I remember. I can remember bits and pieces from by life. Not much in the grand scheme of things but my parent's face and my first crush are still there. My death, on the other hand, I remember like it was yesterday.
I was driving, where I was going I have no idea, and was pissed at all the traffic. A school bus directly in front of me keep stopping to drop off its precious cargo and it was irritating. Don’t get me wrong I don’t hate kids; I just hate all the stopping and waiting. This time was particularly aggravating as the kids getting off appeared to have the entire soccer team of people waiting for them. As per the usual pattern; all the kids got off the bus and the bus turned off its stop sign. That exact moment is when everything went to hell. The car behind the bus and I, obviously just as irritated as me, took the chance to pass the bus. The last child off the bus saw something on the other side of the road that must have been super duper exciting and the kid blasted off towards it. Me being in the middle of the all this realize something awful is about to happen. There is no one to close enough to the kid to grab her and the car is going to fast. The only thing I can do is stop the speeding car. With mine.
The sound twisting metal and screams is most of what I remember. The car hit the driver's side in just the right way to push my car onto the guard rail and I flipped. The impact was brutal but the adrenaline coursing through my veins was enough to keep me conscious. I managed, barely, to get myself out of the vehicle with plenty of curses and screams. The first thought in my brain was ‘is the kid okay?’. Everything seemed to blend into one another and I just keep walking to where I last saw the little girl. The pain was intense and the ringing in my ears wasn’t helping but I just kept searching.
“Is she okay?! Is she hurt? Please someone!” Yelling like a crazed person is not the best way for someone to let you see their child but her parents must have realized I just wanted to see that she was okay. A gap opened and then I saw her. She looked frightened but otherwise okay.
“Thank God!” This is when everyone rushed me to get me to sit down and wait for the paramedics to arrive. The little girl Is okay. She is okay. The blackness is my vision finally starts to make its presence known and with a vengeance. Within ten seconds of seeing the little girl, my vision was gone and I could final feel the pain in my chest. The screaming of my lungs from the lack of oxygen and the pain from my broken bones. I'll never know how it happened but my lungs stopped working and filled up with fluid. I never made it to the ambulance.
Now, I am surrounded by the void. In the fetal position drifting through the darkness like a leaf in the river. It is peaceful and relaxing; like being in the womb. I can see others around me in similar positions.
“Hello! Can you hear me?” The others either can’t hear me or chose to ignore me. After trying a couple more times if finally give up. I can see something up ahead. A small pinprick of light that seems to be getting bigger. My description of floating on the river is apter than I realized; we are being led somewhere.
“Do you know where we are going?” This may have been a dumb question, but hey, I was scared; sue me. Frustrated with the lack of response I grabbed the closest person next to me and –
“Oh shit!” The feeling of being repulsed like two opposite ends of a magnet is new to me. I can see the people around me getting smaller not to mention the light as well.
I was a sci- fi fan growing up and the fear of losing your tether and being adrift in space was suddenly so much more relatable. ‘shit! What do I do? What do I do? What do I do?’ The tinge of panic starting to creep its way into my brain. The feeling of peacefulness suddenly all gone. ‘What do I do? Okay! I have to calm down and think. This is obviously some sort of cosmic thing right? I don’t know what’s after death but someone has to be in charge of this shindig.’ Calming down a bit wiping a few of the tears that totally didn’t escape; I settle down to think. I learned through space movies that flailing your arms or willing yourself somewhere will not work in a void. I tried it anyway; it didn’t work. ‘Damn!’
In space you are not actually floating, you are in freefall. It looks like floating because everything else is in freefall too. I tried everything I could think of: yelling, begging, blowing air in the opposite direction to propel me, nothing worked. All the while I could see the others disappearing until finally they were gone. That moment is when things got real. No one is going to come save me and I can’t save myself. I am just going to float here forever. Looking around I settled in for a long time and tried to get that peaceful feeling back from when I got here. I thought about things that made me happy. That worked for awhile but then I got bored. Then is was things that made me mad. Yeah, that was a bad idea. Yelling in anger even though no one could hear just made me feel crazy. I thought about anything and everything because honestly what else could I do? ‘How big is this damn place?’ I floated for what felt like forever.
