The young woman before him was his only reasonable chance at eating. But there would be a cost. Either he make her pay, and in a way and why she would never expect, or put the food back. He was too eager for food to do that. It was food. ACTUAL food.
He knew he was now too eager by far, and the meats on his tray, and the brown cakes beside them shouted too loudly in his senses to be put aside at this point. But choices were thin, they were there, 'Ker knew that one always had choices, but here and now they were thin. If Tj’Chin’Ker bespelled the young woman in front of him in line, he would have to see to both her needs and her safety until dawn, else either leave her to the whims of whatever fools ran across her path, and possibly drive her to madness when he abandoned her. This choice was the same for the old woman at the head of the line.
He shuddered at the thought! Why did humans age so poorly and so fast? They’re like figs, ripe on the tree in the morning, rotten by noon! No choice between them, then… His thoughts raced about his head planting disturbing images that would take time to fade, wrinkled, collapsed flesh here, a sagging bit there…A good imagination could be a harsh mistress. But now it was much too late to reconsider the set of choices he had left himself, as he had promised his mouth this food, his stomach ached in anticipation of the meal.
With his last bit of hoarded crust, he scored a set of four ogham symbols on the bottom of the stale bread. Gort, Ailim, Ohn, Luis ran from what his Will had now defines as the bottom to the top of the edge of the bread crust. As powerful a charm as he could make on such short notice, and with so few materials, it would last the night. And while the spell promised love, it was just the unlocking of one's lust that came of its use.
He didn't have enough power to throw his own compunctions onto another now, he had been too weak for too long; what he could do, with some effort, was clear away some self restraint, and open the subject's own personal "Satchel of Libido" as his early teachers had put it.
The brown, almost black really, haired women was young, and while not the prettiest flower of humanity, with an long face dominated by an equally long nose, she was healthy and had a few nice curves under her otherwise shapeless clothes, but was still almost painfully thin to his eyes. A nicely rounded, wide hipped, full bottom, with an athlete’s stomach flowing smoothly up to a noticeable, but small, chest made her look like a runner to his out-of-practiced eye. I hope I’ve healed enough for this, and this food better be DAMNED good…why are so many of the young women in this place to thin? Is there a famine?
Only affecting women? Feminine Famine? A Faminine?
‘Ker stood appraising her still as he considered his options.
And, shaking his head, realized no other reasonable options were in his head if he wanted solid food today. She must be Telanganae…I’ve been to her lands, long ago, when I was my eldest brother's Swordbrother. I hope the Dhurga is not her patron. I can’t take on any more enemies than those I have already collected. And I don’t know if I can take much more from those I have now…his thoughts began to run fast, along with his pulse as his eyes traveled from her fall of long dark hair to the pleasant swell of her hips. Her nose, one nostril delightfully pierced by a small gold ball stud, was much too long and large by the standards of beauty with which he had grown up; and her dark toasted almond shell skin was many shades past what was considered sultry in women from where he had come, a masculine skin tone to one of the Tj’Shea. Our women are all colored by snow, sea, rivers and lakes; brown tones, red tones, earth tones, are for our men and boys…Humans colored by where they lived, the People colored by gender. Other races were the same, but not all; Tavakia he remembered, have no color and every color… did they still?
But she was alluring, in her very human way, and she smelled of honest sweat, covered just covered by the scents of the soaps he had smelled on others here in the tower, and hints of autumn leaves and fresh cut apples. Each move of her head atop that long graceful, swanlike neck sent a cascade of lustrous dark hair spilling over her shoulder, and produced another wave of the sour tangy scent of harvest time orchards. She swung her head often as she talked, and 'Ker wondered if swinging her hair about her head was a part of how she wanted to present herself to others, or if just the movements she used were meant to emphasize her conversation to others.
