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Dungeon Master 5.5

Dungeon Master 5.5

"Behold! The Blaingel!" Brad proclaimed, arms held vertical above his head.

Perfectly framed behind Brad's goalpost, Blaine harumphed and dashed his sword through the air in a figure-eight. Kendra's head was bowed low, forehead touching his extended knee. The younger sisters replicated Brad's arms, rather than the bow. It was quite possibly the most disturbing sight I had ever seen.

Also, 'Blaingel.'

I didn't have words. Neither did Addy. I looked over my shoulder and saw his mouth was agape. A creaking sound escaped his throat, almost whimper-like. Was the comedy accumulating inside of him, building to a cacophonous climax? Or was Addy officially broken?

"It was not Father Quill who summoned you here," Blaine affirmed, loud and dramatic, "It was I!"

Kendra politely rose from the bow. His sisters saw this and sprung to their feet.

"You have my apologies, angel. I hope you will pardon me for asking, but why did you hurt us?" Kendra inquired.

"That was not I!" Blaine replied, doing away with grammar for no real reason, "That was the demon which must be stopped. He called forth a storm to destroy you!"

An unnatural grin stretched across Kendra's face as he said, "And I have come out stronger than before!"

It was a bizarre way to look at things. A very human way to look at things. My eyes tracked across his figure.

He was tall, built, heavy, with a grizzled appearance. Rough around the edges. Wavy strings of brown hair enclosed his face. His eyes were perpetually switching between carefree and leery.

Cassie and Cecilia might have been twins, if not for the slight difference in height. Blonde hair, brown eyes, pale skin. Freckles under the eyelids and down the arms. Cassie liked to chew her lip.

Photo had dressed them, and I wasn't sure what the outfits were supposed to represent. Kendra wore a black dress shirt that clung to his body and failed to cover the tangle of hair flowing down his arms. Black pants, red tie. The girls wore the same outfit but scaled down. Each of them was sporting a cute purple bowtie.

"Not true at all. You are weak. Very weak," Blaine professed, "Which is why you need my help to slay the beast!"

"Oh? Do I now? Tell me more about 'the beast.'"

"You need my help. You literally can't hurt the demon without an angel's weapon," Blaine stressed, "Tonight he will return to this miserable planet. The great demon known as Incumtox!"

Addy allowed a short laugh to escape. A comical blip. I looked at him and tried to furrow my eyebrows. He revealed nothing.

What had been said? The 'demon known as Incumtox'? Why was that-

Oh. Oh no.

"You didn't...," I groaned to Addy.

"I did," Addy sniggered. This time the dam came down, and he exploded into frenetic laughter. Tossing-in-his-chair laughter. Teddy joined in, dabbing at nonexistent tears around his eyes.

What was I supposed to say? What was I supposed to do? The two business-minded people had named the demon Income Tax.

This was supposed to be the game that saved our species. It had to be perfect. It had to apply to all cultures!

Maybe it wasn't a big deal. But it still bothered me on a fundamental level. There was little room for comedy when dealing with something this serious.

"You'd be better off summoning someone else. I'm not even in church most weeks," Kendra admitted.

"God doesn't care about that. That's why she chose you," Blaine apprised.

Addy's laughter didn't wane, never weakened. Teddy and Layla would occasionally join in, with the rare 'haha' from Maisie. I didn't get it.

"Is this what it's going to be like the whole time?" I asked no one in particular.

"Dude!" Addy said, "Blaine just gender-swapped God!"

"He what?" I said, replaying the conversation back in my head, "Oh. Oh no. Oh no!"

That was problematic. I couldn't think of one monotheistic religion - off the top of my head - which believed in a female god.

"I'm sorry, did you say 'she?'" Kendra asked, "What else can you tell me about G- oh!"

The younger of the girls - Cassie - pounced at Kendra from behind. She locked arms around his neck and used the hold to hoist herself into a piggyback position. Kendra hunched over to accommodate the change in balance.

