[https://openclipart.org/detail/216878/medieval-city-messenger][https://openclipart.org/download/216878/City-messenger-15th-century-the-Netherlands.svg]
A knock at the door.
“That will be the errand boy.” Hood wipes his face and stands.
Draken follows the wizard to the door. A well groomed, dark haired youth in dark blue livery stands at the door.
“Draken, this dapper young man is Van, he makes deliveries and runs small errands for me. A bit clumsy at times but there’s nobody I trust more to retrieve your possessions. Just give him the address and he’ll have your things here within the hour.”
The livery is clearly stolen, as indicated by the patches over the shoulders and breast, where the original household’s coat of arms would have been. Most houses burn old uniforms rather than sell them as it doesn’t take much for a thief to buy a second hand uniform and pretend to be a servant. An errand boy who works for an agency would wear the agency’s insignia. An honest freelancer doesn’t wear a uniform at all, they cost extra to clean.
Only someone ripping off his customers makes enough freelancing to keep a uniform clean and dapper. Draken pulls Van aside.
“You’ll find my things at the Dripping Candle, tell the innkeeper my password, ‘drunken dwarf’.” Van nods and moves as if to go but Draken grabs him by the shoulder, pressing his knife to the boy’s back. “Just one more thing, Hood says you’re clumsy but you and I both know that’s a cover, so he doesn’t ask questions if you ‘lose’ something. Lose something of mine and I'll gut you like a pig, understand?”
The boy slowly nods as Draken lowers the knife. He dashes off, not daring to look back.
“What was that about?” Hood asks.
Draken smiles.
“I warned him not to be clumsy.”
***
“Drunken dwarf.” The uniformed kid looks real nervous. Draken must have really put a scare in him. The young minstrel strums his lyre as he keeps his eyes pinned on the skunk.
“You think Draken’s alright?” His sister asks, the minstrel nods.
“He was just being melodramatic in that note. Truth is he’s probably sitting around in silk underwear eating steak right now.”
“For breakfast?” A young boy asks.
The errand boy comes down from Draken’s room, arms laden with bags. He loads the lumpy sacks onto a small wooden cart, pulls out a wicked looking club, test swings it a couple times and rests it on his shoulder as he pulls the cart with his free hand.
The minstrel and his companions watch from the shadows of a nearby alley.
“What’s he thinking, swinging that thing around?” Warren asks, sighing as he spots a guard approaching. “Great, just what we need.”
[https://openclipart.org/download/271103/ShakespeareGuardsmanColour.svg]
The uninformed idiot can’t keep his cool, in a moment he’s shouting at the guardsman.
“How many times do I need to say it, I’m an errand boy working a job for a wizard! ”
The guard is shifting his weight, a clear sign he’s losing his patience. In a moment Warren knows the boy will be bleeding in the street, not that he doesn’t deserve it. The fact he has all of Draken’s things is the real issue.
“That livery you’re wearing is clearly stolen.” The guard rumbles.
“I bought it second hand,” Van says. “I don’t know where it came from.”
The guard takes a step closer, hand on his trunchion.
“What wizard are you working for?”
The delivery boy smiles smugly. “I work for Blackard Hood.”
In an instant the guard has him by the collar, shaking him with such force that he can’t comprehend the idea that he’s lost his grip till he hears the sound of his weapon clattering to the ground.
“I got you now, you little shit. Blackard Hood is in that tent over yonder, has been all week. Running the wizard trials, I know cuz I took em twice an failed both times.”
Jacob snickers, playfully jabbing Warren. “He acts like that’s something to be proud of.”
“Don’t see why you’re laughing.”Warren replies. “That pig’s gonna confiscate all of Draken’s stuff, including the stash.” Jacob pales a bit.
“It’ll be thirty lashes for you, punk!”
“No, please listen. It’s all a misunderstanding, I swear I work for Hood and his apprentice! ”
The boy whimpers as the guard jabs him hard in the stomach with the tip of his cudgel.
“That ain’t funny, everyone knows Hood aint taken an apprentice since the last one died and you’d know too if you actually knew Hood.”
The boy groans, gasping for air. Warren and Jacob look on in elevating alarm.
“We gotta do something, Warren. That’s everything Draken owns up there.”
The minstrel grits his teeth, hating the helpless feeling as he tries hard to think.
“There has to be some lie, some trick ...” He snaps his fingers. “That’s it!”
“I’ll vouch for him!” The minstrel shouts. The guard faces Warren with a skeptical look.
“At least I know you, but why vouch for this scum, is he a friend?”
Warren shakes his head.
“No, but all that stuff belongs to one of my friends and I’d hate to see it get impounded. As for Hood, everyone in the Dripping Candle knows he came through last night and got his new apprentice, my good friend Draken, drunker than a pig at harvest.”
This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.
The guard rubs his chin. “A new apprentice for Blackard Hood, and it’s Draken?”
He shakes his head. “I know Draken, I know Hood but the two of them together … bad.”
“Why bad?” The minstrel asks.
The guard shakes his head again.
“Draken is sneaky and reckless, Hood is ambitious and irresponsible. The two together sounds like oil and fire.”
Patting the weezing errand boy on the back, Warren keeps his attention on the guard.
“You may have gone a bit overboard.”
The guard shrugs.
“He’s wearing stolen livery and waving a bat around on my streets while pulling a cart full of loot. Honest mistake.”
The minstrel smiles.
“To make sure there are no more mistakes my friends and I ought to escort this guy to the wizard’s house.”
***
The minstrel, the errand boy and Draken’s remaining crew wind their way through alleys.
“Why are we taking this route?” Van whines.
