"Den, why are there googly eyes on my goddamn cupboard?!" roared Bharm. He was half-kneeling, holding a set of microscope slides in one hand, staring at his desecrated cupboard door.
Den, who was disassembling a holo display-device on the opposite end of the table to Bharm, sheepishly looked at the towering alien. "Oh- uh- Sorry, boss. Kid got a hold o' a pack again."
"Well, tell your kid I'll fine them for desecration of property. Ugh."
"Uhhhh boss she's only nine mont-"
"I don't care how old she is!" Bharm stood up, his seven-and-a-half feet towering over Den's six. "I learned not to mess with important things when I was three days old!"
Den looked like a deer caught in headlights. "Yesbosssorryboss won't happen again!" He scurried out of the lab, crossing himself as he went.
"Ugh. Humans," Bharm muttered. "If they didn't have opposable thumbs I'd fire the lot of them."
And if I don’t get another pint of coffee in me I’m going to throw something, he thought, writing some research notes on a sheet of paper.
~~~
Several days later, Bharm was in his study, surrounded by piles of books. The door was ajar; he didn't notice that he was no longer alone until he heard the thump of a book falling over.
"Eh?" He said, getting to his feet. Glancing over to the source of the noise he started in surprise.
A human toddler, tiny in comparison to Bharm, looked up at him, eyes wide. She gurgled something incomprehensible then started crawling towards him. On her head she wore a tiny hat that said MINA.
"Uhhh… Sorry, what was that?" Bharm asked.
Mina gurgled again.
"Huh," Bharm muttered. "Is this translator working?" He tapped his earpiece. "Do… you… understand… me?" He sat on the floor to get a better look at the tiny human. Mina crawled over to him and started pulling at his slipper.
Bharm looked utterly lost; he stared at Mina as she gurgled again, crawled over to where his hand was resting, and put her hand on top of his. He felt a strange surge of warmth at this as if ancient instincts had reawoken.
Seconds later, Den sprinted into the room to find his daughter repeatedly hitting Bharm on the hand. "Fu-Heck!” He said, dodging piles of books as he crossed the room. “I'm so sorry! She crawled off and I wasn't paying attention she musta got here through the access hatch please don't fire me…" He continued spitting out garbled words as he scooped Mina up in his arms.
Bharm said nothing as Den ran back out of the room, a delighted Mina gurgling in his wake. Why is she so small? He thought.
There was a tiny imprint of warmth on his hand where hers had been resting.
~~~
The next day, Bharm and Den were back in the lab, each working on their own projects.
"Den?" Bharm asked, putting a slide under his microscope.
"Uhhyessirwhat?" Den almost dropped his own slide.
"Why doesn't your child speak?"
"...what?"
"My translator didn't work for her. I want to know why."
"Uhhhhh…" Den looked confused. "She can't speak yet, boss."
"Why not? Have you not trained her sufficiently?"
Den gave a nervous giggle. "Er, no boss. Humans don't learn to speak 'till uhhh, a bit after they're born."
Bharm was silent for a moment as he mulled this over. Eventually he replied, "Hmm. Interesting."
Den was surprised into silence. Bharm seemed lost in thought; Den snuck out of the room to avoid any more questions.
~~~
The next day, another technician walked into Bharm's study.
"What's that?" The technician asked, spotting that Bharm was reading a book.
"Not of your concern," Bharm replied. "Critical mission research."
The technician peered closer. "That's a human parenting book-"
Unauthorized usage: this tale is on Amazon without the author's consent. Report any sightings.
"CRITICAL MISSION RESEARCH!" Bharm roared, causing the technician to scurry away.
~~~
After that, Bharm didn’t see Mina at all for weeks. He assumed that whatever security protocols she had broken to get into his study had been reinforced by her father; most likely, she was in Den’s living quarters.
The next time he saw her was when he was in a storage room full of boxes. “Urgh,” he had muttered as he walked in. “Who put these here? This organisation is dreadful.” Unbeknownst to him, Mina had found her way in also, half-crawling and half-walking across the room.
Bharm heard a gurgle of surprise; he turned round to find Mina reaching up to a box on a shelf from which some fabric hung almost to the ground. She took hold of the fabric in both hands and began to tug, giggling to herself. The box itself began to slide and then to fall.
Bharm spotted the danger instantly. Sprinting across the room in half a second, he scooped Mina up with one hand and shoved the falling box away with another. It fell onto the ground, smashing the contents within.
