regarding the societal system were many, the rules surrounding where people could live or own property were surprisingly few–a fact Terry intended to use to buy a house somewhere far nicer than bottom dwellers like him were used to living. Maybe he’d end up as this guy’s neighbor.
“What questions might those be, Big Beard?” Terry asked, his voice giving way to just a pinch of condescension. It wasn’t exactly an insult, but calling people by some standing out feature always seemed to trigger them.
Big Beard raised his eyebrows, “Are you mocking me, boy?”
“Nope, and if that’s all the questions you had for me, I’ll be on my way,” Terry grabbed the handles of the cart and lifted.
Big Beard had other plans. He stomped a foot down on one of the cart’s handles, expecting of course that the cart would break free of Terry’s grip and slam back down to the street. Terry barely felt the impact, and the cart kept moving upward. Big Beard lost his balance, then fell into the nearby food stand.
People waiting in line screamed as scalding water and hot meat buns rained down on them. The food vendor was understandably very upset, and unfortunately for Big Beard, he was very, very big. While Big Beard screamed in agony from his burning skin, the Food Cart Giant picked him up with two hands and hurled him into the back of Terry’s cart.
The man screamed in horror as he sank into the slop. He flailed like a cat who’d fallen into a bathtub, either trying to find purchase or perhaps trying to wiggle so much that he slipped off the pile.
“Oh, no. Please, no,” Terry quietly begged his cart as it released an almost guttural creak. Terry moved to pull the man free before he broke the cart, but he wasn’t fast enough.
CRRRRACK.
The cart cracked in half and a mound of waste spilled onto the ground below. Big Beard’s screams grew louder, drawing even more attention. Rich women clutched at their pearls, while most of the men, regardless of class, laughed until they were red in the face at Big Beard’s misfortune.
Little by little the laughter shifted to confusion as a hulking, screaming, gagging mass slithered its way free from the wreckage.
Children screamed and hid their eyes. Terry saw no less than three onlookers immediately vomit, whether it was from the horrific, monstrous noises Kaius was making or the smell, he couldn’t say.
“What is it?!” a woman shrieked.
“Guards, guards, a monster!” shouted a man, which led to many more people shouting for the guards.
Terry took several steps backward. If he ran he’d probably live and be able to convince people that he didn’t know Kaius was in his cart, that he must have burrowed in there when Terry wasn’t paying attention. Then again, how could he explain walking directly through the city center, or the robe? All these people had seen him, so maybe he should leave the city, or probably the country. He had the money in the robe, he could be rich somewhere else and leave his naked companion to his own fate. But, what about his newfound strength? Could he really give it up along with any chance he had to get even stronger?
An idea occurred, maybe he could have both. If he could get Kaius out of here before the guards arrived and avoid any violence, Terry might be able to stash him somewhere while he went to get a new cart and another load of shit to hide him in.
“Stand back everyone,” Terry said, raising his hands and trying to sound authoritative. “This happens sometimes, it’s just a pig, probably escaped from the butcher shop. I’ll get it out of here, you all go on about your day.”
The cries for guards stopped, and for one brief moment, Terry thought his plan was working.
“Bladashu! Vinnyyyong!” screamed Kaius. Children began shrieking in earnest.
“Shut up,” Terry said through his fake smile.
“Spizzish to ahnan, da bread,” said Kaius as he squirmed on the ground next to Big Beard. He paused, then threw up. Terry had heard stories from older shit shovelers that inhaling the shit fumes too much could temporarily drive a man crazy, and up until this very moment he thought it was an excuse to be lazy and take excessive breaks.
Loud moans of disgust came from the crowd, followed by someone shouting “That’s not a pig!”
“Guards!” shouted the crowd once more.
A hasty retreat it is, Terry thought as he ran toward the huge shit covered mass that was Kaius Sul D’rok. We just need to get out of here before the guards–
“Stop right there!”
Terry looked up to see two guards making their way through the crowd.
“We botched it! Time to go, big guy,” Terry said as he grabbed the mumbling Kaius by an arm and yanked on it. The boy was set on his feet in an instant thanks to Terry’s absurd strength, but the boy’s balance was a little worse for wear. Kaius stumbled away from Terry toward a woman and her daughter.
