I was at my home imaging a game with swords and magic, dragons and liches. One without artificial limits, or repetitive dialogue.  A world so vast and immersive that you could spend your whole life exploring it, and still only know a small portion of the game.  

Then a moment of genius struck me.  I moved to my computer and visited a site I’d put in the back of my mind.  

Contract a Demon for one Wish

The site’s claims and strange history struck my interest awhile ago. The site first gained credence when a famous actor credited it with his fame.  “In exchange for becoming famous, I have to promote the website and a few other things.  Make your dreams come true.  I’m living proof.”  That’s what witnesses claimed, yet no physical evidence of these claims existed.

The page was composed of three sections labelled “Script,” “Guide,” and “Implications.”

“Script” was an untranslated copy of the demon summoning ritual.  Filled with grotesque imagery of demonic symbols, human sacrifices, and a picture of a crazy guy covered in blood.  The images disturbed and intrigued me. They weren’t realistic enough to scare me away, but detailed enough to give me nightmares.

The “Guide” section I made a point of printing out.  It interpreted everything in the first section and cut out the jibber-jabber.  A succinct no-nonsense guide to summoning a demon in eleven short and easy steps.  

“Implications” was a crime against literature.  One hundred and forty pages long—it will bore you to tears. I’d describe it as the world’s dullest diary. “When I was in Southern Mesopotamia, I was searching for artefacts from the Chalcolithic Age. I thought to myself——” I stopped there and glossed through the rest.  Pure text, no pictures, no lists, just one solid mass of text.  I went to the comments section instead.  

Comments

NumbDefy: It really works, but be careful.  

Dolphy: If you try this out, you have a death wish.  

Corvin141: Don’t…  Just no.  You’ll regret it for as long as you live.  

MasterOFGUYS: HAHAHAHA! I cn’t belive ppl are taking this so srsly.

Twiddler:  ^ LEARN TO SPELL!

Vocaloid: Directions unclear, dick caught in fan.

The comments section was swollen with people claiming success or fraud.  Skeptics of the website wanted evidence if they were going to make such ridiculous claims. Others responded “Try it or shut it.”  

A user by the name of Crebone pointed out “Everyone who claimed to have formed a contract has perfect grammar.”  

Right away people dismissed the website.  “Clearly the comments are being forged.”  A single person made fake claims using multiple accounts.

After people claimed it was a hoax, the website owner made public everyone’s IP Addresses.  The website’s host controlled the IP addresses not the website owner. A few people including myself did IP traces.  The IPs didn’t originate from one spot as the skeptics claimed.

Once again the website gained an air of legitimacy.  If the comments were real, then why were so many grammar nazis?  The website stank, it defied logical explanation.  That left open an explanation in the supernatural.  

That aside, I had no interest in the supernatural—yet.  So I made a point of bookmarking the website for later—just in case.

The question was, what was I willing to bargain with a demon over?  How about a virtual reality game.  I realized it’s a hefty goal, but what the hell, I’d see what the demon wanted for it.  

The spell required me to draw symbols on the walls using paint laced with my own blood.  I went to the hospital to get a clean needle, and a hardware store to buy a litre of paint.  With the needle I extracted a pint of my blood and mix it with the paint.  

I had the step-by-step guide, symbols, and the paint needed for the ritual.  As for the hundred and forty page diary…  ‘Fuck it!’  I didn’t even think it would work anyways.  

The ritual needed somewhere isolated; I decided on an abandoned factory where the homeless slept. Entering the factory during the daytime the place was empty, so I made myself scarce in the administrator’s room

~an hour later.

After setting up for the ritual, I took a moment.  ‘I just decorated a room in a pint of my own blood, and my next step is to start chanting a spell in a foreign language.‘ Don’t get me wrong here, I know damn well I’m crazy. One look in the mirror told me that.

"Ensenque ... Famitas ... Lon Foma ... Karima..." No clue what any of this means.  I was sure the website had detailed translations buried in that mess somewhere. The commenters were only too happy to inform me of its presence.  They weren’t so helpful as to extract that information onto a readable medium though.

There was one section of the demon summoning in English. The part where I invoke the name of the demon I needed to summon. I needed to imagine it chained to the ground shattering its restraints.

“I invoke the demon Asabarbus to stand before me.  Grant me my wish to live in a VRMMORPG for my offerings.”