“To avoid more trouble, kid.” Warren replies, not bothering to look at the boy as he checks the next street for any potential complications. Satisfied, he casually plucks at the strings of his instrument, playing at a repeating melody. The cadre of youths emerge from the alley to a street lined with stately brick houses.
“Which one?” Warren asks.
***
Three sharp raps at the door.
“About damn time,” Draken mutters.
At the door is the boy, Van with a cart filled halfway to the top with Draken’s personal things.
Beside it standing like a lanky, grinning scarecrow with a lyre is Warren along with Jacob and Lily.
“This damn fool you hired nearly got nipped by the guard.” The minstrel explains.
“Tell that to Hood,” Draken says. “This sneak seems to have wormed his way into the wizard’s good graces.”
Van’s face flushes intensely and his eyes dart between Draken and Warren.
“Keep him from bolting.” Draken digs through the cart checking that his things are all there.
With a look he orders Jacob and Lily to help him unload then snaps his fingers.
“Cut him loose.”
Van slowly takes his cart and his pace seems to double every few steps until he’s running.
Warren and Draken laugh.
“Let’s get this stuff inside.” Draken says.
As they enter the wizards’ palatial home the crew pauses in stunned silence until Draken loudly claps.
“Don’t just stand around jerkin off, we got work to do.”
Jacob’s eyes are wide as they take in the wonder of Hood’s home.
“Check out these digs,” the boy whistles.
“Yeah, this wizard has some crazy tastes,” Draken replies. “Just don’t nick anything, you’ll probably die.”
Draken smiles as his companions freeze in their steps and hastily start pulling things from their pockets and putting them back on the shelves.
“So, what’s the plan boss?” Warren asks. “None of us will blame you if you want to get out of the game.”
Draken tosses a bag of his clothes into his bedroom.
“When have you ever known me to quit?”
Draken’s toothy grin is full of confidence as he guides his friend into his new room, pointing for him to sit.
“I’ve drawn the best cards of my life. If we play this right we’ll all come out winners.”
A few light musical notes on the lyre project Warren’s feelings more than the wan smile on his face.
“Should have known, you’ve always got a plan, boss.”
He shakes his head.
“I see a lot of future opportunities but I don’t actually have a plan yet.”
Draken chuckles to himself as a wicked thought crosses his mind. He indicates the object sitting on his bedside table. “What do you make of that?”
[https://openclipart.org/download/240586/ComicCharacter286.svg]
Warren picks up the octagon and freezes in place. The air around him seems to wave and shimmer, coalescing onto a kind of bubble over his head. The dinner scene plays out as warren leaps up on the table with his lyre and starts singing. “Ooh, ooh, ooh the whore is a virgin come and get you some. Won’t let you put a bun in her oven but you can put it in her bum. ” He gyrates his hips and thrusts as he dances, locking eyes with the sorcerer’s granddaughter. “Don't ever let her suck your cock cuz she’s got a real sharp tongue.” He suggestively thrusts and strokes his lyre toward the girl as he dances. “The virgin whore is gonna make me cuaaaagh!!” He falls over, thrashing violently as he vainly tries to pull invisible hands from his neck.
Draken can’t stop laughing as Warren blinks out of his daze.
“The fuck was that?!” The minstrel demands and is met with more laughter.
“I couldn't resist.” Draken says between hysterical bouts. “You should have seen the look on your face when he killed you.” Draken grabs at his own neck and sticks out his tongue in an exaggerated expression.
“You’re an asshole!” Warren shouts.
Draken tosses the minstrel the purse he stole during the magician’s trials.
“That belongs to that blue dandy who pushed your sister into the thorns. Son of a bitch was more loaded than I thought. Fool must have been carrying all his travel expenses in one place. There’s about ten silvers and five gold in there. Enough to keep the crew comfortable for a month and have some left for new clothes.
“Quite a haul.” Warren grins into the open purse.
“Right now we need to work out our strategies for staying in touch.”
After some discussion Draken and his crew decide how they intend to communicate.
Just as they begin to hammer out the basics, Draken hears footsteps.
Shushing everyone he throws his dice on the floor.
“Snake eyes, damn.”
“You’ll have to cut your game short.” Draken is surprised to hear the sorcerer's voice.
Zern Morro Grins.
“I’ve found someone to cover my duties at the trials, time for your initiation.”
Something about Morro’s cold, calculating stare worries Draken.
“Aren’t I supposed to learn manners first?” He chokes.
Morro chuckles.
“Hood thinks you’ve made some progress on that score and suggests you bring the simulator with you. It should get you used to the way we’ll have to train you. ” He slaps Draken on the back. “For now we’ll each take you for about a week and assign you tasks to complete when you’re not with us.”
“Sounds tough,” Warren mutters.
Draken sighs, there’s clearly no way to avoid it.
“You guys had better go before Hood gets back.”
“Nonsense.” Hood’s voice reverberates out of the mirror. “Your friends can join me for dinner.”
Draken shoots his crew a warning look.
***
The Virgin Whore
Ooh, ooh, ooh the whore is a virgin come and get you some. Won’t let you put a bun in her oven but you can put it in her bum. Don't ever let her suck your cock cuz she’s got a real sharp tongue. The virgin whore is gonna make me cum.
Come and get me some.
Come and get me some.
I gave her a pearl necklace, she said I was number one.
I came and got me some.
Every man she goes to bed with says please let me be the one.
She takes them all and she gives them none.
Ooh, ooh, ooh, the whore is a virgin and she just might be the one.
Don’t ever kiss her on the mouth cuz she’s got a poison tongue.
I gave her my heart but she ain’t got one.
The virgin whore is gonna make me cum
Come down and beg for some
Come down and beg for some
I give her it all but she gives me none.
To us she’s a god but to her we’re scum.
We’re only scum
We’re only scum
She steals our hearts and she leaves us numb.