Velli

I instruct both Lue and Jeremy to meet me in the Fairy-Tale Forest for waffles with Eddie and Pooh. Of course, I warn them beforehand that I’ll be having their torturers, Wulf and the Old Soul, serve us. I ask both Jeremy and Lue if this is okay, letting them know I understand if it would make them uncomfortable.

“The Old Soul?” Jeremy says. “Serving us? We really made it big-time, huh, Big V? We’re really going to start running this city. Yeah, yeah, sure, that’s fine. Aye, aye, make the old hag wear a maid outfit and call me sir. That’ll be funny. You said they can’t speak at all? Well, if she can just say ‘sir’ a lot, that’ll be cool with me. Oh yeah, Big V, it’s only up from here. I can get used to this. I assume you got some of Wulf’s cash. Can I get my split? I need to buy a suit for this. We can write it off as a business expense.”

I do not know where he got this “we” idea or “his split,” but I let it slide.

Lue asks, “Do I want him there? Okay, so I’m not sure if this came off correctly or not after our conversation. I hate to have to describe myself because I think it’s obvious who I am, and it’s not exactly coy to do so, but I am a hater. I am petty. My greatest satisfaction is seeing people I don’t like in misery. Yeah, some stuff happened that made me that way. But rest assured, that is still me. And yes, he is… he… yes, he did what he did to me. I appreciate you asking, but absolutely yes, he should be there. Oh, you know what would be so funny? So you wouldn’t know this because you’re not in the fashion world, clearly. Sorry, that was mean. Old habits are hard to drown. Am I right? But see, look how mean I am? Anyway, Wulf’s biggest rival was the brand Black Wear. I should come dressed in all Black Wear gear. But… they froze all of Wulf’s assets, and everything he made is gone. So could I borrow some cash, please? I need a new outfit. I’m sure the Old Soul had some cash.”

“Some” is the right word for what the Old Soul had. She lived most of her life through force or intimidation, so money wasn’t a main motivator for her. If it were enough for my mother, I would have given it to her, but it’s not, so I give to my new friends.

We all meet inside Winnie the Pooh’s home. It looks as it did in the stories. The inside is fairly well decorated. It consists of one room, with his bed resting in the corner. The window—really just a hole in the tree—has curtains that look like blankets and let in a magical amount of light. Across from the kitchen table to the left and the right are his signature shelves of honey jars as well as another stash in front of the table.

He goes through each jar and explains the texture, taste, and moisture level of each honey. It’s reminiscent of both a teenager who started buying alcohol on his own and thinks it’s the coolest thing ever and an aged wine connoisseur.

Lue comes next, then Eddie the donkey, and they both receive the same treatment. Jeremy finally comes—in his suit—and after saying hello to everyone, he pulls me in for a hug-handshake in the corner of the room. He’s been really enthusiastic ever since I made the Old Soul give him back his youth. His energy is slowly returning to him, and in three days, he should be as strong as a normal teenager. The only problem is he still looks old—balding, with liver spots and wrinkled skin. That’s permanent, I’m afraid. I worry about what high school will be like for him looking like that.

“How ya doing, Big V?” Jeremy asks with authoritative concern.

“Good… how are you, Jeremy?”

“I’m all right, myself. Listen, Lue, that girl over there.” He nods in her general direction and waits for me to look.

“Why are you nodding like that? I invited her. I know what she looks like.”

“Yeah, Big V, of course, of course. Listen…”

“I’m listening.”

“Listen… so Lue, is she for me or for you?”

“Jeremy, what do you mean 'is she for you'? She’s here to eat breakfast.”

“Yeah, of course, of course, I mean like… relationally, like loving. I just want the okay to start talking to her. I’m six foot tall, y’know? Girls like that.”

“Didn’t I tell you what happened to her? Give her some time.”

“What do you mean give her some time? I’ve been very polite to her the past two days.”

I take a deep breath. Jeremy really is still a kid who just hit puberty and who knows absolutely nothing about anything. My breath ends in a smile because it’s just growing pains. Right? I was an idiot once too. “Let’s get some waffles. We’ll talk after, okay, Jeremy?”

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Oddly, this answer satisfies him. “Sure, Big V, sure. We gotta talk about the name of our clique, who we’re going after next, and all that, anyway.” He proceeds to take a seat.

I have no idea where he’s getting any of these ideas.

I get in my seat last. We all sit in chairs made for children or small talking animals that belong in the Hundred Acre Woods. At least they’re comfy. I enjoy being served. Eddie makes the waffles, and both Wulf and the Old Soul serve. This is good. This is power.

