A cool breeze swept through the guest room as she opened the window sill. The sunrise glistened through her auburn hair as she turned her head ,her gaze meeting mine. My heart slowed at the instant, as the white linen curtains filled up with air. For a brief moment, time graced me with unending breaths. Her eyes, big, yet soft. Her skin radiant, though sleepily dimmed. A smile as real, but equally composed. For the drum in her heart and whelving sighs betrayed her appeal for the arcane inside. I peered, watched, waited in witnessing her soul. To smell the rainy scent of her thoughts, caress the elegance of love, open her eyes to see us amidst swards of celestial fauna, inside a chrystal cave. Two beings, somewhere.

‘Coffee?’

**************

The inn brought about a dull warmth from early noon activities. We sat in a boot near the window as early spring enveloped the streets. A bright sunlight attempted to seduce the cold cobblestone streets. The pedestrians that I secretly observed looked somewhat disheveled, but their eyes sparkled with newfound purpose. Alyx, my fair companion slurped her hot brewed coffee and looked at me with smiling and trusting eyes. And, while I always felt warmth towards her, I did not neglect my manners. For to be a man, is to make house and hearth and fill it with convivial presence. Be kind, if kindness is allowed. And still, the mere drinking of her coffee made me almost gawk at her. For she flowed into the vista of her seat, she belonged to the chirping of birds outside, she governed the scent of dusty wood and honey that engulfed the inn, where she was, I had to be. What she wanted, I had to become. There was no doubt in my mind that there was something about her that was the fruition of arcane delights. She said something but all I heard was the muffled sweet mumbling of divine speech, hailing the equinoxes to come in an embrace of jade and silver.

‘We still have to find Oaden Nedarque, are you even listening or just dreaming away, Pier?’

‘I’m here’ I said.

‘Good, so…finding Oaden…Where do we start?’

‘Well. We better just get our bearings for now. For all we know Oaden resides in the inner sectors of the city, not this subsector.’

‘I’m not sure about that. Brel Nurath, the graveyard the elf mentioned ,leads to his underground network. I checked the maps, its near here, just outside Choldr-7’

‘Why don’t we just wander around before we come up with a plan, we have to avoid the faze anyway’ I said.

She cast down her eyes and looked at the table, fiddling with some of the scratches that were sprawled across its surface.

‘We could just join this cult, we are never going to suppress it’ She said.

I knew she was right, and frankly, I was excited to become addicted to a spacedrug together with her. It fueled that yearning that was an amalgamation of being a gentleman and taking her on adventures. She was, and always would be the vestige of Shaire. To take these other-worldly substances with her and consume our deep friendship. Laughing, drinking, sparring. I wouldn’t want anything else. Yet, that vague siren call of collective conscience, still screamed with sound and fury. Sensibility’s stalwart command did not shield our minds from witnessing divine vistas. Moreover, such places would be an appropriate home for her, my divine oracle.

‘Do we need to stock up on supplies? How is your hp?’ she enquired.

‘I should be ok, stamina is full too, so I can take a punch’

‘Good, My mana is restored as well, so whatever comes at us we can take’

We paused and laughed. Full of glee that the gamification of this world was the only thing that kept us grounded.

‘I gotta say, I think my character is in love with yours’.

‘I noticed, but he is quite chivalrous about it.’

‘- It is quite ingenious how feats influence attractiveness. We should’ve known that the psychedelic dopaminergic operant conditioning system would factor in synergy between characters’

‘Truth be told, I am losing interest in my old life. I think that the mix of psychedelics and stimulating the visual cortex is having the most profound effect.’

‘Also, we’ve only been at it for an hour’ She stated.

‘-It is ok to have fun.’

‘So we’re on drugs, in a vr rpg world, contemplating drugs’.

‘Seems about right, but I am also curious how this Mornath fellow looks. They have been building up to him for three chapters now’

Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author.

There was a long pause as the first flowers and leaves were at their infancy. We both looked outside

‘It is odd’. I started.

‘What?’ She asked.

‘How we can absolutely be compelled by things like this.’

‘Yeah, I wonder if to be compelled is to experience a reality. Like if it’s the machinations behind immersion’

At this stage, I was disassociated and in unity with the duality of my two lives. Both revolved around her, my first life friend and my second life friend. She was the anchor-point during this portal fantasy, no doubt about it.

Yet, I knew very well that this was not reality, for the human condition is a symphony of conflicting forces. Plus, everything takes longer in real life. I was fully aware that I was neglecting that life. But the neglect was cranked up by the visual stimuli and the drugs. Also, with her next to me we were in essence a really cool couple. And to be fair, I have not been seen in life. I’ve seen all the gurus stating that I have to be disciplined, goal-oriented and honest to clear a path towards my destiny. But in truth, what are these fucking self-help gurus in the end? Old men who found a platform where younger men listen to their idiotic ramblings. Fuck ‘em Youtube elders, I was with a girl, there was drugs and there were games and there was no expiration date baby. This was my world, I was the guru and I was gifted with virtual genetics that allowed me to gain muscle and lose weight. In this world, I could spot reduce fat and synthesize protein from sugar. And in this world, I wasn’t delivered to the madness of iconography and goal-getters in v neck shirts. I was the v neck shirt. And I have learned a lot in my first life, trust you me. I know how to hustle, for I followed all their advice, to no avail. Because people….People just don’t think like I do, which is why they are not attached to this blissful game. And I would do it right in this world, I would deliver her to her quest destination and reap the rewards. I was seen in a world far better than that one.

