Step one, set the stage. Location is key.
Step two, find the mark. Someone who looks the part y’know?
And step three, confidence. Know your lines and keep on script.
It was his first time at this auction house, but he like it already. A good stream of self-important rich busybodies makes their way through the doors every morning, weaving their way through the mix of grandads and grandmas holding wooden boxes they just spent half their pensions on.
There’s the stage, now for some props.
Zach moseyed around the thrift shop picking out his costume. A long-sleeved checked shirt tucked into a pair of beige chinos, a pair of cheap suede shoes, thick-rimmed round glasses, and, right next to the till – perfect – an old looking vase.
The vase was large, about three feet tall and a foot in width with swirly paintings of cherubs and the like all around it. He found it nauseating to look at, but it looked the part.
Okay, step two.
Idling inside the entrance of the auction house, Zach spent the morning pretending to examine the vase and make phone calls, all the while looking out for one particular car. He had been casing the auction house for long enough to recognise the regulars, and one in particular caught his eye.
A black Mercedes pulled up right outside the door, and from the back seat the mark started his morning routine. Plenty of wealthy people come to this auction house, but the wealthiest send others on their behalf, and talk to them over the phone, telling them when and when not to bid on something. This particular proxy-bidder had his phone plastered to the side of his face, checked his watch every five seconds and was rushing into the salesroom like he just heard his wife was in a car accident and he was heading to the hospital.
Right, time for the interesting part.
Zach heaved the vase up Infront of him so that when he carried it, he could only just see over the top and entered the stream of people going through the entrance to the building. He took a deep breath and tried to calm his nerves.
Three…two…one…
As the mark looked down at his watch for the dozenth time, Zach and his paper-thin expensive-looking vase intercepted his path. They didn’t collide very hard, but just hard enough that Zach happened to lose his grip and send the ceramic plunging into the concrete.
“Aaaaaaaaggg!” Zach fell to his knees wide eyed in feigned horror and put on his best middle-class accent.
“Oh god! Oh god! That urn was all mother left me in her will! I couldn't even bring myself to sell it!"
The mark’s eyes bulged and his jaw gaped open and closed like a fish as Zach started desperately scrambling to pick up the shards of the vase.
“What’s going on?”
The voice that broke through the tense air didn’t come from the mark, but from his phone.
“He broke It! He knocked me over and broke mothers’ vase!” Zach yelled, loud enough for both the man over the phone, and for passers-by to hear. At this point Zach had manged to moisten his eyes nearly to the point of crying.
“Oh fuck. Oh shit. Shit. Jesus. Fuck.”
The mark started sweating and swearing under his breath as he looked between Zach and the crowd of disapproving eyes that had formed around them before bringing his phone up to his face and hurriedly whispering into it. At this point a few bystanders had crouched down to help pick up the pieces and comfort the poor young man scrabbling around on the floor.
“Oh god I’m so sorry kid, errr…”
The mark turned back to Zach, fumbling through his wallet counting a large number of bills and handing it all to Zack.
“Sorry, here’s two hundred, I don’t have any more money”
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The corners of Zach’s mouth twitched upwards for a moment as he took the money, before looking up at the mark with a brand-new look of fake horror and anger.
“Are you really saying that to my face while you wear a watch like that!”
Having his phone held up all the time revealed his expensive looking watch to Zach when he was looking for a mark. Even if the dude was broke, I could at least get that off him.
The mark sighed in exasperation. This was met with a round of extra cold stares from the crowd. He sighed again, this time in defeat, taking his watch off and tossing it quickly in front of Zach, then turning tail and retreating as fast as he could through the crowd. The gathering dispersed with a slew of new conversations with comments and opinions being exchanged. A middle-aged man helped him stand up and placed the last few loose shards onto the pile Zach held, patted him on the back and left along with the rest of the dispersing crowd. Hurrying off, Zach wiped the tears he had put so much effort into from his eyes and rounded a corner into an alleyway. He dumped the broken shards on the floor next to a bin and counted the cash.
20…140…220 quid, not bad. I wonder how much I’ll get for the watch. Oh, it says it’s a…
As he mused over the watch his body stopped moving altogether as his eyes found their way to a word on the watches face.
