The sound of chirping birds and the babble of a nearby creek were the first things I noticed when the white light that had engulfed my body dissipated. I had to blink my eyes multiple times after first opening them. Everything was so fucking bright! Blinking a bit more, I shook my head and tried to get a barring on my location.
I’d been dropped in what looked like a neat and tidy little glade. A copse of trees surrounded my small meadow. A stream ran through the center and birds flew through the air. Everything seemed more vibrant, alive. It felt nothing like Earth, with all of the pollution and destruction we’d done to our planet. I took a big lungful of air, coughing at the feeling of something not laced with some kind of toxic element entering my lungs. I was still coughing when the System itself made itself known to me.
Attention Player! You have entered into your personalized tutorial. The tutorial will consist of you defeating an enemy force in battle with your selected faction and unit. As you have chosen the Mercenary faction, you will be fighting the enemy with a small confederation of mercenary companies. All losses that occur to your personal unit upon completion of this tutorial will be undone. Be advised that if you die there is no second chance.
Before beginning the battle portion of your tutorial, you must select a name for your mercenary band and a moniker to be known as. Be advised this cannot be changed once chosen. You are only allowed this option because of your choice in Faction. You have five minutes to select both before you are forced into something random that could be detrimental throughout your game.
Well, that wasn’t much time at all to come up with some fantastic name. What the hell? I also needed a moniker? I mean I know that some Generals and Agents in the game got something like that after completing so many missions of winning so many battles. Maybe it dealt with whatever the Mercenary faction gave me as a whole. I was reminded that a minute had gone by while going through my little monologue and cursed. Name, moniker, the words revolved around in my mind for a bit before I finally said fuck it and went with what was probably the single worst fucking mercenary band name I in history, literally in this case.
“Pride, for the Mercenary band.”
Mercenary Band name has been designated as pride. You have three minutes for a moniker, or one will be randomly selected for you.
Groaning at this fucking stupidity, I had no idea what to pick. I mean, yea, countless names went through my head; Deadpun (just go with it,) Fang, Snake. You know, all those neat little names some of the biggest badasses in games get to be called. Thanks to me driving myself insane over this little fact my time ran out though, and the System just gave me a randomly generated moniker, not that I could complain about it.
Player has gone beyond his granted time for selection. Random moniker has been generated. The player shall now be known as The Nubian within this Total War game. Win battles, earn renown, kill your enemies and spread your name across the land!
Well, the obvious fact is it actually went well with my chocolate brown ass was beside the point. My real concern was what the point behind the last statement was. Spread my name? Earn Renown? That wasn’t in the game at all. I was still frowning a bit before just shrugging it off. Fuck it. Everything is more realistic in these things anyway. At least going by all the shows with the other people popped into the games.
I didn’t really have long to bitch about that though. The System was already shooting another box at me. This one seemed more fun, a lot more fun.
The player will now be granted his Mercenary Unit. Mercenary Hoplites being generated beside player. Gear changed to the worst possible equipment because of selected detrimental perk. Health and Attack increased by thirty percent because of Players chosen positive Perks. Mercenary Hoplites have been granted the ability to ambush in wooden terrain regardless of gear thanks to Players selection of ‘Of the Forest.’ Mercenary Hoplites are more efficient at sacking a settlement because of Player Perk ‘Sacking.’ All individuals under the command of the Player will have a set Loyalty increase three thanks to the ‘Loyalty’ Perk. Starting Unit may evolve into higher tiered Units thanks to the ‘Upgrading Starting Unit’ Perk
One hundred Mercenary Hoplites have been spawned and placed into the ‘Pride’ Mercenary Band. System generated tutorial mission is to move through the forest and meet up with the other Mercenary Bands before assaulting the Germanic Tribe force attempting to cleanse your kind from the area. Good luck, and always fight for the enjoyment of the Lumerians.
Goodie goodie, my people were spawned, and they had the shitiest possible gear ever! I really can’t bitch too much about that since I caused it with my choices, but it still sucked some major donkey dick. I let go of my little ‘bitch monster’ as I called it and actually looked at the men that had just kinda popped into existence all around me.
They were in orderly lines, and every single head was turned toward me. They just, stared, kinda like that special kid in class. You know the one I’m talking about, always just staring at someone or something for hours with a creepily intense gaze. I always thought they looked like they were focusing on some massive dump they were holding, but it was creepy nonetheless.
Either Way, this was a game, so let’s go right on ahead and give this a shot. Start with the creepy staring men that looked like they ate lightning and crapped thunder.
The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.
Mercenary Hoplite Squad.
Squad size: 100
Designation: Hastati - Frontline troop
Experience: 0/1000
Tier: One
Troop Loyalty: 100
Health: 30
Attack: 3
Weapon: Poor wooden spear
Armor: Rusted Curais
Description
A Century of Roman soldiers turned mercenary for one reason or another. Highly trained and vicious attackers these men of the Roman army are relics of a past when Hoplites were prevalent in Roman armies instead of the more common Legionaries. Led by a Centurion these hundred men can be living embodiments of death.
