Let me start my story by saying that I was at an all time low and I was desperate. I was desperate because I knew what was attainable and I knew I didn't have it.

I knew motivation was out there and I knew I had it not. If you know me well, you know that when I get desperate, I get risky. I do stuff I wouldn't usually do. 

Over time I have discovered that there are different levels of risky. Some work, some don't. Some are only temporarily gratifying. Some make your blood pump and your hair stand on end. Some make you laugh for a moment and then break your heart. 

And to be clear, when I say risky, I don't mean bad. Just risky. Different, yeah?

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At the time I am speaking of, I knew nothing. I knew not who I was or where I was from. I knew not my name or my purpose. I knew not a single goal. I was separate from every support I had ever known. Cut off from reality. And I wasn't handling it very well. In fact, I was breaking.

Motivation was a tease. It seemed to come to me momentarily just to let me know the extent of what I lacked. Little did I know at the time, to get motivation is to hunt. And to hunt is to kill. 

Kill what, you ask? To kill every bad habit. Everything that pulls you backwards. Every vice that holds you captive. Everyone who tells you that you can't possibly achieve that. Everything you waste your time on that doesn't launch you towards your goal. 

To summarize this intro to the story of my heart, I will say this, keep fighting. Don't stop. Never compromise. Ever. The greatest accomplishment in life is to die trying.