I hesitantly force myself to walk down the creaking stairs and into the mundane dining room of my house. There, waiting for me with their fake smiles as they ate their food, were my father and mother. As the parents who are responsible for giving birth to me, they at least try to be nice towards me. I've never seen them talk about me behind my back, not that I would know, and every time they are involved in a conversation tainting my existence, they'll stay silent and try to steer the topic away. I'd say I'm grateful for them, but honestly, they aren't trying hard enough.
But who am I to say? The image of me being a useless child compared to my sister has been ingrained in the minds of their relatives, friends, co-workers and acquaintances. For the past 12 years of my life, a large majority of that time has been used to make me known as that one useless brat of a little brother to that perfect lady. This mental image of me was driven deep into the minds of other people that it's hard not to imagine me as an existence only there to be compared to my sister.
I slumped myself towards the dining table to make my existence known to my parents, and, more importantly, to eat my dinner. They were having a nice chat about my father's business or something until I came in. They glanced at me with slightly sad eyes, their smiles faltering a little, but nonetheless try to make me feel at home, as if it wasn't where I live.
"Dear, are you alright? Dinner started 20 minutes ago, your food's getting cold by now," my mother said, pointing to the plate still full of food on it.
"It's nothing, I was just thinking in my bedroom. I'll eat my dinner now, if you'll excuse me," I replied as I made my way to the empty seat at the end of the rectangular wooden table.
"Oh, are you troubled by the criticisms again, Ernie? I'm sorry I couldn't do anything about it. Really, it's my fault for bringing up your sister that time, you wouldn't've been bashed by them if I didn't say anything," my mother apologized. I couldn't think of what to say—it was almost routine for her to comfort me when she sees I've been sulking. I only nodded lightly, then going back to my food in silence.
"Now, now, Alice, don't blame yourself so much," my father said in turn, "if anything, it's our fault for not helping you in the first place, son. We were just... caught up with your sister, that's all."
In his desperate attempt to even out the blame, my father had no choice but to mention my sister. But is that really necessary? Is that the only choice he had? Their feeble attempt to brighten my mood is very counterproductive if you ask me.
"What is it with you two?" I sigh, finally turning my attention from my dinner to the two adults at the table, "Why do you always have to bring up Eyvonne in every single conversation we have? Can't we talk about something else for a change?"
At my sudden retaliation, my mother jumped with both fear and tears in her eyes, while my father looked rather gloomy for triggering my temper. Quickly getting to her senses again, mother apologized even further for what she's done. "I'm so sorry, Ernie! I— We didn't mean to make you so angry! Please understand that we're just—"
"Understand? Understand? How could you possibly understand what I have to deal with on every single occasion you talk to somebody else?! Do you realize what I have to go through every time your friends start talking smack about me? Do you even care that I'm the victim here? Do you even know that I'm the one being abused?" I snapped, shouting at both my mother and father, for their stupidity and inability to sympathize with their own son.
"No— Ernie— We do understand, so please, just listen to us—" my mother was cut off by me.
"Twelve years, mother. Twelve years, yet you two haven't done anything to stop people from comparing me with Eyvonne. Why can't you see? I was suffering from being so inferior to her all the time, yet you just keep helping her rise further. And what's left for me? Am I just a piece of rubbish lying on the ground that no one cares to pick up? Is that what I am to you people?" I continued to shout, my volume rising higher as I vent more of my anger out.
"Ernie, you know we had no choice, but I can see what went wrong now, I really do," my father pleaded.
"Oh? So what good does that make? The damage has been done. No matter how hard you regret your stupid decisions, it's not going to change anything any time soon. If you actually want to redeem yourselves, then first try to stop those swines talking bad about me. That's the least you could do," I said.
"We're trying, dear," my mother said, with glistening tears in her eyes now, "we're trying to help you, really. It's just... not easy to deal with it all... especially with her gone..." she trailed off. I widened my eyes at the mention of my sister. The mere thought of her was so dreadful to me that I just wanted to drop this disaster of a conversation altogether.
"Alice, dear, I've been saying it to you all this time... Ernie deserves better than this. If anything, it's us that needs to get some change done," my father replied, in a haste to stop me from hearing about my sister, but I heard it loud and clear. His attempts were futile.
