The Big 18. 

Today is the day, my 18th birthday, the day I finally get dad’s ship. Now I’m not saying that I want to run away as far as I can, but I definitely want to get the hell out of this system. My life hasn’t been all that steady so far, my family has been moved from system to system without will. I guess that’s what you have to deal with being in the Federal navy. Dad is an Officer Lieutenant and so he’s always away on his work trips in his gunship. Sometimes it just feels like that’s the only thing he cares about, his Federation rank. He’s always talking about his dreams, becoming a rear admiral and finally getting to buy a federal corvette. I’m not saying I disagree with him, the corvette is an absolute beauty of a ship, but sometimes I just wish he would care about me, his only daughter. Mom is quite the opposite of him, she’s scared of letting me go. And I get it, honestly, all of this new word about the Thargoids coming back, entire systems being overrun by pirates, even parts of the government are being targeted by other parts of the government, she has a reason to be scared, we all do.

Things were a lot simpler back then, you know? Living back on our home planet, sitting at home with the emulator, going to the regular school with all the other kids. Things change a lot when you leave the planet, the schools are just, different? All of the kids are hip and cocky, doing everything they can to show off to some girl so she will go away with them. Even being at home is different. I’ve never liked the stations, with all the people and businesses and shops all packed into one tight little ball floating around spinning in space. I’d give up my home here on this station just to be able to go back and live at home, where I belong. But that’s all irrelevant now, I guess.

I’ve been counting down the days to my birthday. Not because being 18 is a big thing for me, but because I just want to get away, you know? Everyone has had their moments of just wanting to leave, to be done with everything. Maybe it’s the whole rebellious teenager in me talking, wanting to be on my own and make my own mistakes. I honestly don’t really know. I just want to escape. I’ve always been the outcast of every group or whatever that I’ve been in, be it for school or just a regular friend group. I don’t really know honestly, maybe it’s just something wrong with me, or maybe I'm just different. I’ve never liked being around most people, especially those my age. They all seem so different in how they act and how they do things. It’s like they just aren’t focused on anything, if that makes any sense. I guess in my eyes you could say that they feel barely as mature as I am, but maybe that’s what I get for being raised by dad. I prefer the adults, the ones who can look you in the eyes and discuss the big things going on, not whatever new video is going viral on WhatTube or what space celebrity is wearing the new special dress like those my age. It just feels like the adults actually care about what I have to say, and they acknowledge that I care about what they have to say. Maybe I’m just crazy or something, who knows.

I said that I was getting dad's ship, but I should have specified first, I'm getting his old, pretty much dead ship. Hell, I don't even know if that piece of junk can fly without being completely rebuilt. Even then he won't give it to me unless I can prove to him that I know how to fly. I guess I should be grateful though, he did take the day off from work to fly back out here and be here for my birthday, which with his gunship must've been at least 20 jumps. Regardless, it's time I go and read up on the gunship as much as I can before it is time, try to scavenge whatever material I can on it out of these awful booklets I bought from the station store. That store is awful by the way, I'd stay away from there if you don’t want to risk getting some sort of venereal disease. Sector 5, sub-room 238, that's where it’s at.

I’ve been reading these booklets for a couple hours now and I swear I get far more out of the emulator than I ever will with these. At least with the emulator I can configure it to any system I want to interface with and use that to do my research, although mom doesn't like it when I tinker around with the emulator. She has a point I suppose; it isn’t 100% legal to use it to simulate the security computer at our station so that I can keep track of dad. In my defense, if the Federation didn’t want me to do that, they shouldn’t make the security computer so easy to simulate on something other than their devices. Besides, dad doesn't know I keep track of him anyway. I guess I feel like it’s my job to make sure he's safe even though mom assures me that he knows what he's doing. I just don’t trust anyone anymore, not after what happened last year in our old station.