"Kenny, this isn't normal!" she whined, rubbing her eyes into his hair.

Kendra patted her head and said, "Don't worry. Big brother is gonna handle this." Then to Blaine, "You want me to slay a demon? Ok, I will. But please send the kids home and send a nanny their way. This is adult stuff."

"Destiny says that the three of you must go," Blaine said.

"Are you certain? Because this doesn't feel right."

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure," Blaine said, and I could tell he was becoming impatient, "Follow my light across the desert. It will take you to the demon. Call for me if you are ever in danger."

"You said desert," Kendra said, fanning open palms to each side, "This isn't a desert."

"Yeah, and I'm not an angel," Blaine remarked.

"D'oh!" Addy exclaimed, before erupting into more laughter.

Photo disappeared Blaine. Two wisps chased each other into the sky. One became a dome around the altar, hundreds of meters in diameter. The other made the dome invisible. To our players, it looked as if Blaine had turned into energy, shot into the sky, and briefly burst into a shower of white lines.

Blaine fell into his recliner a moment later. He still wore the angelic robes, but the sword was gone.

"Good looks, dumbass," Addy said, "You handled that like a champ."

"What was I supposed to say? The man was being disrespectful!"

"Yeah, and I don't blame him."

More unnecessary conflict. Kioshi didn't stop them.

Father Quill bowed to the empty throne, then turned to address the family, "I will accompany you on your journey and offer you my blessings. Is there anything you need to begin your journey?"

"Hm, ah... nope!" Kendra shrugged, "Come on, kids. I guess we're doing this."

He put a hand to his brow and scanned the horizon, trying to spot the light he was supposed to follow. Cassie remained on his back.

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"Surely we can ask the Lord for something?" Brad insisted.

"Can't say what that something would be."

"I can," Brad said, before craning his head to the sky and calling, "Oh God! Give us a survivalist's kit!"

A wisp flitted towards Brad and lighted on his fingers.

"He really shoe-horned that one in," Addy commented, "Inorganic. Like bad guacamole."

"Bad guacamole?" I asked, not sure what he was getting at.

"Shut the fuck up," Addy said, "Sounded funnier in my head."

"Ok. Whatever, man."

"Pitiful joke," Layla added.

Father Quill's hands glowed, and the 'survivalist's kit' appeared. A small grey polyhedron with shapes carved into it. The same item each of us had received on the island.

The game stone.

"God gave you a rock," Kendra said, unimpressed.

"Not so! This is a survivalist's kit!" Brad explained, "I've heard tell of others prophets using it to absorb raw materials and call forth great creations from the stone. There are stories-,"

He coughed, choked, and black blood spilled from his lips.

An imp stood behind him, dark and menacing. Barely a meter in height, with skin that looked like charcoals had been smashed together. Goey red fluid dripped from eyes which glowed like embers.

It withdrew its claw from inside of Brad's throat, and Brad dropped to the earth.

...dead.

Adrenaline. Pain in my chest, in my side, in my head. A fuzzy sensation gathering at the corners of my mind like a swarm of grey confusion. Was he dead? I. I couldn't-

"Relax, Maisie. It's a fake-out," Blaine's voice soothed.

As if on queue, the real Brad fell into his bean-bag chair, unscathed and whooping with satisfaction. Father Quill remained dead and bleeding out between the pillars of the altar.

"How was that? Did I ace it?" Brad buzzed with delight.

"You did good, bud," Blaine agreed.

"Ha-haha...," I croaked.

Fuck me. Fuck this.

Seeing the imp, Cecilia bolted in the opposite direction. Cassie tightened her grip around Kendra's neck, effectively strangling him. Both were in tears.

Kendra backed away from the demon, voice constricted by the tiny arms, "Cassie, down. Cecilia! Stay close!"