"Hans..." my mother sobbed, "I'm — so sorry... I — didn't — realize — it sooner—"
"Forget it," I said coldly, standing up and pushing the half-empty plate of dinner away from me, "I've had enough. I'm going back to my room." I stomped out of the dining room and up the staircase to reach my bedroom, leaving behind my now sniffling mother and bewildered father. As I slammed my door hard and loud to let them know that I'm not to be disturbed, I plop myself onto my cold bed and decide that I've actually had enough for today.
***
I awoke at two in the morning to see something rather spectacular. Right outside my window, a bright twinkle was illuminating the dark early morning, shimmering as it waited for me to let it in. I rubbed my eyes and got to my feet, shivering as the cold morning air hit my whole body, then pushing the window open to see what exactly this tinkly thing is.
From the moment the window had a large enough gap, it zoomed into my room and spiralled around it for a good few spins, startling me as I stumbled several steps back from when it flew past my face. It was going round and round at an alarming speed, but somehow it doesn't collide with any of my furniture, instead perfectly mapping its way through my dark room and spreading tiny little white sparkles everywhere. I was both confused and awestruck—what is this massless twinkling object? Or is it even an object?
I tried to catch the sparkling thing, but it was just too speedy for me. Well then, a little challenge wouldn't hurt, would it? I folded up my pyjama sleeves and cracked my knuckles, then taking a big lurch at the twinkling object, clapping my hands as if I was trying to kill a mosquito, clasping them hard together in hopes of catching it in my hands.
Alas, I had failed.
But that wasn't going to stop me from trying again. Attempt after attempt, I rushed through my whole bedroom in toe of this sparkly anomaly, jumping off my bed and chairs, slamming myself against the walls, pushing furniture around as I couldn't stop the momentum from running in time, clapping my hands so much and so hard each time that it's beginning to sear with pain, and trying to come up with every single way to grab the shimmering object from its flight and into my fingers.
By the time ten solid minutes have passed, my room has become more than a mess now. My chair was toppled over, several objects strewn and shattered across the floor, my bedsheets ruffled up so badly it looks worse than my bed-hair, and not to mention the immense amount of sweat dripping from my chin. Might I add, this wasn't too bad of a morning workout, but in turn for the extra lost calories, my whole bedroom has been completely and utterly demolished.
While I surrendered and lied on the floor, panting heavily after chasing around that shimmery object for 10 minutes, the said object is still buzzing around my bedroom, twinkling as bright and luminous as ever. It was, in a sense, kind of reassuring to see the twinkling lights, now that I'm observing it closer. It's as if there was some kind of strange phenomenon that makes you feel warm and comfy when looking at the sparkling object.
For once in quite a long time, I smiled, looking at this anomaly that makes me feel whole, despite knowing how pathetic I look all sweaty and lying on my bedroom floor. Then, as if the thing has grown tired of its tirade, finally stopped zooming around at mach-speed and stopped dead in the centre of the room, sparkling like a bunch of distant stars.
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I wonder, does it want me to catch it now? What did I chase it around and destroy my whole bedroom for? I gradually stood up, still having that wry smile on my face, and for some odd reason, I just can't let my gaze off the twinkling object. It was like being hypnotized—I was strangely attracted to it, a deep longing in my heart to touch it and firmly grab hold of it.
Slowly, I encased the thing in my hands, closing my fingers until only a small radiating glow could be seen through the gaps between them. It was warm, yet I couldn't feel anything physical from it, as if it was something that doesn't exist—but it does exist, I can feel its warmth. I held it for a good minute, then deciding that I've had enough and let it go.
The twinkles immediately shot up and exploded into a million tiny sparkles, like a firework blossoming through the dark night sky. Slowly, the shredded sparkles aligned to form a message floating in the air:
You are a Chosen One
You have been summoned by the spirits of the Gate
Come and join us on the Other Side
My eyes widened as I read the message. Chosen One... spirits of the Gate... Other Side... Could this be what I'm thinking? I could be dreaming right now... No. This must be real. After all, I've experienced something similar to this over four years ago... That's right. It was my sister—Eyvonne's summoning to the other world.
