Chapter 2 Trash Pandas
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Swallowing the lump in his throat, he inched his way down the cave. His hands gripped onto the slimy broken sword as he held it above his head menacingly. The visibility in the cave was strangely lit by a dim artificial glow.
“That’s not realistic,” Eddie commented to himself, he half-expected it to be pitch black.
He heard something scuttle ahead and he screamed. He cleared his throat, lowering his voice. “I mean urm- here I come monsters… Watch out.”
A few red dots appeared on his mini-map, warning him of the danger ahead. Sweat was building on his forehead and dropping down into his eyes. “C’mon Eddie, you got this,” he said, psyching himself up. He blew twice out as he mentally prepared himself.
Turning around a bend, he spotted two large racoons nibbling at far past rotten food. They weren’t large but mutated and gross, they were patchy- hairless in some places and about the size of a labrador.
Trash Panda, Level 5
Trash Panda, Level 6
Stepping into the aggro range, the monsters switched onto him like the golem before. His knees were weak, and his arms were more than heavy. “Ah! Mom’s spaghetti!” Eddie turned tail and ran like the man he was, the trash panda ravenously chasing him like their coded lives depended on it.
“I’m sorry!” he yelled back at them. “I didn’t mean to disturb you!”
“Raaa! Ewk! Arack! Arack,” the trash pandas screeched.
Eddie slammed his shoulder into the cave walls as he sprint-stumbled his way out of the cave and into the flat clearing. His stamina bar had been flashing red the entire journey and the muscles in his body were aching. He bent over, breathing heavily, feeling like he was going to throw up- it was the most amount of exercise he had done in years.
He thought he was safe but he saw them still running towards him on his mini-map. Glancing behind his shoulder as he started running again, three of them chasing him.
A perfectly placed metal pipe was sticking out the ground as Eddie’s foot clipped against it. He started to fall without his hands in front of him and landed face down-ass up in a pile of toenail clippings. Immediately realizing what he had fallen into, he panicked and began to shake his face. Spitting, gagging and almost throwing up again. He felt the trash panda’s teeth sink his ankle and started yanking him backwards.
-7 HP from Trash Panda, Level 6 {Bite}
-1 HP Bleed
-1 HP Bleed
With his spare foot, he kicked it in the face and scrambled back up onto two feet- straight into a dead end. When he turned around, he noticed they hadn’t followed him- then checked his map.
“The edge of the circle!” he exclaimed. The trash pandas were baring their teeth; hissing their malevolence at him… Behind the red circle which was the designation of the dungeon outline. Eddie stuck out his tongue and made rude gestures to the oblivious monstrosities. Upon realizing he was on a time limit, he edged himself forwards with the broken sword in hand. He almost felt bad but they wouldn’t hesitate to kill him. He brought the sword down on one of their heads, only hearing a dull thud when it found purchase.
You hit Trash Panda, Level 6 for 1 HP
“One?!” Eddie exclaimed, checking the blade. It was extremely blunt- like his ex-girlfriend.
You hit Trash Panda, Level 6 for 1 HP
You hit Trash Panda, Level 6 for 1 HP
You hit Trash Panda, Level 6 for 1 HP
…
You hit Trash Panda, Level 6 for 1 HP
You hit Trash Panda, Level 6 for 1 HP
You hit Trash Panda, Level 6 for 1 HP
“Ah!” Eddie grunted, breathing heavily. “Stupid!” he hit it again, “Stupid! Stupid! Stupid- trash panda!” He fell down to the floor and let his virtual lungs recover, ignoring the ravenous sounds of the monsters only a couple of meters next to him. The trash panda’s red health bar was only at 60%, he had hit it a total of twenty times in total. “Forty more, I can do this,” Eddie said, wheezing. “Only a little bit more.”
After a few more hits… He still couldn’t do it, even without sitting down for a few minutes. Levels were more important than Eddie originally thought- and weapons. He started racking his smooth brain to think of a way of killing them. He started examining all the loose piles of trash before him. Things that weren’t to his liking were annoyingly thrown at the trash pandas offering zero damage against them. He did find some amusement when things went bonk against their head.