Suddenly, the walls and the ground faded to black, except for my half-assed bloody art covering the room. Apparently the demon wasn’t too picky.

My stomach sank and I was frozen in place.  The hair on my body stood on end.  “Can’t breathe.” I gasped from the tension and was shaking—I couldn’t stop shaking. I blinked, and the demon was standing in front of me.

The book said I could imagine whatever I wanted the demon’s image to be.  So I imagined a female Nya-cat.  Nothing specific to any single anime—just the basic humanoid with ears, tail, paws. If any woman were to see it, they’d give me one of those “are you a cockroach” looks.

She bore an uncanny resemblance to what I’d imagined—a nyan cat.  Even wearing the same leather restraints and revealing clothes that I’d imagined.  The restraints were too tight to contain her ample figure, and they started snapping. Then she screamed “Nyaaaaa!” It was a perfect recreation of what I’d imagined.

After the reenactment was complete, her eyes darted towards me and narrowed into daggers.

Distracted, she started to lose balance and fall.  “This body-nya. Do humans think demons look like this” She was on her knees examining her own body. “Who’d wear shoes like this-nya.” She said while looking at her bust and high heels.  “What’s with this ridiculous word I keep adding to my sentences-nya?  I’ve never heard of a human binding a demon with it’s clothes before.”  

While this may sound funny in hindsight, I was scared out of my mind. Even if you give a demon a cute furry body with "nya" speech, it’s still a demon.

She stood up while dusting herself off and refocused her gaze on me. Her eyes radiated with anger, and her cute face twisted with rage.  

“Hooo haaaa”  She took slow but steady breaths.  When she finished, she looked at me with a composed glare.  “So.... What’s a VRMMORPG-nya?” She choked out.  

‘Why does she say nya? I finished the summoning, so my crazy depiction of her should be finished.  Or maybe she also took on the characteristics that I imagine nyan-cats have as well.’  

She was glaring at me as I laid pinned to the floor from her presence.  Her hands balled into fists as she started closing the distance between us—my heart pounded from the tension.  

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When she was within arms length I tried backing away with every ounce of courage I could muster, but it wasn’t enough.  She grabbed me by my chin, picked me up, and then repeated herself. “What is a VRMMORPG? ... Nya.” She leveled me against the ground, grabbing my left hand, laying it flat on the floor.  Her heel dropped onto my extended palm crushing and partially impaling it.

“Ow!  Fuckin’ hell.” My bones were made crunching noises as she continued to dig her heels into my hand.  “Stop already, dammit.”  I was desperate to lift her heel.

“It’s… It stands for Virtual Reality Massively Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Game. It’s a type of video game.” Her presence was still there, but pain can focus your mind, so I could move again.

“A game?  Don’t you have these things in your world-nya?”

“Naht a virtual reality game.” I spoke while slurring my words.  “It’sh too fahr in the future, I’d be dead by the time they came out."

“So you want me to reincarnate you into a VRMMORPG-nya.” With that she removed her heel, and my hand started to swell from the broken bones.  

“No, not inside, in a world with VRMMORPGs.” A happy smile flickered across her face as if her earlier snarling figure was an illusion.  

“No. You will reincarnate inside of the VRMMORPG-nya. ” It was now an evil grin as she spoke with absolute glee.

“Wait wait, I thought you were going to grant the wish I chose, you can’t just change it on me.“

“What did I change?  Not a thing. Your verbal invocation said ‘live in a VRMMORPG’-nya.” She recited the terms of our contract confirming what she’d said.  

‘Crap.’ floated through my mind as I realized she intended to screw me.  

“It’s funny-nya. I only show up to try and find a loophole. “ She giggled while talking, then segwayed into a sly tone.  “Something that I can use to screw you over before giving you what you asked for, but you did it by yourself-nya. “

“Okay I get it, but what do you want in return.”

“Oh well, let me see. You gave me quite a bit in return-nya. Oh wow, are you an idiot?” She’d let go of any form of manners.

“Excuse me, but it’s rude to call someone an idiot, and what do you mean I haven’t given you anything yet?”

“Idiot!  You’ve already given me everything for your idiotic request-nya.  The list covered everything, and you picked everything.  So after I complete my end of the deal, I can do whatever I like with you-nya.”