We used to live in another system nearby, similar station to this one, although the security in that system was close to nonexistent so maybe I shouldn’t have been so surprised to what happened. We lived there for about a year, lived in the outer parts of the station close to the wall between sector 3 and 4. We didn’t really have that many neighbors out that far, no one really likes to live next to the separating wall. I liked it though, we had a window that was close enough to the mail slot of the station that I could watch all the ships go in and out, including dad whenever he came home. I learned a lot of things through that little window. That little window has its downsides though, it’s the same window I got to watch through as our station was bombed. It’s not really something I like to talk about all that often, especially with mom. 

I heard stories about a pirate group who had been going to low sec systems and destroying small outposts. Turns out this time they decided to try something bigger: my station. On Earth it was June 5th when they jumped into the area. I knew something was up as soon as they jumped in, this area doesn’t generally have full Anacondas and Clippers jumping in, especially ones that have any form of identification ripped and torn off. They circled the station once before the single security vessel got suspicious and went out and confronted them. That’s when everything went wrong.

I watched as all of the hardpoints on every vessel opened up, missiles rained onto the security vessel just moments later. I don’t think I’ve ever seen something explode as quickly as that Viper did. It wasn’t long before the pirate’s bombers jumped in. Fully loaded Type 9s dropped in and started unloading unrelenting barrages of torpedoes onto the station. I could do nothing but watch as the hole started to grow bigger in the side of the station. I knew that station pretty damn well, I just wish I didn’t know it as well as I did. That hole was going straight for the fuel hold of the station. I couldn’t do anything but sit and wait, mom had already activated the seal on our room, dad was halfway across the bubble.

 I guess it’s a good thing he wasn’t there though. Knowing him he would have forced his way through the door to get to his gunship to try and fight off the pirates. After seeing what happened to the Viper, I'm not even sure a Vette would have survived the pirates. The pirates launched off a few more volleys of torpedoes before there was a crack heard through the entire system, like a planet had just been ripped in half. Not long after I was thrown to the ground and knocked unconscious, mom too. I still don’t know how long we were floating in space there, the only thing I woke to was the search and rescue ship opening our room and taking us in.

We lived in that station since the cost was so cheap, but I guess that’s the risk you hold when you go for price over security. Dad moved us to a high security system and made sure we got a better room than last time, although I don’t get my little window to watch out of, but perhaps that’s for the better. He still blames himself for what happened that day, despite how hard mom and I have tried to convince him that it isn’t his fault. I get it though, feeling like you are the only one to blame for something that you had absolutely no part in, no way to change it. I guess I got that from him.

It’s time I get going though, I need to meet dad in the station hanger before it’s too late. Dad put us very close to the hanger this time, probably because of last year too. I don’t mind though. Whenever I need to escape, to take a break and just exist, I can walk to the hanger and watch all the ships land and take off. It does have its downsides though. You can tell whenever there is a new pilot in a big ship. You’ll hear it easily, the sound of thrusters firing and not long after the sounds of metal scraping on a landing pad, sometimes even shields breaking. I struggle to understand why people like them are given a ship in the first place, they don’t even know how to land the ship properly. Maybe I’m just jealous. Spent most of my space life watching those around my age fly their parents’ ships, sometimes even get a brand-new Eagle for their birthday. Always felt unfair that I had to wait until my 18th birthday to even get to prove to my father that I can fly, even then I’ll only get his old rusty Sidewinder afterwards, nothing like a brand-new Eagle. It’s whatever I guess, some of us are just outright better off than others, guess I didn’t get that opportunity.

Dad is waiting there leaning against the stairs of his gunship, looking at me with his normal one eyebrow raised expecting nothing look. He’s probably disappointed that I didn’t make it here sooner, or maybe he’s disappointed I came at all, who knows. I made sure to bring mom’s flight suit with me, even though it doesn’t fully fit me. I guess that’s why every proper flight suit is custom made for each pilot. Despite that it still fit me just enough to be safe. I would have brought the helmet with me, but dad always goes on about how it’s just restricting and worse for you. Mom doesn’t like that. Mom doesn’t like much of his Federation career, but she loves him, nonetheless. I should make my way over there and stop just staring at him from afar, although this does feel like a perfect moment for some slow-motion walking. No, that’d just look stupid.

