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Ch 12: Room and Board

What is going on? The toilet is a lonely auditor, the tiles a captured audience towards this public speech. His hands are quivering, gripping. Trying to crush invisible eggs or something. Hunching, his stomach makes feeble attempts at breaking his rib cage. His legs are stirring up a delightful toilet lemon meringue, but only missing a wee bit: The meringue, the mixing bowl, and five drops of tears from sweatshop workers for flavor. His legs are shaking. Tapping against the floor, frantic. Manic. I..How. How is she here? This is the boy's dormitory! Theo, master of astute observation.

"Heyy, you almost done?" Her words barely audible over the immense blasting of something that could only be defined as a mix between k-pop and some form of electro funk, and then subsequently ran through autotune a couple thousand times.

"um. Isn't that too loud? What if we get a noise complaint?"

Somehow, the music became louder. Oh, they added some sick guitar. Too bad you can't hear this.

Theo took a deep breath and stared down at his pants hanging around his ankles. Jeans, not jorts because he's a coward.

Churning, twisting. Rising up, contorting in his stomach. Screams, blood, burning. Bodies, faces, crushing. Underneath his hands, his feet. He killed them. Tearing, breaking. Collapsing buildings fallling to ruin. Shaking, red. Every shade and color, all red.

"HEY! THEO!"

In the next moment, the third-ish funniest thing in history happened. So picture this, Theo. Pants still very firmly around his ankles, they aren't moving anywhere. But Theo is. Shooting up, launching like a bootleg rocket, he barely managed a second of airtime. But that's not what's important.

For you see, Theo had been using the bathroom, and wasn't finished. Only paused. Oh and, he didn't jump straight up. No, he jumped at a slight angle, enough to send himself forward just enough to trip. I can't make this up, he fell face first while getting the dookie spooked out of him.

Now, the next moment goes exactly as we all would imagine, "Huh-AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAGSDFB" Nora fell over and subsequently died. May she rest in peace. As the funeral procession was underway, and all throughout, she never once stopped laughing. Truly, it had been an event that really struck at her funny bone and burrowed it's way in like some kind of bone parasite.

"OMGAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

The laughing continued for a solid and genuine ten minutes. Theo collected himself from the scattered pieces of dignity among the ground, and cleaned up his mess. Then, he returned to the toilet. Dedication.

"OKAY. okay. are. you. okay?" Her words bore a deep snort, the kind that had grown more powerful with age and wisdom, and as such could barely be contained through normal words. Each syllable, each struggle, it lessened in intensity.

"Theo. Look at me." The mirror beckoned like a girl beckoning.

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Heavy. Lead-filled; both his hands and his knees that had once been spaghetti were now a little bit too properly reinforced to withstand high levels of gamma radiation. Theo stood very, very slowly, lacking in super powers and/or appearance improvements.

"Are you okay?" Nora stared at him. No grin. No laugh, no chuckle, no chortle, no snortle. A serious look, attached to a serious face, on a semi-transparent body, which is presumably unserious.

She's...actually concerned about me? Theo stared at her, probably drooling abit too. It is a very rough night to be him. "Yeah, I'm fine. You just scared me is all."

"Bullshit."

"I-I'm fine!"

"You're not fine."

Theo stared at her.

Nora stared at Theo.

"I'm just a bit shaken up from the roommate."

"Bullshit. I'm in your brain, dumbass."

She's got this really smug look on her face.

"Because you can't lie to me, fucktard. I'm, like, so totes amazing. "

Totes? That's so

"Don't even finish that thought asshole."

Sharp, prickling like needles poking inside of his skull in an effort to get out, tossing neurons and other unimportant things out of the way in this goal, rapidly overwhelmed him.

"OWOWOWOW"

silence. gone.

"Glad you understand." She smiled, a cruel and angry smile.

"Now then. Stop thinking." Her words came as the easiest suggestion in the world.

Easier said than done.

"Just shut up. Go to bed."

Bed? It's not even ten yet

Sharp, prickling overtook his mind once more, only as a brief flash of pain. Theo, grimacing, accepted his place in the hierarchy and went to bed after washing his hands.

The bed is made out of bed. Yes, unlike most other beds made out of factory materials and wood. This one's made out of at least 50% bed. Quality materials for a quality tuition price indeed. However, this one had a loser laying face down in it, so it's price dropped by like 93 dollars. Inflation, perchance.

"Eww... If your gonna use the bathroomm"

Her words dragged and slurred, her sentence unfinished. Theo turned over in the bed, bravely stepping out into new horizons in which no man has ever set foot into: being in a bathroom at the same time with another woman. Will our hero surivive this impossible feat?

As he slowly inched his way towards her like an inchworm approaching the eagle as some kind of ritual sacrifice, his eye's beheld the horrors of the bathroom. The essence of the problem which he had left behind for her poor eyes to have to witness, the unspeakable act which he had commited in broad daylight for all to see, and that no sane nor rational person would ever possible even dream of doing for the slightest moment of time, ever, in any way, shape, form, or history. Not even a specktle of possibility.

Theo didn't flush the toilet.

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