She had long, well tended fingers with startlingly shiny nails. Lacquered iridescent to look like the inside of some exotic sea shell. That was a very pretty detail he had never seen worn before. He had heard of some wealthy women, and even some men, doing such, but had never seen it for himself. He liked it.
'Ker briefly wondered how his own nails would look in a dark green color.
If he wasn’t as healed as he hoped, depending on how this last charm worked for him, the remainder of this night might feel as bad as the first hour in the cell under ‘Gai and Shoat’s loving care.
With caution he reached from around his own tray to slide the makeshift magic into the bag swaying at her side. As he looked closer he saw the profusion of heavy bound books in the bag, and quickly his hand changed course to place the stale bread into a side pocket on the black canvas purse. If any of those books were tomes of some arcane human magic, he didn't want his charm to sour being too close to them, the results could be horrible for him.
A push of his will, and a small grunted word escaped his lips as the charm came to life in the side pocket of the woman’s bag. He shivered as the effect of taking that effort tallied a cost on his body. On his mind. On his soul.
To set the charm into motion, he reached an unsteady hand out. A caress of his fingers on the back of her arm sent slight shimmers of greenish gold light coruscating across what he could see of the young lady's skin where he could see hints of it through random gaps in her clothing. She shivered, and turned to see what draft had made her so cold, then suddenly so unaccountably hot.
‘Ker stood waiting as her eyes swung into focus on his short form standing behind her. As she surveyed him, he could see her blush rising and the deepening blackness bloom across her pupils as they began to dilate. Healthy, very healthy…he thought as she surveyed his slightly off-from-human but otherwise slender and petite form. Her lips are reddening, too…WOW, this is stronger than I thought…’Dne never mentioned the overt power such a charm would exert on a woman…but then, he liked Tavakia women more…they might not react so strongly to this charm as a human woman would…
A blank look suddenly clouded her otherwise handsome features as the magic filled in small details in her mind. If she was in love, she must know her lover, hence her thoughts began to crowd with imagined bits of romance from every great dream she had ever experienced, and every romantic story of Courtly Love she had ever heard. The more nimble the mind, the faster all the flotsam of wishes and tatters of half remembered dreams were woven into a tapestry of love, or, failing love, a reasonable lust. Her eyes flew open with the sudden registering of her truest desire standing before her.
He was almost angry at having to use such a thing on this little woman; but he had higher goals and she was a path toward completing those. ‘Tj'Chin'Ker convinced himself he had needed to find out as much about his surroundings before making his way to wherever the Maker had gone. And she was alluring. The subtle chiming of an anklet of small silver bells pricked at his ears as she turned fully toward him. It made the skin along his spine tighten and the skin below his navel vibrate and tingle.
“Oh, you’re here! Goody, I was hoping we could eat together tonight!” Her voice was duskier and deeper than he would have expected from a woman who could not yet be a mother; not enough yelling in a young woman’s life to pitch her voice so low. She spoke with the same accent as the woman he knew as “Nursellen.” From her looks he would not have expected such.
But so much here was unexpected; and he had seen in old Rome, how children of the Hind, Skraling children and children from Nubia spoke the same way when all had been raised in the same place. Something he never really thought about, but here it was again.
“I would have just gone on home and met you for breakfast tomorrow, but I’m glad you made it…” her eyes blanked themselves briefly as they roved over his body, his clothes looking for details, her mind seeking to weave more of their story into a shared and coherent history. “…from rounds. I don’t know how you residents do it. So many hours awake, and still expected to be mentally sound enough to get the treatments right, remember names, and conditions, and keep it all straight.” She smiled deeply as she admired him, and the virtues she now attached to his small, wasted frame.
‘Ker understood about one word in every four. He needed more practice with Nursellen.
“Oh, James,” she said with a whimsical sigh, “you forgot to wear your badge. I’ll get dinner for you on my badge, again.” She rolled her eyes and giggled. He understood more of that, and smiled apologetically to her.