“You ready to go?” He murmured towards me, clearly not too happy about all this.

There have been many times when I want to reply with something cocky or risky, something like “More ready than you are”, but this would ruin any chances of getting to fly his gunship, not to mention getting his old Sidewinder, so I probably shouldn’t.

I know this ship like the back of my hand. Well, granted I know most civilian available ships inside and out, but dads’ isn’t available to the public, so it's a special case. Back when I was younger, he’d let me play around in here while he was back in the room canoodling mom. Guess it was his way to get me away so they could do what they wanted. I can’t really blame him for it, for how little time he took to stay home I would have done the same thing, and I benefited from it too regardless.

I’ve only now noticed that I've been standing in the doorway to the cockpit for a minute or two now with dad standing right behind me. He’s probably impatient and just wants to get this over with, or maybe he just wants to sleep, the two moods are pretty identical for him.

As I sit down, he ends up getting in his secondary seat and just sitting there, watching me. That’s one thing I have always hated, people watching me while I do something. I could never stand it when the teachers did this in school, looking over my shoulder as I take notes or whatever, always made me uneasy. Although this is probably because I was always raised to never look over my parents’ shoulders and to never watch them when they did anything unless they told me to. That’s happened to me a lot of times, when something they’ve raised me in comes back to bite me in the ass time and time again.

Just to be sure I need to make sure that my gloves are fastened, and my suit fully zipped before I look back to make sure he's ready. To my surprise, he actually looked pretty lively, which is not something he normally is. He nods to me, his way of giving the go ahead, and so I start typing into the ship command.

That is one thing I’ve liked about the new technology compared to 21st century tech, everything now is typed into a prompt or such, instead of all the switches that you had to flick back then. This list is a pain to type out in full though, seeing as you have to wait a good 10 to 20 seconds to make sure the system actually received your command, I can definitely see the advantages of just flipping 30 or so switches. From what I’ve heard though, some of the higher end ships turn everything on as soon as you walk through the door. How I would kill for one of those right now.

Power… On. Life Support… On. Atmosphere… On. Display… On. Radar… On. Systems… On. Directional Display… On. Communication… On. Controls… On. Do you see what I mean now? This list just goes on forever.

Finally, everything is started up, everything but one. Just one more, thrusters.

Thrusters… On.

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I will say, for how heavy this ship is compared to the thrusters and drives, you definitely feel it when they fully kick in. The floor beneath you starts to rumble and you’ll hear the distinct sound of Federation style thrusters kicking in hard. That is one thing I admire about the Federation, their thrusters sound like they mean business, like they will actually put raw power behind the giant hulking mass of metal and alloy you are flying. The imperials are more for comfort and style over the Federation, which is something I can’t see myself getting behind.

This is it, huh? This is where my life truly begins. With the engines engaged, all I have to do is signal the station control, whom of which replies right away.

“Core Dynamics, Alpha, Delta, Alpha, you are go for takeoff.”

The second control replies the pad starts to move, the inertia catching me off guard at first. These pads are fast and stable though for how much weight they have to move, especially something like this. This view though, the entire inside of the mail slot coming into view as dad and I are lifted into the open. I can’t really do anything but admire the view for a few seconds until the ship jolts as the landing gear disconnects from the pad.

If I want to impress dad, I need to be a bit risky, but just enough to be mature. I’ll try boosting through the mail slot maybe that will get his attention. While it isn’t illegal, it isn’t all that recommended by anyone either. By anyone besides the racers of course.

I do have one complaint about this gunship, the landing gear takes far too long to retract. Now that they are up though, the fun can begin. Well, as much fun as you can have in a slow heavy gunship that is. This is going to be a tight fit, but I know I can make it, I’ve done my research, I’ve done my emulator training, I’m more ready than most of the others who were just gifted ships anyway.

