Hmm?

Why don’t I feel any pain?

If it were like any other restart, I should be in combat with the dwarf right now, no?

…

Where the hell am I?

This isn’t the battlefield!

I mean, I don’t recall the battlefield being a large bedroom decorated in silver and gold.

But isn’t this quite a sight to see?

The walls of the bedroom are decorated with a fanciful design of golden vines and silver flowers on a white background while a variety of furniture and artifacts line the sides of the room which gives off a feeling of regality.

A large bed sits beneath me and is covered in a thick, luxurious comforter dyed in red and gold alongside silver-lined pillows that appear to be as soft and as cushy as little white clouds.

On the wall to my left, there is an opening in the wall lined with two golden curtains that guard the entrance to a balcony beyond which is a bright, sunny sky with birds chirping off in the distance and what appears to be a tasteful garden below.

How in the world did I get here?

If only someone would come through the door to my right and give me an answ-

*Knock, knock.*

Huh, what impeccable timing.

Through the door comes in a young, female elf dressed in a black-and-white maid costume who holds her hands together in front of her apron in a courteous manner.

“Good morning, sir. My name is Amelia, and I’m here to assist you in dressing before your audience with the king.”

Say what now?

“It would be… improper to show yourself before the king in that attire so we must change out your clothes at once, sir.”

Why do I feel like I’m being judged by this maid?

“Now, if you would, sir, please stand up while I get your measurements.”

Well this is an interesting scenario to say the least - beats being hunted down by a dwarf any day of the week.

Without any further hesitation, I get off the bed and shuffle towards the maid whose hands are dancing around mid-air in fanciful shapes and patterns.

*Ssss~*

Whoa.

I know I probably shouldn’t be surprised that one can make a magical tape measure out of thin air after being frozen into a block of ice twice now, but damn is it impressive.

I wonder if I can learn magic?

“Pardon me, sir.”

Unauthorized reproduction: this story has been taken without approval. Report sightings.

Tape measure in hand, the elf maid stretches the ruler about whilst measuring me from head-to-toe, shoulder-to-shoulder, and neck-to-wrist.

“Sir, please lift your arms now.”

Up they go, I suppose.

Now this is getting a little awkward.

The maid’s face is awfully close to my chest since she’s trying to pass the measuring tape around my back.

I haven’t really noticed until now, but the maid is kinda cute.

Her hair is short, black, and styled in a bob-cut which accentuates the smoothness of her facial features while her eyes are a shade of deep violet that give off a feeling of exotic beauty. Her shoulders are slender and her frame is small which invokes the desire to protect her fragile stature.

However, her small chest leaves something to be desir-

Would you go to hell already, five-year-old me? Seriously, your existence in my life isn’t contributing jack-shit and my ability to interact normally with others extremely difficult.

I think it might be too late already, however. The maid seems to have noticed my long, examining gaze and is already distancing herself accordingly.

“Give me a moment while I synthesize your clothes.”

Ah, damn it. She’s already dropped the formalities in her way of speaking - a sure sign that she’s lost all respect for me.

*Sssss~*

Layer by layer, my current attire slowly deteriorates and is replaced layer-by-layer with an elegant jet-black doublet, a poet shirt with long, frilly sleeves, a pair of cloth pants, and a dashing set of black boots.

Have I already mentioned how cool magic is?

“I am finished. Let’s hurry and make it to your audience with his majesty.”

My reputation in front of this elf maid is likely irreparable, no?

*Sigh~*

Well, I guess I should follow after her; but damn, she isn’t waiting for me at all.

How the hell is she walking so fast while her legs are moving so slowly?

“Hey! Wait a second, wait for me!”

*Huff, huff, huff…*

“We are here. Please do try to not sweat so much in front of his majesty’s presence.”

Damn it, you maid. Who the hell’s fault is it that I’m sweating so much right now?

*Ssssss~*

Eugh… the feeling of all the moisture suddenly disappearing evaporating off your body is really weird.

Besides that, though. I have more important questions to ask.

“Before I enter, can you tell me who his majesty is and where I am?”

Disdain.

That is the aura I feel emanating off of the elf maid right now.

I know that I may have upset her for observing her body features for quite some time, but what severe crime did I commit for asking a simple question?

“I’m fairly certain you can figure that out on your own. Farewell now, sir.”

*Whack! Thud!*

Aiee!

“Hey! What was that for, you sassy little-”

Oh shit. I’m inside the audience hall now, aren’t I?

Within the doors of this massive hall, I can feel the eyes of hundreds of different people on me.

The tension is tangible in the air and I’m beginning to feel nervous.

At the very front of the hall, upon a massive throne sits an old, male elf dressed regally in red and gold with a crown atop his head. The man - who I can only assume is his majesty - is staring directly at me in a laid-back manner with his left cheek resting upon the palm of his hand propped up on the armrest of his throne.

The domineering look in his eyes is enough to make any man feel small and insignificant under his gaze and the amount of pride held in his furrowed brow would cause even the most extreme narcissist to worry and feel insecure about their looks before this man.

To king’s right, there sits an almost equally-aged female elf who shares the former’s domineering nature. However, in contrast to the former’s prideful appearance, one can only see pure magnanimity infused into the gaze of the queen.

And finally, to the left of the king, there is…

…no, what in the world is going on?

I thought she killed me!

The first time I was frozen into ice, I died almost instantly!

How is it that I am still here to see her gaze?

Why the hell is that psycho bitch trying to blow kisses into my face from tens of meters away?