That hurt… was the first thought I had after my body ceased functioning correctly and I was forced to leave. It’s not as if I would die if my human body did. Would a soul die together with the body? No. I’m a spiritual entity not a physical one. Let’s not mention the fact that I can split my consciousness in parts so half of me wasn’t in the body in the first place but even if all of me was I still wouldn’t have really been in danger of death.

My body wasn’t completely dead. Even with those terrible injuries the heart was still beating and the brain was still sending out electric pulses. I can only say “As expected of my own body.” Or something like that. I would have to deal with the body later. As it collapsed Fai and Com ran towards it and while Fai immediately started healing the injuries Com had the men who were still standing there dumbfounded to lift it up and carry it to the camp.

Hopefully this shook them up enough to awaken some rivalry or something. Anything that will make them less lazy about training. If they had trained more they should have been able to do this dungeon themselves rather than having to rely on a human to do it for them.

I watched them for a while as they carefully carried the body through the cave and deciding it might take them some time to get back to camp I went on ahead. Moving through the shadows to the entrance of the cave I could see that it was still light outside but it wouldn’t be for much longer so went into the ground as a shadow again and moved towards the camp.

Once I got there I went inside the house undetected and materialized as a shadow. Honestly after that excruciating pain I felt a bit uncomfortable staying in my human form.

“Welcome back.” (Lily and Cel)

When I entered the living room where the two girls seemed to be studying both looked up and greeted me with a smile unfazed by the fact that I’m not only not human but not anything physical either. Well whatever. It’s not as if I’m gonna complain at their acceptance of my true nature.

They were currently studying beastkin. I had made them some textbooks which were remarkably easy to make with my ability, as long as I maintained proper control over it, during our travel through the mountains. I couldn’t keep teaching them while I as on duty guarding the caravan after all… well I could but it would have been way too suspicious to do so.

In any case I simply sat down on the couch and explained the sitation to them as well as the fact that they’ll be bringing a body that looks like me and how to handle that. They seemed a bit worried when I explained the state of the body but I just reassured them that it was just physical injuries on the flesh and bones and I myself suffered no consequence.

 “Are you okay?” (Cel)

Awww she’s worried about the manifestation of nothingness. Cute.

“I’m fine. I don’t get injured like normal people do. It was just the body I was in getting injured.” (Kenos)

I put my hand on her head and she seemed relieved even though the hand is just darkness.

“So, what now?” (Lily)

“What do you mean what? I’m gonna start teaching you beastkin again.” (Kenos)

“I meant what are you going to do now that they think you’re almost dead and fatally injured.” (Lily)

“Oh don’t worry. I’ll just wake up during the night and heal myself.” (Kenos)

She understood what I meant immediately. Looks like she’s getting used to me. Soon she won’t even need to ask. With that over I just started teaching them more beastkin until they came to inform them of the situation. As soon as they were informed Lily went to the medical tent but Cel stayed. Since I didn’t feel like teaching beastkin to Cel alone wouldn’t have been very fair I instead instructed her on mana control until Lily returned.

During the night I just went back to the medical tent. There were a lot less people here now. I mean this is originally a place for people who have heavy injuries. The only reason people with light burns were in here is because they had other injuries as well. I walked up to my body and simply erased it.

I was still being hugged in the early morning when I heard a knock on the door. I dematerialized and left the bed so as to not wake the girls this time and went to answer. Of course outside the door was Com who just looked at me speechless.

“You- How did you-?” (Com)

“I woke up during the night and healed myself.” (Kenos)

“Your arm? YOUR EYE?” (Com)

I shrugged.

“I have my methods.” (Kenos)

He just stood there for a while seemingly trying to say something opening his mouth and stopped trying to say whatever he was going to before sighing and finally giving up completely.

“Are you okay? Those were some pretty serious injuries.” (Com)

“I’m fine. Pain is something temporary. Injures are as well as long as you manage to heal them.” (Kenos)

He nodded.

“In that case could you come to Leon’s tent in the afternoon? He seemed to have something to speak to you about. Other than the slime dungeon and its clearing.” (Com)

I nodded once which he seemed satisfied by as he walked away but as I was about to close the door he seemed to remember something and turned around.

“Oh and thanks. The soldiers are much more motivated now that they heard that a human cleared the dungeon by themselves without even using magic. The twenty that actually saw you even more so.” (Com)

I was surprised but smiled. Thank god. I hope these guys can get closer to their limits after this slight bit of motivation. This might be a bit out of character for me but I do always hate people who give up on improving after they’re satisfied with mediocre. If you’re gonna do something then why stop at average or above average? Go for excellent. Aim for being one of the elites. Even if you don’t have talent maybe you won’t be able to reach the top yeah but you can get close even without too much talent.

This time Com really walked away after turning around and I closed the door. Lily and Cel were still asleep and I had nothing much to do so I tried something new. Turning into a shadow I disappeared from inside the house and the scenery around me changed into an infinite darkness.

I am once again in the void. I haven’t come here ever since I died as a dragon… well I hadn’t been here until I was thrown out of that body and in her. I instantly knew what I was doing wrong until now. What I was trying to do until now was strengthen my body through a temporary increase in the energy of part of my body. In other words I tried to infuse it with mana and/or void. I didn’t really think it would work since my body is spiritual in nature but I had no other idea on what to do. What I was doing wrong, was that I was aiming for a temporary boost. In here I can get a permanent one.

I melded with the void. Rather than making a form for myself I instead tried merging with everything around me. It was sort of like melding in with shadows in the outside world but different at the same time. Shadows can be overpowered because they’re weaker than void but what happens when I try to merge with the void then? The answer is that I have to accept. Accept that I am not someone anymore. I am no one. I am the void. The more I come to that realization the more my power grows. The reason that my power has been growing so slowly was simply because as much as I referred to myself as something inhuman I still somehow felt human inside.