After finding nothing, he sat down in defeat. Even with such an easy quest, Eddie couldn’t live up to it. He groaned, lying back down again to gather his thoughts. “Think Eddie! What would dad say?”
“You’re a failure-”
“No, not that,” Eddie grumbled.
“Use the tools you have. And if they don’t work- make them work. I am an old wise man and I am putting on a very deep voice.”
“That’s great dad!” Eddie exclaimed. He commanded his inventory to appear next to him and brought out the golem. “Sorry buddy, I just need your body parts- that sounds weird. Borrowing? Yeah, borrowing.” The dead golem didn’t seem to mind and he started to pry apart the various cogs and machinery.
After a few minutes of Eddie grunting, he had finally made his first weapon.
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This cannot be identified by the system... But I’ll try...
Congratulations! You have made your first weapon.
+1 EXP
Crude Make-Shift Metal Corpse Club?
Description: ERROR
Base Damage: 5
Durability: ??
“Ha, HA!” Eddie excitedly screamed. “This game is gonna be my business. Business?! Business- bi- business. bi- busin- ah, fudge it!” He cleared his throat. “Nevermind, don’t get angry. You can do this. Trash pandas-” he cracked his knuckles, “You’re in for it now.”
Strutting up to the overgrown racoons with an evil grin, he started slapping them with the make-shift metal corpse club. It looked exactly how it was described. Although, Eddie did not thank the system for its hard work which hurt its zeros and ones.
You hit Trash Panda, Level 6 for 5 HP
You hit Trash Panda, Level 5 for 8 HP (CRITICAL)
You hit Trash Panda, Level 5 for 5 HP
…
You hit Trash Panda, Level 6 for 9 HP (CRITICAL)
You hit Trash Panda, Level 6 for 5 HP
You hit Trash Panda, Level 6 for 5 HP
…
Nice job!
You have slain Trash Golem, Level 5-6(x3)
+9 EXP (-50% Cowardice Kill)
+19 Copper
+9 Trash Panda Meat (Expire: 23:59:58s)
+3 Hairless Hair
“Suck it! Stupid trash pandas!” Eddie shouted covered in grease, black blood and strands of their hair. He started doing the robot dance terribly and then into a Michael Jackson turn. Eventually coming down from his dopamine high, he realized the trash pandas were bludgeoned to nothing but a bloody pulp. He was grossed out at first but then their bodies started to burn away in small cubes of blue, and he felt more at peace. He found it strange how there was gore but no bad language. He didn’t ponder on it for long.
“Right, now what.”
Quest: Trash Panda Infestation
3/7 Trash Pandas killed.
Time remaining: 00:23:49s
“Oh, yeah,” Eddie mused, “Monsters.” After getting up, he poured some water on himself to get rid of the black blood staining his starter gear tunic. It didn’t do much but instead made himself feel better. His tunic was getting rather gross now since it was the only piece of clothing he had.
Debuff: Smelly II
-3 Charisma
“Great,” Eddie grumbled. His charisma was in the negative now. It wasn’t like he was expecting to see anyone down here. He had to remind himself that this was a game even though it was so realistic. If he smelled in-game then that would have consequences.
Debuff: Dirty I
-1 Charisma
Eddie took a deep breath and closed his eyes. “My body is a temple. My body is a temple. I am at one with myself. I am at one with myself.” He exhaled, and he was calm once again.
Quest: Trash Panda Infestation
3/7 Trash Pandas killed.
Time remaining: 00:19:49s
“Alright, alright, jeez. I was just basking in my epic victory in the defeat of these plebeians.” He did need to hurry up, and so, he picked up the strange weapon he made and ventured forwards into the compacted trash cave.
3 minutes later.
“Ahhh!” Eddie screamed in panic. Four of the trash pandas were snapping at his heels as he ran full sprint out of the cave. His eyes went all blurry from the lack of oxygen feeding his massive muscles. He started heaving as he exited the cave-like a fat guy running to McDonald's to get there in time for breakfast. Seeing the metal pipe that stuck out last time, and hopefully not being stupid enough to trip up on it, he dove forwards, over the pile of toenail clippings and landed just over the line.