I can definitely hear the control sighing in a quite annoyed tone as the drives burst into life and we propel through the mail slot, fitting just perfectly and not even scratching the shields. I do have to say, I am a bit surprised dad didn’t throw a fit or anything about what I just did, but perhaps mom talked to him before and said to go easy on me, or maybe he’s just asleep, who knows really.

Looking back, I can't fully tell if he’s judging or proud of me, all he’s doing is raising one eyebrow and looking forward at me, still not saying a word. Mom seems to always just know what he’s thinking, or what's going on inside of his mind. I don’t fully understand how she knows it though, but maybe that’s because she's known him for just that long. He and I are also very different in many aspects, though. Not fully in how we handle things, but I guess in how we treat others. He has always been more judging of other people and never really understanding. He judges the book by the cover essentially. I don’t like doing that though, there’s far more to a person than just what is on the surface. Guess he never really understood that.

With him not saying anything, I guess I’m restricted only by what I choose to do, which is not something normal for him. I’ve always been restricted in almost every way, any shape or form, I had restrictions one way or another. Granted, in his defense, I always found ways around them and loopholes through them but being able to make a decision of my own free will right now, this feels really good.

Jumping into supercruise is probably one of the easiest things you can do, the computer does everything for you. Looping around the station at a moderately unsafe distance though, that’s something only you can do, and I think that’s exactly what I’ll do. I need to be careful though, this gunship is about as maneuverable as a brick, especially without using boost.

Unfortunately, our station is just a regular Coriolis station, so I can’t try and fly through the rings and panels of an Orbis or Ocellus station. With that said though, I want to try and boost through the gap between two sectors, maybe skim through some of the pipes too.

As I boost, I can hear dad shuffle a little, perhaps he’s getting ready for when he expects me to crash into something. With that said though, I am starting to get the hang of these controls. They feel far more responsive than I would have thought, or at least from my limited experience using the emulator to simulate this. Flying through the gap between the two sectors is easier than I thought, I had some trouble matching the rotation rate of the station at first, but I eventually got it just right. Granted that was after I skimmed a wall just a bit, but don’t tell dad, I don’t think he noticed.

Flying through the end of the gap I can tell dad is a bit impressed, I think he's finally starting to see that I can handle flying my own ship, especially something big and heavy like this.

It’s time to show him what I’m really made of now. All of the ships have a mode called flight assist off in which the ship computer doesn't automatically correct directionally and rotationally. Even the throttle you have to fully manage yourself. I’ll admit, I’m scared, I've never done this before in the emulator, but I really need to prove to dad that I can do this, and what’s life without risks right? As I look back at him for a moment, I can definitely see that he has some idea what’s coming next, but he isn’t putting a stop to it, so maybe he trusts me with this.

This is going to take a lot of concentration, but I can do this.. I think.

Flight Assist… Off.

Let’s do this, no better time than the present. Boosting forward I’m trying to make sure my movement matches the rotation of the station, and so far, I have it match perfectly. Wait, what, those are pipes. No, no no no this can’t be happening. If I hit those, dad is going to kill me. But... there’s nothing I can do, I rushed to turn FA but it’s just too late, I can’t pull off fast enough.

I guess this is it, huh? This is where I hit the pipes and he forces me out of the pilots’ seat, then starts to barrage me with angry comments about how I’m not good enough and that I’ll never fly a ship again. 

The ship pulls up enough to not fully smash head on into the pipes, but I can definitely tell that one of the side wings absolutely hit a pipe or two. But very much to my surprise as I look back to dad, he isn’t angry or flaming red? I’m frozen in place right now, just sitting there angled back looking at him. What do I do? Do I apologize to him? Do I call the station control and ask for docking permission? 

He hasn’t said anything to me yet or gotten up furiously, so I think I’m just going to request docking permission. Just before I get it typed into the computer, I hear a quick single beep sound from my back left. It’s dad, he’s calling the station control himself?