“I…make it…upon… to you.” He fumbled out the sentence, not used to speaking after so long in silence. He threw in another grin, looking her up and down. Please work please work pleasepleaseplease work…oooh, she has a belly ring… I like that. I didn't know I liked that, but here, and now, I like that a lot... muchly...
She let out a screeching laugh like a strangled crow, as she reached out to pick a speck of breadcrumb from his ill fitting blue shirt. Even the prettiest of women could not all have light and bell-like peals of laughter. “Well I should hope so! Remember, though, mum is not to know I stayed here all night with you; if she asks, just say I pulled a double shift in maternity. Any mention of that place quiets my mum like nothing short of death. She really wants some grandkids! She might even forgive me for ruining my career if I gave her a grandson tomorrow.” More crows’ caws followed this as if it was the funniest notion she had ever uttered. “Don’t know if “Nurse” can really be called a career nowadays…too many programs are insisting you become a practitioner, but…”
She went glassy eyed for a moment, and ‘Ker thought it might be his moment to find some form of label. Everyone he had seen here wore some tag that he was beginning to think had their names on them, a scary thought to him and his people; blatantly naming yourself to one and all who could read. Either most were illiterate, or all here were fearless of naming charms and curses.
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Before he could do more than lift the edge of where her light cotton rose colored coat covered the left breast of her shirt, the young woman’s eyes regained focus, and her conversation continued as ‘Ker whipped his hand back unnoticed. “…we’ve been working overtime and again, I know, I know. You and Mum are right, I should go on to the next level, but the time and expense...Once I’ve taken my Boards, I’ll get a job, and think about more school once I’vvvvve…” The far away stare came back, but just as quick it moved on. “…we’ve gotten a place of our own.”
Nope, I’m only getting about a fifth or less of what she’s saying. I’m just going to nod a lot tonight; and I’ll try to pick up some new words. Who knows what I might learn. If she’s training to be a healer, what is she talking about “boards” for…Does she need to build her own chemist’s closet? Is that how they know when they are done learning to heal? With a carpentry test? I should attend; my joinery is second to none…
After sitting down in the cafeteria across from her, he ate ravenously as she merely nibbled at her food and stared at him with obvious longing. He was almost entranced by the aromas of the spices coming up from the foods he was eating. The meats and the heavy sauces all had enough spice in them to buy a decent mare in most southern markets. The cakes, which he was saving for last, were so thick with spices and sugars that he was almost put of by them. Almost.
Her plate had been mostly filled with leafy greens and various cabbages with pungent vinegary sauces, he wondered why she had chosen no meats. The line of food tables had plenty. He glanced down at his half eaten meal and tried to determine if she knew something about the meats he ate that made her pick a host of greens. Most people he knew, of all the races, would jump at the chance to eat meat. It was the costliest of foods, and most had to make do with meat scraps every other meal. But the luxury of the flesh in this room had him almost agog. It was as if each person, no matter how low in the social order, could eat as much as they liked.
…hmmm…how do they afford this…how rich are these lands, and what kind of hunters do they have in their employ?
She would talk sporadically, her mind popping more details of their lives together like so many raggedy puzzle pieces. Occasionally one of her feet would slip from its shoe and travel a meandering path up his leg, making him smile even as his eyes popped wide like embers. Her randiness surprised him far more than he was willing to admit. ‘Ker had never had such a response from any love charm in all the years since first learning how they worked. He had never actually used this particular spell before, having learned it from his older brother, ‘Dne, in the clear bright land of the Iberians long ago; and it was the simplest to use of all the ones he had ever learned, but for some reason ‘Dne acted as if it was a great secret, even among the Tj’Shea.
He had warned 'Ker to only use it in times of great need. There was something here he didn't quite understand, and he told himself that maybe tomorrow, when time and opportunity permitted, he would look deeper into this puzzle.
