Novels2Search

No Laughing Matter

“Bali!”

No answer.

“Bali!”

No answer.

“What’s gone with that guy, I wonder? You BALI!”

No answer.

Staz fixed his sunglasses so the scorching Australian Sun wouldn’t burn his retinas out within two seconds.

“I think he’s lost” – ToTo made a remark.

“I can’t believe this shit! I leave him alone for three… And I repeat THREE MINUTES and he is gone along with his horse!” – Staz screamed at ToTo.

“I think he’s just over that hill.” – ToTo answered calmly.

The duo tied the horse to a nearby tree and started making their way up the hill. As they reached the peak and looked down to the other site a shocking sight met them. Bali was standing at his horse’s leg with his pants down, taking a whiz right onto it.

“Just what are you doing?” – Staz started shouting at Bali in disgust.

“It’s tradition in my family to mark your horse by pissing on it… Brings you good luck. I didn’t do it with the previous one, that’s why it died.” – Bali responded while pulling his pants up.

“I wish I could forget what I just witnessed.” – Said ToTo in a shocked manner.

“I wish I didn’t fix my sunglasses so my eyes would be burnt out by the Sun in this very moment.” – Staz remarked.

Nobody said a word for the next couple of hours as our group made their way along the barren Australian wilderness. The minutes seemed like hours as they dragged on and on, with no signs of civilization around them. Suddenly, the silence was broken as our group was nearing their next pit-stop.

“I’m so thirsty man…” – Bali sighed. – “I could do with some water right now, but we’ve already consumed everything.”

“We’re soon there, stop whining.” – Staz swiftly shut down Bali’s complaints.

“Where are we even going?” – ToTo asked.

“Jerramungup, small town, but there’s a bed and breakfast and some stores we could resupply at.” – Staz answered with the same assertiveness as before.

More time has passed until the small town’s buildings appeared in the horizon. The group was relieved, finally some rest was awaiting them.

The moment they entered their small room in the bed and breakfast our group fell onto their sleeping accomodations. After so many fights, injuries and hardships they could finally sleep soundly in their beds. Their destination was near and the package was still on them. Curiosity and the goal to fulfil Brian’s destiny was pushing them forward. After all, that package’s contents were still yet to be revealed to them.

The night passed and our heroes were now well rested. Only some distant giggling disturbed them occasionally as they were sleeping soundly. As Bali and Staz packed their belongings away and were ready to check out from the hotel, ToTo noticed something.

“Guys remember that weird giggle at night?” – He asked.

“Yeah, what about it?” – Staz answered.

“Well, look out the window…”

Outside the window, next to the building stood a latino-looking tall man with brown hair in an afro. He was staring straight at the window Staz and ToTo were looking out from, all the while smiling and giggling, his gaze more determined and dangerous than any of their previous enemies’.

“I’m here for you! Come outside! Face me!” – The man was screaming at the three of them.

“Don’t tell me… Another one?” – Staz started getting furious. – “ANOTHER FUCKING ENEMY STAND USER? SERIOUSLY? AS IF IT WASN’T ENOUGH!”

“Calm down, he’s calling for us… But he seems like small fry.” – Bali also giggled. – “It also seems like his laughter is contagious.”

The group swiftly ran down to face their new enemy, who turned out to be much taller than them.

“Jesus this guy is tall.” – Bali exclaimed, gasping at the height of the man.

“I mean you two are the same height, aren’t you?” – ToTo asked indifferently.

“Jesus I am tall!” – Bali exclaimed again.

As Bali and ToTo were discussing height in front of their new enemy, Staz swiftly jumped behind his opponent and punched him in the back of the head.

“Ouch, heh… That hurt… I should’ve been prepared for this.” – The man started laughing hysterically until suddenly… Silence fell upon the place.

“Did he just die?” – Bali looked with surprise.

“Well that was easy enough.” – Staz started walking towards the corpse. – “Oh hey look, he dropped his ID card!” – He said as he picked up the card from the ground. – “Roberto von Winx… I’m not sure where this guy is from, he has a Spanish, German and… I don’t even know what language that is anymore in his name.”

As Staz started walking away from the corpse something suddenly grabbed his leg. The previously lifeless corpse was now holding onto his leg and no matter how much Staz was struggling to break through, it was all hopeless. The previously dead Roberto started slowly standing up, maliciously giggling, a yellow figure with a laughing face and an even bigger afro appearing behind him.

[https://i.imgur.com/2l5Cbhy.png]

“LMFAO!” – Roberto screamed as the figure punched Staz in the face.

“Staz!” – ToTo screamed in surprise. – “How is this guy still alive? Also… Another Stand user?”

“My turn!” – Bali screamed as he started running towards Roberto. – “Buckethead!” – He screamed as his Stand spawned the bucket on top of Roberto’s head.

“This does nothi-…” – Roberto started shouting while taking the bucket off but it was too late. Buckethead’s guitar swiftly hit Roberto in the stomach, sending him flying.