Old Soul’s face is a consistent scowl, while Wulf’s is stoic.

“Cute maid outfit, Granny.” Jeremy winks at her.

“Sir,” she replies in full grimace.

Jeremy’s jaw drops, and he smiles at me to confirm I heard. I nod. He looks over at Lue, gives her a wink, and leans back in his seat. Lue forces herself to smile.

“Now, Velli,” Pooh starts. “Are you sure these people deserve this?”

“Yes, quite sure. They are as evil as anyone in the Nightmare part of your world.”

“Oh dear.” Pooh shivers. “Then they are very bad people indeed. Speaking of that… you said the scythe didn’t disappear, even when the monsters did?”

“No, it didn’t.” I find Pooh’s eyes. “Is Death one of you? Or do you think that was something else?”

“That’s hard to say…” Pooh starts as the Old Soul places a fork and knife beside him. “We don’t know much about the other side. Do we, Eddie?”

I prepare myself for Eddie’s speech, which I’m sure will follow.

“No, no, no,” Eddie announces. “Not much about them folks over there. We’re good, and they’re evil, and that’s about the gist of it. Now me, I don’t want nothing to do with evil. I like good food and good people, personally. That scythe, you left it there, right?”

I nod honestly.

“Good, if it’s E-V-I-L, I don’t want it to do nothing with M-E. Tell you what they say about Death. ‘You can only cheat him so much.’ Now, they’re not talking about the walking Death but death in general. Honestly, I don’t even know if we can die. It’s so peaceful here, it’s almost like we’re already in heaven. Well, except I had this one girl pulling my ear recently—”

A clatter to my left interrupts his speech. It’s Lue. She’s knocked over her fork and knife. She stands, showing her dress from Black Wear, which is, ironically, all white. The summer dress stops at her ankles and says Black Wear across the top in black lettering. White socks and shoes with the same black logo finish the outfit, along with a Black Wear bow in her hair.

“Ooops,” she announces to the room and stands to her full height, hitting a slight pose. “Looks like I dropped my fork and knife. Wulf, grab it for me.”

Lue’s plan is working. Wulf’s bearded face twists with disgust at Lue’s outfit. Good for her.

“I gotcha, darling,” Jeremy says.

I reach out to stop him, but he’s already up on his wrinkled legs, propelled by lust.

“No.” Lue’s faux smile breaks. “Wulf can do it.”

“I can do it.” Jeremy doubles down. He has a look about him that says he has something to prove.

I pull at my face in aggravation. I hope he doesn’t think this is about her considering him too old and frail. But he does.

“Well, sir… I asked Wulf, so how about you take a seat?” As Lue has been quick to remind me, she’s not the best person in the world and is liable to make this confrontation ugly fast.

Pooh interjects. “Let’s all take a seat and add some honey to the waffles.” He pats his big belly.

“Why would we add honey to waffles?” Eddie asks.

We sit in silence, waiting for him to add sixty more unnecessary words to his sentence. However, he doesn’t. He looks at Pooh with a slack jaw, his face crunched, his neck veiny, and ears perked in pure resentment. And now we’ve made the donkey mad.

“Because honey is good and better than syrup,” Pooh snaps back with similar fury.

There is no way this is happening. The Old Soul smiles in the corner, and Fate mumbles.

“No!” I announce, and they all turn to me. “Jeremy, over here, my man. I need to talk to you about a new guy I want to catch. You’re my captain, right? I need some feedback on your ideas.”

Elated, Jeremy comes to me. “Pooh, Eddie, no need to argue. We’re all starving. Let’s just do two rounds of waffles, one honey topped and one syrup topped. We’ll have the syrup second. Old Soul, make yourself busy, and go find us the best syrup in a fifty-mile radius.”

Her eyes are full of rage as she obeys.

“Lue, how about you instruct Wulf on how to make these waffles? Wulf, obey her to the letter.”

Lue smiles, takes a seat, then demands Wulf take her the three steps over to Pooh’s stove. She commands him in vivid detail how to do the ultracomplicated task of making waffles.

It’s all laughs. It works like a charm. The waffles are great. I eat like the king I am.

“Hey, Velli,” Lue says and enjoys both her honey- and syrup-dipped waffles. “When’s Dream coming?”

“Oh, yeah, boss,” Jeremy adds, nudging my shoulder.

“I’ll say this once because I want us all to be friends.” I pause and let the tension build. “Don’t mention her in front of me again.”

Then that’s that. I go back to eating my waffle, and we have a great time after. The best time.