His brother, while never one for public expressions of emotion, had an almost self destructive need to make his wives jealous with women of other, far flung and exotic races while out campaigning at this war or that. It had, ‘Ker suspected, also been an insatiable appetite that drove ‘Dne from one woman’s bed to the next, no matter what her species might have been. He had more half race bastards roaming the landscape around the Hellenic, as well as the Keltoi lands, than any other man he knew. Sometimes he felt proud that his brother could boast such a great number of by-blows, but at other times he wondered what could drive ‘Dne to such excesses. What would be the point of having so many children to whom you would never be a father? On some occasions the selfishness of the act did nothing more than remind ‘Ker of the death of his own sire so early in his childhood, so early in fact he couldn’t quite remember his own father’s face. HIs mother had been perpetually sad, that he remembered. She had lost her Love when 'Ker's father had been killed.
At the time he had been striving to ensnare a Duende woman; in the Hellenic lands they called themselves Tavakia, but this had been in Southern Ibros, just after the rule of the western general, Tiberius. The color changing little Duende moved faster than any other people he knew. They ate more than anyone else as well. ‘Dne always said they could never resist this charm and they had more stamina than any other women with whom he had yet enjoyed himself. To 'Ker's eyes, the woman had a face like a shovel, but she had also had a bull dancer’s physique. Each man to his own bed… ‘Ker supposed he was taught the spell by his brother just so ‘Dne might see in what directions his little brother’s tastes ran.
A stab of pain rocked ‘Ker as a beautiful face floated up from his deepest and most guarded memories. The worst moments always returned to you, he thought of all he had lost in the last year. No, two years...no, not two years now. Three. SHIT! I’ve been away from that dark cold world for almost a year.
So, almost three years… While ‘Ker slept through almost a year, pain clouded as that year might have been, it made his yearning for everything he could never have hurt all the more.
“You’re crying, James!” The concern in her voice broke through the shell around his sorrow, to inflict guilt. His face reddened as her large dark eyes took in his face. Care for him and his obvious distress turning down the corners of her wide mouth.
“Is…ah…um…not thing” he choked out. “…Today…child, so no good. Little badly boy hurting legs. His legs…” He hoped his language skills were up to this job. He watched as she bit her lower lip, and leaned toward ‘Ker over the table.
“Well, you’ve done for that lot of food. And I’m not so hungry anyway. Let’s give in for the evening, and just go back to your room in the…” here her mind stuttered to a halt, then grasped again to put facts together so they made some coherent logic, “…residents’ suite. We’ll just spend the rest of what’s left of the evening holding each other. And why are your fingertips gone all blue? What do we use here that’s blue? Did a pen explode? Mum still uses pens, too. I keep telling you, just use a data-pad, or did you forget that today, too? But never mind that, I’ll make sure all the bad things you had to deal with today go away for a few hours. You’re not still on call tonight, are you?”
Worry crept into her voice, so to whatever it was she was saying, he simply answered “No, dear flower, no “oncall.””
The next dawn came too soon for ‘Ker. He had slept soundly, if not long enough, on a couch in the room they had found. She had called it a "Residents' suite." With a push of his will, she had climbed into the bed, and thinking he was with her, she had spent the night in all manner of athletic endeavors, as he lay sleeping on the couch several strides away. Her exuberance woke 'Ker a few times, limiting how much actual sleep he could actually claim. But, the heavy meal he had eaten weighed him back down into slumber every time his rest had been disturbed.
Only a single solid hour of sleep found him where he hid in that room with this lovely woman as she finally drifted off to a sated slumber in the bed.
As far as he could judge things, it would be less than a half an hour before the sun would be making its ponderous way into the always grey sky above this weird tower. He had to leave, now; or else find himself wrapped in her arms every night for the rest of her short life. Not a bad thing, mind; there was just no room in his current plan for such a thing. He had a job to see done, before he could be burdened with any such attachments, no matter how lovely or kind.