“Hah… You caught me off-guard there…” – Roberto remarked with an evil smirk on his face while struggling to stand up. – “But you see.. Hehehe…” – Roberto stopped talking, closed his eyes, as if his heart suddenly stopped. While Bali started walking towards him, Roberto suddenly opened his eyes. – “This is nothing compared to what you’re about to receive.”

Right as he said that, Roberto swiftly jumped upwards, his Stand preparing to punch Bali straight in the jaw.

“BALI!” – ToTo screamed as he used Africa to jump in front of Bali, taking the impact of LMFAO’s uppercut.

“Thanks ToTo.” – Bali said in surprise as he launched guitar strings out of his arm, grabbing ToTo mid-air and gently placing him on the ground, despite him having passed out from the punch. – “You truly are a reliable guy…”

The fight got to a stalemate. Roberto was staring straight at Bali, giggling, while Bali was slowly backing off, staring Roberto straight in the eye.

“What are you doing?” – Roberto asked with a grin on his face.

“I’m keeping my distance… You seem to like pulling fast ones on others don’t you. Pretending to be dead but then suddenly punching the other.” – Bali answered.

“Oh but I don’t pretend to be dead.” – Roberto laughed.

“WHAT?” – Bali gasped.

“I have experienced death twice already during our fight!” – Roberto started hysterically laughing, punching the floor. – “You absolute fool! Did you not notice?”

“JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY WITH YOUR LAUGHING!” – Bali screamed as he rushed at Roberto, grabbing him by the throat and starting to strangle him. – “I swear I’m boutta choke you if you don’t shut the fuck up already! Stop laughing!”

“You... Are… So… Dumb!” – Roberto laughed with his last breaths he had left then passed out. Bali reached out to feel Roberto’s pulse... Nothing. Roberto was dead.

[https://i.imgur.com/cRquHhJ.png]

“You know what! Just in case!” – Bali said as his Stand lifted up its guitar then proceeded to bash Roberto’s face in.

“Finally… He’s dead.” – Bali said as he started walking away from the corpse. – “Ah damn my shoes got all bloody!” – He said while inspecting his shoes. However, the bloodstains suddenly started disappearing from the shoes.

“What is happening?” – Bali looked in surprise.

“WATCH OUT!” – Staz’s voice could be heard from behind Bali. While turning around he could already see Staz’s Stand blocking a punch from LMFAO, Roberto completely intact behind his Stand.

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“HOW?” – Bali shouted in surprise. – “How are you alive again? Your head was bashed in!”

“It has to do with his laughter.” – Staz struggled to utter the words as he was blocking punch after punch with his Stand. – “He seems to quite literally die from laughter and then revive, healing all of his previous wounds in the process!”

“Correct!” – Roberto laughed as he was repeatedly attacking Staz. – “My Stand makes me die when I laugh sometimes after having sustained an injury and then revives me with everything fixed!”

[https://i.imgur.com/j9rgn1R.png]

Roberto quickly knocked Staz away and started approaching Bali, who was preparing himself for the attack. Roberto’s Stand swiftly punched towards Buckethead, who deflected the punch then wrapped his guitar strings around LMFAO’s neck, starting to slit his throat.

“I use 9-42 gauge strings! The G string might not stay in tune all the time, but it’s perfect to slit your throat with, only being .016 inch! The string isn’t wound either, I hate wound G strings!” – Bali explained as Buckethead was tightening the string around LMFAO’s neck, the blood already gushing out from the wound, appearing on Roberto’s neck too.

“HAH! You’re trying to cut my head off?” – Roberto started laughing.

“No! I’m going to cut your vocal chords out so you’re unable to laugh.” – Bali answered as his Stand tightened the string even further.

“You just never learn…” – Roberto laughed as he passed out and died again.

“Was I not fast enough?” – Bali got alert as he was preparing for Roberto to revive.

Just for a blink of an eye Bali looked away to check on Staz and Roberto was gone from his previous location, now sliding towards Bali, knocking him over in the process.

“You’re sleek you know that.” – Bali laughed as he stood up, dusting himself off.

“How are you so tough? I thought that slide would knock you out!” – Roberto asked in surprise.

“I blocked the fall with my Stand in the last moment!” – he answered.

The two were once again in a stalemate, Bali trying to figure out a tactic how he would be able to take Roberto out once and for all. Two minutes have passed and the two were still looking eye-to-eye with Roberto’s signature smirk on his face, Bali had no idea what he could do.

“What if I…” – Bali started wondering. – “BUCKETHEAD!” – He screamed as a bucket appeared on Roberto’s head again. Bali jumped forwards and hit Roberto straight in the gut, him coughing up blood.

“The same exact move again? It won’t work on me dumbass!” – Roberto laughed and died again. Everything went black for Roberto, the revival time is only a couple of seconds but he can slow his heartbeat down enough to pretend he’s dead for minutes if needed. As Roberto woke up and was preparing for his next attack he noticed he could neither see nor move. What happened? Was the bucket still on his head?