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After a while, I started forgetting. Small things at first: my dog's name, the street I grew up on, the first time a rode a bike. Things so small I never even noticed that I forgot. Then, after some time, it was the big things. ‘My parents, they had names, right? What did they look like again? What was my name?’ I started feeling like I was watching a movie with pieces missing. Like it was someone else’s life that didn’t belong to me.
I also started getting smaller. So slowly that I never even noticed. If anyone had been watching, they would have now seen a small child still decreasing in size. My thoughts had such a hazy feel to them now that I started to doubt myself ‘Maybe I was always this way?’
Time seemed like an impossible concept and after what felt like an impossibly long time I stopped trying to make sense of it. I stopped trying to think of why I was here and what came next. Nothing was here, nothing is always here, therefore, I must be nothing. ‘I am nothing now, a being of the void, empty’. After god knows how long I forgot everything. My name, my race, gender, everything. This point is when something changed.
“Ah, I see I found a Lost One.” a gentle hand picked up what was left of my being and cradled it as if the lightest touch would destroy it. “How long have you been adrift little one?” The voice was the embodiment of all mothers when faced with their newborn child. It was soothing and loving.
The small human, now an infant, laid in the arms of what must be The Mother of All. No attempts to get away or question were never made. The baby was just a body with no foundation. In the void all is returned to their origin and that Is exactly what happened.
“You poor creature left alone for so long. It is no wonder you reverted. All humans are returned to the reincarnation cycle immediately after death to preserve their humanity and morality.” The Mother was talking to the blank slate in front of her she was moving to where all the other gods reside.
“Gaea, what do you have there?” A man shaped like a mountain moved towards the god holding the small child.
“I have found a Lost One, Coeus” an inhalation of breath could be heard all around as all the gods turned to look at the bundle in her arms. Gaea turned to grab some fabric from a chest in the corner to swaddle the child. She could feel their eyes on her back trying to get a glimpse at the baby.
“what should we do with it? It has spent too long in the void.”
“Coeus! You know exactly what we should do with it. We should return it to the cycle! We might be able to save its soul”
“It has been too long! This one reeks of emptiness. You know that means millions of years spent in there! It has nothing left inside. It is broken”. The child took this opportunity to raise its head and stare and all the omnipotent beings inside the room. The gasp heard echoed throughout the lands causing storms and oceans to rage. The child wiggled to be put down and crawled to the nearest God and stretch its arms up. The female goddess dressed in gray with a serene expression picked up the child and smiled causing a giggle to erupt from the infant. This particular goddess with an atmosphere of peace and acceptance was, un-expectantly, the goddess of death.
“This child is resilient Gaea; it doesn’t seem to feel the pressure from our presence at all. How can this be?”
“I am unsure Neri, could it be because of how long it spent in the void? Gaea crossed the gap and peered into the child's face making funny faces all the while. The child’s laughter seemed to un-freeze the rest of the gods present and they vied for the attention of the baby. Children are extremely uncommon in the realm of the Gods.
Neri having passed off the kid stood off to the side with her sister, Gaea, looking at the sight of such powerful beings all trying to get a baby to laugh.
“This child will never have the morality of normal humans. The child will never be capable of feeling right from wrong” at the sound of her voice Gaea glanced back with a sigh.
“yes, but a normal life is not impossible. It could learn what is appropriate for the situation. It will be hard but I have a feeling this kid will accomplish great things where ever it is.”
“I have that feeling too.” A small smile made its way onto both their faces and they waited until everyone had their chance with the baby. Unknown to the Gods their joy over the baby imprinted a small portion of their power on the baby in the form of a blessing. This child had been blessed by not one God but all of the Gods.
Without a word, Gaea went to the crowd a grabbed the baby.
“I think it is time to put this life back in the cycle. Any recommendations which planet it goes to?” She asked this question but knew exactly where they were all going to suggest. The planet where they had the greatest power; able to observe the child throughout its life. With no surprise It was unanimous and with reluctance, she placed the babe back in the River of Rebirth. This time she would make sure it made it there.
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Okay, that's the very first chapter! I hoped you liked it and please feel free to comment any errors or critiques you have.