It’s time to abandon it.

As soon as I thought that my influence… no “I” grew. I truly became the void. That’s right. This “Place”… why was I referring to it as such? This is all me. EVERYTHING HERE IS ME. Sure I can’t feel everything in here. For the sake of the comparison I couldn’t feel every single crumb of bread I had in my stomach either but the insides were still me. The same goes for here. Only now. I can feel it better. Truly… yes truly I am no longer human. The space that I could feel once again grew dramatically.

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I am the void.

I am nothing.

I am a concept.

I am a spirit.

I am the Avatar of the Void.

I am the conscience of the Void.

I am my own conscience.

I am me.

Each time I forced myself to understand and accept a part of my new being I could feel my power increasing. I could feel my influence increasing. I wonder if gods are strong? Are they stronger than me now? Dragons… dragons… What about them? They are in the end a physical existence. I can kill it. But can they kill me? Someone can kill what is already dead. A zombie is a body without a soul. But can they kill that which does not exist while existing at the same time? Can they kill the contradicting existence of the concept of nothingness?... No… no they cannot… Enough. I have passed enough time In my inner world.

I went outside of myself once more, emerging in the same place in the living room where I was before entering. It was now late morning but not yet lunch. Damn. I had forgotten to make breakfast for Lily and Cel… Huh… I thought I would have less of an attraction towards them after giving up the last bits of my humanity… guess some things just never change.

As I emerged both of them happily greeted me to which I answered with a smile concealed on my featureless face. It was a figurative smile which they couldn’t see but they seem to have felt it anyway. I immediately started making them breakfast with the last of our supplies. They had to feed themselves yesterday but hey Lily isn’t a bad cook either you know.

After eating I started instructing them on beastkin once again until the afternoon after which I left the house again. They were advancing at the language quickly enough now that they had more time to spend learning. After all before when we were travelling we didn’t have much time for it. I just hope we stay here long enough for it to matter. We might have to switch to elven soon enough and just let them learn the rest as they go.

Once I left I headed straight for Leon’s camp. I could feel the new power I had acquired. Right now… I don’t know. Dragons seem insignificant to me. What about gods? Gods are only half of what I am. They represent a concept making them much more durable than a mortal but that doesn’t mean they themselves are immortal. Now that I think about it I myself am something close to a god right now. The god of nothing. The god of void… Yeah… right now I’m only at that level. I realized that I have not yet given up all of my humanity. Lily and Cel… they’re still keeping me here.

If they disappeared I would feel no reason for staying human. I could just give up everything… I remembered once again when my sister died. It was a similar feeling back then. When I found out my sister was dead I felt so sad. So angry. But… after all of that was over… so empty… so… void.

I lost my sister. I lost my everything. She WAS my everything. I felt so… relieved. I no longer had anything to protect. I no longer had anything to live for. Thanks to that I could live for everything. I could protect everything. I could kill everything. I felt released. I felt anger at myself for feeling that way. I had no reason to live but at the same time I had an infinite amount of reasons to live now that that one was gone. First I wanted revenge. So I got it. Then I wanted no one to have to feel as broken as I was then so I took the world and started shaping it into one that would not allow anyone to break like I did. I could not see it through though… I gave up… I was tired. I’m pathetic... Am I? I can’t tell… at this point my existence is a culmination of various whims and desires I have. When I feel like doing something I just do it. If I don’t then I don’t… Chaos? That’s a good way to describe it. My existence both back then and right now… is Chaos…

I am void…

I am Chaos…

Which one am I really? I thought back to Greek mythology. Chaos… the primeval void. The first thing to come to existence. A place but at the same time personified enough to give birth to children. Gaia, Tartarus and Eros. As well as Erebus the personification of darkness and Nyx the goddess or personification of night.

Well… Greek mythology was just as jumbled up as any religion and as time people lost sight of what the original stories for all these things were. Which were real and which stories false. My answer back then was of course that all of them were false and they were just stories in the first place. Now?... I’m not so sure… Chaos… Sounds a lot like me honestly. Some differences here and there but hey… I don’t know… I’m confused… seriously confused.

I once again opted to remember what it felt like after my sister died... I’m currently confused about a lot of things. But there was one thing I was sure of. If that ever happened again I would lose. I would lose everything. I won’t let that happen.

Heh… now that I think about it this is the most complete thought I had about myself. I always interrupted myself before when I questioned what I had become. Guess that was also a sign of weakness… but I still haven’t given up everything… and hopefully this time I won’t have to… I don’t want to be any more broken than I already am. I wonder. Some people said that someone who realizes what should be normal isn’t insane. But what of someone who realizes what is normal but doesn’t stay himself from leaving that path anyway? Is that still insanity? Or is it a conscious choice to stray from society’s norms… well I guess it matters a lot less in this world. I’ll let the psychological and philosophical discussions for when I have just a bit more answers… not that I can ever answer the question of whether I’m insane or not...

Before I noticed I was standing in front of the main tent where Leon spends most his time. I entered and saw Leon sitting on the ground much like when I first met him. The only difference is that for the first time ever since I met him I saw him wear an actually serious face. It seems this topic is something even he isn’t going to be joking about. Great. And here I thought I would finally get a break from difficult thoughts and just listen to this goofy but smart guy laugh his ass off at my expense. I didn’t sit down. I didn’t feel like it. He seemed to notice so as he started to speak.

“I’ll just be honest. I didn’t trust you. Technically I still don’t. But I also think you’re not on the humans’ side. So I need you to come with me.” (Leon)

Well that came out of nowhere.

“Details.”

He nodded and I sat down this time. I didn’t really get tired from sitting up but sitting down was still more comfortable. Looks like this might be a long talk.