Fuck. YES.
It didn’t take long for Zach to get to his favourite pawn shop. He didn’t really know how much a Rolex was worth, but they offered 5 thousand and he was too giddy to haggle the price.
The one thing Zach liked more than making easy money, was spending it. And the pawn shop had some good deals.
“How much for that flat-screen?”
Zach’s home was modest, a one bedroom flat in a tower block, but it made for comfortable living and it let him remove himself from his family life.
I suppose did have to take a loan out from dad’s ‘business associates’, but their rates are good and I managed to squirm my way out of the last two payments.
He was posing with his new shades in the mirror when there was a firm knock at the door, Zach walked over, put his sunglasses down on a shelf next to the door and peered through the peephole.
Ah, him again.
Carter was man who had been sent to collect money from him the past two times, but this time Zach actually did intend to pay up.
Lots of people would answer the door to this kind of guy with the door latch still locked, but I want him to trust me, so it makes sense to trust him.
Zach opened the door with a smile on his face. “Carter! Good to see you again. How have you been?”
“Not too bad Zach, but my pockets are feeling a little light. And you seem to be responsible for the biggest hole that’s burnt into it.” He said with half smile.
“No problem man, I’ll just go get it” Zach turned around and disappeared into his apartment.
I left just the right amount for this payment. Well, close enough. The guys a bit of a pushover.
As Carter strolled through the door Zach handed him an open brown envelope. Carter counted the notes in an awkward silence until he finished, sighed, and looked up at Zach.
“This isn’t enough” his brow furrowed and he shook his head.
“Hey its just 20 quid, could you do me a favour here?” Zach scratched the back of his head.
“Twenty quid! You owe me three grand and you gave me less than one you cheeky git!”
Zach was genuinely shocked; he had never heard Carter raise his voice let alone get as angry as he was now. Carters focus was drawn to the flat screen TV Zach had recently put up. He put the money in his pocket and rubbed the bridge of his nose with his thumb and index finger.
“Guys, I’m gonna need your help for this one”
Before Zach knew what was going on two men walked through the door, flanked Zach and held his arms.
“H-Hey hey! I can get you your money next week! I j-just had to send a little to my parents this time that’s all!
“Shut the fuck up. Just…Shut the fuck up. I’ve had enough of your bullshit Zach.”
Carter put a hand into his pocket and picked up the sunglasses next two the door and examined them.
“It looks like you have plenty of money, Zach. It feels like you’re not taking me seriously”
Zach’s heart was beating like crazy and his brain was running overtime.
There has got to be something. Something I can say that will get them to leave. Anything. Shit, should I beg?
“Ok, I get it man.” Zach forced out words “I had some luck and I spent a little on myself, but that was a mistake! I can pawn off some stuff, or you can just take it!”
“Sorry Zach, you’re not the only client I have been too lenient with, so I gotta make a lesson out of you. Besides you have been treating me like a fucking idiot all this time”
Before he could respond, Carter placed the sunglasses over Zach’s face. The moment of confusion was followed by one of blinding pain as Carter pulled his hand out of his pocket and used set of brass knuckles to shatter them into his face. After that the pain turned into numbness, with spots of numbness appearing all over him. First in his jaw, then his temple, then all over his torso.
Zach woke up to the morning sun glaring down on him. As his confusion faded, the numbness slowly turned to pain. He crawled out of the muddy ditch he was in and onto the road. Zach had hallucinated many times before, mostly recreationally, but none felt as real as this one. Infront of him shone a crooked pillar of light, like a bolt of lighting stuck in time. It looked to him as if an earthquake had decided to spilt the sky instead of the ground. Each step closer to it seemed to sooth his pain, until he was close enough to see a swirling rainbow of colours within it’s shining borders.
A warm wetness that soaked his crotch broke his trance.
Seriously? I pissed myself?
Instead of seeing an embarrassing dark patch on the inside of his trouser leg, he looked down to see a handle of a knife protruding from his gut and a dark stain stretching from his belly and flowing down to his trousers. He eyes met the eyes of the snake emblazoned on its grip, before his vision failed and was reunited with the ground.