( Zeraki Asani’s P.O.V )
‘Number 3! Make it STOP!’
[That’s not me, Dad!] she pleaded, flooding his brain with her sentiments, showing how honest she was being.
He knew it wasn’t her, but it was so hard to think straight. He felt a mass in his chest that pumped different emotions. Waves of hate washed out from his heart, and unlike normal times when he was disassociated from his emotions, this time, he felt like he was drowning in them.
The hate gave him a choking feeling that rose in crescendos. It kept changing its object of obsession. He hated Tara for making him feel like that, but the memory of Tara amplified the strange mass in his chest and made him change the target of his hatred to himself. He hated that he thought about hating Tara. He hated her father for punishing her where he could see it, then a wave of pride morphed this hate back towards himself.
Pride gave way to fury, which was fueled by the hateful feelings in his heart. He wanted to take it out on Tara. She caused this. What he wouldn’t give to punch that… The image of Tara flashed in his mind, sending another wave of fury towards himself, and all he wanted to do was step onto the road and get run over. He wanted pain for penance. He banged his head against a steam pipe. The pain, though intense, was nothing compared to the relief that the increasing numbness in his heart brought.
After the hate and fury, as he leaned his head on the hot metal pipe, came revulsion. His reflection made him vomit. He trudged home, quietly seething. The feelings in his heart steadily condensed, making him radiate bitterness. He collapsed on the wooden floors and stayed there, resolved to suffer, for his bitterness demanded it.
(Number 7’s P.O.V)
Number 3’s heart ached, and she silently wept as she watched Zeraki reduced to such a state. Number 7 watched on, torn on what to feel. As Zeraki had his breakdown, Number 1 had partially woken up, sounding exhausted. She made a promise to Tara, then immediately fell asleep again, her parting words being “Progress, not perfection.”
Number 3 was too emotional at the moment, but he had the presence of mind to realize that this was the first time ever that his father wasn’t a spectator to reality.
It was something he and many others craved for him to experience. He had no idea what Number 1 was doing, but the intensity with which this particular emotion came was also exaggerated, in his opinion, which made him worry.
He preferred leaving things he didn’t understand alone. Sure, his father was missing a core part that made him… human? He wasn’t certain if that was the right adjective, but still, his point stood. Guilt wasn’t supposed to overshadow self-preservation, especially considering the trigger was seeing a child getting punished by their father. The ass-whooping wasn’t even that bad!
With a sigh, he faded out of existence, cussing his inability to interact with the material world. Otherwise, he would have brought a blanket for his father and Number 3, their exaggerated desire for penance be damned.
---
Number 7 woke Zeraki early, for it was his official first day of work. He could brood all he wanted as long as he did it in the shower.
( Zeraki’s P.O.V )
Zeraki woke up, took a shower, and changed into clothes picked out by Number 3.
‘What is wrong with me?’ he finally asked as he rode in a carriage heading to the library.
[Number 7: It’s guilt, Father.]
‘I see.’
He remained silent for a while. He felt miserable, but it wasn’t as intense as it was the previous night. Though he looked at his sentiments, he couldn’t identify any that clearly stated “Guilt.”
‘What is guilt and how do I get rid of it? Permanently,’ he asked. Emotions could be pinpointed and suppressed, but he couldn’t do that for the amalgamation in his chest that he now understood to be guilt.
Number 7 shrugged. [Think about why you feel guilty. There is always an argument to support you. Once you find it, the guilt goes away. You were teaching her, so you were doing something good. What happened to her is not your fault. It’s a perfect excuse.]
Number 3 looked disgusted and thought it would be stupid to even give such claims a response, but when she saw Zeraki thinking about it, she couldn’t hold back.
[Don’t listen to him, Dad! He’s just shameless. Guilt is knowing that you have done something and it has caused someone pain and/or suffering. You should apologize, then the guilt will go away.]
[Number 7: Hey, he asked for permanent solutions. Besides, apologies are also excuses to not feel guilty—‘I said sorry, why should I feel guilty?’—so whichever method he chooses will still work.]