“Control, this is Core Dynamics, Alpha, Delta, Alpha, I hit a section of piping while testing FA off and need to request docking.” He tells them without sounding even an ounce mad.

He’s, taking the blame for it himself? I can’t help but turn around and look at him surprised. I fully expected him to be outraged with what I did, but now he's taking responsibility for it? 

“We all have to try some things that just won’t work out, it’s how we find our limits and work to push through them.” He says to me while actually smiling. 

I can’t help but ask him. “You aren’t mad at me?”

“Not at all kid, you didn’t do anything wrong. We all have to make mistakes to learn more about ourselves.” He says as he adjusts his seat to face me more. “Let me tell you, I’ve made my very fair share of mistakes in life, and I’m not done making them. I once disabled a Federation capital ship all by myself”

What? Dad disabled an entire capital ship? Those things are huge, I have to ask. “How did you do that? They didn’t make you pay for it?”

He’s smiling really big now, chuckling even. “Oh they made me pay for it alright, I’m still paying it off even today. It’s one of my biggest regrets, but I still regret not being there for you more. That’s my number one regret.”

I, did not expect him to say anything close to that. At times it felt like he didn’t even know I existed, but now he’s saying his number one regret is not being there for me more? I don’t know what to do right now, I’m speechless. 

He moves his seat back and takes control of the ship right before he keeps talking. “Mom talked to me about how I just haven’t been there for you when you needed me most, how I haven’t been a father to you. I’m just some guy that comes into your life every few months.” He pauses for a few moments. “I want to change that.” 

At this point I can’t do anything but tear up as he is saying this. And let me tell you something, I don’t cry to anything anymore. I get up out of my seat and rush over to him, throwing both of my arms around him. Despite the fact that he is currently piloting this ship, he takes his left hand off the throttle and rests it on my back, patting me. 

I’ve been waiting so many years for this, I had started to think and believe that it was never going to happen, but here it is, happening. I think I got lost in the moment because before I realized it, we were already sitting on the docking pad as the ship depressurized and the repair crew were making their way out to the ship to check for any damages.

“Don’t you worry about the repairs to the piping, I’ll cover that, just don’t tell mom, okay?” He says while looking down to me and smiling, happy to have me here.

This brings a smile to my face, I’ve never seen him like this, really acting like a true father. I can’t help but laugh a little bit. “Only if you don’t either.” 

It feels nice, being able to sit here in the cockpit with dad, just sitting and talking with him, something we’ve never properly done. The time comes though that we should get to the station control and figure out what all needs to be done about the piping I hit. 

The station control is quite a walk from our side of the hanger. For those that don’t know, the control is situated on the inside of the station directly on top of the mail slot. Most of the time you can get a ride there through the docks themselves, but today has been busy with traders big and small, so we just have to walk a labyrinth of hallways until we get to the stairs. These hallways though, they really do just go on forever.

 After a while of living here, you eventually do start to memorize the looks of each hallway. It’s a gift, I think, being able to distinguish each hallway from the other. That’s one thing I’ve always been good at, knowing where I am. Not just in respect to where I’m facing in a no up environment, but where I am in respect to everything around me. I could be blindfolded and taken to any part of this station and I’d know where I am. Maybe it’s just because I’ve spent nights walking every hallway many times over while I try to distract myself from everything, or maybe I'm just strange, who knows really. 

It’s been 10 minutes now and we still haven’t made it, but we are pretty close, one more hallway before the stairs. Uhg, the stairs. You’d think in a time of increasingly growing technology that there would be a better option than stairs, but hey, guess you have to get your cardio in one way or another. Hell, even an escalator would be better than these. It’s about 35 flights worth of stairs. I feel quite used to it, though, after years of having your parents constantly bugging you and more or less making you do nonstop cardio, leg fatigue is one thing you don’t have to worry about anymore. 