Cassie whimpered and obediently slid off of Kendra's back. For all her running, Cecilia hadn't made it far. She ran for a few more seconds before stopping, then turned to watch.

Kendra faced the imp, shoulders squared, back hunched, hands at his sides. The stance of a bear preparing to strike. He was more than twice the imp's size.

"Isn't he gonna call on me?" Blaine asked. He sounded genuinely offended.

"Guess not," Brad said.

His life will end. The demon and the imp are of the same wavelength. They can only be stung by the Blaingel's blade.

"Fuck," Addy said.

Kendra's face was contorting, a wave of psychotic anger rising to the surface. Blind rage. He roared at the imp and bellowed, "Deus vult!"

Then he charged.

"No!" Maisie fretted. I watched her turn in her chair to grab Blaine's shoulder, "You have to kill it!"

Blaine put a hand over hers, and said, "There's nothing to fear. I'll take care of it. Photo! My sword, please!"

The shining sword returned to his hand. He gave Maisie a wink and then stepped out of the floating chair and through the invisibility field.

"Don't let him get sweet on you," Layla warned Maisie, after he was passed the sound barrier, "It's all a ruse."

"What do you mean? Just look at what he's doing for that poor man and his family!" Maisie argued, pointing to Kendra, who was continually slamming into the imp with all of his weight. Each assault knocked the imp back a few centimeters.

Kendra didn't notice Blaine materialize to his right. He didn't become aware of Blaine until the angelic blade was plunged through the side of the imp's head.

The demon disintegrated into puffs of black smoke, which accumulated and spiraled into the sky.

Kendra grunted, facing the angel and beating a fist against his chest, "I never summoned you!"

"God told me you were about to die," the Blaingel said.

"Oh," Kendra said, the rage dissipating, "Well, in that case, thank you."

"Farewell," Blaine said, turning and walking back into our bubble.

Kendra approached the spot where Blaine had disappeared and waved his hands in front of him. Photo responded by lifting the platform and the surrounding bubble five meters into the air. Out of reach.

He returned to the girls and swept each of them into a hug. Cassie continued to weep, eyes shut, tears streaming.

The scout approaches. Four hours will soon become three. We move on to phase two.

There was a quiet sort of tension in the air, born from the reminder of our imminent deadline. A wisp traveled out of the hidden space and swirled around Kendra. Kendra watched it take to the sky, moving towards a specific point on the horizon. He now held the game stone, retrieved from Father Quill's corpse.

He pointed at the wisp, "See that light, girls? The angel said we have to follow it."

"Can we go home instead?" Cassie whined, sniffling and rubbing her eyes red.

"Remember what I told you about storms?" Kendra asked them.

Cassie bobbed her head up and down. Cecilia's attention was fixed on the dead body.

"Surviving them makes you grow stronger?" Cassie offered.

"Every storm you weather makes you a little stronger," Kendra spoke, "A little wiser. A little more dexterous and a little more durable. The three of us have been put through the wringer all our lives to prepare for something like this. We're strong from all the storms, and God wants us to put that strength to use. Can you be strong for me?"

Cassie continued to bob her head, agreeing to all of it.

Cecilia took her eyes off of the corpse and said, "I'm already strong."

"That's the spirit," Kendra smiled, "Let's go get stronger."

Part two was 'The Journey.' Maisie and Layla's contribution.

Watching the three players pick their way through the rocky terrain was a bore. One that lasted at least a half hour before anything interesting happened. Our spectator platform floated invisibly above the group, tracking their mundane adventure.

Kendra periodically tested the game stone, absorbing pebbles and pulling them out of the stone in different formations. When he had absorbed enough matter, he created a stone dagger and handed it to Cecilia. Cecilia brandished the weapon and grinned.

We - the spectators - occupied ourselves in various ways. Blaine, Brad, and Teddy asked Photo questions about what was going on elsewhere in the world, and Photo retrieved the answers for them.