Yet, I could have known that this was but a chapter within the dark bowels of being thirty, fat and balding. I had built a nest and I did not clean the sheets. For three months the gun remained in the sink. And the first world sun, the real sun, used all its solar energies to lighten my dark cellar home. The only bright colors I saw, where the things still lying around in my room from when I was but a teenager. Toys, plush animals and awesome model guns from the 90s. I was unable to remove it, for I had immortalized the nostalgia attached to it. How my parents gave them to me in an abundance of never-ending love and tenderness. They loved me, they still love me dearly even though I’ve made some choices with the wrong people. And she was upset when she found the small bags of cocaine I’d hidden behind the couch. She escaped the house, but I escaped reality for I was ashamed of myself and what I had become. There was a time where I would go out and meet people. But all of that stopped when they divorced and when I got dumped. I don’t pity myself, I’m just a weak loner. I only excel in this RPG kinda thing. But I did have some success in the workplace. I managed to eloquently say what I wanted to say, which is what I had learned from the Youtube elders. But they didn’t like me asking for a raise when I would wear what I wore. There’s a chapter the youtube elders hadn’t figured out yet. No Sludge metal T-shirts, folks

But here,in the Game, in Choldr-7, there was a practice to the escapism. For the psychedelics infused in my brain always brought about the ancient trials, the road to accomplishment. And the way the npcs looked was in a sense a deep dive of the AI scanning my subconscious. The realness, of the place was seated in the micro-fears I had. Like when you have that nagging feeling in the back of your neck that you want to shout and cry in front of your boss who executes that surrogate father all too well. But it was also a place of adventure, and infused me with the belief that, in this new world, I was able to be strong and to sculpt my destiny like I’ve always wanted it to be: Like a psychedelic youtube warrior barbarian, who totally knows how jiujitsu works. But who was also fucking mysterious. And I think I’ve already achieved that with Alyx, for she asked me what I was thinking and listened to me intently all the time. Even when I had no clue, I was able to finally say things in a way that came from a well of experience. And my intuitions adapted well into this game-world. Because I knew everything. Although, admittedly, I wasn’t fully aware of how combat worked, because the game mechanics did merge with whatever substance was flowing in my nervous system. I knew one thing, I was going to have a break in a few days. That break, would show the results of three days of cocaine (for the dopamine feedback loop), psilocybin (for the achievement and natural environment), LSD (for the introspective character engineering) and lastly MDMA (for the communication with the occasional player character, but also the integration of npc and their A.I’s)

As such the VR world was first and foremost a million hues of rainbow colors in an astral sky. Ruins were bright colored, dust was violet and clothes were almost phosphorescent. While the world-building was alien to me, it was there. Moreover, it was generated with my own subconcious and a shared online subconcious as its perimeters. The trick was that mushrooms were able to grow computers….Or something. So whatever I was wasting my time on, it was a virtual practice of exploring my strengths and weaknesses. Alyx intervened my suicidal tendencies and provided me with the second chance at life, but also with a new life. And as an allround seasoned MMORPG gamer, I was absolutely ready to go the distance. I was to find the dark wizard Mornath in this drug fueled city of Farenheim. For he had the means to tap into the drug Miasma, which was the final attempt to prevent the maat abhorris, the alien reset of all technology within the VR world of the valley. Why this was a problem, I was not sure of yet. I was however sure that I was going to fight and take drugs both ingame and irl. First, we were to explore the dark alleys of the city and fight whatever we had to fight. That way we would find the underground network of Oaden nedarque which would lead us to Mornath, who now resided high up his floating palace in noble slumber.

*************

The sharp horror of the mountain loomed over the dark green valley that lay before him. Nothing moved in these dark lands, safe for the thick mist of untouched marshes. Between the valley and the mountain, a dark cloud of earthy rain gathered.

Despite the desolate nature of the place, the smell of fresh wet air cleaned his bloody face and healed his stale lungs. He inhaled the new chances that awaited him with hope as he saw a blue spot of sky through the murky mist. His exhale, however, was a clogged attempt as the air cried through the knotted terrors his body had remembered.

'I'.... He tried. Tears welled up inside him. The salt of his tears, together with the rain and the dried up blood, made a tangible mush on his face of dark and despair. His body refused his attempt to speak. Another inhale of the cold air through his dusty nosethrils renewed his courage, and the slow exhale through the course mouth was a more controlled one this time.

'I am Markus Knotter' 'I... I never give up. My body does not give up, my mind does not give up. We do not give up.' 'I see myself serving the coven, for they will make my wife and child forgive and forget my past deeds. I will serve the coven, for they gave me the magical chance. I love my wife... I love my daughter. I love my friends... I love the fellow travelers I had...I love my sword, boots and lantern.I love going forwards. '

He stood slouched and silent as he let the words fill the void before him. Another inhale through the nose tranquilized his wild supressed panic as he remembered the blood, dust and darkness.

' I must find the lakerider warlock, for he can gather the hedge-casters, witches and hexsisters.'

-'That way, they will preserve the spell that makes my loved ones forget of my awful deed. That way, I am just a distant friend to all of them. If I do not serve the coven...They will live with the knowledge of my wretchedness, and love me out of forgiveness or fear. But not real love. I'm not that man, they deserve better.'

He narrowed his eyes to generate that sense of determinism.

'And I will give them better'.