“Ah!” he coughed menacingly, “Fools! You have fallen into my trap!”
Grinning like a supervillain again, he pulled the makeshift weapon out of his inventory and went to town.
You hit Trash Panda, Level 5 for 8 HP (CRITICAL)
You hit Trash Panda, Level 6 for 5 HP
You hit Trash Panda, Level 7 for 4 HP
…
You hit Trash Panda, Level 7 for 8 HP (CRITICAL)
You hit Trash Panda, Level 7 for 5 HP
You hit Trash Panda, Level 6 for 5 HP
…
Nice job!
You have slain Trash Panda, Level 5-7(x4)
+12 EXP (-50% Cowardice Kill)
+19 Copper
+11 Trash Panda Meat (Expire: 23:59:58s)
+4 Hairless Hair
A loud ding sound all around him and he threw the club into the air in celebration. “Oh, yeahhh, oh, yeahhhhh, go Eddie..! Go, Eddie..! Go, Eddie..!”
Congratulations! You have completed the Quest: Trash Panda Infestation!
7/7 Trash Pandas Killed.
I’ll be honest, you got lucky but you still did it!
Time remaining: 09:43
“A’thank, System. I will soon become something great. You just watch!”
Yeah, yeah. Here are your rewards.
Rewards:
-Safe Zone- Tunneled Delight
+21 Copper
+An item of your choosing
+100 EXP
+A Class
You have leveled up! Level 1→2!
You have two free stat points to allocate.
Eddie decided to hold onto the stat points for now. He was more excited to see what loot he got. “Okay, okay, urm. Save the class for last… Urm- the items; show them first.” His eyes glowed as the items appeared in front of him in text boxes.
Items
{Trashman’s Boots}
Grade: Common
Defense Rating: 11
Durability: 33/33 (100%)
Description: These gray heavy-duty boots allow you to not trip up on loose trash when walking across trash. It will be like surfing
across waves with these stylish boots.
{Trash Bag}
Grade: Common
Size: (+)3 m^3
Durability: 2/2 (100%)
Description: A small trash bag that when worn will allow a player’s inventory to be increased in size. Additionally, the trash bag can act as separate storage.
Fingerless Trashman’s Gloves
Defense Rating: 8
Durability: 22/22
Description: When handling trash, your hands move 25% faster. Moreover, you will be immune to sharp pieces of trash when picking or handling them.
“Oooo, why is everything trash related?” Eddie asked the system. He then looked at his surroundings. “Don’t answer, I got it.” Letting out a sigh, he pondered on his choices. He liked how cute the trash bag was. It looked like a keyring he could clip on his brown stained trousers. The gloves were made of comfy leather but he was not a fan of fingerless gloves. And the boots, the boots looked vastly more comfortable and they would help him traverse the difficult terrain.
“Oh, but it’s so cute,” Eddie whined as he looked at the miniature trash bag. Eventually, and grudgingly, he selected the boots. From the image in his text box, they dropped onto the floor in front of him. He was happy with them but then again, Eddie would be happy with everything. It was the first loot he had gotten so far and he was chuffed.
They hugged his dirty feet and he stood up in them. He started squatting, then small sprints; making sure he could run. “These are really comfy,” he remarked. Testing the feature, he ran over to the metal pipe sticking out the ground and placed his foot over it. The metal pipe bent out of the way and his foot landed on flat compacted trash. “This is awesome!” Eddie gleefully exclaimed as he started running around the large circular basin like a child in the snow.
The dopamines faded and he sat down on the compacted trash floor. He was now ready to receive his class. He didn’t understand why he was receiving a class so early but Eddie being Eddie, didn't question it. The mechanic was just happy to finally make some progress in the game, even if he was still stuck in the trash pits below.
Are you ready to receive your class?
Eddie drummed his feet on the ground as he nodded.
You have received...
He opened his eyes wide with an excited smile.
...