“Your brother?”

She studied his appearance, only now noticing the familiar features hidden within his finer facial structure. Once she saw their similarities she couldn’t unsee them. His face morphed into one that was older and more haggard looking. Carrying the scars of battle and loss. A rare smile broke his often solemn demeanor, causing tears to well up in her eyes.

“Damian…”

Her voice trembled as she whispered one of those fifty-three names that she would never forget. One of the men who she killed.

His smile disappeared and he looked at her with concern. As if asking why she was crying. He had never liked to see her sad. Told her that the tears reminded him of his kid brother.

As she reminisced, his skin turned pale. Suddenly she was standing on a forest path, his mangled body lying at her feet. Both the horse and him had arrows sticking out of them. Though the archer had been meticulous, hitting Damian only in the gut. They wanted him to slowly bleed to death. An undeserving and painful end for anyone. The message had been clear. Surrender or more will die.

I should have listened.

His empty eyes stared at her accusingly and she felt the guilt start to make her gasp for air. Closing her eyes, she tried to calm her beating heart. He wasn’t here anymore, this was all in her mind.

A hand grabbed hold of her arm and she was sitting in front of Taylor once more. He looked concerned and his nervousness had been replaced by grief.

“I’m sorry. I should have recognized you sooner. You resemble him.”

She tried to smile and rubbed away her tears. Dislodging herself from his hand.

“You are the first to say so. Most say I take more after my father than he did.”

Steeling herself, she looked at his face again. Trying not to trigger her memories. She could still see the clear resemblance. They shared their honey blond hair and blue eyes, had the same button nose, and a similar slightly bigger than average mouth. More than anything, it was the way they carried themselves that differed. Damian had been a serious and mostly silent man, with a surprising knack for dark humor. Taylor instead seemed to be lacking his brother’s confidence.

“I’m sorry for what I asked.”

She found herself shaking her head even before he finished his sentence. He deserved to know what happened to his brother. In her own selfishness, she hadn’t even considered contacting everyone’s families. Something she would have to rectify.

“He died a couple of months before we lost. I had sent him to Valerian’s.. the Prince’s army camp. Thinking he would be ready to surrender.”

Taking a deep breath, she tried to keep her voice steady. Flashes of his bloody corpse kept appearing but this time she didn’t panic but fell into an almost emotionless state. As if she hadn’t been the one to experience it and was just recounting someone else’s story.

“From what we could gather, the prince had him followed on his way back and killed him with an arrow.”

Lidea held her gaze on the hands she had folded in her lap. Not daring to see the emotions in the other man’s eyes. She shouldn’t have been as arrogant as to think that Valerian would have surrendered. He hadn’t attacked her not because he couldn’t, but because he didn’t want to. A fact that she would learn soon after.

“Did he suffer?”

His voice sounded thick in emotion and she could hear him audibly swallow. Composing herself, she looked over to him. Not wanting to lie and tell him it had been a peaceful death, but also not able to bring what had happened to him into words. He seemed to understand her even without them. The emotion spilled over into tears. She had expected him to get angry, to look at her in condemnation. But that didn’t happen.

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“I begged him not to go.”

Lidea wasn’t surprised to hear so. Who would have wanted their family member to go with her at the time? Most had been more sensible than her foolish idealistic self. They knew what would be in store for them if they decided to follow her.

“He did it for me. I know it and I hate him for it. Why couldn’t he just be selfish? I never asked him to fight for me.”

It dawned on her that while Damian had no magic talent, Taylor being here meant he did. He must have wanted to protect him. For the first time, she wondered about the reasons that her father’s men had joined her cause. All these years, she had heard them speak about their lives and families. But had she ever truly listened? Or had she been too consumed by her desires to consider them having their reasons to fight beside her?

Glancing at the sobbing man, an epiphany struck her. He didn’t deserve to feel the guilt he did. His brother had made his own decisions. Taylor hadn’t asked and Lidea hadn’t required him to. Just like she hadn’t forced any of the others.

The weight that had been on her shoulders ever since that dreadful day that she was thrown into prison, finally lifted. Not completely, and it would never as it still were her decisions that lead to their death. But it finally got through to her, that she didn’t have to bear that burden all on her own. She wasn’t the sole one responsible. Even less was the man beside her.

“You love him… and he loved you. So much in fact that he wanted to protect your life so desperately that he was willing to risk his own.”

She choked on the words, as tears welled in her own eyes and she offered a wavering smile. Feelings were never her strong suit, but she hoped her words comforted him somewhat. However, Taylor looked at her and seemed to be shocked into silence. Just as she started wondering if he needed a healer, he started to convulse with laughter.

“Don’t ever look like that at someone again!”

Shock colored her expression as she send him a questioning gaze.

“Was what I said, that hilarious to you?”

“Not the words, but what was that smile? You looked like you had just eaten a sour apple and were trying to convince me to eat the rest. Or like a goblin. A goblin with sore teeth.”

As he continued his tirade of insults, Lidea felt slighted for trying to cheer up the man. She almost made her annoyance known, but one look at his handsome smile made her pause. His face interchanged with the one of the man she had known before.

Maybe, I can repay him.

“Taylor…?”

Her voice sounded hesitant and she was surprised when he stopped his tirade. Convinced that he wouldn’t have heard her over his guffaws. The look on her face must have tipped him off as he turned serious.

“Damian, he wanted you to live safely, happily. He already lost his life for this cause. Why are you here? Why didn’t you let them take you somewhere safe?”

The sadness was still there in his eyes, even if his burst of laughter had softened the grief. She expected him to look away or stumble over his words in response. If she pushed him just right, then he would listen to her suggestion. Find somewhere safe to live and Lidea could at least know that Damian had been able to accomplish what he had set out to do. Protect his little brother's life.

Instead, Taylor looked at her straight. His puffy, red-rimmed eyes unwavering as they met hers.

“I am here because I want to fight. If I wanted to be safe, I would have fled long ago. It is my life. Neither Damian nor you get to decide what I do with it. Besides, couldn’t I ask you the same? I can’t imagine that sir Valkyrea would have wanted his daughter to be in this position.”

His resolve and the way he had turned her question back at her, left her stunned. She had considered what her father would think of her now. Would he have been devastated that she had grown up fighting? Probably, but she hoped that he was a little bit proud of her as well. Wherever he was now. Still, even if he wasn’t. It wouldn’t have changed her choices. So why did she assume that it would have changed his?

Recognizing her mistake, she flushed slightly and look sheepishly at the ground.

Seems like I have to start blowing less smoke up my own arse.

Her expression seemed to amuse Taylor who started to chuckle.

“Don’t worry. I know that you see me as a weakling that will die as soon as the fighting starts.”

Lidea wanted to protest. Say that she hadn’t been thinking anything so shallow until she realized that that was exactly why she had suggested that he leave.

He stood up with a smile and offered her a hand.

“Training is going to start soon. If you are planning to join, we could walk together?”

One look at the moss told her that training was still a while off. It occurred to her, that he was leaving early because he understood that she would need time for the climb up. Her pride itched and she almost shoed him away before thinking the better of it. With a nod, she accepted his hand and let him pull her up.

“You know, it would be good practice for you to carry me up.”

Taylor looked at her in dumbfounded silence, probably wondering if she was being serious or not. She raised an eyebrow at him in a quiet challenge causing him to squirm in discomfort. Enjoying it a bit too much, she took the lead. Leaving him to wonder while starting her ascend.