They screamed, and Kaius screamed back, his eyes darting in all directions like a wild animal.
“It’s attacking those girls!” someone shouted
“Oh, gods,” Terry muttered. “No, he's just lost his balance and he’s confused from shit fumes. It’ll be alright, there’s no reason to—
CRASH.
The crowd was too tightly packed, the girls had nowhere to run. Kaius barreled into them, smearing them in shit and knocking them to the ground just before he blasted through the closed door of a clothing shop, taking the door completely off its hinges.
The crowd panicked, pushing and shoving to get away from the area while guards tried to fight the stream of people to get to Terry and Kaius. One of them finally broke through as Terry got Kaius to his feet and out of the mostly ruined clothing shop.
“It’s the assassin!” shouted the guard.
At least half the throng turned back.
“The bounty!” someone screamed, and the crowd roared in response.
=========================
She watched as her chosen saviors for this world went from mistake to mistake, never seeming to catch a break, but she would not lose hope. Even now as their enemies prepared to swarm them, a chance for success remained. They simply needed to hide, and avoid using violence.
=========================
BONG.
Terry’s shovel slammed against a guard’s helmet. Another guard came in swinging low with a sword. Terry stepped out of the sword’s reach, but the guard was not so lucky; Terry’s shovel was long.
BONG.
Three more guards and two civilian men approached from his right. Terry pulled his shovel back ready to swing, but they paused their advance, clearly unsure if they wanted to risk having their bell rung by a shit shovel.
“I can’t catch him, he’s like a greased up pig!” screamed a guard who’d just lost his grip on Kaius.
The fat boy, for all his confusion and complete lack of physical ability, continued avoiding capture. Guards grabbed at his arms and legs, even dove on top of him, but Kaius always slipped free.
“No!” cried Kaius, as another guard demanded he stop moving.
Terry admired the boy’s willingness to fight until the end, but he was so disoriented he wasn’t actually escaping. He ran in random directions, sometimes plowing into terrified citizens that were just trying to stay out of the way.
The two civilian men facing Terry rushed him. Terry smacked one in the knee then punched the other in the chest, sending him flying backwards into the guards. He silently thanked his newfound strength, and prayed it would hold out until he was out of this mess.
Terry heard footsteps behind him, without thinking he whirled around and struck the first thing he saw.
BONG.
His attacker collapsed, limbs flying in all directions.
Wait, Terry thought as he looked closer. It was just some girl his own age trying to escape the mayhem.
“Oh, no. I am so sorry,” Terry said, leaning down to see if she was okay. She was breathing, at least he thought he was. Terry stood up straight, holding up his hands in apology. “That was an accident!” he shouted to the horrified crowd.
“He’s killing innocent civilians!” shouted one of the guards.
“No-no”,” Terry said quickly. “I assure you, she is very much alive. I-”
Something shifted inside his body. His shovel was still practically weightless, but he could feel it getting slightly heavier with each breath.
“Shit,” Terry muttered. “Kaius, run to me!”
The fat boy looked at Terry and through all the shit and chaos, recognition flashed in his eyes. Kaius obeyed, stumbling toward Terry while people grabbed at him.
Meanwhile, Terry ripped off one of the sleeves of the red robe and held it between his teeth.
When Kaius arrived, Terry leapt with his shovel pulled back for a strike at the people chasing him. All of them pulled up short rather than be struck by one of his blows that had been sending people flying. Terry grabbed the cloth from his mouth, then wiped off as much of Kaius’s wrist and arm as he could.
“Come on,” Terry coached himself, feeling his strength fade, “gotta hurry.”
Terry tossed the soiled cloth aside, grabbed Kaius’s wrist, then slung the fat boy’s shit covered arm over his shoulders as though he were trying to help someone with a wounded leg walk. With a firm grasp on the only non slippery part of Kaius, Terry took off running for the nearest alley, having to focus hard to avoid tripping on the countless injured guards and bounty hunters lining the streets.