The lamp’s faint yellow light licked Malin’s naked body; everything else in the room was dissolving into darkness.

“If we go too fast, you say?” she said, brushing her hair out of her face. “Juzo, I didn’t know there was a speed limit for this route. The route of—”

“—Please,” he interrupted her. “Don’t say the route of love.”

Malin frowned in that pretty way that only she knew how to do.

“I was gonna say the route of knowledge. Route of love? Huff, Juzo! How cheesy do you think I am?”

He kept quiet. Was a pair of sealed lips his answer to everything?

Malin got on top of him and kissed him. White, soft, and clean skin, on top of swarthy skin, rough and covered with hairs.

“And I’ll tell you, one night in bed a week,” she said, “is just a point over zero on the speedometer.”

He looked her in the eye. “That’s all I can offer at the moment.”

“I know,” she said; “I wasn’t throwing it in your face. I’m surprised you questioned me, that’s all.” Malin went down with her kisses. “This is the third time you’ve touched on the subject so far tonight. That kind of question I’d have expected to come from a teenager in love, or even from Rigel, but never from you.”

“How nice is to hear you mention your ex,” he sighed.

She interrupted her round of kisses and went up to face him with eyes wide open.

“Oh, for goodness’ sake, Juzo! Where did you drop the confidence in yourself? Because you’re not gonna tell me it’s a facade that you put to command revolutionaries and stole ex-militaries’ hearts because I won’t believe you.” She tapped his chest. “I know you’re like marble inside, hard and kind of—”

“Cold,” he finished. “Or so you say.”

“Exactly!” She sat on the bed, serious. “So, why do you suddenly ask so many questions? Hey, if you want to tell me something, say it. You know how much I hate playing at Let’s guess Juzo’s intentions.”

Juzo looked into her eyes. “Not all of us can be so loose with our tongues.”

Malin smacked her lips with mischievousness.

“Loose with our tongue, huh?”

“You know what I mean,” he said.

Malin snorted. “Ugh! Why always so serious?” Taking him by the face, she caressed his stubble. “Juzo, when I met you, I knew there wouldn’t be another man I wanted to be with. I know I sound like any romantic little girl, but at the time all I thought was, ‘Gal, this guy knows what he wants, how he wants it, and he knows what he’s doing. He’ll keep you safe more times than he’ll put you in danger, and for a brand-new deserter, that’s more than a good deal. You’ll be a fool if you move away from his side.’”

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Juzo just looked at her.

“I knew I could be getting into big trouble,” she continued. “I never considered you might be in a relationship; if you were married, widowed, or gay… Or a lunatic, like most of the Rowdy Ones. I’m sorry, I know a lot of them are friends of yours, but let’s face it, your group is jam-packed with crazy folks. But at that moment, all I wanted was to be by your side, and I decided to stay with you until the day I died; I didn’t care if I ended up heartbroken. I know; it’s twisted, and it could have become more toxic than I would have wanted, but it was what I felt; and as I got to know you, I realized I wasn’t wrong. And then a miracle happened! You looked at me, you found me interesting. And you know what happened there?”

He shook his head.

“I realized I would never have a normal relationship,” she said. “And I gave up my almost non-existent dreams of building a family. Alright, to be honest, I was never one of those teenage girls who dream of getting married; I think none of the women in my family were. My mother put the military ahead of her own daughter, and two of my cousins are now on the same path. Though, it’s nice to have the option of a stable relationship, besides singleness, y’know? And dreaming of having one isn’t just a woman thing. But when I started dating you… Well, I knew I wouldn’t even have that. Because, if the situation with my father or with Rigel didn’t prevent me from having it, your personality would. You’re the least permeable person I know, and you’d never agree to have a relationship, y’know, normal.”

Malin pointed to both of them in bed.

“This,” she said. “This is me, putting the foot between the door and the frame, to prevent you from locking yourself in that cold room where you love to spend your days. The same room that will eventually lead you to madness, and who knows, maybe suicide, like what happened with Peter.”

“Peter was a depressed man. I’m just a loner,” Juzo said. “There’s a difference.”

“Suicide doesn’t only mean putting a gun in your mouth, Juzo; there are slower and subtler ways to let yourself die.” Malin rolled up her hair. “So, to answer your question: No, we’re not going too fast.” She kissed him. “For what you’re used to, I know this must feel as if you’re in a rally, but believe me, you’re not. You keep running, I’ll keep driving slowly next to you so that when you get tired, you can hop on easily.”

He laughed and hugged her.

“You do like to talk!” he said, and laying her on her back, he reversed the roles and got on top of her.

“That’s the Juzo I like! The one who doesn’t speak, the one who just goes for it!”

So then, Juzo hushed her with a kiss, and they played in bed. Accidentally, they kicked the lamp on the bedside table, knocking it over. The lamp light drew a yellowish spot on the wall and splashed the two of them with shadows. They laughed and continued to roll between the sheets until they got lost in an ocean of dimness.

“Peter…” Adam whispered, swimming in the dark. “Peter… Who was Peter?”

Malin, who had just given him the black pill, stopped at the doorstep, holding the glass of half-drunk water, and turned to him.

“What?” she asked. Her face got torn between amazement and wonder.

“Peter,” he said, and coughed. He had a pasty sensation in his mouth. “Who was Peter?”

“Peter was Juzo’s father,” she answered. “Well, the man who raised him. He was… a complicated guy.”

“Sure. Sure,” Adam nodded and cleared his throat. “I remember.”

Right! How could he have forgotten Peter? Hold it—Had he met Peter?

“You know something?” he added. Malin shook her head. “I always liked your accent. It’s… cute.”

“Thank you,” she smiled and finally left.

Adam closed his eyes and returned to the world of dreams and mixed lives.