Zeraki looked at his arms and didn’t know what to do, but that’s when he noticed the huge crack on one of his bracers.
[Number 7: It happened when Number 1 temporarily woke up.]
‘So the more of you wake up, the harder it will become to hide?’
[Number 7: That seems to be the case.]
With the fifth point showing up in his mind, he could now feel that the mass pressing against his psyche was passively being worn down. He hadn’t noticed it before, but now with more points accumulated, he realized that the points weren’t idle substances in the void of his mind. There was a faint vibration from each of them, so faint in fact, that he only perceived them because of their increased quantity.
Zeraki welcomed the new development, troubling as it may be, for it kept his mind busy. He began healing the dull ache on his forehead from the burn, for he found something else to distract him. What he needed most was information, so he was on the lookout for anyone else with abilities.
When he got to the library, he found Labaan opening up.
“How’s your morning, Labaan?”
The man tripped and nearly fell. He had been walking back into the library when Zeraki finally got within distance of talking to him.
“You came in earlier than expected, Mr. Zeraki,” Labaan said after he regained his composure.
“Just ‘Zeraki,’ Labaan. And I wanted to get some reading done before the crowd gets here,” Zeraki said, falling in step with the man.
“Careful now, don’t jinx your first day,” he said nervously. “The societies are holding their entrance examinations. There just might be a crowd.”
After excusing himself, Labaan raced to the upper floors. Zeraki settled in at the wooden counter in the middle of the first floor that served as his assistant/clerk station.
It was 7 a.m. according to the library clock. Zeraki went off to pull out the books he could find that majored in languages and got back to chipping away at the mass in his psyche while Number 7 idled about by the bookshelves.
An hour later, a slow stream of people started making their way in. Most of them seemed to already know what they needed, so no one really spent too long at his station desk. Zeraki realized that his abilities to read sentiments only worked on one out of ten people he interacted with.
[Number 7: They are probably believers of the Midnight Faith. Concealment is likely one of her most appreciated abilities.]
Zeraki got to meet Hadiza again, and she was pleased to see him. After getting the books she needed, she invited him to lunch and then retreated to her table. Kito came in too, but he didn’t seem to mind—nor care about—him being there. He simply acknowledged Zeraki's presence and went about his reading.
This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.
Zeraki got lost in his grind. Though boring, the feeling of making clear progress was a rewarding experience. If he could have people speak these languages instead of having to study from books, his life would be easier. The only upside was that he realized his memory was incredibly good and he only needed to go through the pages once. After that, he could retrieve whatever information he needed on demand.
“…and you’ll of course be telling me what it is that has you so absorbed, Big-man,” Hadiza said, leaning on his desk. It was fifteen minutes past one o’clock on the library’s mechanical clock.
“‘Lenana a Language’ by Serbian-borne,” Zeraki said as he slid the notes in the book and put them away before walking towards the front door with Hadiza.
She looked different in new clothes. She stood at about 5 foot 7, in a white long-sleeve blouse with maroon cuffs and neck ribbon, a white under-bosom corset, and a navy blue checkered long skirt. Zeraki could also spy unorthodox black boots underneath when she put her foot forward, but the outfit strangely came together with them still. That paired with her caramel skin, braided brown hair, and hazel eyes, she looked pretty nice.
They met Hami going in. He probably went to check up on Kito. His black and gold-lined patrol uniform, slightly oversized, was more or less a confirmation that he was accepted as a law enforcer. He marched over to Kito’s section after he greeted them with the whole bowing ritual.
"Big man, there’s a place near here that has some pretty good tea and cakes. So good, actually, that Ola is considering buying a part of it. Though I should really start carrying my own cooking. Tea and cakes for lunch feels just… wrong!” Hadiza said after Hami left. They still didn’t speak the same language.
“I don’t mind it. It’s not like I’ll be working in the mines after,” Zeraki said, only to end up opening a box he had locked away. The bitterness that had simmered in his heart began to boil.
