January 2022

I’m sitting in the kitchen of our rented apartment, drinking warm tea, procrastinating before a work meeting, and watching how the first large snowflakes are covering the ground.

My german shepperd is hiding under the table, breathing warmth onto my feet. It's good that she isn’t whining to go outside. I feel cozy and calm. Finally, both my husband and I have jobs where we have a chance to develop. Finally, we earn enough to move out of our parents' house and afford good food.

I’ve worked very hard over the past year and a half to finally be in this place. I mastered a new profession, found my first job in this field without proper education, relying only on my technical skills. It seemed almost impossible, I constantly wanted to give up, but I worked with a psychologist during this time and kept going. And now, a small chance of success.

I wonder what topic will be covered in the meeting titled "Business Continuity Plan During Critical Situations," to which all company employees have been invited.

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After this meeting, I’ll need to walk the dog and pick up my sister from her tutor. My hyper-responsibility has never done me any favors. I know I’m not obliged to perform parental functions, but it’s hard to stop sometimes when you know there’s no one else to do it.

Someday I’ll stop. I’m setting a checkpoint to stop dealing with my sister’s affairs, except financial, after she finishes school.

Then I’ll have much more time for myself. I’m incredibly exhausted and only have time to be with my husband from 11 PM to 1 AM during our nightly walks with the dog. I don’t remember the last time we had sex. I don’t remember our last date. Usually, during this walk, we go to buy groceries at the night supermarket and wander through the semi-empty city, talking about various topics.

At least we both understand each other without demanding more attention. 6 hours a week for English, 45 hours for work, 6 hours on the weekend to study for career development, eight hours for family, moms, sisters, grandmas, 60 hours for sleep, 18 for taking care of my body, 10 for household chores, three for the psychologist and his tasks. Approximately 156 out of 168 hours are occupied. No wonder that I often catch sick. I wonder how long I can keep this up.

A notification pops up, indicating the meeting has started. A blonde manager shares her screen, and I see the first slide of the presentation with a map of Ukraine, divided into red, orange, yellow, and green zones.