She was so excited that day, after all she has been fascinated with the legends about the Gate and the other world ever since she heard about them from our grandfather. It was that day that she left, that a false sense of security crept into my heart... I was, regrettably, happy to see her go. Relieved, even, because I thought I would finally be able to live a life without those absurd comparisons between me and her... but in the end, nothing's changed, except for the fact that she's not here anymore.
What am I feeling right now, seeing this three-sentence message sparkling in mid-air... Half of me is beyond ecstatic to be able to leave all those criticising swines behind, but another half is torn between having to leave my parents behind and potentially seeing my sister again on the other side...
After a minutes' worth of pondering, I decided to go. There wasn't really a choice—according to the stories passed down, it is said that if the summoned one has not accepted the offer and gone through the Gate to the other side, a cruel fate will apparently meet them... What's more, I'll finally be able to live a free life in the other world. No more will there be any more comparisons. No more will I have to suffer from this inferiority complex. No more will each and every day drag on to be as miserable as the last.
Like a bird finally being let out of its cage, I would finally be free. The chains pulling me down will finally be severed, and I will be able to go to such heights unimaginable before. Without further delay, the deal has been accepted. Both in my mind and my heart, I gracefully agreed to go with my fate, content in finally being able to walk freely. "I accept," I muttered, as if there was some kind of verbal agreement that needs to be spoken before being summoned to the other side.
In a swift motion, the sparkles realigned themselves to form another message, and with it came a large shower of twinkles right beside. It was like a waterfall full of stars, twinkling brightly as they fell down, but fading away before it hit the floor. The falling veil of twinkles grew denser, and a blurry fog of white formed. This has to be the Gate that I need to walk through to get to the other side. Before I do so, I looked over at the message it gave:
Step into the Gate once you are ready, and you shall be transported to the Other Side
You have at most one cycle of day to finish preparations, or else the Gate will close, and a different fate shall be bestowed upon you
Good luck, Chosen One
So I have 24 hours to prepare? Good thing, because there are a lot of things that need to be done. Considering the fact that I don't know what's in store for me on the other side, I better pack up some important things before going through. Clothes, food, water, and a means to defend myself, probably, the items zoomed in and out of my mind as I thought of what to pack.
Then, I remembered another thing: my parents. Although I do have a rather complicated relationship with them, I'd rather say proper goodbyes to them than to leave them without one at all since, to be fair, they did care a bit about me. I suppose I'll have to wait until it's the break of dawn, then...
Until the time comes, I'll have to pack up and get some sleep in. Honestly, how am I supposed to sleep when this sudden revelation appears gob-smack in the middle of the night?
***
The next morning (or, really, a few sleepless hours later on the same day), I come barging into the living room and reveal the news of what happened a few hours ago.
"Mom, dad, you won't believe this!" I said excitedly, rushing down the stairs.
"Oh? What is it, Ernie? I've never seen you so excite before," my mother replied first from the kitchen making breakfast.
"I've been summoned! To the Other Side!" I hurriedly said.
"What?" They both cried in unison, stopping in the tracks of whatever they were doing and turning to me instead. Perhaps it was the large grin on my face, but my parents looked utterly awestruck when I saw their faces.
"Last night—or, a few hours ago this morning, some sparkly stuff came whizzing inside my room and gave me message saying how I'm a Chosen One and I've been destined to go to the Other Side," I explained nonchalantly.
"Honey, could this mean—"
"I think so, Alice," my father said to my mother before she finished her sentence, as if they could read each other's minds.
"..." There was a moment of silence in the house, the two trying to digest the information and realizing that something like this had happened before.
"Forgive me for saying this, Ernie, but," Alice added, "could this be the same thing as Eyvonne being summoned as well?" My grin wavered at the sound of my sister, but I understand why she had to brought it up. I cleared my mind and replied with a voice as steady as I could muster:
"I think so," I said. "Didn't she say something about a message appearing in white lights and walking through a portal that day?"
"Ah, right, I remember now," said Hans. "Four years ago, when your sister went to the 'Other Side,' as she called it. Alice and I were so sad about it..."