He hobbled from where he had slept on the couch, and got dressed as fast as his body would allow. Too many sore places, most of them in his conscience. But as long as she did not remember last night, she would just think of this as a very vivid, very detailed dream. A long, vivid, amorous dream. If she did end up with any solid recall of this night, no amount of small charms, or even great spells would keep these memories from her. Carrying the real memories of him, and the memories her mind had forged while under the charm he had cast, would be proof against any spell he could then later call down upon her.
He almost had enough thought to spare from his fatigue and guilt to worry about what such a thing would mean for her. And what memories of his would stay with her. But the burning shame in his head and heart was enough to steal the true warmth they had shared from ‘Ker. Tainted would now forever be his memory of the time he had spent with this warm, kind woman. A woman whose name he had never learned. A woman he had used for meat and cakes, and had barely even gotten to know. From short conversations with her, he knew such intimate details about her, the life she lived and even about her family. He even knew all of her sisters’ names now. But not her name; asking might have broken his charm’s hold on this young woman.
Damn it… He leaned over her where she slept, tangled in the sheets, and kissed her dusky forehead, then pushed his will through their connection, forcing her to only remember this as a dream. The effort was enough to make him sweat, and a new headache start at the base of his skull.
As he shuffled out the door to the suite of rooms she had found for them on the residents’ floor last night, and down the stairways back to his room he wondered what she would do next. Where would she go from here? Back to work? Home? Go have breakfast with her “Mum?”
He learned many new words last night, and his grammar was improving all the time. And much of the night had been spent just holding her, and being held by her. Listening to her random thoughts, enjoying her smells, apple scented hair…dusky musk of her sweat as she repeatedly went back to the bed, thinking he had been with her, as she drove herself to new heights of pleasure. The warmth, the intimacy, it was intoxicating. ‘Tj’Chin’Ker had liked that. He even marveled at the impression of her ear that was even now fading from his shoulder where she had lain her head. Just to lay abed holding and being held. He had missed that feeling for what had seemed eons, but he knew it had only been two... THREE... years.
Still, he missed it terribly.
It wasn’t enough to frolic amongst the bed clothes; any number of offers had assailed him in the year and a half before his pain filled departure from home. Some women had been burning for husbands since the last war, women who would not share a husband with other women. After two centuries, even a man like 'Tj'Chin'Ker, a man in as ill favor amongst the Courts would start to look good to such women. And there were always the women of the Tender Rooms, and the Women of the Blue Temple, but though ‘Ker had the funds to frolic there every night if that was his wish; those women had nothing to offer him beyond simple release.
To be as wanted as much as you wanted another was one of the two greatest feelings any man could ever know…holding a partner and feeling the fervor of their joy in holding you through that embrace… But while the events that had left wounds in his soul were almost three years gone, they still felt only days old, moments old and still ragged around the edges, as well.
Getting back into the little private room he had been assigned in the burn ward proved easier than escaping it. Clothes helped, though his charms still had a few more minutes of life in them. Sitting on the side of his bed looking out the window he wondered if the huge building blocking his view was a part of this fortress-like hospital. this bizarre tower. He had trouble imagining a need for a hospital as large as that, how could there be THAT many ill and injured? Surely not, it could not be part of this same place. But if not, what is it? More stone forts? So close in? Bad planning, how would a place breathe, crowded so heavily? And the large glazed windows would stop no arrows…not even a child with a sling…
He settled back in the bed. He knew his bespelled "lover" still slept, still dreamed. She had been gently snoring as, head hanging, he had walked away; his heart and soul with a few more dents and his integrity sipping further from his sight. ‘Ker slid into his bed and reattached the various needles to his arms and legs. He left out the catheter. Too much stress to add more this morning, and if there was one attachment he didn't want to get wrong, it was that.
Setting his wards in place to keep the doctors’ curiosity at bay, ‘Ker drifted off into a troubled sleep. He vowed to do more tonight than he did last night in his bid to get away.
Escape, and then to find the Maker.