Teion kneeled uncomfortably before Elethien, his head faced towards the floor in guilt. She was doing the same. Amovishel was missing from sight for once, the man probably relocated to some other tent. It was just the two of them, the leaders of the kingdom, both humbled before each other after the disaster yesterday.
‘I’m… sorry,’ he said. These were the first words he said since last night, precisely when he and Elethien were in argument.
He had sworn to follow Elethien in her dreams. He had been executing her ideals, being the leader of the vanguard as he fought with nearly no objections. Yet the one time he went against her wishes, he led the troops to their deaths, being only barely saved with her immense powers.
He had no right to continue being the second-in-command after betraying her wishes.
‘In serving the kingdom, I ruined it,’ he continued. ‘I was arrogant. I was stubborn. I was foolish in chasing the enemy without considering the chance of a trap. Please… let me die to atone for my sins.’
He pressed his head down as he prostrated on the ground. He was deserving of death. If it happened in any other army, he would’ve been executed by martial law already, his death recorded as part of battle casualties to the Guild. No, he would’ve just died in battle, the entire army annihilated along with him.
At the very least, he had no right to continue leading the warriors.
Elethien was silent. Teion felt no response from her. She would’ve been berating him by now. She had completely gone mad last night, at least according to the other Foresters. Her loud optimism and strength had shattered, and even he could hear some of her degrading screams from his tent.
Compared to last night, the camp felt so quiet today. The Foresters shushed themselves when they noticed Elethien passing by, averting their gazes towards their leader. What used to be admiration turned to fear as the entire kingdom seemed to isolate itself from her.
He wasn’t the only one broken by that defeat.
Slowly, he slid his axe over to her, placing it just beyond his reach. A trophy from an enemy he killed, it was the only thing truly to his possession.
‘I don’t deserve this,’ he said. ‘Elethien, take it.’
‘... Lead the Foresters, Teion.’
‘Huh…?’
It was as if she wasn’t even listening to anything he said.
He slowly looked up. She was still kneeling before him, her posture barely moving from a few moments ago. She stared blankly at him, her gaze moving beyond to the confined empty space.
‘You are far better at leading them than me,’ she continued. ‘You at least were able to send them to their deaths. I couldn’t hold them back. I can protect you all, but I can’t lead. Your love for the kingdom is equal to mine, but your command over the people’s loyalty is much stronger. At this point, you should lead them instead. They have no need for a weak woman with volatile emotions like me.’
‘Elethien, no, that isn’t you,’ Teion argued. ‘You have a dream. I’m only executing that dream. Fate only speaks to you, not me. I’m only here because you trusted me… and I ruined everything.’
‘I don’t trust myself. I say I’m blessed by Fate, but what have I done with those blessings? I can’t even…’ She trailed off, her mouth still open mid-sentence.
‘I should be the one who needs to atone for my sins, not you,’ she concluded.
She reached for his shoulders and lifted him up. Her arms were trembling, delicately and cautiously handling him as if he was some expensive glass. As their gazes met, he saw that there was no life in her eyes. Her tunic was dishevelled, the faint smell of blood still noticeable to his nose. She clearly hadn’t washed herself yet, the strands of hair that contacted him being sticky to the touch.
This was no woman who threw away her sanity the night before. She just allowed it to slip away. In fact, he wasn’t even sure if there was still a soul residing inside that shell.
‘The Kingdom of Foresters need you more than me right now,’ she pleaded. ‘I… I’m just not fit to lead. I’m no queen. At least not now.’
‘You can’t say this,’ Teion replied. ‘The whole kingdom still relies on you. We all still follow you. You protected us all when I nearly led everyone to our deaths. I nearly destroyed your dream. You are our queen, Elethien. I’m just one of your many executors.’
‘Can I still be called a queen when I can only be in control after I forcefully show my power? And it’s not even mine. It’s just a gift from Fate. I don’t know at this point. I just… I don’t know.’
‘You are still in control,’ Teion reassured. ‘The Foresters still look up to you.’
‘They look away. They’re scared of me. Just like we all once were towards the Trelvenese and Rhinish. All of you already know what I did. I can’t be allowed to lead.’
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‘We know you were angry. We know you were frustrated. But that’s because you care for us. You promised to protect us all. We all know it’s an impossible promise, but we admire you because you have actually been protecting and caring for us. Death has always been near. Many of us die each day on the battlefield. And you still spread your wings to shield us all.’
He looked into her eyes. ‘You’re still Queen of the Foresters, Elethien. None of us would be here without you. To see you change into this state, this fast, is just… sad for us.’
Elethien pushed herself away. ‘You said it yourself. I’m not in the right state. I lashed out out of fear, of powerlessness. I felt gratification when I tortured him. I felt released. But it’s haunting me. I can’t exert my power unless I make people fear me. I’m just a violent animal, and an animal has no right to lead a kingdom of people.’