Ok, wait...when the fuck were Hoplites Roman? Weren’t they, like, greek or trojan or whatever in origin? You know what doesn’t matter. Apparently, the health was more like their defense, and the single reason it was thirty was because of my modifier. Same with the attack. The idea that if I had not gotten that boost, they would be set at a big fat zero unless I got them gear somehow made me shudder a bit.
Thankfully I had gotten those modifiers. Their loyalty as a troop of soldiers was maxed it seemed, I wondered about the individual loyalty but I really just didn’t care about it right now. This was the ‘tutorial.’ Even on hard, it should be a fucking breeze. I’d just send these big boys in and watch them cause death and mayhem. Nodding to myself, I went ahead and checked my status.
Name: James York
Moniker: The Nubian
Mercenary Company: Pride
Experience: 0/1000
Tier: Zero
Health: 50 (Army General Modifier +20)
Attack: 8 (Army General Modifier +5)
Weapon: Rusty Saber
Armor Rusted Curais
Perks ~
Attack +3, Health +3, Of the Forest, Sacking, Loyalty +3, Upgrade First Unit, Difficult Diplomacy, Harder Diplomacy Gains, Sticks, and Stones.
Oh? So my troops were tier one while I was zero? Was there even a Zero in the game? Thinking about that a bit, I realized that the disposable units used as sacrificial lambs were the tier zero units. Fuck me, so I was at the same level as those things? Fuck that noise. I’d just have to show the System it was wrong!
Moving on from that, I had a modifier for me personally as well. Apparently being the ‘General’ gave me increased health and attack. That was actually pretty damn good to know. Basically, it meant that on top of my Perk modifier I also had a natural one that would make me stronger on its own. I could see it now, the best gear possible along with my modifiers. I’d be out facing down hundreds of enemies on my own! Not really, I wasn’t that fucking idiotic. These ‘people,’ if they could really be called that since the System generated them, were my pawns. I’d use them up before I had to do something that stupid.
Alrighty then! I clapped my hands together and grinned at the hundred faces just staring at me in that creepy silent way. “Who’s ready to fight some Barbarians?” I assumed they’d be Barbarians based on that whole Germanic Tribe shit. I had no actual idea. The resounding roar that met my words as every single one of them clapped their hands to their chests and stomped their left foot over and over while screaming incoherently was really fucking shocking.
They had just been there all silent and creepy and then suddenly let out a battle cry that made me want to piss myself. Seriously? When they finally calmed down, I decided that riling them up wouldn’t happen often. That had been terrifying. “Alright, so, who wants to be second in command?”
As one they all looked at me and then at another of their ilk, though this one had a big red plume of feathers in his cap. He stepped forward three steps and clapped a hand over his heart while bowing before me. “I am your second, General. I am Centurion Silvius. The men are ready and willing to move out and bath in the blood of our enemies. We await your order.”
Well, aren’t you just the little go-getter? I smiled like a mad-man. In a way I was, I was gonna send these fine and upstanding soldiers into battle for me and test out what I could exploit at the cost of their lives since I’d get them all back at the end as long as I won.
“Move out then! We need to meet up with the others and engage these bastards trying to wipe us out!”
“You heard him! Form up you lousy sons of whores! I want us on the front lines double time! If we aren’t the first one to draw Barbarian blood, I will personally flog every one of you!”
Holy shit, that man was a fierce fucker, wasn’t he? Good giddy God. I bet he rubbed wounds with salt and lemon and said it felt tingly. Chuckling at the imagery, I watched in fascination as each of my men turned as one and started marching into the forest in a square formation, shields facing forward, and moving at a hop.
I moved in behind them while Silvius was still yelling out marching orders that would make any drill sergeant I had ever heard of proud. I was focused more on my new body though, I mean damn I felt awesome! I was packed full of muscle. No more fat, no more fatigue after just ten steps. This was fucking amazing! I even started moving forward at a jog and dropping to the ground to do push-ups until they passed me then repeated it.
The heat had me sweating, but I only felt warmed up and ready for action! I could only really think that this was fucking amazing again! We reached the edge of the forest a short time later, I didn’t know how long it actually was, and I saw Silvius screaming at the men to lock shield and make ready. I heard them yell a ‘waah,’ then heard their shield slam into each other and watched as their bodies bent forward a bit allowing the row of men behind them to lift their shields up above their heads. This process repeated itself all the way to the back while the men at the outer edge turned their shields outward, leaving only the back undefended. Silvius moved toward the front, the men actually splitting apart to open a space for him. He slammed his shield into place and then screamed “Forward!” The men let out another yell, and they moved forward at a slow jog as one. I was confused at. First, I’d been focusing on them and my new body so I didn’t see the cause for that action.
Actually looking away from them and toward the bottom of the hill we had found ourselves on after leaving the woods I saw why. Below us were countless men fighting each other in close combat. I blinked, hearing the clash of metal and the cries of men dying reached me at last. Shouting came out “reinforcements incoming!” I assumed that the voice meant us and ran to catch up toward my Hoplites. I was still smiling. This was a new life in a game! What could actually go wrong?