"Wait, wait, wait, wait, WAIT! I did not give you everything.  The contract is refused so begone." The demon just stared at me with her big, round eyes that were smiling in delight.

“Nyahahah. You don’t get it?  You don’t get to accept.  The offering was in the Sumerian recitation you spent twenty minutes reciting. You accepted the moment I appeared.  This is where I try to renegotiate your offer to be better for me. You've given me everything I could ask for-nya.  It goes without saying that I accept the terms as offered.”

So I tried to retract my offer. “I do not accept, consider this agreement cancelled. be gone demon. klaatu barada nikto.” My logic was the same as when dealing with a police officer. I hoped she was lying.

“Don’t worry too much, I have something special in mind for you. I will make sure to pay you back for giving me this ridiculous body before sending you on your way.  After that I intend to make good use of you-nya.”

She disappeared and the world went back to normal. I started tumbling around the room making an even bigger mess. I left the room to get changed into clean clothes I had set aside.  My current ones were still covered in my own blood and excrement.

Suddenly, I heard a familiar voice in my head.  “Nyahahaha! These clothes are perfect for what I have in mind. I’m going to take control of your body, but you can watch from there-nya. Don’t worry, I can play around with your body for a whole week before I have to grant your wish. It’ll be a fun week-nya, I’ll make sure of it.”

I found that I had become an observer in my own body. I or my body pulled off my pants and walked outside into the street.  

It didn't take me long to get arrested—thank god—or so I thought. I thought I could stay in jail.  That way I could wait out the one-week time limit in jail.  Then my parents showed up and paid my bail.

After that, Asabarbus avoided policemen. For a reason I don’t know, she didn't harm anyone.  She just went around humiliating me. Apparently, demons don’t kill random people.

It was the longest one-week of my life. Asabarbus said that I didn’t need sleep.  She made no concession to let me to have it. I slept when my body was at its limit and collapsed by itself.  

It's finally the end of the week.  We approached a homeless guy and scenarios started shooting through my mind.  "I'll pay you twenty bucks to tie and beat me up."

"You sure?  You don't look so good."  

“I’m fine.”

"Okay.  But we got to go some place private.  Don't need no cops getting me in trouble."  I wasn’t shocked, he was homeless, what does he care.  I paid him in advance and took off my coat.   

After going under a nearby bridge—out of the public eye—he started laying into me.  Most of the blows went to my stomach, the last place I wanted to get hit right now.  

I vomited up my lunch and I'm overjoyed. Even the sock she’d made me eat came out.  "Maybe dat's enough now?  You lookin' awful."  To my relief, I nod in agreement.  

"Can you put my coat over me?" That made me worry.  

‘Why is this plan so complicated’ I wondered as my mind raced to put the pieces together.  

'Asabarbus?  What are you doing?'  I found that I could speak to him with my thoughts in this state.  

The homeless man nodded and put the jacket back on me.  He's surprisingly honest.  I thought for sure he’d rob me blind.  

We started walking through unfamiliar alleyways and we arrived at the cities skytrain. As we walked onto the platform, Asabarbus became chatty.  'Nya!  Well it's been a good week, but it's time for me to grant you your wish.  '  

Although it's called the skytrain, it's just a train suspended in the air.

'Do it and get me out of this hell. '  She was obviously not going to show me any mercy for being polite.  She had a week long time limit to grant me my wish, and she had used up every minute of it tormenting me.  

'This doesn't make any sense; getting hit by the skytrain should be a relatively painless death.'  We moved to the front of the crowd.  I was in front of everyone save for one person now.  

'I'm bored with torturing you.  A good demon diversifies their mischief.'

'So does that mean that someone else is the target here?  Don't tell me, are you gonna make me kill someone?'

'Nyahaha!  Killing people is so boring.  Tell me, if I threw you in front of the train in your current state, what do you think the police would do?'

'So you're trying to frame someone for my murder?'  The train was coming.  

"Hey!  Back of the line asshole. "  Was called out from behind me.  Well I did cut in front of a dozen people who were here first.  Most of them were nice enough to ignore me.  

Just as the guys hand reached out to grab my shoulder, I did an odd forward wobble off the tracks.  She timed my jump perfectly, and I landed right on the wheels of the oncoming train.  

The world turned black...