I’ve always loved sitting in the control room with all the traffic controllers. I imagine this is what it was like back in the 21st century with airports and airplanes and all. All of the radars and planes flying in and out nonstop throughout the day. It’s been nearly a thousand years since those were still a thing, I don’t even know if they exist anymore. I still have yet to see an old-fashioned plane like that, I don’t know if they make those anymore though. 

At least when you climb the stairs you are able to enjoy the view of the docks as you do, making the good 5 to 7 minute climb a little less boring. Reaching the top, you can go to a few places. One hallway leads to the higher levels, one leads to the more expensive houses and stores, and the third leads to the station control, our destination. The door itself is a pretty standard security door, minimal electronics to make it as safe from hacking or tampering as possible, although I do need to admit that I've tampered with it a couple times to get into the control room when I'm not fully supposed to, but let's just keep that as our little secret. 

We could definitely tell that the main security officer wasn’t fully happy with what had happened outside with the piping, but dad pulled out his identification and calmed the situation down, giving the excuse that he had gotten new thrusters and wanted to see how they worked in FA off. Dad definitely knows how to defuse a situation, although he did hesitate for just a brief moment when the officer asked why out of everywhere he could have tested the new thrusters, why in the station gap. To that, dad gave what I think is the best excuse ever: Why not. I'll be using that next time I get in trouble for something and get asked a similar question. 

I’m still in shock about earlier honestly. I never in a million years would have expected him to react and respond the way he did, not to mention say the things he said. I’m glad he did though. I’m very grateful that he’s deciding to try and fix what he’s been doing wrong, and I respect him for trying to change. With that said though, it’s time he and I make our way back to our room, which will probably be harder to explain to mom than it was to the officer, she knows when we are lying. . 

She doesn’t really want me to leave though, and I get that. No caring mother would ever want her only child to leave the station, go be out in the endless expanse of space where they could come across any number of dangerous situations. Full honesty here, I myself am still scared of it all, getting ready to finally leave and be free, on my own, make my own decisions. It’s ironic isn’t it, the things we generally most look forward to are also the same things that terrify us far more.

And we are home, time to head in and see how this goes. She must be in resting, because she isn’t out in the living room area of our room. That is one interesting thing I must say about these lower-class station rooms. They are definitely a lot smaller than the upper levels of the station. Oh, and uh, don't ask how I’ve been in one, that’s my own little secret. As I was saying though, the lower rooms only have a few rooms. The main room is the living and cooking room which in and of itself is still pretty small. For my sake dad got one of the larger rooms that has two bedrooms so that I wouldn't have to sleep on the already small couch. Both of the bedrooms have their own connecting bathroom which means I get my own personal one that I don't have to share, which I'm extremely grateful for. 

Yeah, mom is definitely in sleeping, their bedroom door is closed which means she’s in there sleeping. That’s probably for the best, gives dad and me time to figure out what to say about the test flight, and if we even bring up the pipe situation. In all honesty, sometimes it’s just best to keep some things hidden, maybe not forever, but for at least a little bit. 

I think I’m going to do what she did too and go get some rest, only having looked at the time just now I realized that I’ve been up and active for nearly 17 hours today. I'm definitely spent, especially after all that walking, that hasn’t helped either. Telling dad I’m going to go get some rest, he opens up his arms and hugs me really deeply, something that again he doesn’t do all that often. It’s still going to take me awhile to get used to that, but I'm not complaining in the slightest. 

By the time I get into my room I honestly just feel like passing out right on the floor, but I suppose I shouldn’t do that. I honestly love the flight suit until I have to take it off. Not only is it skin tight, but it stays that way even after you take it off, and if you aren’t careful and let it wrinkle, you’re screwed. The second you put it back on afterwards, that wrinkle is going to pinch the hell out of you until it gets slowly flattened out. Little tip, if you’re crafty enough, you can insert unused clothing and anything firm but smooth into the suit in just the right way so that it acts like you’re still in it, which means it won’t wrinkle a single bit. Oh and by the way, heated blankets, probably the best thing ever made.