"Yes, dear, it was hard," replied Alice, "but it was the best for her. Oh, I hope she's doing okay on the Other Side..."
"Um, hello? I thought I was going away here?" I reminded, seeing as they are talking about my sister instead of me again. It sounds rather pretentious, but I really should get some attention right now, considering I am leaving them forever.
"Oh, right! I'm so sorry, Ernie, we just had a bit of reminiscing to do..." my mother stated. "Well then, if you are indeed going away, then I shall cook up the best breakfast you'll ever have before you go. How does that sound?" The look in my mother's face... it had a lot of regret, but she tried to hide it with her smile. For once, I felt rather gratified towards that.
"Sounds perfect, mom," I replied.
"Son, are you sure you're doing this? Have you thought out everything beforehand?" Hans worriedly added.
"It's alright, dad, I already thought this through. It's for the better. There's no choice anyway. You know how the stories go..." I said.
"Right," he sighed, "When are you going?" It was somewhat awkward, with the realization that this will be one of the final conversations I'll be having with my parents. Regret tinged heart, throbbing harder than ever as I gulped down to calm my nerves. It was a shame: I could've had a nice life with them if not for the unnecessary comparisons between my sister and I.
"After breakfast, I suppose," I said randomly, not actually having a specific time in mind.
"I see," he replied sadly, then getting up from the sofa. "Well then, let's have you all fed up and you can get going."
I nodded, not being able to say anything in the despair-filled living room, knowing full well that I'll never see or speak to my parents ever again, not being able to see this world I've lived in for twelve years now. No matter how much I despised my life, it was still an irksome thought; there was no escaping the depression of knowing that you'll leave something behind forever, no matter how much you hate it or how much bad memories you've gotten through that past.
***
After a rather silent breakfast, I guided my mom and dad to my room, where the sparkling message still floated in the air and the Gate still as mysterious as ever.
"Are you ready, Ernie?" my dad asked.
"Yup," I nodded, "perfectly ready. So... this is goodbye, then?" I added, somewhat awkwardly.
"Yeah, this is goodbye..." my dad said, trailing off at the end as he looked at the floor.
After a moment's worth of silence, my mother finally broke and cried her eyes out.
"Oh, I'm so sorry, Ernie! For what we've made you go through all these years... and now you're going to go like this... I just... I regret making those bad decisions back then... Please, Ernie, forgive me, I was just an idiot!" she wailed.
"M-Mom, it's okay, I understand you made a mistake... I forgive you..." At this point, tears also welled up in my eyes.
"Ernie, my boy," my father also chimed in, his eyes starting to turn red, "I'm sorry as well. But there's no way of changing the past, is there? I hope your time at the Other Side will be better... I sincerely hope so," he added.
I nodded, with a genuine smile forming on my mouth. "I'm... sorry, as well... for, you know... being so stuck-up and all..." I said. It was hard to say anything when the urge to bawl my eyes out was so strong.
"It's not your fault, dear!" my mom hugged me tightly, her tears spilling onto my shoulders as she did so. "Have a good journey, okay? Make some good friends and good memories once you're there... I'm sure you'll do just fine! Oh, we'll miss you so much...!"
Dad also came hugging the two of us, but didn't say anything else. We were in that position for a good minute, with only the sobbing of my mom's and the twinkling sounds of the Gate filling up the silence. Why couldn't I live a better life if I'd known this would happen? It's not like I'll die, but... leaving these people behind, the only people who genuinely cared about me... it's probably the biggest regret I'll carry on to the Other Side.
We broke off afterwards, me tugging my luggage near the Gate as I prepare to enter.
"Got everything?" Dad asked.
"Yup," I replied.
"Good luck, Ernie!" Mom said. I nodded, then taking my last few steps towards the veil of white mise before turning around again.
"...Goodbye, mom, dad. I'll miss you two" —they nodded reassuringly— "and thanks for everything. Goodbye," those were my last words to them, as I entered the swirling whiteness that is the Gate and my vision of my bedroom which I destroyed so much, and the sad but smiling faces of my father and mother waving me goodbye slowly faded away.