‘Remember what I said last night? When you’re being weak, everyone will also become weak. I believe that Fate is still with you. If what you say about us all is true, then you can just lead us through fear for the time being. We’re only a month into our rebellion. There’s still a long way to go.’
There’s still a long way to go. Somehow, Teion felt he was talking to himself.
‘You’re strong, Elethien,’ he continued. ‘Why else are we all following you? Even after everything that’s happened, no one is leaving. I’ll say it again: we all trust you.’
‘Even after all I did—’
‘You are still our leader. You sold us all a dream. We’re all here to help you realise it. None of us can truly lead except you. Have confidence in yourself. Have confidence in your God. If anything, Fate has a plan for you. Pray. Like you’ve always done.’
He picked back up his axe. ‘If you really need someone to be the rallying point for now, then I’ll be that someone. I know I don’t deserve it. I should’ve killed myself for my blunder. But if your mercy allows, then I will keep on living and supporting you. And I will not make a mistake again. There’s still a long way to go.’
He stood up, still looking at the deflated, defeated figure of Elethien below. ‘We all need you, Elethien.’
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Elethien sat alone in the tent. Her mind kept going back to last night. The momentary release of emotions came back ever heavier to her. Even after all this, Teion still supported her. It didn’t make sense. By breaking him, she had broken herself. She wasn’t fit to lead. All the previous successes mattered little compared to her impulsive, violent mistake. At that moment, all she was thinking of was herself. She released her frustrations, only for everything to be multiplied back to her.
Everything in her mind was about her failures. Teion’s words meant little as the scenes kept coming back vividly, replaying, repeating with no end. She couldn’t escape it. A sliver of pleasure crept up as she remembered the scenes. She wanted to feel that escape again, that temporary relief—
She wanted to vomit. It was disgusting. She was disgusting. She wanted to hide herself. She wanted to disappear, fleeing from the consequences of her actions. She was a coward. A coward who only knew how to lash out at the weak. A coward who gave off a facade of confidence, when all of that was built off a blind submission to Fate.
Trembling, she put her hands together. Even now, all she could run to was to Fate, her faithful God.
‘My God… save me.’
I already know what you’ve done.
Of course. It was Fate. She didn’t even need to say it. It was merely a way to seek comfort.
It felt sickening.
‘F-Forgive me…’ she forced the words out of her mouth.
You are forgiven, my dear child.
Elethien froze. Fate showed no anger, no disappointment, not even a bit of sadness at her actions. It just forgave her. Just like that. It was as if her crime was just a trivial matter, an everyday occurrence that only needed the barest of repentance.
It didn’t feel real.
‘H-How?’
You are forgiven, my dear child. You’ve been faithfully following me on the path, and you still are. You rescued your companions. You fought valiantly for the kingdom. You felt angry because you thought you didn’t do enough. All of these are not sins.
‘But I—’
And you came to repent for all the crimes you’ve committed. You are a pure believer, my dear child. You’ve put your trust in me. All of this is good. It is your companions who do not understand the importance of divine words. You are blameless, free of blemish.
You did no wrong.
It was everything she wanted to hear from Fate, that she wasn’t a failure, that she was still favoured, that she was still blessed. Fate had even praised her.
But it felt cheap. Insanely cheap. Fate was God. What it decided would be the truth. But it didn’t sit right. The gift was too grand. She didn’t deserve any of this.
This was impossible to even fathom..
‘My God, am I—’
You did nothing wrong. Your anger is justified. You’ve been sacrificing more and more of yourself to become closer to me. Your body is unbalanced. You believe everything is your fault, when in fact, nothing is. You are still blessed and pure. Why else will I, the creator, choose you out of everyone in this world?
‘T-This… doesn’t feel right at all.’
Feel no guilt. You did nothing wrong. You know you did nothing wrong. It’s not your fault your people ran straight into a trap. It’s not your fault the enemy killed so many of those outside of your protection. It’s not your fault that your prisoner was there when you were at your lowest.
You are the Foresters’ god and saviour, the god of your people. Remember that. You control the lives of those you rule. Whatever use you have for them, you are correct so long as you are following the path set for you.
You are not a failure, my dear child.
Fate’s words were comforting. They appealed to her. No one would want to be burdened with guilt. Fate was guiding her away. It wasn’t really her fault. She was still on track. She wasn’t a failure. She had hope.
Have confidence and trust in Fate your God. Those who caused you to suffer will suffer in due time.
‘But what about…’
I have plans for him as well. This battle may seem like a defeat, but one day, you will look back upon this night as a glorious victory. Know that Fate is always by your side.
I will never abandon you.
It truly knew which words to give her solace.