Brad checked in on his family and learned more about what Addy and I already knew. As Kioshi had mentioned, our car had been found on the side of the road, torn apart by an explosion. We had been declared dead, and the four of us had funeral dates scheduled. Brad's funeral was happening right now.

If the imp had actually killed him instead of it being a fake-out...

Impeccable timing.

Blaine whispered his questions to Photo, claiming that they were personal, embarrassing, and none of our business.

"Which of your girlfriends did you ask about first?" Addy wondered.

Blaine pretended not to hear.

Teddy asked Photo to restore funding to half a dozen research firms and charities. Photo reminded him at great length that our planet would soon be destroyed, regardless of how our plan played out.

Teddy insisted.

Maisie yelped when the lights lifted her from her chair. When she vanished, her yelp was cut short.

She reappeared as an angel, floating a few paces in front of our players. The girls gasped, and Kendra huffed his annoyance.

"Was this part planned?" I asked Layla.

"Yeah. Her idea," Layla answered, "I created a terrifying, very real threat. She asked if she could offer them some help. Doubt it will do them much good, but we'll see."

"What's this threat?" I pressed, curious.

She made an 'mmph' sound, and adjusted how her legs fell across the chair. No elaboration.

"Hello! You are all so brave!" Maisie greeted our players. The glow of her white robes was reflected in her eyes.

Kendra took a knee to show respect. The girls did the same, arms held up to the sky.

"Well met, oh angel," Kendra said, "How can we be of service to you?"

"An evil energy is coming for you. I wanted to give you this," Maisie said, and a short silver rod appeared in her hand. The top of the rod expanded into a cup shape, where an orange ball of flame erupted.

A magical torch.

"I appreciate the kind gesture," Kendra acknowledged, "This evil energy. Is it weak to fire?"

"It is cold. And dark!" Maisie exclaimed, "But the flame of this torch will never go out. I hope it keeps you warm and safe."

"Pah!" Layla remarked, "It won't."

"You keep playing up this threat," Addy said, "Let's make a bet."

"Yeah? What's the bet?" Layla asked, barely interested.

"If your 'threat' lives up to the hype, I'll do something nice for you. But if I'm right and your threat sucks ass, you gotta do something nice for me. You jive?"

"Yeah, ok," Layla said, "When you lose, you can fetch me something to eat."

"What! Where the fuck am I supposed to get food? The break room is gone!"

"Sucks."

"If you lose, you have to share that food with me. We'll have a one-on-one smorgasbord."

"Ha, okay."

"What's this bet regarding again?" Brad chimed in.

"Don't bother," Blaine said, dismissively.

Kendra accepted the torch and Maisie returned to her chair.

In the same instant Maisie dissipated, Photo began to sporadically assemble the 'threat.' It was clearly rushing things along, sensitive of our constrained timeline.

Powerful winds picked up all around Kendra and the girls. The wind screeched through the air and screamed as it bit into the hard rock of the earth. Cassie shrieked and grabbed Kendra's arm. Cecilia held the dagger in two hands, pointing it at the ambiguous foe.

The whirlwind took shape, surrounding them. Whipping at their clothes from all sides. The sky above them faded to an empty black void. The wind became tangible gusts of frayed darkness. A cyclone of black and irreverent energy.

Kendra exhaled, and his breath fogged in the air. Icicles began to crystallize at the fringes of the vortex, painting a circle of frozen earth around the group.

With unexpected speed, a line of icicles traced out from the frozen border, each making an audible 'chink' sound as it sprouted. The final icicle in the path stabbed up and through Cecilia's shoe. When it emerged through the top, the icicle was red instead of an icy blue and littered in bone fragments.

"Holy shit," Brad murmured.

"Yeah...," I agreed.

Addy beckoned for one of Photo's wisps and whispered a request. A few seconds later, the area around Layla began to glow, and two items appeared in her lap.

A bowl of tortilla chips and an even larger bowl of guacamole.