Dear Dream,

Do you understand what it’s like to fail at everything at the cost of the fortunes, lives, and health of everyone around you? Sorry, I know that’s an awful way to start a letter. It’s an attempt at honesty, and I understand that’s important to you, though in the coming days, I will not be treating honesty like it’s important to me. I can’t fail at anything else, Dream.

Every one of our friends is dead or worse, and it’s all my fault. You don’t know how miserable that makes me. If you and my mom weren’t here, I would probably be gone. Speaking of her, she’s dying, and—as I am now—I’m helpless to stop it. My dad could have, but again, he’s gone, and again, it’s my fault. If I don’t change, I will lose you, and I’ll be trapped in my own hell. So when I make the decisions I make to keep my mom from death and to keep you in my life, please forgive me. You’ll never understand how much I valued our old friends’ friendship. You’ll never understand how much I value your friendship.

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In fact, as I write this letter, I understand that you wouldn’t understand my point of view on this. You just don’t get some things. Your heart or inheritance keeps you from understanding them. So I guess I won’t be sending you this letter. It still feels good to write it, though. A justification for a few sins. Sorry, Dream. I just pray you’re patient with me.

Sincerely,

Velli