“What happened? I can’t move!” – Roberto shouted. – “Take this bucket off of my head!”

“Who’s laughing now?” – Bali and Staz were cracking up at the sight of Roberto being tied to a tree with Buckethead’s guitar strings with a bucket propped over his head. – “I was stalling for time so Staz could get up again and while you were dead we tied you to a tree and placed a bucket on your head! You can die as many times as you want but you won’t escape the strings! I made sure to use .42 gauge strings, the string used for the lowest string on the guitar! You won’t free yourself anytime soon!”

“This is unacceptable! I’ll make sure my cousin beats you! He is also a Stand user! Just you wait! He will kill you! How dare you do this to me!” – Roberto was furious with anger as he was struggling to set himself free.

[https://i.imgur.com/mZB8vMl.png]

“Now then, time to collect ToTo and move along.” – Bali let out one last giggle before signalling Staz, who was still holding his stomach from laughter, that it was time to go.

Name: Roberto von Winx

Stand: LMFAO

Status: Retired

As the group was preparing to leave Jerramungup, ToTo quickly shouted at the others.

“Guys! I’m sorry but, could we take a detour?” – He asked.

“What do you mean?” – Bali and Staz asked simultaneously.

“I mean… With our destination so close… I just can’t stand it anymore, no pun intended. I want to go to Denmark! I want to defeat The Finisher once and for all!” – ToTo shouted with determination in his voice.

“But the package, what if he defeats us and gets it?” – Staz asked.

“I got an idea… Bali! You take the package and… This route!” – ToTo pointed at the map with his Stand. – “While Staz and I travel down to Denmark, fight The Finisher and if we survive we should arrive in Perth around the same time as you do!”

“That is not how it works, the fight could last for hours…” – Staz answered. – “Plus we don’t even know exactly what The Finisher’s Stand does…”

“It’s fine! We’re doing it!” – ToTo shouted.

“We need something other than horses though, this trip could take days if we were to use the horses still.” – Bali said worried.

“I got an idea.” – Staz answered Bali’s worries.

The trio walked to a nearby person cleaning his cars and whistling a happy tune.

“Hey! Sell me those cars for these horses! They are prized great horses I tell you what!” – Staz shouted at the man.

“No way in Hell am I trading my cars for horses!” – The man answered.

“I’ll put a toaster in there as well!” – Staz grinned at ToTo.

“Hey! Not cool!” – ToTo shouted at Staz.

“Shut up ToTo or this guy will hear that you can talk and will freak out.” – Staz whispered to ToTo. – “Anyways great sir, please I really need a form of quicker transportation to get out of this town! You see my wife here...” – Staz pointed at Bali. – “she has a horrible infection and we must quickly go to Perth in order to cure it!”

“Your wife is a man…” – The person said trying to figure out what was going on.

“Exactly!” – Staz answered with a worried voice. – “I married a woman! Not a man! You gotta help us!”

“Look I’m sorry but these cars are not for sale or trade!”

“Too bad! Hellraiser!” – Staz shouted as his Stand beat the man until he was unconscious. – “Quick, take the cars and go!”

The man woke up after some time with a note saying “Their names are Halford and Tipton, please take care of them” right next to him, the horses eating the little grass that was growing around the place.

So our group parted ways. With Balin A. Thor carrying the package towards Perth and Toesef Toestar and D. E. Staz on their way to Denmark to face the main opposing force; Jones Tiki aka The Finisher.

“So…” – Staz started his speech. – “Was it really a good idea to trust Bali with the package? I mean he’s the biggest idiot I know. Besides, was it really a good idea to head to Denmark? We could easily just go to Perth, deliver the package, then go to Denmark to defeat The Finisher…”

“The Finisher probably can feel the energy of the package and whether or not it’s delivered. Besides, bringing you along was the better idea. Your Stand is much stronger than Bali’s if you get angry enough. You have a mindless punch-ghost while Bali needs to use his brain to actually win fights.” – ToTo laughed.

“Are you saying I’m the dumb one here?” – Staz got angry at ToTo.

“No I’m saying you would be more useful against The Finisher.” – ToTo answered. – “To answer your other question, I’m afraid it’d be too late if we reached Denmark after having delivered the package…”

“What do you mean?” – Staz asked.

“I feel like me being a toaster is connected to my Stand.” – ToTo replied. – “And since the package supposedly could free me from my curse… Wouldn’t that mean I lose my Stand too?”

“That does make sense, yeah…” – Staz went silent.

The trip to Denmark took less than 3 hours, the duo noticed how eerie and silent the place was, as if the entire population had been evacuated. It was only Staz’s breathing and the car’s engine making noise.

“So we’re here…” – ToTo broke the silence. – “Let’s get out of the car and continue on foot.”

Staz lifted ToTo out of the car and started carrying him around the small town.

“Where are you, Finisher?” – ToTo asked silently in anger.

“I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU!” – a massive voice was sounding from behind them…

Staz quickly turned around and he couldn’t say anything… Something gigantic was towering above him…