Mina, startled by the noise, began to cry.
"Oh. Er. Uh," Bharm said. "Do not worry, child. I saved you from certain doom."
Mina cried harder.
Bharm looked down at the crying toddler, puzzled. For a moment he thought; then remembering something from one of the books he had read, began to rock her back and forth. "Shhhh," He whispered. "You're not doomed today."
After a few minutes of this, Mina's cries lessened. Eventually, she fell asleep in Bharm's giant hand.
Later, Den answered a knock on the door to his quarters to find Bharm offering back a sleeping Mina. Den stalwartly refused to ask any questions relating to the matter. After that, for reasons nobody except Den could quite understand, Bharm installed a number of new safety protocols across the research complex, including an astronomical number of safety gates. Nobody was brave enough to challenge him on the matter.
Yet everybody noticed the shift in Bharm’s demeanour. He was becoming less angry with each passing day.
~~~
A month later, Bharm was sipping on his pint of coffee when the door to his study opened. Standing there was Den; Mina was just behind him, walking unsteadily.
“Boss?”
“Hmm?”
“Mina’s talkin’! Thought, er, you might wanna know?”
Bharm smiled. “Really? Incredible!” He looked over at Mina who was now rushing across the room towards him. “Hello, tiny human. Er, Mina. Apologies.”
Mina ran straight into his leg and almost fell over; Bharm steadied her with a hand. She looked up, smiled, then spoke: “Biiiiig. Big." She pointed up at his face. “Big.” She then pointed to his pint of coffee. “Big!”
A passing technician stuck her head through the door just in time to see this unfold. From then on, all anybody would call Bharm was ‘Big’.
When someone bought Bharm a badge with his new nickname, he felt a strange sense of pride. He, of course, wore it 24/7.
~~~
“Hey, Big,” Den said one day as he shared a pint of coffee with Bharm. Two years had passed since Bharm had become known by his new name.
“Yes?”
“I uh-er- well I got a job offer. Closer to home.”
“I... see.”
“You ain’t mind?”
Bharm smiled. “You should prioritise family, Den. When will you leave?”
“Few months. Got paperwork ‘n’ stuff to sort.”
“Very well.”
~~~
The day Den and Mina left was a sad one indeed. Mina was four now, and she ruled the research complex with an iron fist. Nobody, least of all Bharm, was able to resist giving her snacks or answer her various and many questions about everything.
“Den…” Bharm began, as he, Den and Mina stood next to the transport ship.
“Aye, Big?”
“You’re welcome back here anytime. So is Mina.”
Den wiped a tear from the corner of his eye. “Tha’ means a lot. Thanks.”
“Bye bye Big! See you soon!” Mina called from behind Den.
Bharm knelt down as Mina ran over to him and gave his arm a big hug. He removed his translator earpiece from his ear; pressing it into her hand, he looked back up at Den.
“A gift. See to it that she meets many people. I’ve read that it’s good for small humans.”
Den did his best not to cry and failed. From that day, the research complex was much quieter.
Some time later, Bharm came across a tiny pink hat in a cupboard; on its front read MINA. None of his technicians were brave enough to ask why they’d seen him crying that day.
~~~
Twenty years later
Bharm, as always, was in his study in his lab, reading. He had aged little in the intervening years, although his caffeine consumption had decreased somewhat.
There was a knock; he looked up to the door, smiled at the giant googly eyes he had stuck onto it, then got up to answer the door.
As he opened the door he was surprised to see a young human woman.
"Hi. Um, Big? Bharm?" She asked.
"That is me. Please state your business." This woman was at least two feet smaller than him.
"My name is Mina. My dad worked for you, right?" She reached up to tap an earpiece. “You gave me this.”
At once, he invited her in for a jug of tea.
It transpired that Den had retired not too long ago. She explained how he had recommended this research station as a place to learn and work. Bharm, of course, offered her a job on the spot.
She decided not to ask why there were at least fifteen safety gates per corridor. She did, however, smile as she noticed a tiny hat - with the word MINA stitched onto the front - framed over a door leading to a storage cupboard.
~~~
Several weeks later, Bharm was back in his study. He was sipping at a cup of tea. Mina had kindly made a pot for him, brewed to his exact specifications, though how she knew what those were was a mystery. He plucked a book from the shelf then sat back in his chair.
Bharm looked down then noticed something different with his book.
"Why are there googly eyes on my goddamn book?" He muttered. He knew that only one person on this research station could have done this.
Yet he smiled.