'Tara is probably crawling through some hole in the ground.'
[Number 7: Try not to think about it, Father.]
[Number 3: Get her some. She’ll come in tired and hungry. This is one way to apologize, Dad.]
Zeraki sighed.
‘Should I ask her to work for me instead? She could clean the place when I’m gone, then practice her reading and penmanship.’ He could feel the bitterness recede when he thought about the things he could do for Tara instead of the things he hadn’t done.
[Number 3: Yes, Dad! This is how we make it up to her.]
[Number 7: It’s the least convenient method, but as long as it helps purge the negative emotions, I don’t see why you shouldn’t do it.]
The receding feelings of self-hatred and bitterness only encouraged him to push through with it. With his mind no longer in a despondent spiral, there was a spring in his step as they walked into a neat bakery about 10 minutes from the library and found a place to sit by the window. Zeraki got extra cakes to take home with him, and for once, he was actually looking forward to something.
“And here I thought I was the one with a sweet tooth,” she started. “Wait, can I also eat in the library?”
“I haven’t looked at the library rules…” Zeraki squinted thoughtfully. How come he hadn’t checked on the library rules yet? “You know what? I’ll get back to you on that actually,” he told her.
“Great! You seem to have gotten better. Now spit it out. What’s happened? You didn’t look alright all morning.”
Zeraki was taken aback by this for a moment before he chuckled.
“Could you tell me what guilt is?”
She stopped to think it over, squinting her eyes as if trying to form an opinion.
“Guilt is when you realize and experience some sort of growth in acknowledging that what you did is wrong,” she finally said.
“How so?”
“Well, let's say I walk down a street and see someone getting mugged and walk away without helping. What I’ll feel for them is remorse but not a milligram of guilt. My actions were right at best, neutral at worst. Now, if there are law enforcers nearby and I choose to keep quiet about the poor guy getting manhandled in the alley, then I’ll feel guilt.”
[Number 7: See. As long as you have a good excuse, you can’t feel guilty.]
[Number 3: That’s not what she’s saying! She means that she helps if it’s within her means to do so. That’s all. It’s not an excuse, you… you amoran dodo!]
[It’s ‘amoral’.] Number 7 cussed under his breath, muttering something about burning dictionaries whenever Number 3 gets close to them.
“Thank you for humoring me. I guess I felt guilty about something, but I’m over it now. When’s the exam anyway?”
“…Tomorrow. I’m as nervous as a guilty Lenana man,” she said after washing down the cake.
Zeraki smiled. The Lenana had a rather wholesome approach to infidelity.
“Miss Brave Heart is practically a genius,” he said, partly joking. “She’ll do just fine. I’ve seen you keep up with Miss Ola’s mental processes, and she’s scarily smart.”
“Thank you, leader of the ponies.” She pulled out her badge and twirled it in her fingers. “Do you know why we were given these?”
Zeraki reached for the badge but then pulled back.
“You want to see it?” she asked after seeing him retreat.
“No to the first question. Yes and no to the second. Yes, I want to see it, but I’m afraid I’ll break it, and you haven’t gained admissions yet. My curiosity can wait.”
“Oh. How considerate, big man. Thank you. I hadn’t thought about that.” She quickly and carefully put away her badge like it had suddenly turned to porcelain.
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They headed back after Zeraki got his take-away orders packed, and Hadiza went to bury herself in her notes.
[Number 3: I think we could have gotten a promise out if she wasn’t protected for a short period, Dad. She and Number 4 look like they’d get along.]
‘That’s what I was worried about. The sixth point will reduce the number of weeks we have to clear the mass in my psyche, but that needs one of you to wake up. Making a promise to Hadiza would break both our concealment charms. I’m not yet ready to rock that boat. Anonymity is our current advantage; let’s milk it for all it’s worth.’
An hour into his studies, he got a message from Number 7. He had gotten bored exploring the bookshelves on the ground floor and decided to see what was on the other floors.
[Number 7: By my siblings, Father… I think I may have solved our information problem.]
‘What have you found?’
[I’m not so sure myself, actually, but from what I can see, these are summary records of… probably every company in Astrohelm. Their products and/or services, their secret projects, their security systems, relationships and agreements with various gangs.
They have records on people called ‘Extractors’ and how they are related to these elite organizations.
This place is strange, Father. There are strange technologies down here. This is years… decades ahead of what we’ve seen in Astrohelm. This is steam and machinery on steroids.]
Number 7 was silent for a while, and Zeraki assumed he was reading the reports.
[The elite companies are all researching a power source called ‘Hydrokinetic’ radiation. Their research is all over the place, and judging by how thick these reports are, some are ahead more than others, but the difference isn’t exaggerated.
There are a lot of mentions of Extractors when talking about the acquisition of the radioactive raw material.]
‘Can you find information about these Extractors?’
[Well, this isn’t really a guide manual, but I’ve found a record of murders, executions, and judgments that happened last night. There are a lot of them. Let me read through them and then give you a summary later.]
‘Alright. Watch your back and retreat should you feel remotely threatened.’
[Alright, Father.]
—————
Zeraki found Tara fidgeting by his door, this time in a clean dress, waiting up for him. She looked up at him nervously, but Zeraki was too high-strung about talking to her and simply opened the door for them, but she didn’t enter.
“Look, mister. I’m sorry for yester-night. I came to say that I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that I’m supposed to be home by 7. I betrayed your trust and lied by omission. I’m truly sorry. I promise you that it won’t happen again. Please keep teaching me.” The pleading, nervous look in her eyes made Number 3’s metaphorical heart throb and Number 7 sigh in helplessness. Not even he was so callous as to ignore how the child was mentally and emotionally exhausted.
Though Zeraki picked up on all of these, the only thing he cared about was his guilt. Everything else felt foreign. Number 7 thought it was no different than the mild remorse he would have if he ever saw an antelope’s calf getting chased by a lion.
“Tara, come in. There’s something I’d like to—” Before Zeraki could finish, he was verbally assaulted by Number 3 and stopped mid-sentence.
He suppressed the eagerness to rid himself of the poison in his heart and knelt in front of Tara to get to eye level. He then forwarded sentiments leaked by Number 3 to interact with the mess of sentiments Tara was leaking.
“There’s nothing to apologize for, Tara. I’m the one that should say that I’m sorry for not explaining things to your father before they got out of hand.”
Though he parroted Number 3’s heartfelt apology, the sentiment feedback he received was enough to resonate with his heart. The dispersal of resentment he felt towards himself provided such relief that he felt his mind cloud over for a moment.
He asked her to clean up before they started, and this gave him time to appreciate no longer feeling like his blood was slowly being converted to poison. She didn’t put up any resistance and came back out in her bathrobe 10 minutes later, primed to start learning.
“How much do you make on a daily basis?” Zeraki asked her after she settled in across from him at the wooden dining table.
“Well, sir, both the coal mines and the factory pay 6 pence. So on a good day, I get a job in the morning and another in the afternoon. A total of 12 pence,” she respectfully answered.
Zeraki switched to his sixth sense, and there was Γ Fear ˩ and Γ Caution ˩, but they weren’t directed at him. She’s afraid she might do something unsightly, causing him to end the lessons.
“Call me Zeraki, I don’t mind. How would you like to work for me instead? You clean up my place daily and do the laundry thrice a week at 7 Saka.” She looked stunned for a second but quickly regained her wits and frantically nodded.
“Good. Food’s in the kitchen; help yourself to it when you get hungry. Here’s my spare key.” Zeraki said, placing a key with a purple key-holder on the table, then started her lesson.
Zeraki tried squeezing what he had planned out for her and gave her exercises to help with her penmanship, which she’d do when she had the time, and ended the lesson at 6:40.
The walk to her place took about the same amount of time it did the previous day, 20 minutes. Zeraki doubted her father would have a problem with the timing since it was an improvement from the previous day, so Zeraki walked away after seeing Tara walk into her apartment.
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